Team

[Little Jester]

Hi,

Since I've started to approach and touch recently, progress with myself is going really fast. That started to get me into lots of situations with different girls and I started to observe the power struggle between man and woman when it comes to seduction, dating and eventually relationships.

I read something about team relationship elsewhere on the board and somehow that mindset got stuck with me ever since.
I'm just wondering though, what are your toughts about using a 'team' mindset early on in the whole pickup. It seems to be okay to use, but I've still to get a girl in bed due to inexperience on the getting physical part (but I feel I'm getting there, since I took note on how people start to feel better when touch is involved).

So this is just beginners theory here. I'm currently running this 3 rule 'team' mindset in my head (in order of priority):

1) It's about what I want. She can't change what I want for myself, unless she can come up with the logic that benefits myself.
2) It's about what she wants. I can't directly change what she wants, but she can change herself (and I can help her think differently, with logic)
3) Finally it's about what we want together. When this matches, it is when things go forward . This is not because I push her to move things forward, or that I let her lead and let me do stuff against my better judgement.

With this mindset I feel I'm running a lesser leader role, since I'm ying yanging between edge and nice guy, only with a slight preference to edge. But somehow it feels good and the girls seem to open to me. Some girls will move fast because they want to. Other girls move when they are ready for it, as I slowly work on changing their mindset about me, about us, or by meta framing. And some girls will go aloof and wonder what they want themselves at the cost of getting things forward.

Is this healthy, or do you always prefer to push girls no matter what and show what a strong leader you are? (especially the aloof girl part is annoying me, but the succes of moving others, especially those that need a little confincing, is what confuses me)

 

[Little Jester]

Though my post is not about the 'aloof girl' in particular, it does require some extra attention maybe. I've had 2 cases so far and the following is litteral 'aloof girl' example talk on the mindset above:

"I'm a jealous girl and am afraid to hurt you. I'm weird. Please don't wait for me and go do your thing. You're a great and kind guy and will surely find someone compatible with you"

Get this from a girl you think was totally hot and you kinda thought her aloofness was a high value thing and you really wanted to screw her and she says this which translates to me "No I don't want to do this, go meet other girls" Is this 'team frame weakness' biting me in the ass or what?

 

[Light]

Hi Little Jester,

I've never heard or read anything regarding this Team Mindset thing.

As far as I am concerned, anything or anyone that does not align with my own goals in life, or so to say that they are not heading towards the same direction as I am... is not in my team.

The only time where such a team method applies is when you are getting to know the girl, and you create a scenario where it is "Us Vs the World".
Example:
You are in school: "Hey, come here.. I'll tell you a secret.. *she leans in* I know we're not supposed to bring any food in to class, but I've got a pack of crisp in my bag. If you keep quiet, I'll share it with you later "

However, these scenarios are the ones which YOU CREATE to match what you are aiming to achieve - in this case, her trust and a connection with her.

If a girl doesn't want to sleep with you, it just means either you haven't done enough deep diving, and creating a deep enough connection with her yet..
or.. She really doesn't like you or see you that way. If so, just move on.

 

[Little Jester]

Thanks for your perspective Light.

I don't know what I'm getting at actually. Well, maybe I'm trying to find a balance as opposed to push and manhandle everything, as the former seems to suit me better and it seems to work for some girls, but I seem to miss the window of opportunity with others (should have moved faster instead of hearing her out on what she wants). I don't know. It's probably inexperience dealing with girls + still having to figure out what works best for myself right now. Hope I'll get it right in my head after being exposed to it enough

Edit: I did figure one (two?) possible problem(s) in the things I'm doing now. I'm probably too honest / open about my intentions with girls (A big improvement from my cold and aloof self, but maybe I should tweak this down a bit again), In the mean time I'm trying to figure out her intentions in return. I guess I waste the whole intrigue and mystique vibe with some girls that are more interested in playing the game, or rather don't want to get too serious too quickly. This does work as a good filter, as I'm moving girls away from me, who are not interested in me to begin with (and would've been a waste of my time anyway) However, those that stick around and then start upping resistance as I want to talk things forward in a "that's what we both want" way, instead of just moving things forward by action, those girls on the fence are gonna jump off the wrong side. I guess I have some more work to do there... Maybe improving deep dive for more trust on her part would help me as well indeed

 

[Just_Dave]

Thanks for your perspective Light.

I don't know what I'm getting at actually. Well, maybe I'm trying to find a balance as opposed to push and manhandle everything, as the former seems to suit me better and it seems to work for some girls, but I seem to miss the window of opportunity with others (should have moved faster instead of hearing her out on what she wants). I don't know. It's probably inexperience dealing with girls + still having to figure out what works best for myself right now. Hope I'll get it right in my head after being exposed to it enough

Edit: I did figure one (two?) possible problem(s) in the things I'm doing now. I'm probably too honest / open about my intentions with girls (A big improvement from my cold and aloof self, but maybe I should tweak this down a bit again), In the mean time I'm trying to figure out her intentions in return. I guess I waste the whole intrigue and mystique vibe with some girls that are more interested in playing the game, or rather don't want to get too serious too quickly. This does work as a good filter, as I'm moving girls away from me, who are not interested in me to begin with (and would've been a waste of my time anyway) However, those that stick around and then start upping resistance as I want to talk things forward in a "that's what we both want" way, instead of just moving things forward by action, those girls on the fence are gonna jump off the wrong side. I guess I have some more work to do there... Maybe improving deep dive for more trust on her part would help me as well indeed

Hey Light and Jester,

The "Team" Frame post was originally made on the board in Relationship board under "Long Term Relationships"

https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=286 Me and Franco shred some light on it

Ricardus originally also wrote a post on this very topic
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-stop-playing-games-your-relationship It's mainly used to stop playing games in relationships

Jester in looking at your "Edit" I'm seeing more of a problem with what you actually want. To back Light up you want someone who wants what you want. You're the man and you need to lead, it's your "team" but you're supposed to be team captain. The woman is looking for a man who can lead. I'm not sure if you're set on relationships even at the moment, even in seduction your must woman feel comfortable knowing that you know what you want and no one is going to stop you from getting it. This requires a very strong man and assertive type.

You can't lead from the back,

Dave

 

[Chase]

I find a more helpful team mindset is to think, "I want to sleep with this girl. She wants to sleep with me. Let's work together to overcome any logistical or psychological obstacles she has toward getting together with me so she can experience the joy of mating with me."

I tend to run under the assumption that every woman wants me, except maybe fat / ugly / plain ones, who are in auto-rejection. Most of my friends who are very successful with women have this same mentality. Does every single woman actually want us? No, of course not; there are a handful who don't actually want to be with us. I'm not sure where in the world they live, but they're out there somewhere. But anyway, you screen women out pretty fast when you're assuming and acting like they do, as the ones who actually weren't interested get frustrated and annoyed that they can't friend zone you and leave, and the other ones who were a little interested then get VERY interested because they see that they're soon going to get what they want out of you (whereas most men simply dilly dally and fail to deliver and fail to perform).

Arrogance also tends to be very attractive in men to women; they have research finding that women rate arrogant men as more attractive men. I'd work on cultivating a mindset of, "My 'team' is me and whatever pretty girl wants to be on it; our goal is us consummating our teammate status in a moment of passion and lust," and then simply lead every pretty girl you meet and like in that direction.

Chase

 

[Little Jester]

Thanks guys and thank you Chase for this one:

"I want to sleep with this girl. She wants to sleep with me. Let's work together to overcome any logistical or psychological obstacles she has toward getting together with me so she can experience the joy of mating with me."

Have been running this in my head for a bit now and I can see / feel how this changes actions. It's amazing what a simple new mindset can do to your acting / being

Just one pitfall to overcome and that is not becoming too attainable, as I'm going in way too openly (good for some cases, but not so great for others). Luckily the new https://www.girlschase.com/content/being ... rning-them article helps me work that one out I think.

It all slowly starts to fall into place