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The Different Areas of Approach Anxiety

PrettyDecent

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
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I believe Approach Anxiety is more nuanced than just the anxiety of talking to a girl.

There is, in linear order, the anxiety of:

- Thinking of actually talking to girls
- Going to the place where you can meet girls
- Actively looking for girls to approach
- Closing the proximity between you and a girl
- Talking to the girl
- Talking to a couple girls in one outing
- Talking to many different girls in one outing

There are probably more in between and after this list.

This list is empowering when considered along with the concept of "desensitization". Meaning, you can take steps at overcoming your anxiety, rather than tackling the whole beast in one go.

For example, the anxiety of talking to a particular girl is lessened after you've closed the distance between yourself and her. Or even easier after you've done it a couple times with a couple different girls.

Anxiety is a lot easier to tackle when broken down into steps.

Nick
 

trashKENNUT

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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Nov 20, 2012
Messages
6,551
PrettyDecent,

I didn't think about this before. This is gold. :) Identifying it and why. OKAY, This is a summary of my problems and my thoughts running. I hope people find this useful. Haha

So here, my thoughts with each separate sentences

PrettyDecent said:
- Thinking of actually talking to girls
This girl is way prettier than what i always talk to.

I can't believe i dress like shit and she's giving me approach invitations

You kidding right?

PrettyDecent said:
- Going to the place where you can meet girls

There's so many places

It's been awhile since i hang out there

Goodness, anonymity also

PrettyDecent said:
- Actively looking for girls to approach

There's many, then it died down.

Different waves, what can i do.

PrettyDecent said:
- Closing the proximity between you and a girl

Too far, omg

Too near and too far, so weird. How weird if i suddenly say things

PrettyDecent said:
- Talking to the girl

Why is she pretty and talking to me

Why is she more stoic than beforehand

Why is she retard now (haha)

Common bitch, why play hard to get for no fucking reason

PrettyDecent said:
- Talking to a couple girls in one outing

They gonna tag team.

They gonna get jealous.

PrettyDecent said:
- Talking to many different girls in one outing

Women are crazy. Can't see guy talking to other girl without me catching them at the corner of my eye.

This girl just give me angry face because her friend like me.

Whatsup with this world and jealousy.

PrettyDecent said:
Anxiety is a lot easier to tackle when broken down into steps.

So yea people, i just summarize how women are crazy. and Hi Nick. :D haha

Zac
 

PrettyDecent

Tribal Elder
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865
Zac,

Rock on man, those are awesome contributions! Thanks for adding them.

Yeah, like I said, there are smaller nuances that could be added to the list, like a few that you mentioned. There's a lot to it underneath the surface.

Nick
 

Hector Papi Castillo

Tribal Elder
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Messages
2,592
I LIKE THIS!

Very systematic and demystifies the vague label of "ANXIETY AGH!" we give to it. If guys just approach it in steps, it becomes much more manageable. Turning big monsters into a bunch of little monsters!

Hector
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

trashKENNUT

Cro-Magnon Man
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PrettyDecent,

PrettyDecent said:
smaller nuances

In between
PrettyDecent said:
- Thinking of actually talking to girls
and
PrettyDecent said:
- Actively looking for girls to approach

Do i look like a murderer/stalker? OMG Why some people look at me like i am going to kill them?

Are people's lifes really suck that they have to look at me like that?

What's up with people, man?

I'm just like you

So much different reactions

who am i really

why sometimes ppl like me, sometimes they don't

PrettyDecent said:
- Going to the place where you can meet girls

While travelling there.

I could spend time working

gawd.....

PrettyDecent said:
- Closing the proximity between you and a girl

Transitioning part

Do i look good

Can i make this look like a movie or something

Omg, one wrong step, spoil the naturalness

Since when i become so confident

PrettyDecent said:
- Talking to the girl

Bringing her aside or ask for compliance

Can she just move already

Is she really awkward

Is she really dumbfounded or dumb (lolx)

she's not moving, reactions. why!!!!!!

Argh, just ask for number, she's wasting my time already

////////////////////

Okay.! :D Hope this helps people.

Zac
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
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Oct 9, 2012
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6,058
Really nice, Nick.

This looks like the basic thrust behind things like the Newbie Assignment or the steps to going out and finding a niche. First go out, scope the place out, get comfortable, zero pressure; then start making some light chit-chat, low pressure; then start actively trying to pick up, but begin with warm-ups, etc.

Just a way of gently easing into the increasingly 'scarier' aspects when you're new, or even (with warm-up approaches) if you've just been sitting in a cubicle or watching TV / playing video games all day and have to go from non-social to social.

Hadn't actually consciously thought about these as discrete, different areas to tackle before - some neat distinctions.

I recently started reading Dead or Alive: The Choice is Yours by Geoff Thompson, about attack rituals and the like, and he talks a lot about adrenal dump and how people interpret adrenaline as fear... but it's not fear, it's adrenaline. Same thing Drexel's post about approach anxiety being a response designed to jolt you into action, not paralyze you. In both cases, adrenaline hits, but until you've become desensitized to it it can freeze you in place (whether faced with a bellicose attacker or a pretty girl).

Chase
 

vaquero

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 1, 2016
Messages
10
I'd say that anxiety is a coping mechanism to the situation. Thus, here's a rehashed grook after Piet Hein:
Only coping isn't what
Gives us strength to hope.
Let us only cope; but not
only only cope.

Alas, this mechanism gets out of order too often :(
 

trashKENNUT

Cro-Magnon Man
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6,551
BUMP

Nick has good stuff.
 
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