Text Help - What To Do Next

[funkyjam]

So I met a girl at the supermarket recently and got her number after talking for a few minutes. Quick recap of how the interaction went:

Me: Crap, they're out of potato salad. Now I have to figure out what to get instead. I pick up one of the other salads.
Girl: That one's good, I've had it before.

I don't remember all the details of how the conversation unfolded, but we talked long enough for me to tell her that I moved recently, this isn't the usual market I go to, and found out that she moved here to the West Coast from the New York City area to help be a nanny for her sister who recently had a baby. I'm also from the New York City area, so we connected on that. At some point, after she was looking in the display case for a while, I used the classic "I can tell you're putting a lot of thought into this decision." Got her number, and messaged her the next day.

This is how t;he texting has gone so far -

Me: Hi [Girl], great meeting you at Trader Joe’s yesterday. Good call on the chickpea salad - definitely a solid choice! Good to meet someone from the New York City area.

No reply

One week later

Me: Hey [Girl], it’s funkjam from Trader Joe’s. Thinking about our quick chat the other day, and was wondering how your week is going.

She writes back about 20 minutes later.

Girl: It’s going good just busy with work how are you! How are you getting settled

Me: Same here, super busy with work, training, and music. There were a ton of maintenance issues in my new place I had to deal with when I moved in, but they’re mostly resolved now and am close to being fully settled. I’d love to catch up with you soon. I was thinking we could meet up for drinks, maybe at [place] on Saturday around 7:30 pm?

Girl: Hey it’s good that you got everything resolved. I acatually work weekend nights so I won’t be able to meet you on Saturday I’m sorry.

Me: No worries at all! When is a good time for you? I’m pretty flexible.
------
And that's it. It's been a few days since we exchanged these messages. I'm thinking the next move could be to invite her along to something I'm already planning to do. I don't want to keep shooting in the dark suggesting times she isn't available though. Any ideas how to move forward?

 

[Gorili]

@funkyjam,

My thoughts below (please don't take any of this personally):

Me: Hi [Girl], great meeting you at Trader Joe’s yesterday. Good call on the chickpea salad - definitely a solid choice! Good to meet someone from the New York City area.

I would replace the icebreaker text with: "Great meeting a fellow New Yorker - funkyjam".

The original text as written is lacking concision and repeats the "great meeting you" thing twice. The icebreaker should be more to the point. The most salient part of the interaction is that you are both from New York, so we should highlight that. Small point, but I would not end texts in periods.

One week later

Me: Hey [Girl], it’s funkjam from Trader Joe’s. Thinking about our quick chat the other day, and was wondering how your week is going.

Personally, I wouldn't have waited a week to re-open her. People's phones are swarmed with notifications these days. There's a chance she might have just forgotten.

Girl: It’s going good just busy with work how are you! How are you getting settled

By mentioning that she's "busy with work", she's sub-communicating that she might not be ready to meet yet. Since she's asking you a question, I would continue the bantering here and check in with her and see how she's doing. Being a nanny is not easy work and can be stressful. I know from my experience with au pairs.

Me: Same here, super busy with work, training, and music. There were a ton of maintenance issues in my new place I had to deal with when I moved in, but they’re mostly resolved now and am close to being fully settled. I’d love to catch up with you soon. I was thinking we could meet up for drinks, maybe at [place] on Saturday around 7:30 pm?

Good DHV, but I would not have asked her out here per my analysis above. In addition, the way the ask out is done with activity type, day, and time all in one text is very loaded.

You need a structure to follow when it comes to asking her out over text. This has been repeated ad nauseum on this forum, but please refer to how to soft close and hard close from @Skills.

Girl: Hey it’s good that you got everything resolved. I acatually work weekend nights so I won’t be able to meet you on Saturday I’m sorry.

Since the time doesn't work, the meet backfires. That's why it's important to check her logistics and not assume that she's free when you're free, hence why the ask out text previously was too loaded.

Me: No worries at all! When is a good time for you? I’m pretty flexible.

This text was absolutely horrible...

First, she brushed you off, and you're letting her off the hook like nothing happened with "no worries at all!" The exclamation point makes things even worse.

Second, you're rescheduling on the spot when she just gave you negative compliance via the soft rejection.

Third, with "I'm pretty flexible", you're coming off as a guy who's got nothing going on, which in itself is a DLV.

If I were you at that moment, I would've just left her on read and re-opened her the next day.

And that's it. It's been a few days since we exchanged these messages. I'm thinking the next move could be to invite her along to something I'm already planning to do. I don't want to keep shooting in the dark suggesting times she isn't available though. Any ideas how to move forward?

Read this texting guide first: https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/simple-basic-texting-guide.23663/

Per the structure in the guide, we need to open her again and get into bantering before thinking of inviting her out. I'll give you a couple of options for what you can send her. These are all low investment pings:

• 
  
• Morning
• Happy [whatever day of the week it is] GIF

Regards,
Gorili

 

[Atlas IV]

Gorili's advice is spot on.

Me: Same here, super busy with work, training, and music. There were a ton of maintenance issues in my new place I had to deal with when I moved in, but they’re mostly resolved now and am close to being fully settled. I’d love to catch up with you soon. I was thinking we could meet up for drinks, maybe at [place] on Saturday around 7:30 pm?

Here's how I would have worded this (if you're going to soft close here instead of banter):
"Same here, super busy with work, training, and music. Had some maintenance issues in the new place, but they’re mostly fixed now. By the way, we should grab a coffee or drink sometime :') would be cool to chat and get to know each other a little"

If she replies yes:
"Awesome. What's your schedule like? I'm usually free ___"

Start with offering a couple of date options (coffee or a drink, brunch, ice cream, whatever), then check her availability before fixing the date and time.

 

[Chase]

@Gorili nailed it.

Just to repeat and reiterate:

I was thinking we could meet up for drinks, maybe at [place] on Saturday around 7:30 pm?

Cardinal sin of text-based date scheduling. Or any date scheduling (you can kinda get away with it, maybe, sorta, sometimes, a little bit, in-person or over voice. Even still... better not to).

Always check her schedule first.

14 Simple Ways to Text a Girl and Make Her Want You

Don't know how to text a girl you like? Copy these texts and send them to her to get her excited and ready to go out with you. Contents 1. Icebreaker Text 2. Same Day Date Text 3. Next Day Date Text 4. Standard Scheduler Text 5. Proposal Text 6. No Worries Text 7. Scheduler II Text 8. Scheduler...

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Chase

 

[funkyjam]

Just to repeat and reiterate:

Cardinal sin of text-based date scheduling. Or any date scheduling (you can kinda get away with it, maybe, sorta, sometimes, a little bit, in-person or over voice. Even still... better not to).

Always check her schedule first.

Not to sound defensive, but somewhere along the way the materials I read said to suggest a specific time/place, and if that plan doesn't work for her, she'll suggest an alternative (if she's interested).