So I met her through tinder, we barely texted before I asked her to get coffee. She said she doesn't drink coffee after work, 6pm, so I said drinks, she said yes. I picked a bar close to me, 30 minute drive for her. Was just a random small dark lit bar with a cool atmosphere, had never been there before. I kissed her once at the bar, after talking for like 45 minutes.
You just talk about whatever? No structure at all? Any particular direction you went with it or just whatever came up for you?
Just a quick kiss. She just looked so hot and I was getting turned on, plus I had a buzz, had 2 glasses of wine and I never drink. It was honestly really fun. The alcohol probably helps, it just makes you connect with people.
We left the bar and I said I wanted ice cream. She said she didn't wanna but she'd watch me eat. She actually bought me the ice cream and said since I paid for the wine bottle that was on a half off special. I suggested we check out my recording studio in my room, I make music, it's actually legit. She said she wouldn't sleep with me tonight. I said "you don't have to", with no pause and just kept talking like nothing happened. I didn't take it seriously.
It's a shit test. IME, the best way is to agree and amplify or reframe it onto her.
But later in my head I imagined getting her alone and her putting up tons of LMR and just figured if I saw her a different day that she wouldn't have resistance then.
It's probably better to imagine things going smoothly and banging the shit out of her than imagining her giving you lots of LMR.
I figured this because what she said earlier. Which is funny cuz I've had a girl tell me we weren't gonna have sex when we got to her place and I figured it was a test and said yeah for sure and then we ended up having sex immediately when we got there. So maybe I should've tried.
Right.
I tried getting her to my outdoor hot tub but she's a real baby about being cold. It was 62° at 10pm here in Florida and she said it was too cold.
What part of Florida are you in? Are you part of the Miami crowd?
It sounds like an excuse to not hang with me but she actually said she'd sit next to me and watch me go in the hot tub. That just sounded retarded though. Probably still should've though because then she would've been at my place and we could have maybe fucked.
She's letting you know that she likes you but that your choice in things to do with her is something she doesn't like.
So instead I took her to the pier. Which had dope views of the city skyscrapers. At one point there was just so much sexual tension I went to kiss her and we made out real passionately. Nobody was really around. I ended the make out first just to make sure she wasn't the one to end it.
Then I dropped her off at her car and tried for the hot tub again but she was saying it was too cold so I just walked her to her car and hugged her and then we made out again. Again I ended it first. She got really into the making out.
Apparently there are some guys who like to make out with girls before taking them home... I prefer to not make out before taking them home because it creates more mystery and allows you to use friendship frames with them which can lower their guard sometimes.
I know some guys who do really well with just pushing pushing pushing and making everything hyper sexual but that doesn't work as well for me.
It could be something to test and think about for you.
This was the texts leading up to the 2nd date. On Thursday.
Me: Yes the coffee helped! Lol Hey DD I looked at the upcoming weather to see if there was a day warm enough for the hot tub in the 10 day forecast, we're in luck, there's 2 days that won't go below 70° soon. Saturday is one of them, are you free Saturday night?
Her: I don't understand your obsession with hot tubs
I'm not sure why you're still trying to get her to hot tub when she doesn't want to hot tub.
This is her cue of that... she's gone home, no longer hanging out with you, the same feelings aren't there anymore and you're pushing something on her that she already told you she doesn't want to do, and now she's in a place where she doesn't have the same feels.
What you probably should have done was either get better intel about what she would have wanted to do or come up with something she would want to go and do with you and then built that up instead of taking something she definitely said she doesn't want to do but would go with you and sit next to you while you do it and then try to build that up and get her to do it.
She probably wants more trust and comfort before she takes her clothes off and lets you pound her.
Her: I have plans Saturday
Me: You haven't been in one in too long! You forgot how cool they are! And yeah it's Saturday thought you'd probably have plans, all good haha just don't go in a hot tub without me that night
Her: I will try my hardest
Me: lmao awesome
Me: I could maybe be free Sunday night? Are you?
Her: I am currently free Sunday
Me: Hell yeah! Okay I'm free too, it's going down!
Her: lol ok
Then I didn't text her again till Saturday with the texts i originally posted.
I know this feels like you made plans with her but it's really not making solid and definite plans.
She did agree to a specific day, which is probably why she did what she did later with the texts.
Seeing more context here, with what we were talking about before, it is possible she forgot about you since she's on Tinder and we all have tons of shit going on all the time these days. Although...
My gut is telling me that she actually did like you but she probably talked to one of her friends and her friend was like, "He just wants to fuck you" and then she probably either didn't want sex or didn't want to feel like a slut, going straight over to your hot tub and getting banged by you... so she made up some shit about hanging out with her friend (or actually did go hang out with a friend) so that she specifically wasn't going to go straight over and get banged and feel bad about herself later.
That's my gut feeling about it.
Yes exactly, ridiculous lol but how would I know she forgot I existed before recieving these texts?
Yes I know this. I definitely wasn't reading her texts thinking "oh things are going just fine". I know how chicks act when they're into me.
I knew she was lol well part of me thought maybe just maybe she wasn't and that she's just really retarded about going about making plans. Also it feels so odd that someone would even respond at all with lies, I'd actually rather be ignored. I don't lie so part of me thought she was being honest. But part of me was just pissed at her for lying and not just telling me the truth that she doesn't wanna see me. Or yeah even just pissed that she wouldn't just ignore me.
Well, she probably has done stuff like this in the past and never really been called out on it... you're a dude trying to get in her pants, like 1000+ other dudes on Tinder are trying to do with her.
And girls speak in hints and subtleties and we often don't pick up on them. They often want us to just know what to do... how to lead them... where to take them... what is going on with them. And the better we can get at picking up on what they need in order to be led forward, the better they feel around us and the easier it is to lead to the bedroom, ime.
She might have wanted to see you but she didn't want to go hot tubbing and then just bang and feel like you were using her for sex (I'm not saying that's what's going on or that women don't like sex but if you're not actively setting any frames, that's likely the frame that you're in since it's a societal frame).
I definitely won't lol
I really do not care at all if she thinks that. I mean I'd have preferred her just have hung out with me but if she's not gonna hang with me I don't give a shit what she thinks of me. Makes no difference to my life at all. I'll never see her again. If anything it's just sad that she doesn't realize how annoying she was being.
Yeah, she almost certainly doesn't and won't ever realize how annoying she was... just like you don't know how uncomfortable you made her or whatever her emotions were around the interaction.
But man part of thinks that she actually knows she was in the wrong and was just upset I was calling her out on her lies. And that if she's gonna go on about calling me crazy that it's just a rationalizing to help her from feeling like she's the crazy one.
Well, most of us do that. You're over here talking about how fucked up she is, rationalizing your behavior because you've decided she's this, that, and whatever else.
She's almost certainly doing the same thing to you, missing the big picture, missing the compassion and how you feel.
The key is to learn from all of this the best we can so that we can do better, as you know.
I know seriously! Thank you for saying this. If anybody acts like I blew this with my texts they're wrong it was already over. I knew if I just texted something like that I'd never hear from her again. So I felt it'd be fun to persist and get her to tell the truth and also annoy her in the process
Well, it's possible that it could have been salvaged. It's hard to know and we probably won't know, based on what did end up happening.
At least someone will admit she was rude thank you. Took a while lol
Yeah, it's rude behavior. It's fucked... women flaking is totally ass faced rude behavior. I don't see it getting better anytime soon... the more people let women get away with it, the more it's going to happen.
And you know what? Men are doing it worse now than ever before too.
I actually teach in the women's dating side and I constantly get complaints from women about guys flaking on dates.
I'm guessing women flake way more than men. The women's dating side isn't nearly as scientific as the men's side is but flaking is a huge part of our culture now... and I've done it as well!
Honestly, I only mildly feel bad about it... but that's probably why it's perpetuating and getting worse... someone does it to us, we do it to them, none of us feel bad because we're all doing it back and forth with no real consequences outside of macro level, everyone is getting worse with it slowly but surely...
So now that I posted the actual info on how the first date went it would be interesting to hear your thoughts on that. I did not "qualify" her. Is that what you do on dates? On dates I just go in with no plans other than to try to get them alone by the end. I just act extremely genuine and authentic. I definitely don't follow most this websites advice.
It's one way of doing things... if you want a girl to think that you like her for reasons more than just wanting to bang her... as in, you think she's a cool person for legitimate reasons... which can often help with flaking, making women feel like they can trust you, and feeling like they aren't being used or just a slut.
If you're going to see a girl more than once, it's a good habit to get into.
Also, another thing that I've found that helps with pulling is setting up a future date or get together with her. I've noticed that dramatically reduces a girl's defenses around that. It just makes her feel like you want to see her again and this isn't a one time thing.
I'd also recommend studying up on sexual framing, if you want to add some direction to your game. It sounds like you're naturally doing some things very well, which is cool.
I did for a year but then got into RSD and just being yourself. I truly can not stop being myself at this point and if a girl doesn't like me for me then we're not a good match cuz there's tons of girls who love everything about me.
Just don't let the "I'm just being myself" mean that you're not going to improve, learn how to better connect with women, and learn from your mistakes...
Men and women use that phrase to push off any criticism and divert blame for their behavior onto "it just wasn't meant to be" and I don't think that's useful for anyone.
Maybe theyre just not quite as hot as this chick though. The fact she was so hot and so young, I felt like after the first date ended I felt a little too excited about her, like she was almost out of my league. Didn't feel that way on the date though. Maybe I should try to qualifying them though. Basically be honest about what you like about their personality?
No... I don't know what Chase has on the site about qualification. But basically you want to ask her and make her qualify herself on why she's a cool person and someone you would want to be with.
It builds compliance, makes her chase, and it allows you to figure out how much she likes you based on her answers... then you can actually tell her that you like her for her personality and she can "win you over" with how cool she is.
I'd say we built a connection. I'm a really expressive talkative guy and I'm real easy going. Never run out of shit to say and I love talking to people.
That's a good trait to have. Most naturals that I know are good at doing that and a lot of guys who got really good in the community have that skill as well.
At one point she said I talk way more in real life than over text. I said yeah I hate texting cuz it's unnatural. She was definitely giving me a lot of shit at times when we were hanging but I like who I am and if she doesn't like it I don't care haha at one point she said I talk a lot. I said yeah but I give people a chance to talk as well right? And she strongly agreed. And we hated on people who don't give you a chance to speak.
That's good man.
Regardless of what anyone ever tells you, you can't win them all. Anyone who says that they're 1:1 is totally full of shit.
Some women are going to flake no matter what... at this point, there's no way to know with this one.
Chalk it up to a learning experience.
Btw I appreciate your time you put into your reply and you're good at giving criticism
You're welcome.
This helps me a lot too, btw. Thanks for being open and sharing your experience for us all to pick apart and criticize you for, lol.
