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- Oct 9, 2012
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I was reminded of this response in my reply to @johndoe's girlfriend-put-him-on-the-spot thread over on the Relationships Board.
This is a default response of mine any time I get asked to do or agree to something that does not seem immediately advantageous to me. It can look like anything along these lines:
... and various such replies, the gist of which consist of me asking the person proposing this seemingly-disadvantageous thing how it's purported to benefit me.
That might include a woman proposing something I dislike:
If she includes a complaint with it (bag's so heavy, car's broken down), you should address that in your response:
If a woman makes an implied request, stopping short of an outright request, I will just call her out on the request, followed by asking for the benefit:
Note that if you're getting tests early on with a girl, this won't work and is not the right response. e.g., if you approach a girl and two minutes in she asks you to buy her a drink, well, #1, you probably came in wrong, and #2 she isn't hooked so won't play this back-and-forth game with you, she'll just lay on the testing or leave.
However, if she is hooked, if it's deeper into the courtship, or you're already in a relationship with her, this response works great.
It works the same with men you know. Same deal with if the guy isn't in any kind of established friendship or acquaintanceship with you; e.g., if some big guy you don't know comes up to you in a bar with a scowl on his face and says, "Hey buddy, why don't you move over there?" asking him what the benefit is for you is not the right response. However, if you are trying to hash out a business deal and the guy across the table from you says, "How about you just give me X, Y, and Z?" you can very well respond with, "I do not see how that is of benefit to me at all, whatsoever."
(the gist of this tactic is that it works in any situation where you have leverage/power, and doesn't work in situations where you don't. If the girl likes you, is hooked, is in the courtship with you, is your lover or girlfriend, she's not just going to walk away because you asked how it benefits you, so you can use this. If you're in a business negotiation and a guy's trying to get more out of you but he's not just going to walk if you aren't willing to give him exactly what he's asking for then and there, you can do this. If you're in a situation where you have no power or leverage over the other person, it doesn't work, because the person won't 'negotiate' with you... so in that case you need other tactics)
The kernel of this response is basic asshole mentality: if it doesn't benefit me, why would I do it? If you want me to do it, you'd better be offering something I want.
What's extra fun is when girls start explaining why you should do some ridiculous thing for them.
And then you still shoot them down anyway.
Chase
This is a default response of mine any time I get asked to do or agree to something that does not seem immediately advantageous to me. It can look like anything along these lines:
- "What would I do that for?"
- "And why would I do that, exactly?"
- "What's the advantage for me, precisely?"
- "What are you going to do in exchange for [whatever the proposal is]?"
- "How's this benefit me, specifically?"
- "And what is the appeal for me in all this?"
- "What do I get out of that?"
... and various such replies, the gist of which consist of me asking the person proposing this seemingly-disadvantageous thing how it's purported to benefit me.
That might include a woman proposing something I dislike:
- "Do you want to hold my bag for me? It's so heavy."
- "Could you take me shopping next week? My car's broken down."
- "Have you ever thought about opening our relationship up?"
- "Could you give me an allowance?" <-- which johndoe's girlfriend asked him for
If she includes a complaint with it (bag's so heavy, car's broken down), you should address that in your response:
"Why would I want to hold your bag? Don't put so much stuff in it if it's that heavy."
"What do I get out of shopping? You can wait another week until your car is fixed."
If a woman makes an implied request, stopping short of an outright request, I will just call her out on the request, followed by asking for the benefit:
HER: "My last boyfriend bought me a few sets of lingerie."
ME: "Are you saying you want me to buy you lingerie? Is there a reason I would do that? I like you better naked, I don't think you need lingerie."
Note that if you're getting tests early on with a girl, this won't work and is not the right response. e.g., if you approach a girl and two minutes in she asks you to buy her a drink, well, #1, you probably came in wrong, and #2 she isn't hooked so won't play this back-and-forth game with you, she'll just lay on the testing or leave.
However, if she is hooked, if it's deeper into the courtship, or you're already in a relationship with her, this response works great.
It works the same with men you know. Same deal with if the guy isn't in any kind of established friendship or acquaintanceship with you; e.g., if some big guy you don't know comes up to you in a bar with a scowl on his face and says, "Hey buddy, why don't you move over there?" asking him what the benefit is for you is not the right response. However, if you are trying to hash out a business deal and the guy across the table from you says, "How about you just give me X, Y, and Z?" you can very well respond with, "I do not see how that is of benefit to me at all, whatsoever."
(the gist of this tactic is that it works in any situation where you have leverage/power, and doesn't work in situations where you don't. If the girl likes you, is hooked, is in the courtship with you, is your lover or girlfriend, she's not just going to walk away because you asked how it benefits you, so you can use this. If you're in a business negotiation and a guy's trying to get more out of you but he's not just going to walk if you aren't willing to give him exactly what he's asking for then and there, you can do this. If you're in a situation where you have no power or leverage over the other person, it doesn't work, because the person won't 'negotiate' with you... so in that case you need other tactics)
The kernel of this response is basic asshole mentality: if it doesn't benefit me, why would I do it? If you want me to do it, you'd better be offering something I want.
What's extra fun is when girls start explaining why you should do some ridiculous thing for them.
And then you still shoot them down anyway.
Chase
