FR The Hot Math Tutor

[TheWiseFool]

For people who don't like reading or are short on time, read the Premise, The Girl, and then skip to the section Friday. For those of you who don't mind reading or really like tons of information, here you go:

Premise: Last semester I noticed that there was this really cute girl who tutored at the math department, but I only saw her once so I never got the chance to talk to her or get a great examination of what her face looks like again until earlier this week. (So superficial I know... but I'm only like that at the start and then I could care less once I find out about who they are.)

The Girl: petite and proportional body (jeggins are too strong), raven colored hair, hb7.5 face (I can be really nit-picky about the smallest of details), she must be smart if she's on the math team, which is a turn on in my book, her lack of discrete in hiding her interest in me indicates that she may not be too sexually experienced, but I could be wrong, and she has a beautiful name; oh, and I forgot to add that SHE WANTS IT!

I'd usually hear guys talking to each other about "that one math tutor", which would lead to vulgar and obnoxious conversations about what they would do to her in bed, which always pissed me off just cos I get annoyed when people are being disruptively loud when other people are studying or trying to learn, like those people who go to the library to study but end up talking the entire time about some story that happened during the weekend at some party (you get the idea). I decided to do what Ross did when he approached that girl in the gym to prove the point that beautiful, top tier women are not exclusive to guys in fraternities or rich men, I made it my mission to take this girl out on a date!

As I said earlier, I haven't seen her until Monday this week and haven't had a chance to flirt or conversate with her until today so I will put details about my "process" up until now.

Monday
This is where I saw her again since last semester. There weren't too many people in the room since the grad student who runs the math team says that the place doesn't pick up until later in the semester when people realize, "Oh man, I'm gonna fail math, I should get some help." I thought this was good cos then she would be able to see me. She was gonna sit in a spot right in front of me because she walked up to one of the chairs, placed her hand on it, scanned me up and down and then decided to go to the other end of the long table on my side (She's either too nervous to sit in front of me and wanted to sit in a place that is more comfortable or I am extremely hideous and she couldn't stand to look at my face lol). From there not much happened for some time. Both the grad students started conversation with me (I am an okay guy and I am cool with the "leaders" of the group) and one was talking about how I should sign up for tutoring because "you said you were interested" and I thought okay why not ("I'm gonna be here more often"). I was told I need to pick a day and time of day to tutor, which led her to mention her schedule to the other grad student who organizes everything ("Since we don't know each other, I want you to know this is when I'm here"). I thought that there was no need for her to do that other than she wanted me to know when she would be there, so I made note of the days and put on one of those "I know something you don't know smiles". I did so because I noticed that although she was on the other side of the table, she was facing me directly and sitting in a way that was excited and leaning towards me. That's pretty much it for Monday. I didn't want to talk much because I was so caught up in this idea/image of trying to be something I'm not: the guy who is too cool for everyone else. All I had to do from there was come in on the days she'd be there, which was gonna happen anyway since I go there everyday to get help with math.

OH WAIT! There was this guy who I've never seen before but he it was obvious he was knew and acted really formal and proper the whole time and people weren't really talking to him and I could tell that he was that guy who unintentionally put himself into the "nerdy/loser" category by just being himself. I wait when this happens, so I decided that I want to become friends with him and make sure that no one makes fun of him later when he isn't there. I thought this was great because I was doing something I enjoy doing, was practicing making good conversation, and it was just creating this atmosphere of "Why is he talking to him and not us?"

Tuesday
This day wasn't too special except for clarifying for me that this girl is definitely interested in me. This time around she sits in a place where I can see her. I didn't mention it yet, but I've fallen into this state of anxiety and frustration from not approaching girls who I'm interested in and not talking to girls who want me to approach them. This state of mind from not approaching girls has affected me in so many negative ways that I decided to put a post up about it, which fsc and Light have been helping me out so much with the support, I really owe you guys for today and am very thankful. So much of this day was observation and ignoring her, but I've been doing the ignoring thing for quite sometime. Sort of like the smooth guy in Chase's article 3 Flavors of Sexy: Brooding, Smooth, and Talkative Vibes. I've noticed that it does three things: 1) Gives her plenty of time to check me out and observe how I interact with other people 2) Creates intrigue in the sense that "Who is this guy and why hasn't he noticed me yet?" 3) Creates the frame that she has to go out of her way to talk to me/my time is valuable. And my theory works because she would look up from her textbook to look at me, 2-4 seconds at a time. I'd purposely catch her eye contact from time to time and smile at her before looking down at my book again, keeping a grin on my face (I remember how this girl used to do that to me all the time and I would just be on cloud 9 because I knew I made her smile). I'd talk to other guys in the room, since I was so damn nervous to talk to the girls, and she would throw in her own opinions and facts into conversations I would be having. Overall, this was a good day because I feel like I created a scenario where we both want to talk to each other but there hasn't been a way for us to do so, which is mostly my fault cos I am too nervous to start a conversation with her because I was being a pussy and didn't want to give my interest in her away. Anyways, I think this played into my hand nicely for what would happen Friday.

Friday
So Friday comes around and I am expecting her to not be there since she said she was gonna be there early in the morning and it was 1pm when I got there. Lo and behold, she is there and there are three other people as well. I'm thinking that there is no better chance for me to talk to her now than this.I'm thinking and hoping, "please let her be the only math tutor, ppllleeeeaasssseeee!!!!!" I put my bag down at the far corner of the other table and ask, "Are any of you guys tutoring right now?" One girl that I know says she isn't (one down), so I look at the other two. I look at the girl that I am after first and use this chance to quickly examine her face while I ask if she wants to help me. When our eyes connected I thought it was cutest thing to see this expression of "Omg he's talking to me!" spread across her face. She was so excited, it was adorable. And then the only guy there said, "Yea I'm tutoring right now, but I have to leave soon," which led to reality checking in for her and the two of them began deliberating on who will help me. In my head I'm like, "You can't hide it, just come on down!!" but I just tell them to decide between themselves and that I'll just be sitting patiently waiting, QUEUE BORED FACE!

Eventually, the guy decides to help me. After some time the guy has to leave for class and the girl coincidentally finishes her homework at the same time. "Just in time," she says. To make sure she doesn't have to leave, I ask, "I thought you were working on something?" "No, I just finished all my homework," she replies. I don't remember much of the conversation but I was really calm, relaxed and flirty... it was the weirdest thing because it was so uncharacteristic for me but I wasn't nervous, but having fun and didn't care. She was really cute, but not drop dead gorgeous by my standards, which is great (look at my signature).

Things started out as her just teaching me, and then we slowly started talking about other stuff here and there. Some guys came in and one of them tried making conversation with her about her drawing and she was coming off as really rude to him and then I said something about it and she was really cute about what I said. One of the other tutors came in who was the tutor for my specific class so they switched places, but I only had two more problems to go. After the other tutor finished helping me out, she asked, "Are you leaving?" which set me up to tease her, "And why would you want to know that?" in a "you don't want me stay?" fashion. The biggest smile spread across her face.

Once I did that she was chasing me hard and I screwed up a lot though, but I was doing it on purpose to see what would happen and she was just still going at it. Asking me what's my major, telling me I should join the math team, we exchanged names (I should have done this earlier but I wanted to keep the mystery factor up for a bit), mentioning something about some t-shirt thing that she's designing for the math team which lead her to mention her drawing on the black board and I joke about it and then she says something about, "wait I thought you said you like cursive" cos she was asking for my opinion about it earlier but I didn't know why. I replied, "I said I like cursive. I didn't say I like your drawing," which led to her making some playful threat to me. I laughed about it and got serious, telling her, "Hey. I want you to know that isn't doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of your work. Girly or ugly or cheesy, it doesn't matter. All that matters is what you think of it because it is yours and you made it and that in and of itself makes it special. Be proud of your work, be proud of your art," which was good cos she was feeling self-conscious about her design.

One problem that I did have with this whole thing was that she said I'm funny at one point, which was not a good sign to me. But then she suggested we should hangout sometime. Right when she said we should hangout, my mouth instantly said "I can't" but I caught myself quick enough so that the "can't" didn't come out right. I paused asking myself, "Why did I do that?" as I was deliberating on the correct response. Images of me and her making out in my bed and then cuddling up after sex popped up in my head for a split second, which led some undeserving part of myself to think of me screwing up or how I am not good enough for her and would end up hurting her (past experience). To save her from myself (old white-knight complex), the words, "Trust me. You don't want to hangout with me. I'm boring," came out of my mouth. She said, "So, *insert excuse rebutting my excuse*." I mentioned something else but she was persistent so I asked her, "And what do you propose we do?" (At this point I am thinking, "Why in the fucking world did I just say what I said?!?!?!?!?! SO SO SO STUPID!!!! She literally just told you she wants to hangout. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?!?!) I mean honestly, why I was giving her a hard time, I don't know. She said, "Here or during the math team." Me: "Okay good. You should stop by more often." and then we talked about classes and what not. After that I really wanted to get up and sit right next to her and be all cute and then I caught myself and thought, "Enough is enough. You are getting out of here and making yourself scarce and busy!" I told her I wanted to go to barnes and noble to read a book (I shouldn't have told her where I was going and I thought it was a boring place cos of how most girls are. But I think that since I come off as being so damn confident about myself, where a girl would see me as boring she thought it was great and mentioned how she reads a lot too and asked me where I live after one of the four guys that walked in at some point when we were talking together said something about fire alarms. She lives literally right down the road so logistics are easy. I got up, walked towards the exit, wrote lame on her design, she told me that I better erase it or she'll have me banned, and I left saying, "You wouldn't do that. You'd miss me too much."

Final Thoughts
Overall, I am pretty happy that I did something related to seduction today. Compared to who I was a couple of months ago, I am a lot more ballsy, have picked up on many social nuances, and breaking down social interactions are getting easier.

Somethings that have helped me are:
- Having a strong and consistent support system
- Starting off with low pressure approach (situational opener) along with having her tutor me (investment opener). As Chase says,

For most new guys, situationally relevant is usually the easiest way to go - it's low pressure and not as forward as some other styles, which makes it less intimidating to use. If you're a beginner, this is a good place to start.

- socializing on a daily basis (little conversations)
- keeping an attitude that is patient, in control, calm, and optimistic
- Being in a state of not caring about whether or not you win or lose, but testing what works and doesn't work because the outcome just doesn't matter

However, I am still disappointed in myself for:
1. failing to walk up to a girl this week and say just one word!
2. self-sabotaging myself. I could have made a date for tonight and then do the do... but I wouldn't want to cos I don't have condoms and don't really care if we have sex....
3. Developing a negative mindset.
4. Choosing to stay inside my comfort zone rather than putting my reputation on the line for success at the skill known as "day game."
5. Being so self-conscious, so filled with anxiety, so worried about what others think when I used to not give a damn about what anyone thought of me, when I was just living life and loving myself and others unconditionally.

I want to continue striving toward my main goal of mastering day game, but to get there I need to exit my comfort zone by breaking thought processes that hinder achieving such a goal. I need to continually humble myself to challenges and be willing to suffer for my craft. From this interaction, I think I need to incorporate more investment from her part, but checking Chase's ebook, it seems that I didn't need to see I didn't even carry the interaction because she was literally trying to talk to me every chance she got and was asking me all the questions, which I remember that I didn't make for them too much. How else could I make her invest in herself in the interaction? It seems to be that she was hooked right from the start and it was before I even said an actual word to her, all I had to do was display myself prior to Friday.

I wrote a lot for something so miniscule, but I just do this for when I check back on these things as well as trying to provide the most detail, especially for those guys who ask a lot of "why" questions like me. "Why did she do this?" or "What does this mean?"

It took me 5 days to build up the courage to talk to this girl. To some guys that's a long time, but to me, that is a huge victory and a very short time span! I waited until the end of the week to talk to this girl rather than waiting until the end of an ENTIRE SEMESTER to pass by before talking to her.

Next time I see that girl I'm gonna tell her to sit right next to me and just conversate and flirt with her from there, get her number, and I am gonna have to learn to cook cos if I don't I am SOL. I haven't gotten to the point where I am touching a girl yet cos I am just not focusing on it as much, but I should try to incorporate some incidental touch or kiss her when we are looking at each other at some point before talking like nothing happened. That last part sounds risky to me, but I kind of don't really care. What I do care about is getting this girl on the bad side and then seeing her at times and she doesn't talk to me. BUT, this can be easily avoided by just handling situations correctly and not making a big deal if she rejects me. In theory it sounds easy, let's see if I put this to practice!

If anyone has any advice or tips on what I should be doing during an interaction and where I should go from here, please tell me because I am always open and willing to hear anyone's advice!
- The Wise Fool

P.S. I decided to do one more read of Chase's ebook again, just to make sure I have things down. I skipped to the end of Section 1 real fast to read the "Essence of The Romancer" and was surprised to see that many of the things that I noticed about myself and things that happen to me are things that Chase says one should expect once they've gained an understanding of all that he teaches in Section 1. I feel pretty damn proud that I have a lot of it down and I didn't need to change too much of myself other than picking up little nuances and breaking down interactions into little parts that make them more manageable and controlled. Means Section 2 is where my answers lie, but I am going to read Section 1 again to make sure I polish anything I am missing.

 

[Marty]

Wise Fool:

I read the whole thing but confess I don't understand this field report at all.

Why were you so mean to the poor girl?

-Marty

 

[TheWiseFool]

Casanova,

I read that whole read from Mr. Rob's LR and I have to say that it is a great tool to have. Simple, efficient, and easy to remember. I find it funny that you said,

My advice for you is to avoid making a really detailed plan.

cos when I started out I made this ridiculously detailed process that resembled a "choose your adventure" theme, but it was a flowchart that fit on one entire page. I tried figuring out how to upload it but I never got around to finding out the exact details. Anyways, I'll definitely keep this in mind when the school week starts tomorrow. Hopefully I remember to use my triggers to get over AA when I notice myself beginning to set into that comfort zone state. I really like the acronym, it is half as much as Chase's ten step process. Great for guys who have a general idea of what should be happening. Thanks man!

Marty,

I must have failed to describe certain parts clearly. Where was I being mean haha?

- TWF

 

[Marty]

Wise Fool:

I must have failed to describe certain parts clearly. Where was I being mean haha?

I kinda felt I know you a little bit from our previous exchanges. You seem like a real good guy—intelligent, perceptive, appreciative of any support I tried to offer you.

That's why I was sort of shocked by these things:

I said something about it and she was really cute about what I said.

I replied, "I said I like cursive. I didn't say I like your drawing,"

I told her I wanted to go to barnes and noble to read a book

I got up, walked towards the exit, wrote lame on her design

I don't get it, Wise Fool. It comes across as if you don't like her, don't want to spend time with her, choose to be unkind to her, and generally act in a way inconsistent with my previous impression of you.

Sorry but I don't sugar-coat on this forum (and I don't expect others to do so on my FRs either)... we're here to help each other and constructively criticize our fellows' interactions.

-Marty

 

[TheWiseFool]

Marty,

I always encourage people to be as honest as possible because I feel that people are always hiding behind masks, so I appreciate the honesty. So after reading my post again, I believe I had failed to describe how I said what I said, as in I gave the verbal communication but did not clearly explain how I executed that verbal communication ALONG WITH my nonverbal communication (which is usually a problem with texting or writing over the internet because people can't see the communicator's facial expressions and can only base expressions off of what they believe the communicator is trying to convey). In addition, the logic behind what I did was not explained well enough. I believe that is where the miscommunication comes into play. I apologize because as I said in the post, I can't remember much of the conversation. I was curious about this yesterday and I read somewhere about anxious people not paying close attention to their environment because they are so focused internally about the problems going on within their head. As I had also said in my post, I was at a low point at the beginning of the week from failure to exit my comfort zone and AA, which ultimately has created this negative and unwanted feedback loop that I have been trying to break. Hopefully what I write up below will clarify my purposes behind actions within the interaction.

I may have come off as being mean because I failed to write down how I carried myself and how I said what I said, other than the line "I was really calm, relaxed and flirty... it was the weirdest thing because it was so uncharacteristic for me but I wasn't nervous, but having fun and didn't care" (not caring in the sense that if she rejects me oh well, not, I'm purposely going to ruin this girls day, which is the complete opposite effect I wanted).

I replied, "I said I like cursive. I didn't say I like your drawing,"

When she asked for my opinion of her design, I pretended that I didn't like it. She reasoned that I thought I like it because I like cursive, which is illogical because she is making the assumption "He likes cursive, my design has cursive in it, that must mean he likes my design", but that isn't true! Anyways, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't that I didn't like her design, but that I didn't like how she made an assumption about me and I was correcting her mistake to ensure that she doesn't do it again (precedence). It was said in a calm manner. I wanted her to ask me again if I like her drawing, not assume I like it because of something I said earlier. That's twisting my words. Just because a person may like blue colored cars doesn't mean they like blue colored cars that are *insert car you simply detest*. If she did something you don't like, are you going to think, "Oh she did something I don't like. That's okay, I'll just do what she wants," or are you going to gracefully and clearly indicate to her what you want? Sort of like how Chase is honest about food he doesn't like in Why It's Good to Be Hard to Please.

With eating, I've returned to my old ways and will just tell people outright I don't like something or prefer something else, rather than eat food I don't want to eat. I was staying with friends recently for several days, and food was prepared that I declined, or that I sampled and, when asked, said was okay, but not really to my taste. Poor table manners, right? I didn't say or do this rudely; in fact, I thanked them for preparing food for me anyway. And I warned them in advance that I was picky.

The result was, they worked harder to make food that I'd like, and when they succeeded, and brought me food I really enjoyed, and I told them as much, they were ecstatic.

And I thought about this.

I thought what would've happened if I'd pretended to just like that food from the get-go that I didn't really like.

They probably would've kept making it.

They never would've gotten an enthusiastic endorsement from me.

They never would've felt the thrill of accomplishment from having pleased someone who is difficult to please.

And I would've been stuck eating more and more of something I didn't want to eat.

Instead, I showed that I was hard to please, and that made people want to please me more... ultimately ending up a more rewarding experience for us both.

I personally will eat anything because I am open to trying new things, but for the sake of becoming a man that my future wife will be proud of and want, I will have to train myself to see that things I may not like are exactly what I need to be doing.

In addition, when she wanted me to say I like her design, I delayed what she wanted and made her work for it. I said what I said, she said she wouldn't help me out again (But she would have done what she wanted to right then and there if she was being serious rather than waiting until next time. I also reasoned that she wasn't going to do that because she likes me and we want to spend time around the people we like no?) I give her an amused/skeptical look, she tells me she asked because she was designing the shirts for the math team and people are telling her it's too girly, and then we get back to the math. I realize I didn't answer her question, so I stopped her, laughed because I was thinking about how she looked earlier, then told her,

Hey. I want you to know that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of your work. Girly or ugly or cheesy, it doesn't matter. All that matters is what you think of it because it is yours and you made it and that in and of itself makes it special. Be proud of your work, be proud of your art

I didn't tell her I liked it yet because I didn't want to mix good feelings with when I'm being serious because I wanted to talk directly to her ego about not worrying so much about what people think first. I wasn't teasing her more or trying to make her feel bad, but being a friend, relating with her. She liked when I did this, we get back to the math, she ultimately ended up asking me again later on (she was still wondering about if I did or didn't like it) if it's girly (aka "do you think they'll like it" or "tell me you like it") which prompted the tutor coming in to say that it was girly and one of the guys that came told her she should add Buzz Lightyear to it (I'll explain in a bit). You know what she did to the guy who gave her a compliment, she retaliated with some harsh comeback because she took his suggestion as "You need to change it so people easily understand the reference." At that moment, I decided to see what this thing actually looked like (I looked at it earlier but it was fuzzy because I didn't have my glasses on). I look at it, read it out loud as "I love math this much and beyond." And then she tells me that there is the infinity sign and then I get the reference. After figuring it out, I tell her that I don't think it is girly, but my honest opinion about it. Her design consisted of the words "I love Math like infinity and beyond" and instead of the word infinity, there is the symbol for infinity with the words "this much" inside. I told her like it because I think it's really creative, elegant and cute. I told her that when I read it the first time, I thought of "I love Math," but then I spread my arms out as far as they could go and said, "like this and beyond." Sure I looked like a child or some loser, but I didn't care what she thought any less of me for not being "cool." But reading it with the infinity sign makes it even better and tell her that it is clever/smart. I don't even think it was a factor that I was acting like a "loser" at that point because judging from her reaction I could tell that she really appreciated it a lot more because I withheld the feeling of liking her work than if I said, "I like it" as soon as she asked me the first time around. Hence,

I said something about it and she was really cute about what I said.

What I was trying to synthesize is the same feeling people feel when they hear the words "I love you" from a person who rarely shows their love versus someone who says it all the time and constantly makes it apparent of there love. You take "I love you" for granted in the second case as opposed to the first case no? Isn't that sad how ironic that is? The same intention, BUT it is not only about what you do, but how you do it.

I told her I wanted to go to barnes and noble to read a book
I wanted her to miss me Marty :/ Do you think I wanted to go to Barnes and Nobles? Hell no! I was contemplating walking over and sitting in the chair right next to her and gazing at her, laying my head on the table and looking at her like some love-crazed fool, BUT IS THAT IS NOT WHAT A SEXY, HIGH VALUE MAN DOES? No! A high value man understands the value of his time, is busy, has many women chasing after him and trying to get him to settle down and be with her. That was what I was trying to convey even though I don't like it and failed by telling her where I was going, but the point is I needed to leave because needs > wants. Does a woman appreciate a man when he is present or when he is gone? She appreciates him when he is gone because she doesn't know if he is safe, happy with out her, cheating on her, etc. When she is with him, I bet she doesn't give him as much attention because she knows he is there, he is safe, he is not cheating on her or happy with someone else. I wanted her to be thinking about me, temporal investment.

I almost chose to stay and sit in boredom, but I chose to forego instant gratification and optd for delay gratification. I wrote some post about this somewhere, I have to go find it. Anyways, we usually appreciate the things that we invest a lot of time and effort into more than we do things that are just given to us because we want them. A guy who bought his car and worked on it himself appreciates his car more than some rich kid who had daddy pay for his car.

Lastly, I said I wanted to do something other than wanting to be with her because I was trying to hide my feelings. But I said the same way that parents tell their children they are leaving for work. "I have to go now, sorry." And then the kids become sad and miss mommy or daddy. But what happens when they come home from work? The kids are ecstatic! YEAH THEY'RE BACK and the kids are all over their parents, telling them what they drew, saw on TV, what they ate, etc.

I got up, walked towards the exit, wrote lame on her design
This one... I really don't know why I did it except for the fact that she smiles when I tease her and she playfully threatens to have me kicked out or not help me anymore. I was being immature, plain and simple. Only justification I could give is that when I would tease my high school crush when she still liked me, she'd always give me this "I hate you, but I love you at the same time" look but I would pull her right back in. If I haven't screwed this up yet, I'll make sure that I actually act this time around rather than waiting forever to make a move. I find it interesting that Valentine's Day is coming up... she broke my heart that day... but that's another story. I guess life is giving me a redo

I don't get it, Wise Fool. It comes across as if you don't like her, don't want to spend time with her, choose to be unkind to her, and generally act in a way inconsistent with my previous impression of you.

I guess I was acting immature Marty :/ I don't know if there is some psychological trigger(s) but some of the ways I was treating her are the same as how I treated my high school crush. I'd hide my true feelings from her, I would tease her, but I'd always make it up to her when it seemed she would never ever give me a chance again. I was testing things. However, I was being more sexual than I was back in high-school (I would have never understood why she asked why I was leaving if I were still the same guy as I was back then and would have said, "Yeah.... why would I stay here?"). I don't believe I brought this girl to complete auto-rejection but I was definitely trying to by acting weird and disqualifying myself from hanging out. I don't normally tease girls but today was just one of those days I was trying something I haven't done in a long long long time because I always did it to some girl from my past. I was trying to find limits to how far I could push someone in order to find the middle ground, the balance hidden in all things.

And if you think I was being mean, the best example I could find to describe how I carried myself throughout the whole interaction is this scene from Crazy, Stupid Love, from the 28 second mark onwards. Observe Gosling's facial expression @30 and @40 seconds into the trailer. When I am listening to her and watching her speak to me, I am studying her the same way as in @40s. When I tease her I sort of laugh to myself the same way he does @46-48s. And when she gives her comeback to me I am looking at her the same way Gosling is looking at Cal from @28-32s ("Are you making fun of me? Oh I'd love to hear this, please continue"). I'm not being serious or mean, just relaxed, calm, and flirty/playful.

I hope I didn't come off as mean. If that is the case, I screwed up and will learn from this experience again. If there is still lack of clarity, let me know!
- TWF