Text Game: Second Date Woes

[Proper]

It's happened to me 3 times in a row in the last few weeks, that I get on a first date with a girl, it goes really well, but I don't manage to escalate all the way to sex for whatever reason, and she sends me a text after the date to the tune of "I had a really great time with you, enjoy your night", then I play it cool, and don't text her much except to arrange another meetup, and she goes cold over time.

I know my best chances of having sex, and making something out of us is on the first date, but sometimes it just doesn't happen no matter how hard I try. That said, given the warm "post first date text" from her, I think I should have a decent chance at getting a second date out of her. I'm wondering if there's some critical flaw in my text game that is causing these girls to go cold on me, and looking for analysis.

One question I had was: how much should I text in between the dates, if there's a long waiting period before the next date? A year ago, I had an amazing first date that didn't end in sex. And I proceeded to text her every evening, starting the next day, because I thought we had such a solid connection, which would allow me to do so without suffering repercussions (dead wrong). This caused her strong initial attraction for me to steadily and completely dry up over the coming 1.5 weeks, and we never ended up seeing each other again. After this failure, I pretty much vowed never to text too much, even if the first date went well (unless we had sex). Perhaps I've gone too far in the other direction?

Here are some of the conversations:

# Girl A
Her (Wedsnesday Evening): Hey ____, It was nice seeing you. I am working hard on my 30 minute exercise haha- thank you for the drink and I had a fun with you today. Have a good night
Me (a few minutes later): Hey ____, I am starting my workout as well. I guess we'll just workout apart even though we share this interest *emoji*
Me tonight was more fun than I expected, enjoy your night
*she thumbs ups the last message*

Me (Friday afternoon to keep the fire warm, I know she's out of town for the long weekend): It's Friday! Has your beach body workout/diet been successful?
Her (a minute later, all the subsequent texts happen within a minute of each other): On my way to the jersey coast
Her: It has been successful! Not so perfect, but it's okay
Me: jealous. I'm going back to ___ to hangout with my mom on Sunday
Me: send me a pic? *monkey covering eyes emoji* (Here I'm trying to get some compliance and tease her with slight sexual overtones, she doesn't bite)
Her: ?
Her: Why pics?
Me: haha why not
Her: Ok
Her: Well have a good weekend
Her: The weather is going to be really good tomorrow
Me: no, it's raining tomorrow
Me: maybe it's better on the ____ coast
Her: *thumbs ups the last message*

Me (the following Tuesday after the long weekend): Hey ***, hope you're all tanned and relaxed from the shore. My weekend was.... kind of special actually, I'll tell you about it in person
Me: Free to meet up this week?
*she doesn't respond* (It's only been 36 hours, so it's possible she might still respond)

Thoughts:
- I tried to pull this girl to my place at the end of the first date. But she hard-rejected it with "I need you to be a gentleman", and we kissed instead. Normally I don't go for a kiss until at my place to not relieve the sexual tension, but somehow this felt really natural, and so I did it. I see how the "I need you to be a gentleman" is an obvious thing she'd say to a "boyfriend candidate". So that's a mistake on my part. But I'd think she'd still want to meet for a second date if she was looking at me like a provider.
- As for the context of our date, we talked about sex a bit, gay sex, I showed my non-judgmental side of homosexuality, and I was touching her a lot and giving good sexual eye contact, so I set a solid sexual frame (good on my part), which is possibly why she rejected the invite to my place so immediately (she knew exactly what that would entail)
- So I probably have somewhat of an attainability problem here. But her texts aren't particularly high investment, so if I texted her any more, it would be me chasing and simping after her.
- I'm confused as to how I could do better. As she's already not responding/investing much over text, so any more investment on my part would be me chasing her. Maybe just chock this up to bad luck (maybe she's getting back together with her ex-BF)
- This seems to be somewhat of an Investment/Attainability Catch-22.

Girl B
Me (Sunday morning after our first date (Saturday), where I pulled her back to my place, but didn't manage to escalate to full sex): Hey Stranger

Thanks for last night, sharing and laughing together was a needed catharsis
Her (1.5 hours later): What an unexpectedly fun night!
Her (9 hours later): Just watched Homecoming king. It is hilarious
Me (2 hours later. She double texted me and was trying to drum up conversation, which I took as a good sign): Haha, I'm slightly surprised you took my advice to watch it, and that it wasn't too political for you. But glad you liked it.
Would you be interested in popping a bottle of wine and watching a comedy special sometime later this week?
Her (all the subsequent texts happen within minutes of each other): Would love to but I'm in ____ this week for work
R u around mdw?
Me: what's "mdw" mean? midweek?
Her: Memorial Day weekend
Who r u lol
Me: LOL I'm a non-instagrammer
Her: Oh right
Me: Yeah, I'm around Memorial Day Weekend, would Sunday evening work?

Her (Monday evening, she ignores my previous ask): *sends me a screenshot of some dude who instagram messaged her asking if she wants to be his sugar baby* this is the kind of stuff you're missing out on Instagram
Me (2.5 hours later, recognizing somewhat of a trap, where she wants me to recognize how desirable she is on instagram, I decide to tease her): Love it. Accept the message and reply!!! Ask him "How many Bitcoin do you have?"
Her (immediately after, all subsequent messages are immediate): Omg genius. I should tell him I only take payment in Bitcoin
Me (in the instagram DM, the sugar daddy referred to her as 'Beautiful Heart', I wanted to tease her further): I'm changing your name in my contacts to "Beautiful Heart"
Her: *haha's to my message*
Me: *sends a screenshot of her new contact name* not a joke
Her: Haha omg

Me (Wednesday morning, 2 days later): Let's meet over "mdw" *smile emoji*
When are you getting back from ___?
Her (2 hours later): So I'm actually going to ___ mdw on that Sunday
I have dinners and stuff that following week but I could hang out after dinner that Tuesday or Wednesday
Me (45 minutes later): I could do Tuesday after dinner.
Or, are you free some other time over mdw? (Here I tried a trick from this post, where I agree to an initial day/time, but throw out the possibility of a more desirable day/time, without seeming too available like I have nothing to do all weekend)
Her (1 hour later): I'm not around mdw!
Me (4 hours later): okay, let's aim for Tuesday then, we can nail down the time when it's closer.
Going home to family in ____? (This was a mistake, useless question that didn't go anywhere)
Her (30 minutes later): No just seeing friends

Me (Monday morning, sending a warmup text day before the date): Hey _____, hope your mdw was refreshing. I had a ... pretty heartfelt meeting actually, will tell you about it in person (I had told her about a traumatic vulnerability during our first date, so this "heartfelt meeting" was alluding to that)
We still on for tomorrow?
Her (Tuesday morning 7:40AM): Good morning. I'm excited to hear about your meeting. But today might not work anymore. I didn't realize how late my dinner starts.
Me (2 hours later): No worries, enjoy your dinner
Hope it's indoors with A/C, it'll be 95 today
*sends a funny gif about a girl about to drink water, then pours it all over her head instead due to the heat*
Her (30 minutes later): reacts with HaHa to my gif message

(Decided I'd give it a few days before trying to arrange a meet this coming weekend, but can definitely feel the likelihood of meeting a second time decreasing day-by-day)

Thoughts:
- I thought I did decently well during this text conversation, matching her investment, teasing her, having decent frame control, always moving towards a second meetup
- I definitely have an attainability problem with this girl. She's a few years older than me, and I'm a bit more in shape and attractive than her. And she said something along the lines of "literally the older guys get, the hotter". I tried and successfully raised my attainability by sharing a traumatic vulnerability with her, and she shared a secret of hers as well, which made us feel a lot closer to each other (despite this, she wouldn't let me escalate to full sex on the first night).
- Maybe I should have tried to drum up a conversation not about the second date sometime in the middle? I'm like... allergic to this in general, because it always feels like I'm simping, I feel like I'm just grabbing some random element of my life, and showing it to her, and hoping she approves. So I generally avoid this unless I have something really interesting that really pertains to her.
- that said, maybe I could innovate some ways to text funny memes/gifs to girls in the long waiting period between dates. In ways that tease her, and indicate I'm not taking this too seriously?
- Maybe my issue for both girls is "blinking first"? I.e. I was the first one to ask for a second date. But I should really keep light conversation going, and wait a few more days, and let her do the asking?

I know that the best advice is to move on to new girls if old ones go cold, but was looking for analysis on any areas to improve my text game for future girls.

 

[topcat]

Screw your text game. It's not the issue here..

No matter how good you are at texting, you're fighting an uphill battle trying to get a girl out for a second date, you botched an escalation with on the 1st. The odds are not in your favor at all.. (like 1 in 100).

I'd say you have two choices, fix whatever it is that's causing your escalations to fall flat on the first...orrr if you know the lay wont be there on the first, don't escalate and set up a second date instead.

My read is your lover value is falling flat.. the very fact you kissed her after she told you "she needs you to be a gentleman" is huge evidence of your mindset. Work on that, and keep pulling on first dates. I'd go so far as to banish the idea of hooking up on second dates until you've got first date pulls locked.

Best.

 

[TomInHo]

It's happened to me 3 times in a row in the last few weeks, that I get on a first date with a girl, it goes really well, but I don't manage to escalate all the way to sex for whatever reason, and she sends me a text after the date to the tune of "I had a really great time with you, enjoy your night", then I play it cool, and don't text her much except to arrange another meet-up, and she goes cold over time.

Your best chance to hook-up is always on the first date. So just like @topcat said you need to focus on nailing down that skillset. But something you can use as a hail-mary after a failed escalation is a....

PATTERN INTERRUPT TEXT

"It was fun getting to know you better last night, too bad it had to end weird"

This will usually make the girl stop in her tracks, and rethink what happened and builds some intrigue. Then you can blame the weirdness on her mood and make it seem like you ended the date on your own terms, and then invite her out again so she can make up for it

Also another tactic you can use is to ask for....


END OF DATE COMPLIANCE

Think of this as similar to a ball in her court message but instead you do it on the date.

For example, you're escalating on the girl but she is resistant to having full intercourse. As a result you persist 2-3 times, but if you're not making any progress you rap up the date before she can.

Make sure to keep it light and fun like it's no big deal, but on the way out start to ramp up her compliance again. Like ask her to finish a story she was telling you earlier (open loops), tell her to grab you some water from the fridge, ask her to give you a quick neck massage..e.t.c

Then when you walk her to the door, tell her you had fun and she should text you when she wants to hangout again. And then ghost....

DO NOT TEXT HER

DO NOT REACH OUT

DISAPPEAR

This does not always work but you would be surprised how many girls will come around, because if you left a good enough impression and set yourself up like a sexual guy, some girls will come back to give it another go


WRAP-UP
These are last ditch efforts and tend to work best when you're already decent at getting first date lays but maybe made some minor mistakes on your date that made her put you on the slow track