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- Dec 7, 2019
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It was one of those crazy nights on the town.
You know, those types of nights where there’s a certain special feeling jumping through the air.
A vibe. I can try to articulate it.
Have you ever had that sense, deep in your gut, that feeling of anticipation – no, excitement – that just permeates throughout your whole body? A rush from head to toe? Some thrill like you’re at a music concert, but it’s not even the music that really gets you going – it’s the energy?
Last Thursday night had this exciting rushing thrilling energy in the air. And I was breathing it all in.
Approach #1: The Titular Event
The day so far. It was interesting.
Operating on zero sleep, I had a solid conversation with this super sexy girl that I’ve been running a slow-burn with, walked by the girl who was my first kiss, and for the very first time, I saw another guy approaching girls. Filming an in-field. And getting blown out with weird knee-jerk volume game. And then I number closed a girl who blew him out.
This vibe in the air. Into my nose, into my lungs, into my being.
My intuition tells me that I need to be ready for a wild night streetgaming rollercoaster.
I’m wearing a new outfit – it’s a bit colder now. On goes a grey jacket with dark red accents, slim-fitting jeans, dark red Air Force 1s, a necklace, and a bracelet. It’s not as flashy as my typical streetwear but stands out just enough to give a little edge without creating too many assumptions.
One foot in front of another as my outing begins at 1:00 AM - an hour before bars close. My feet churn as I begin my route that is now so familiar.
Wait. My feet are feeling like bricks tonight. I look down.
Oh yeah. The AF1s. If bricks were shoes, these would be them.
Soon, I reach my favorite bench on a backstreet. This semester, I’ve began more than a few Lofty adventures here. A few almost-pulls that stopped short at – but not in – my apartment. Like that crazy liminal space that was magically created with the cute Southern girl wearing sweet perfume, the one who I took from the street to fingering in 10 minutes, only to botch the escalation.
Aw… the semester is just a day away from ending here in college world. I’m feeling sentimental already.
But hey. There’s actually a decent-looking girl right by the bench. She’s walking around a little frantically. This girl is a bit on the shorter side – she has a good body with dyed red hair. I don’t even have to open here as I sit down because she walks over to me. I’ll call her… HBWifey.
Alright, so maybe this girl is a little bit out of sorts here. But yeah, I decide to keep this interaction going and see where it goes. In fact, perhaps it’s time to break out my new take on Teevster’s Purity Gambit. Maybe it’s a bit of a unique spin, but I am really trying to set some sexual frames early upon some feedback from prior approaches, in addition to trying some sexual prizing.
I then stand up, and hold her hand to help her up. She comes in close.
Puppy eyes. And she leans in to kiss me. I go with it for a second but pull away quickly. My arm is wrapped around her as we head to her place which is just a couple minutes of a walk away. She asks if I can hold her purse. I tell her to ask VERY nicely. She does, saying please, and I tell her that we can hold it together. She goes along with that, pressing her purse against my abs.
We come upon her place, and my arm momentarily comes off of her as she slides the key fab across the sensor. The sexual tension is HEAVY. It’s been fifteen minutes, maybe. I think that I’m in the green, just as the sensor lights up green, and she leads the way inside…
AND THERE’S SOME DUDE ON THE COUCH. HE JUMPS UP AND HIS FACE IS SO RED HE'S LOOKING LIKE EL DIABLO.
HIM AND I ARE LIKE:
SHE’S LIKE:
Okay, Lofty, okay. Figure this out… but my fist still clenches and my heart rate accelerates. Yeah, she did say something about a “relationship” – this is obviously the guy. The lay is probably off… just have to pacify this guy ASAP. The first move has to be mine, I know it. Lawyer, she said?
Then he daps me up not knowing that his wife’s tongue was in my mouth a few minutes earlier. And no, she wasn’t wearing a ring.
I get outta there. Kinda chuckling to myself.
I’m on my way back to the bench when I see a plastic card on the ground… I look down and see the picture… oh, come on. You can’t be serious… it’s HBWifey’s ID that must have fell out of her purse while we were making out or something.
I know what the right thing is to do here. Picking up the ID, I make my way back to her place. Hey, I learn her name, too.
When I get to the door, I hear arguing from the second-story bedroom window. It’s one of those windows that can tilt fully open, and I can see HBWifey’s reflection in it. Oh. Seeing how open the window is, I cock back my arm… and hope that my fastball still has some juice left… nah haha, that’s not cool. But it would have been hilarious to throw it in there.
My hand knocks on the door. A moment goes by. Then the door opens, revealing HBWifey. The husband still looks to be upstairs. I tell her that I found her ID. She’s like OMG THANK YOU and gives me a big hug. I actually try to get her outside and isolate her again... but I don’t persist too much. No dice there. Then says that she can give her phone number so we can smoke sometime.
I don’t even smoke, I just wanted to bang her.
But yeah, I’m not going to text her.
Approaches #2 and #3: Rebooting Momentum
Phew. I take a moment to cool down after that.
Using this new vocal warm-up technique that I learned from an ellipsis-coveting friend, I make a fist with my right hand, then extend my thumb to my sternum, and my pinkie to my naval, and I breathe in… and out… feeling my lungs expand.
The chilled air flows into my body, revitalizing my senses. I’m ready to go.
Moving to my second-favorite post-up location, I notice a girl nearing me on the way. She’s pretty, so I just prepare for one of my simple, go-to motion openers. It goes like, “Hey there, I have a very important question to ask you.” Then most of the time, they stop. Then I ask, “If I were to ask you how your night was going on a scale of 1-10, what would you say?”
They answer, I reframe. Depending on how they respond to that, I riff, go into one of my gambits to set some frames (like my “Friend at the Bar” Gambit), or elicit them further.
This girl stops and answers with an 8. But says that that she has to meet up with a friend, wishing me a nice night. Can’t win ‘em all.
Within minutes, I make it to my post-up spot at a corner of the busiest nightlife street of my college town. This is the place where I took a girl back to her apartment door for my first make-out of the semester before she went hysterical while contemplating whether or not to let me in. She didn’t but begged for my phone number… and never texted me back. In any case, that approach in September showed me that I could kind of do this thing a little bit. It was the impetus for my momentum. The next night, I took a girl home from this same exact spot… only to observe a maniacal Cluster B New Yorker freak out with her mouth inches away from my dick. I digress.
Anyway, the exciting air leads me to another crazy moment. Around the corner, I witness a guy and his girlfriend getting a bit heated. A cute petite blonde stands off to the side. She’s watching them, so I’m assuming there’s a connection. I open.
I’m thinking that this girl is actually pretty cool. Maybe I can stick around and see what happens. Then, a nightgame wildcard. Three guys walk by us and the bickering couple, and out of nowhere, they decide to get physical with the boyfriend.
Come. On.
I go over to try and break things up, but the girlfriend gets them to stop before I have the chance. She tells them that they’re just talking, and there’s no need to get involved. The guys are very respectable and say that they were just trying to look out for her after they saw an argument. I befriend them quickly, and they enter in conversation with HBLoyal and I. I know that I need to move them soon, though, as they’re eyeing her, too…
Asking them what they’re up to now, they say that they’re in town from Atlanta for the night (wait, why are they coming HERE from Atlanta? Makes no sense…) and now are looking for food. I let them know that the only place open now is the Denny’s down the street and encourage them to grab something quickly before they close. This is surprisingly effective, and they begin to leave.
Nice.
And then ANOTHER wildcard.
There’s this hot bad bitch stoner girl that I call HBHaze who I made out with from the street last month. Her place was literally across the street as our tongues met, but I could not handle her ASD. She instead noted how much she would looooooove to get coffee with me. Of course, she never responded to my texts… even @Velasco’s Family Guy COVID meme…
Yeah, this girl just comes strolling by us with her dog. She just smirks at me, like she did during our last random encounter since the make-out, while the guys from Atlanta grovel over her super fluffy dog. Luckily, I remind them about Denny’s closing… and they take HBHaze along with them.
By this time, HBLoyal’s roommate has calmed things down with her boyfriend. They’re good now, I guess. I screen for logistics to stick around HBLoyal since our vibe is pretty strong, but she’s the designated driver for the two of them. Asks to meet up another time instead. I persist by noting how we can keep talking after she drops them off, but she says that she needs to stick around the two of them for the night. This make a lot of sense, so I just number close as she waves good-bye.
Approaches #4 and #5: Warm Approaches… That Fizzle Cold.
It’s around 2:30 AM now.
This night is already shaping up to be among my craziest. Usually there are only a few solid approach opportunities during street nightgaming as this isn’t the biggest town. Tonight is different, though.
Especially because seconds after HBLoyal leaves, I see another familiar (and hot) face pass me by. It’s the cheerleader that I’ve mentioned once in my journal. Had a FU with her in the pre-Lofty era. I planned to text her this fall… but never did. Wanted to improve my text game first. Still haven’t quite gotten there with my text game yet…
Anyway, she’s really hot. Very fit body, light brown hair with blonde highlights. Piercing blue eyes. Now, she’s with a cute friend who is also a cheerleader. Our eyes meet and…
This girl acted so cute here. Oh my god. And she always talks like that. Super excited about everything. And she texts like that, too, with an exclamation mark after literally every sentence. I make a note to text her, but she’s a tease. There’s a very small chance of getting her out.
Because this is just how the night is going, HBHaze passes by me AGAIN. I know that her place is right down the street… and now she has two dogs with her… what lol. I rapidly search my notes for her dog’s name as she nears me. Bullseye, that’s it…
She looks for the picture on her phone, and I get closer to her. The tension builds. I’m thinking I’ll try to pull to her place – and maybe have some light kino soon – when she gets a phone call from a dude’s name. It’s 3:00 AM, so we here at skilledseducer.com know what that means.
HBHaze tells the voice that she’s on her way. Apologizes but says she has to go. I say that we’ll have to get coffee this time at her favorite café, but she hesitates and says, “Uh… bye!”
And that’s that with the stoner girl.
Weird, weird night.
Still not over.
Approaches #6 and #7: Sorority Girl Snagging… Almost.
An hour after the bars closed, this street has transitioned into a dead period. So off we go towards the other invigorating lands – the secondary route where I might be able to catch partygoers going back to the dorms.
On this route is where I met HBWildflower, a feisty girl rooted into the stems of my brain forever.
So who knows. After all, they do say that history repeats itself.
But no distraught svelte hottie is on the step of that three-storied glass building tonight. Though, I pause for a moment here and reflect. I’ve come a long way.
One foot in front of the other as my pursuit for pussy continues. I pass by a rather mundane blonde and open her. She is absurdly conservative. And not that attractive. I pace and persist anyway, but she has a flight to catch in a couple of hours, and I’m not that into her. We semi-cordially part ways…
3:45 AM now. The thought that the night might be over crosses my mind.
No, Lofty. The night isn’t over until your head hits the pillow.
Circling around a serene pond, I stare into the mossy banks. The world is gradually making more sense. I like who I’m becoming. It’s funny, too, because I guesstimate that around 90% of my total human interactions this semester have been with women. In times prior, I would guesstimate that it was around 10%.
Now I’m non-needy. I can number close. Lead conversations… reality pace. Arouse girls. Tempt them.
Lofty is just like the autumnal leaves... swapping hues and starting anew.
Night’s not over yet, however. My rest at the pond ends, and my brick-like sneakers bring me upon a happenchance encounter with two cute freshman intercepting my path on the connecting sidewalk. The timing is impeccable.
One girl – slightly ahead of the other – is a petite dirty blonde with a green blouse and jeans. Slim, lean, and sultry – I like these girls. The other is a noirette with MASSIVE TITS. Like wow, okay, there’s busty, and then there’s these types that will certainly have lower back issues. Wearing a black top with a revealing asymmetric neckline and jeans. She’s pretty cute overall, but I like her friend bit better aesthetically. The dirty blonde will be HBCharlotte while the noirette will be HBBusty. HBBusty is the first to notice that our paths will cross. Our eyes meet.
I think this ends up being one of my strongest approaches of the semester.
Looking like it’s going well so far. I have them hooked. Immersed. They’re cute. Let’s go. I’ll draw for the Purity Gambit-influenced thing that I’ve been doing tonight.
Hmm, alright. Now I’m wondering where I can take this… perhaps even a sexual arousal high-note to pull.
I just continue on handling her objections, but unfortunately, I can’t get through to both of them. Far from over though, and I can tell that they both like me. It’s just 4:00 am and there’s ASD and the flight and it’s a two-set and… yeah. I offer to keep walking with them back to their dorm to make sure they get there safely, and they happily agree. It’s an all-girls dorm, so getting in is tough. But I will try.
We keep talking on the way there, and both discuss their families. And travel plans for the break. I ask them if COVID was gone and they could go anywhere… where would it be? That discussion goes on for a while. We also discuss the pressures they have of being freshman in their sororities and all of those expectations. HBBusty keeps brushing up against my side, even “accidentally” bumping her massive tits into me. If we were alone, I’d be good. I addressed all three keys in this approach, but the logistics are simply rough now.
As we’re about to reach their dorm, I think that I might need to build my social frame just a bit more. So I mention my job that is in a fairly notable place in the community – I don’t like to mention it ever, really, but I think that it might be my best chance. They’re receptive to that and ask me questions. We then reach the front of their dorm – HBWildflower lives here too, actually.
I say that we should keep talking for a while longer, and HBCharlotte says that she’d take me in with her but boys aren’t allowed. I reply that breaking the rules is fun and exciting, plus I’m really thirsty and could use some water before walking home. She apologizes and assures me that we’ll meet up next semester.
Finally, they realize that I haven’t mentioned my name. Then they offer their phone numbers while thanking me for walking them home. HBBusty mentions that she likes to sing and would like to see my music. I offer again to show her right now, but the ASD is high in front of her friend despite my efforts. They thank me once more, hug me, and head inside.
Damnit. These were two cute girls. I thought I put up a solid effort, but it wasn’t enough. Seems like it’ll be a frustrating time of contemplation on my way home.
Cockblock Conclusion: The Fuckboy Connection
I’m crossing the street when a car swerves into the dorm’s parking lot behind me. A hot blonde screams something out to me. Alright!
I don’t hear what she says, so I walk over to the car. There are four girls packed inside. The girl in the driver’s seat is the one who called out to me. She asks if I just got kicked out of the all-girls dorm. I ask her to repeat this question a few times because I don’t really know what she means.
This crazy, obviously Cluster B girl tells a story about how someone inside saw her boyfriend in some other chick’s room. So she called the reception and had them sweep all the floors, kicking out all the boys found inside. Apparently her boyfriend was found hiding in another girl’s closet, naked and covering his balls.
She asks me if I’ve seen him. I respond that I have not seen any naked men tonight. Cluster B girl clarifies that he should be now wearing a tie-dye sweatshirt. I have not, and they ask if I want to come with them to search. They’re kinda hot, so it’s tempting… but I know it’s not a good idea.
Then they swerve away before screeching to a halt at the bus stop at the edge of my vision. Horn honks… some screaming…
“PUSSY BITCH”
“FUCK YOU PUSSY BITCH”
“YOU’RE A PUSSY BITCH, YOU PUSSY BITCH”
The car engine bellows as the Cluster B girl accelerates once more and swerves off iinto the distance. Alright, it looks like they found the guy. I head over to the bus stop to go meet him!
Sure enough, I amble over to the bus stop, and there is the guy in the tie-dye sweatshirt. Usual fratboy look… he’s FaceTiming someone and laughing hysterically. I sit down on the bench and ask him how his night’s going… because some crazy girl just drove up to me and said that you were found naked in a closet.
He is very proud off this social proof! The guy goes off on how crazy she is. Explains how they were dating for one week, and she was already buying him expensive gifts, including a plane flight to Boston to meet her parents for Thanksgiving. I agree that this is excessive. Meanwhile, he’s banging two other girls right now.
I commend him on that. He continues with a story about how he brought all of his girls to the same party, and for some reason they all got really mad at him. I let him know that this confuses me as well. Yeah, he has zero relationship management skills. I would recommend Witch 15 to him, but I know that it would be a wasted breath.
He’s meeting these girls at Greek Life parties. At these, there’s a social frame of everyone being there to have sex, and yet most of these guys still don’t get laid. This guy has better fundamentals than most, so he is getting laid, but it’s not game – it’s hooking up. He’s more or less part of a hook-up culture and exploiting it well. Which is great, but his ceiling is likely limited with this style… even though he’s getting laid more than me right now. We shall see...
Anyway, we connect over some stories. I respect his fuckboy-ness, even though he’s more douchey fuckboy than smooth fuckboy. It’s a fun time. I eventually meet one of his girls who comes to pick him up. They offer me a ride home, but I would prefer to walk in case the night has more excitement in store. We wish each other luck and part ways.
Lots to reflect on during my walk home. And I’m hoping for maybe an early-morning wanderer to cross my path, but it doesn’t happen. All good. The night was rife.
My brick feet reach my apartment just before 6:00 AM. I brush my teeth, pour 20 fluid ounces of almond milk into a Blender Bottle, toss in some collagen powder, drink it down, crash on my bed, and drift off into lustful fantasies, the type of which will be actualized sometime very soon.
You know, those types of nights where there’s a certain special feeling jumping through the air.
A vibe. I can try to articulate it.
Have you ever had that sense, deep in your gut, that feeling of anticipation – no, excitement – that just permeates throughout your whole body? A rush from head to toe? Some thrill like you’re at a music concert, but it’s not even the music that really gets you going – it’s the energy?
Last Thursday night had this exciting rushing thrilling energy in the air. And I was breathing it all in.
Approach #1: The Titular Event
The day so far. It was interesting.
Operating on zero sleep, I had a solid conversation with this super sexy girl that I’ve been running a slow-burn with, walked by the girl who was my first kiss, and for the very first time, I saw another guy approaching girls. Filming an in-field. And getting blown out with weird knee-jerk volume game. And then I number closed a girl who blew him out.
This vibe in the air. Into my nose, into my lungs, into my being.
My intuition tells me that I need to be ready for a wild night streetgaming rollercoaster.
I’m wearing a new outfit – it’s a bit colder now. On goes a grey jacket with dark red accents, slim-fitting jeans, dark red Air Force 1s, a necklace, and a bracelet. It’s not as flashy as my typical streetwear but stands out just enough to give a little edge without creating too many assumptions.
One foot in front of another as my outing begins at 1:00 AM - an hour before bars close. My feet churn as I begin my route that is now so familiar.
Wait. My feet are feeling like bricks tonight. I look down.
Oh yeah. The AF1s. If bricks were shoes, these would be them.
Soon, I reach my favorite bench on a backstreet. This semester, I’ve began more than a few Lofty adventures here. A few almost-pulls that stopped short at – but not in – my apartment. Like that crazy liminal space that was magically created with the cute Southern girl wearing sweet perfume, the one who I took from the street to fingering in 10 minutes, only to botch the escalation.
Aw… the semester is just a day away from ending here in college world. I’m feeling sentimental already.
But hey. There’s actually a decent-looking girl right by the bench. She’s walking around a little frantically. This girl is a bit on the shorter side – she has a good body with dyed red hair. I don’t even have to open here as I sit down because she walks over to me. I’ll call her… HBWifey.
HBWifey: Do you want to help me beat some guys up?
Me: Wait, something’s going on… I can see it in your eyes. Sit down – tell me what’s up… I get that sometimes we just need someone to talk to… confide in… trust. I’m all ears…
HB (sitting down): These guys were being jerks to me – will you help put them in their place? I can’t do it by myself…
Me: Hmm… well, I know that feeling. I’ve almost been in a few fights this semester. But let me tell you something that a very wise man once told me… and this rings through my head at a time like this. Win a fight, and you end up in jail… lose a fight, and you end up in the hospital… does that make sense? Fighting jerks is a lose-lose, you know? Karma comes eventually...
HB: Yeah, I guess you’re right. It just really pisses me off that I can be treated like that. And I’m in a relationship, and where is he? He’s nowhere to be seen. I know that he’s with his friends.
Me: Relationship, oh yeah? How long you been together?
HB: A few years now. He’s a lawyer! *Hmmm… PPP/OCP archetype?*
Me: Nice… nice. Yeah, so I completely get that you need someone to talk to… we definitely all feel like that sometimes... all of us. So just tell me what else is on your mind… just sound it out… and I want you just to really… focus on slowing your breathing… relaxing the tension from your shoulders… just letting yourself calm down and feel the cool air against your skin and know that everything will be okay. I promise that your rough night can get so much better… in just an instant... if you allow yourself to just open up a little...
Me: Wait, something’s going on… I can see it in your eyes. Sit down – tell me what’s up… I get that sometimes we just need someone to talk to… confide in… trust. I’m all ears…
HB (sitting down): These guys were being jerks to me – will you help put them in their place? I can’t do it by myself…
Me: Hmm… well, I know that feeling. I’ve almost been in a few fights this semester. But let me tell you something that a very wise man once told me… and this rings through my head at a time like this. Win a fight, and you end up in jail… lose a fight, and you end up in the hospital… does that make sense? Fighting jerks is a lose-lose, you know? Karma comes eventually...
HB: Yeah, I guess you’re right. It just really pisses me off that I can be treated like that. And I’m in a relationship, and where is he? He’s nowhere to be seen. I know that he’s with his friends.
Me: Relationship, oh yeah? How long you been together?
HB: A few years now. He’s a lawyer! *Hmmm… PPP/OCP archetype?*
Me: Nice… nice. Yeah, so I completely get that you need someone to talk to… we definitely all feel like that sometimes... all of us. So just tell me what else is on your mind… just sound it out… and I want you just to really… focus on slowing your breathing… relaxing the tension from your shoulders… just letting yourself calm down and feel the cool air against your skin and know that everything will be okay. I promise that your rough night can get so much better… in just an instant... if you allow yourself to just open up a little...
HB: Thank you for being so nice to me! I guess I’m just a little upset about how my life is going.
Me: Hey, like I said, we all have those types of nights. So maybe just try to end that bad night… and start a good one. I mean, things can be worse... we're actually pretty fortunate to be out on such a beautiful night. Like, would it help to hear THE MOST BULLSHIT break-up story EVER?
HB: Sure, okay…
Me: Alright, so this is crazy… listen to this. My friend Kaitlin met this guy a few weeks ago, and you know how that goes… like they REALLY HIT IT OFF… we all have had those sort of instant connections, you know? Maybe some aren't real, but others ARE... this one wasn't...
HB: Yeah, true! And they broke-up?
Me: Wait, hold on… the story is just getting started. Yeah, they liked the way that each other looked… and maybe felt even… but after a few weeks… they started learning more about each other. And you know… most men are just so disgusting, right? Like they only view women as sexual objects… not even valuing the person inside, like that’s what really matters…
HB: Right…
Me: So they start learning about each other’s past, and this guy, well you should know that my friend Kaitlin, she’s a very open and expressive person. I prefer people like that, the type who really GRABS LIFE BY THE HORNS, you know? So this guy… he finds out something. And he immediately wants to break up… right away… and she didn’t even do anything wrong. What do you think happened?
HB: Was he cheating on her?
Me: You would think that… but no. He said it was because she was “impure.”
HB: Impure? Was she not a virgin?
Me: No… she wasn’t. But… she never had sex with a man before.
HB: Oh….
Me: Yeah, my friend Kaitlin, who is so open and expressive, told him that she was actually bisexual. And he said that homosexuality was “impure” and that he only wanted a “pure” girlfriend. Now, I think that this is such a shame… I feel like we live in a day and age where people can be themselves… and not be afraid to try new things… and take chances… and have fun, you know what I mean? In fact, I’d actually argue that sexual freedom is actually the truest form of “purity”!
HB: Oh my god, that’s horrible! Yeah, I agree with you on that.
Me: Right? Like, what does female purity even mean? To this jerk… he’s so closed-minded… that it meant chastity, exclusivity, but don’t you think that people should be free to express themselves sexually, like isn’t “purity” the opportunity for YOU to feel expressive… for YOU to feel liberated… like YOU can try anything you want, whenever you want… I mean, what is more pure than sex, which is so natural, and the confidence that comes along with it?
HB: No doubt, these guys are always trying to mold women into whatever they want with no concern for the girl. But that’s so messed up because the girl is the one who cares so much about them.
Me: I completely agree with that. Like, have you ever kissed a girl?
HB: Haha yeah, a few times!
Me: Yeah, I see no problem with that at all. Though, you want to hear some… inside dirt on this jerk that Kaitlin told me?
HB: Hell yeah!
Me: Okay, well, it turns out that he was actually HORRIBLE in bed. Apparently, he never even was able to get her off… and only lasted for thirty seconds… and flailed around like a fish… she said that it was so pathetic… he didn’t even like kissing… and cuddling… and stroking his hand against her body… and holding her so close… you know, the things that girls like… or even rubbing her clit…. you know, I read that in a science magazine that the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings… twice as much as the penis… so I can only imagine how good that feels to be licked… and he wouldn’t even to do that, either! Maybe it was for the best…
HB: Yup! Get rid of that guy…
Me: Hey, it’s kind of getting cold out… what are you up to right now?
HB: I was thinking of smoking a bowl at my place… I live right down the street.
Me: Yeah, I was just figuring out who to hang out with, but this is actually a really cool conversation… yeah let’s just go somewhere warm, and we can talk… and keep getting to know each other… because it has been really nice… like this sort of thing doesn’t happen often… it’s kind of magical… like this connection, the vibe between us… almost as if it keeps getting stronger and stronger by the second.
HB: You want to go smoke weed at my place?
Me: Alright, sure. Let’s go.
HB: Okay…
Me: Hey, like I said, we all have those types of nights. So maybe just try to end that bad night… and start a good one. I mean, things can be worse... we're actually pretty fortunate to be out on such a beautiful night. Like, would it help to hear THE MOST BULLSHIT break-up story EVER?
HB: Sure, okay…
Me: Alright, so this is crazy… listen to this. My friend Kaitlin met this guy a few weeks ago, and you know how that goes… like they REALLY HIT IT OFF… we all have had those sort of instant connections, you know? Maybe some aren't real, but others ARE... this one wasn't...
HB: Yeah, true! And they broke-up?
Me: Wait, hold on… the story is just getting started. Yeah, they liked the way that each other looked… and maybe felt even… but after a few weeks… they started learning more about each other. And you know… most men are just so disgusting, right? Like they only view women as sexual objects… not even valuing the person inside, like that’s what really matters…
HB: Right…
Me: So they start learning about each other’s past, and this guy, well you should know that my friend Kaitlin, she’s a very open and expressive person. I prefer people like that, the type who really GRABS LIFE BY THE HORNS, you know? So this guy… he finds out something. And he immediately wants to break up… right away… and she didn’t even do anything wrong. What do you think happened?
HB: Was he cheating on her?
Me: You would think that… but no. He said it was because she was “impure.”
HB: Impure? Was she not a virgin?
Me: No… she wasn’t. But… she never had sex with a man before.
HB: Oh….
Me: Yeah, my friend Kaitlin, who is so open and expressive, told him that she was actually bisexual. And he said that homosexuality was “impure” and that he only wanted a “pure” girlfriend. Now, I think that this is such a shame… I feel like we live in a day and age where people can be themselves… and not be afraid to try new things… and take chances… and have fun, you know what I mean? In fact, I’d actually argue that sexual freedom is actually the truest form of “purity”!
HB: Oh my god, that’s horrible! Yeah, I agree with you on that.
Me: Right? Like, what does female purity even mean? To this jerk… he’s so closed-minded… that it meant chastity, exclusivity, but don’t you think that people should be free to express themselves sexually, like isn’t “purity” the opportunity for YOU to feel expressive… for YOU to feel liberated… like YOU can try anything you want, whenever you want… I mean, what is more pure than sex, which is so natural, and the confidence that comes along with it?
HB: No doubt, these guys are always trying to mold women into whatever they want with no concern for the girl. But that’s so messed up because the girl is the one who cares so much about them.
Me: I completely agree with that. Like, have you ever kissed a girl?
HB: Haha yeah, a few times!
Me: Yeah, I see no problem with that at all. Though, you want to hear some… inside dirt on this jerk that Kaitlin told me?
HB: Hell yeah!
Me: Okay, well, it turns out that he was actually HORRIBLE in bed. Apparently, he never even was able to get her off… and only lasted for thirty seconds… and flailed around like a fish… she said that it was so pathetic… he didn’t even like kissing… and cuddling… and stroking his hand against her body… and holding her so close… you know, the things that girls like… or even rubbing her clit…. you know, I read that in a science magazine that the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings… twice as much as the penis… so I can only imagine how good that feels to be licked… and he wouldn’t even to do that, either! Maybe it was for the best…
HB: Yup! Get rid of that guy…
Me: Hey, it’s kind of getting cold out… what are you up to right now?
HB: I was thinking of smoking a bowl at my place… I live right down the street.
Me: Yeah, I was just figuring out who to hang out with, but this is actually a really cool conversation… yeah let’s just go somewhere warm, and we can talk… and keep getting to know each other… because it has been really nice… like this sort of thing doesn’t happen often… it’s kind of magical… like this connection, the vibe between us… almost as if it keeps getting stronger and stronger by the second.
HB: You want to go smoke weed at my place?
Me: Alright, sure. Let’s go.
HB: Okay…
Puppy eyes. And she leans in to kiss me. I go with it for a second but pull away quickly. My arm is wrapped around her as we head to her place which is just a couple minutes of a walk away. She asks if I can hold her purse. I tell her to ask VERY nicely. She does, saying please, and I tell her that we can hold it together. She goes along with that, pressing her purse against my abs.
We come upon her place, and my arm momentarily comes off of her as she slides the key fab across the sensor. The sexual tension is HEAVY. It’s been fifteen minutes, maybe. I think that I’m in the green, just as the sensor lights up green, and she leads the way inside…
AND THERE’S SOME DUDE ON THE COUCH. HE JUMPS UP AND HIS FACE IS SO RED HE'S LOOKING LIKE EL DIABLO.
HIM AND I ARE LIKE:
SHE’S LIKE:
Okay, Lofty, okay. Figure this out… but my fist still clenches and my heart rate accelerates. Yeah, she did say something about a “relationship” – this is obviously the guy. The lay is probably off… just have to pacify this guy ASAP. The first move has to be mine, I know it. Lawyer, she said?
Me: Hey! Oh yeah… (fuck, I don’t even know her name HAHHAHAHAHA) … she was telling me all about you. A lawyer, right? That’s big-time, really impressive. And you two have been together for a few years? Relationships are so great, you know? Actually the two of us met while sitting on the benches out there, talking about relationships. We had such a great conversation. She gave some great advice about my friend’s recent break-up, and we were actually just going to keep talking about that while smoking some weed… and maybe even talk about my girlfriend a little.
HBWifey (relieved but still frantic): Right, we were just talking and he was cool, so I said he could smoke with us. Is that alright?
Husband: Well, I didn’t know that my wife would be giving away our weed…
Me: Wife…? Oh yeah, married to a lawyer – hey, I’m still in school but thinking about law… where do you practice?
Husband: Oh yeah? I’m not exactly a lawyer just yet. I get my exam results back tomorrow.
Me: Wow, seriously? Best of luck to ya… I’m sure that must be stressful. But I’m also sure that you worked hard for it, so it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. She was telling me how smart you were.
Husband: Yeah? Thanks, man.
Me (looking at my phone): Oh wait, hold on. I just got a text from my girl – looks like I may have to head out… you know how it goes.
Husband: For sure. You want to smoke some before you go?
Me: I would, but you know how it can be when you smoke before you…
Husband: Oh yeah, yeah. No worries, I get it man. Nice to meet you.
Me: Definitely, nice to meet you both!
HBWifey (relieved but still frantic): Right, we were just talking and he was cool, so I said he could smoke with us. Is that alright?
Husband: Well, I didn’t know that my wife would be giving away our weed…
Me: Wife…? Oh yeah, married to a lawyer – hey, I’m still in school but thinking about law… where do you practice?
Husband: Oh yeah? I’m not exactly a lawyer just yet. I get my exam results back tomorrow.
Me: Wow, seriously? Best of luck to ya… I’m sure that must be stressful. But I’m also sure that you worked hard for it, so it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. She was telling me how smart you were.
Husband: Yeah? Thanks, man.
Me (looking at my phone): Oh wait, hold on. I just got a text from my girl – looks like I may have to head out… you know how it goes.
Husband: For sure. You want to smoke some before you go?
Me: I would, but you know how it can be when you smoke before you…
Husband: Oh yeah, yeah. No worries, I get it man. Nice to meet you.
Me: Definitely, nice to meet you both!
I get outta there. Kinda chuckling to myself.
I’m on my way back to the bench when I see a plastic card on the ground… I look down and see the picture… oh, come on. You can’t be serious… it’s HBWifey’s ID that must have fell out of her purse while we were making out or something.
I know what the right thing is to do here. Picking up the ID, I make my way back to her place. Hey, I learn her name, too.
When I get to the door, I hear arguing from the second-story bedroom window. It’s one of those windows that can tilt fully open, and I can see HBWifey’s reflection in it. Oh. Seeing how open the window is, I cock back my arm… and hope that my fastball still has some juice left… nah haha, that’s not cool. But it would have been hilarious to throw it in there.
My hand knocks on the door. A moment goes by. Then the door opens, revealing HBWifey. The husband still looks to be upstairs. I tell her that I found her ID. She’s like OMG THANK YOU and gives me a big hug. I actually try to get her outside and isolate her again... but I don’t persist too much. No dice there. Then says that she can give her phone number so we can smoke sometime.
I don’t even smoke, I just wanted to bang her.
But yeah, I’m not going to text her.
Approaches #2 and #3: Rebooting Momentum
Phew. I take a moment to cool down after that.
Using this new vocal warm-up technique that I learned from an ellipsis-coveting friend, I make a fist with my right hand, then extend my thumb to my sternum, and my pinkie to my naval, and I breathe in… and out… feeling my lungs expand.
The chilled air flows into my body, revitalizing my senses. I’m ready to go.
Moving to my second-favorite post-up location, I notice a girl nearing me on the way. She’s pretty, so I just prepare for one of my simple, go-to motion openers. It goes like, “Hey there, I have a very important question to ask you.” Then most of the time, they stop. Then I ask, “If I were to ask you how your night was going on a scale of 1-10, what would you say?”
They answer, I reframe. Depending on how they respond to that, I riff, go into one of my gambits to set some frames (like my “Friend at the Bar” Gambit), or elicit them further.
This girl stops and answers with an 8. But says that that she has to meet up with a friend, wishing me a nice night. Can’t win ‘em all.
Within minutes, I make it to my post-up spot at a corner of the busiest nightlife street of my college town. This is the place where I took a girl back to her apartment door for my first make-out of the semester before she went hysterical while contemplating whether or not to let me in. She didn’t but begged for my phone number… and never texted me back. In any case, that approach in September showed me that I could kind of do this thing a little bit. It was the impetus for my momentum. The next night, I took a girl home from this same exact spot… only to observe a maniacal Cluster B New Yorker freak out with her mouth inches away from my dick. I digress.
Anyway, the exciting air leads me to another crazy moment. Around the corner, I witness a guy and his girlfriend getting a bit heated. A cute petite blonde stands off to the side. She’s watching them, so I’m assuming there’s a connection. I open.
Me: Hey there, you know, I was just waiting for a ride here… and I noticed these two in an argument… I mean, we all get into arguments, sometimes, of course, but are they okay?
HBLoyal: Yeah, they’re dating but just in a rough patch right now. She’s my roommate.
*Her roommate is visibly upset*
*HBLoyal goes over, but her roommate tells her to stay out of it for a few more minutes. So she comes back to me*
HB: Sorry, they’re just trying to figure things out…
Me: It’s unfortunate, but it happens. Though… I’ve realized something. You seem actually like a really caring, considerate person. Like you’re looking out for your friend… taking care of her… making sure that nothing bad happens… I really respect that, like not enough people are like that nowadays… as if the status quo has become selfishness... but you’re obviously not like that, you’re different…
HB: Thank you so much! I try!
Me: It’s just stuff that I’ve observed, just the look in your eyes, really – it’s unique. But since you’ve been caring for the friend, have you been able to have YOUR fun tonight?
HB: Not really, we tried going out but then this happened. How’s your night been?
Me: I get it, we all have those nights. However, haven’t you had those nights where a bad night becomes a good night… in just an instant?
HB: Yeah…
Me: That’s kind of where I’m at right now. So here’s what happened… do you want to hear THE MOST BULLSHIT break-up story EVER?
HB: Sure. Go for it. I’m waiting here anyway…
Me: [I give my take on The Purity Gambit mentioned in Approach #1]
HB: *her look tells me that this was effective*
HBLoyal: Yeah, they’re dating but just in a rough patch right now. She’s my roommate.
*Her roommate is visibly upset*
*HBLoyal goes over, but her roommate tells her to stay out of it for a few more minutes. So she comes back to me*
HB: Sorry, they’re just trying to figure things out…
Me: It’s unfortunate, but it happens. Though… I’ve realized something. You seem actually like a really caring, considerate person. Like you’re looking out for your friend… taking care of her… making sure that nothing bad happens… I really respect that, like not enough people are like that nowadays… as if the status quo has become selfishness... but you’re obviously not like that, you’re different…
HB: Thank you so much! I try!
Me: It’s just stuff that I’ve observed, just the look in your eyes, really – it’s unique. But since you’ve been caring for the friend, have you been able to have YOUR fun tonight?
HB: Not really, we tried going out but then this happened. How’s your night been?
Me: I get it, we all have those nights. However, haven’t you had those nights where a bad night becomes a good night… in just an instant?
HB: Yeah…
Me: That’s kind of where I’m at right now. So here’s what happened… do you want to hear THE MOST BULLSHIT break-up story EVER?
HB: Sure. Go for it. I’m waiting here anyway…
Me: [I give my take on The Purity Gambit mentioned in Approach #1]
HB: *her look tells me that this was effective*
Come. On.
I go over to try and break things up, but the girlfriend gets them to stop before I have the chance. She tells them that they’re just talking, and there’s no need to get involved. The guys are very respectable and say that they were just trying to look out for her after they saw an argument. I befriend them quickly, and they enter in conversation with HBLoyal and I. I know that I need to move them soon, though, as they’re eyeing her, too…
Asking them what they’re up to now, they say that they’re in town from Atlanta for the night (wait, why are they coming HERE from Atlanta? Makes no sense…) and now are looking for food. I let them know that the only place open now is the Denny’s down the street and encourage them to grab something quickly before they close. This is surprisingly effective, and they begin to leave.
Nice.
And then ANOTHER wildcard.
There’s this hot bad bitch stoner girl that I call HBHaze who I made out with from the street last month. Her place was literally across the street as our tongues met, but I could not handle her ASD. She instead noted how much she would looooooove to get coffee with me. Of course, she never responded to my texts… even @Velasco’s Family Guy COVID meme…
Yeah, this girl just comes strolling by us with her dog. She just smirks at me, like she did during our last random encounter since the make-out, while the guys from Atlanta grovel over her super fluffy dog. Luckily, I remind them about Denny’s closing… and they take HBHaze along with them.
By this time, HBLoyal’s roommate has calmed things down with her boyfriend. They’re good now, I guess. I screen for logistics to stick around HBLoyal since our vibe is pretty strong, but she’s the designated driver for the two of them. Asks to meet up another time instead. I persist by noting how we can keep talking after she drops them off, but she says that she needs to stick around the two of them for the night. This make a lot of sense, so I just number close as she waves good-bye.
Approaches #4 and #5: Warm Approaches… That Fizzle Cold.
It’s around 2:30 AM now.
This night is already shaping up to be among my craziest. Usually there are only a few solid approach opportunities during street nightgaming as this isn’t the biggest town. Tonight is different, though.
Especially because seconds after HBLoyal leaves, I see another familiar (and hot) face pass me by. It’s the cheerleader that I’ve mentioned once in my journal. Had a FU with her in the pre-Lofty era. I planned to text her this fall… but never did. Wanted to improve my text game first. Still haven’t quite gotten there with my text game yet…
Anyway, she’s really hot. Very fit body, light brown hair with blonde highlights. Piercing blue eyes. Now, she’s with a cute friend who is also a cheerleader. Our eyes meet and…
HBCheerleader: OMG, Lofty!!!!!!
*runs up and hugs me*
Friend: She’s absolutely wasted.
HBCheerleader: Lofty, how are you!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!
Me (… blood flowing): Uh, hi, HBCheerleader… wait, I’ve realized something about tonight… it’s like there’s a certain vibe in the air. Let me see if you agree with this.
HB: Okay Lofty!!!!!!!
Friend: … See ya, I’m going home.
Me: Have you noticed how there’s a certain special vibe in the air tonight? It’s like the temperature has cooled… and we’re relaxed as a result… but the brisk air brushing against our skin tells us that something exciting is within the realm of possibility… like everyone is trying to get their fun in NOW before the semester ends… like the night isn’t over yet, you know?
HB: Uh-huh, Lofty! You’re so smart
Me: Right… what are you up to now?
HB: Oh, I actually should be going home now… Brianna is now so far ahead of me! Bye Lofty!!!!! *starts turning away*
Me (fuck… and I’m not too sure if she’s actually wasted or just acting wasted): Wait, hold on. It’s been so long and we should catch up. Stay with me for a second – let’s talk some.
HB: I would but I have to go now! She’s way far away now!
Me: Wait, come back… I want to hear how cheerleading is going and everything. How’s it going?
HB: Great! Did you say how you were doing earlier?
Me: Glad to hear it… you know, it’s cool seeing you again. It’s just like when we would hang out before, you know? Like there’s always been a vibe between us… we should explore it now…
HB: We can talk this weekend! Text or Snap me! Bye Lofty! *literally starts running after her friend*
Me: Bye…
*runs up and hugs me*
Friend: She’s absolutely wasted.
HBCheerleader: Lofty, how are you!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!
Me (… blood flowing): Uh, hi, HBCheerleader… wait, I’ve realized something about tonight… it’s like there’s a certain vibe in the air. Let me see if you agree with this.
HB: Okay Lofty!!!!!!!
Friend: … See ya, I’m going home.
Me: Have you noticed how there’s a certain special vibe in the air tonight? It’s like the temperature has cooled… and we’re relaxed as a result… but the brisk air brushing against our skin tells us that something exciting is within the realm of possibility… like everyone is trying to get their fun in NOW before the semester ends… like the night isn’t over yet, you know?
HB: Uh-huh, Lofty! You’re so smart
Me: Right… what are you up to now?
HB: Oh, I actually should be going home now… Brianna is now so far ahead of me! Bye Lofty!!!!! *starts turning away*
Me (fuck… and I’m not too sure if she’s actually wasted or just acting wasted): Wait, hold on. It’s been so long and we should catch up. Stay with me for a second – let’s talk some.
HB: I would but I have to go now! She’s way far away now!
Me: Wait, come back… I want to hear how cheerleading is going and everything. How’s it going?
HB: Great! Did you say how you were doing earlier?
Me: Glad to hear it… you know, it’s cool seeing you again. It’s just like when we would hang out before, you know? Like there’s always been a vibe between us… we should explore it now…
HB: We can talk this weekend! Text or Snap me! Bye Lofty! *literally starts running after her friend*
Me: Bye…
Because this is just how the night is going, HBHaze passes by me AGAIN. I know that her place is right down the street… and now she has two dogs with her… what lol. I rapidly search my notes for her dog’s name as she nears me. Bullseye, that’s it…
Me: Hey, HBHaze… wait up. Mind if I pet Bullseye?
HBHaze (definitely stoned): Oh, hi! Yeah sure! *Like she didn’t see me. Yeah right…*
Me (petting him, he likes me): You know, I’ve realized something really interesting about tonight. I’m wondering if you’ll agree.
HB: Okay…
Me: Have you noticed how there’s a certain special vibe in the air tonight? It’s like the temperature has cooled… and we’re relaxed as a result… but the brisk air brushing against our skin tells us that something exciting is within the realm of possibility… like everyone is trying to get their fun in NOW before the semester ends… like the night isn’t over yet, you know?
HB: Yeah, I totally get that… I’m sorry for not texting you.
Me: Oh, I completely understand. I’m just a guy you met on the street. We connected… very quickly… and it is so stunning how connections can develop so quickly… like it can happen in just in an instant… with one look… but I completely understand that you must have all these guys texting you all of the time anyway, and I was more or less a stranger… I get it. But it was nice, wasn’t it?
HB: Thanks for understanding – so you’re not upset? And yeah, it was nice
Me: Disappointed a bit, of course, and maybe you were, too… but things happen for a reason, and that’s okay… life is all about timing. So you’re 23 years old… a social worker at [school]… just got into grad school at [school]… how would you describe your life right now? Busy?
HB: I am! I’m doing okay. How are you?
Me: Well, the night’s been so-so. But in my experience, I know the night can get better quickly… like how it did for me just by petting Bullseye… *Bullseye runs after a passerby, barks, and comes back to me*… yeah, isn’t it so amazing how being surrounded by dogs is just so calming? Like now, we can relax with Bullseye… and his friend?
HB: [Name of other dog]!
Me: … and it’s almost as if all of the tension in our shoulders from a stressful week is completely alleviated… like a WEIGHT is LIFTED… and we can just focus on the here… and NOW… like nothing else in the world matters… know what I mean?
HB: Yeah… this is my boyfriend’s dog.
Me: Oh. Nice, nice. How long you been together?
HB: A while…
Me: Nice, nice… yeah tonight has such a thrilling feel to it, you know? The night still isn’t over, and people are still hanginig around… looking for something exciting to happen. Hey, I was reading something the other day… have you ever noticed how the personalities of dogs are JUST LIKE the persosalities of their owners? Take Bullseye, for example… so he’s really adventurous but kind of calm at the same time… and there’s this unbreakable bond between you two… like the connection is really strong… and maybe have the same feelings about people… like if he’s open to someone, so are you. Does that make sense? *Literally used this last time*
HB (really excited by this…): Oh yeah! And dogs LOOK like their owners, too!
Me: … really?
HB: Totally, like my friend and her dog – they look exactly alike!
Me: Wow, do you have a picture?
HB: Yep, I’ll find it!
HBHaze (definitely stoned): Oh, hi! Yeah sure! *Like she didn’t see me. Yeah right…*
Me (petting him, he likes me
): You know, I’ve realized something really interesting about tonight. I’m wondering if you’ll agree.HB: Okay…
Me: Have you noticed how there’s a certain special vibe in the air tonight? It’s like the temperature has cooled… and we’re relaxed as a result… but the brisk air brushing against our skin tells us that something exciting is within the realm of possibility… like everyone is trying to get their fun in NOW before the semester ends… like the night isn’t over yet, you know?
HB: Yeah, I totally get that… I’m sorry for not texting you.
Me: Oh, I completely understand. I’m just a guy you met on the street. We connected… very quickly… and it is so stunning how connections can develop so quickly… like it can happen in just in an instant… with one look… but I completely understand that you must have all these guys texting you all of the time anyway, and I was more or less a stranger… I get it. But it was nice, wasn’t it?
HB: Thanks for understanding – so you’re not upset? And yeah, it was nice
Me: Disappointed a bit, of course, and maybe you were, too… but things happen for a reason, and that’s okay… life is all about timing. So you’re 23 years old… a social worker at [school]… just got into grad school at [school]… how would you describe your life right now? Busy?
HB: I am! I’m doing okay. How are you?
Me: Well, the night’s been so-so. But in my experience, I know the night can get better quickly… like how it did for me just by petting Bullseye… *Bullseye runs after a passerby, barks, and comes back to me*… yeah, isn’t it so amazing how being surrounded by dogs is just so calming? Like now, we can relax with Bullseye… and his friend?
HB: [Name of other dog]!
Me: … and it’s almost as if all of the tension in our shoulders from a stressful week is completely alleviated… like a WEIGHT is LIFTED… and we can just focus on the here… and NOW… like nothing else in the world matters… know what I mean?
HB: Yeah… this is my boyfriend’s dog.
Me: Oh. Nice, nice. How long you been together?
HB: A while…
Me: Nice, nice… yeah tonight has such a thrilling feel to it, you know? The night still isn’t over, and people are still hanginig around… looking for something exciting to happen. Hey, I was reading something the other day… have you ever noticed how the personalities of dogs are JUST LIKE the persosalities of their owners? Take Bullseye, for example… so he’s really adventurous but kind of calm at the same time… and there’s this unbreakable bond between you two… like the connection is really strong… and maybe have the same feelings about people… like if he’s open to someone, so are you. Does that make sense? *Literally used this last time*
HB (really excited by this…): Oh yeah! And dogs LOOK like their owners, too!
Me: … really?
HB: Totally, like my friend and her dog – they look exactly alike!
Me: Wow, do you have a picture?
HB: Yep, I’ll find it!
HBHaze tells the voice that she’s on her way. Apologizes but says she has to go. I say that we’ll have to get coffee this time at her favorite café, but she hesitates and says, “Uh… bye!”
And that’s that with the stoner girl.
Weird, weird night.
Still not over.
Approaches #6 and #7: Sorority Girl Snagging… Almost.
An hour after the bars closed, this street has transitioned into a dead period. So off we go towards the other invigorating lands – the secondary route where I might be able to catch partygoers going back to the dorms.
On this route is where I met HBWildflower, a feisty girl rooted into the stems of my brain forever.
So who knows. After all, they do say that history repeats itself.
But no distraught svelte hottie is on the step of that three-storied glass building tonight. Though, I pause for a moment here and reflect. I’ve come a long way.
One foot in front of the other as my pursuit for pussy continues. I pass by a rather mundane blonde and open her. She is absurdly conservative. And not that attractive. I pace and persist anyway, but she has a flight to catch in a couple of hours, and I’m not that into her. We semi-cordially part ways…
3:45 AM now. The thought that the night might be over crosses my mind.
No, Lofty. The night isn’t over until your head hits the pillow.
Circling around a serene pond, I stare into the mossy banks. The world is gradually making more sense. I like who I’m becoming. It’s funny, too, because I guesstimate that around 90% of my total human interactions this semester have been with women. In times prior, I would guesstimate that it was around 10%.
Now I’m non-needy. I can number close. Lead conversations… reality pace. Arouse girls. Tempt them.
Lofty is just like the autumnal leaves... swapping hues and starting anew.
Night’s not over yet, however. My rest at the pond ends, and my brick-like sneakers bring me upon a happenchance encounter with two cute freshman intercepting my path on the connecting sidewalk. The timing is impeccable.
One girl – slightly ahead of the other – is a petite dirty blonde with a green blouse and jeans. Slim, lean, and sultry – I like these girls. The other is a noirette with MASSIVE TITS. Like wow, okay, there’s busty, and then there’s these types that will certainly have lower back issues. Wearing a black top with a revealing asymmetric neckline and jeans. She’s pretty cute overall, but I like her friend bit better aesthetically. The dirty blonde will be HBCharlotte while the noirette will be HBBusty. HBBusty is the first to notice that our paths will cross. Our eyes meet.
I think this ends up being one of my strongest approaches of the semester.
Me: Hey there, I have a very important question to ask you two.
*The three of us now join together walking in the same direction on the sidewalk*
HBCharlotte: Hi! What is it?
Me: If I were to ask you how your night was going on a scale of 1-10, what would you say?
HBCharlotte: Hmm, I think like an 8 probably! How about you, HBBusty?
HBBusty: Oh, um, I don’t know… yeah, maybe an 8.
Me: Okay, well let me get this straight. So you two are saying that you’ve had a pretty good night, and that’s pretty nice. Yeah, we all have these expectations when we go out… and that’s to have a good time, of course, but we always want a 10 out of 10 night, right? So maybe your 8 out of 10 night can become a 10 out of 10 night, because... you know… the night isn’t over until your head hits the pillow.
HBCharlotte: Wait, where are you from?
Me: Take a wild guess.
HBCharlotte: New Jersey! Pennsylvania? Massachusetts?
Me: Interesting… what makes you guess those places? Is there something about me that you noticed?
HBCharlotte: Your accent!
Me: Your accent… yeah, I do get some comments about that sometimes. None of those places though.
HBBusty: Alabama? Florida? Georgia?
Me: At this rate, you two might guess all fifty states… your odds are increasing by the second.
HBCharlotte: Come on, where are you from???
Me: You first, and then I’ll say…
HBCharlotte: I’m from Charlotte! She’s from New Jersey.
Me: Alright, I see. From different places, but I can tell there’s a rather strong connection between you. Yeah, I’m getting this sense that you already have a deep understanding of each other… like sisters almost… and the bond keeps growing stronger… and stronger… as the days pass… as if you can really trust one another. Is that right?
HBCharlotte: Oh my god, yeah that’s so true!
Me: I thought so… there’s just that vibe about you… like you can recognize the character of people quickly. One of those types. I’m from around [place].
HBBusty: Hold on, say “both.”
Me: Hmm, how come?
HBCharlotte: My roommate is from [place around place that I said], too, and we want to see something.
Me: That’s interesting, okay. But you have to ask VERY NICELY first.
HBBusty:… will you please say “both”?
Me: “Both” of you have a certain look in your eyes… like you’re very open-minded.
HBCharlotte: Oh my god, he says it just like my roommate! With the “o” sounding that way!
Me: Is that right? Alright, “both” of you… say “both.”
*they “both” say it*
Me: You do say it weird, you’re right… and I do know where your roommate is from. It’s about two hours south of my hometown. Looks like we have some connections already… like we were supposed to meet tonight, almost.
*The three of us now join together walking in the same direction on the sidewalk*
HBCharlotte: Hi! What is it?
Me: If I were to ask you how your night was going on a scale of 1-10, what would you say?
HBCharlotte: Hmm, I think like an 8 probably! How about you, HBBusty?
HBBusty: Oh, um, I don’t know… yeah, maybe an 8.
Me: Okay, well let me get this straight. So you two are saying that you’ve had a pretty good night, and that’s pretty nice. Yeah, we all have these expectations when we go out… and that’s to have a good time, of course, but we always want a 10 out of 10 night, right? So maybe your 8 out of 10 night can become a 10 out of 10 night, because... you know… the night isn’t over until your head hits the pillow.
HBCharlotte: Wait, where are you from?
Me: Take a wild guess.
HBCharlotte: New Jersey! Pennsylvania? Massachusetts?
Me: Interesting… what makes you guess those places? Is there something about me that you noticed?
HBCharlotte: Your accent!
Me: Your accent… yeah, I do get some comments about that sometimes. None of those places though.
HBBusty: Alabama? Florida? Georgia?
Me: At this rate, you two might guess all fifty states… your odds are increasing by the second.
HBCharlotte: Come on, where are you from???
Me: You first, and then I’ll say…
HBCharlotte: I’m from Charlotte! She’s from New Jersey.
Me: Alright, I see. From different places, but I can tell there’s a rather strong connection between you. Yeah, I’m getting this sense that you already have a deep understanding of each other… like sisters almost… and the bond keeps growing stronger… and stronger… as the days pass… as if you can really trust one another. Is that right?
HBCharlotte: Oh my god, yeah that’s so true!
Me: I thought so… there’s just that vibe about you… like you can recognize the character of people quickly. One of those types. I’m from around [place].
HBBusty: Hold on, say “both.”
Me: Hmm, how come?
HBCharlotte: My roommate is from [place around place that I said], too, and we want to see something.
Me: That’s interesting, okay. But you have to ask VERY NICELY first.
HBBusty:… will you please say “both”?
Me: “Both” of you have a certain look in your eyes… like you’re very open-minded.
HBCharlotte: Oh my god, he says it just like my roommate! With the “o” sounding that way!
Me: Is that right? Alright, “both” of you… say “both.”
*they “both” say it*
Me: You do say it weird, you’re right… and I do know where your roommate is from. It’s about two hours south of my hometown. Looks like we have some connections already… like we were supposed to meet tonight, almost.
HBCharlotte: So how is your night going?
Me: Well, so-so. Something that happened to my friend is bothering me… most men are just so disgusting.
HBCharlotte: What happened?
Me: Well, would you consider yourselves open-minded people?
Both: Yeah!
Me: Okay, good – I would like to hear what an open minded person thinks about this. So my friend Kaitlin, yeah she is this very expressive, adventurous person, and a few weeks ago… she looked into the eyes of a man… and thought she had an instant connection. Of course, one things leads to another… and the night swept them away, and they’ve been dating since. You know how those things work, right?
HBCharlotte: Yeah, sounds romantic – what happened to them?
Me: Ah, so it turns out that not everyone is as open-minded as you two. Slowly, Kaitlin and this guy began learning more about each other… their past loves and relationships… what they believed in and who they really were… and one word came out to this wretched man’s mouth that broke her heart… he called her “impure.”
HBBusty: Impure?
Me: Yeah, you see there are so many standards that women have to live up to nowadays… there are all of these pressures just WEIGHING YOU DOWN… and standards that you have to live up to. I think it’s so unfortunate, and one of the most archaic concepts is this idea of “female purity”… the idea of the “good girl” who isn’t supposed to be sexual… this guy affixed himself to this concept… and judged Kaitlin for not just being a sexual, expressive person… but also… being bisexual.
HBCharlotte: What a jerk!
Me: Right? Now here’s the thing… I find it so peculiar that people would perceive “purity” as things like exclusivity, abstinence, and chastity… because to me… purity in this day and age is instead feeling the freedom to be who you are… being true to yourself, you know? And not being afraid to flaunt this freedom… and really let go of the things that can hold you back, such as antiquated morals that were solely based around control. Overall, I think that I really like being around people who are truly liberated from these constraints, don’t you?
HBCharlotte: Yeah, I’m glad that she got rid out that guy. He’s not worth her time.
Me: Actually… Kaitlin told me a dirty little secret about him… want to hear it?
Both: Okay haha
Me: She said that the sex… wasn’t very good. Apparently he would flop around like a fish, not stimulating her in any way… not whispering any… dirty things into her ear… not caressing her and… holding her close… not cuddling and being sensual… kissing… going down on her and… licking passionately… you know, all of the things that girls like… it’s kind of crazy, you know because… those are actually my favorite things about sex. Maybe it’s not too insane to venture that perhaps girls like being with girls because… they know how to really get their bodies going… is that right? Like, have you ever been with a girl?
Me: Well, so-so. Something that happened to my friend is bothering me… most men are just so disgusting.
HBCharlotte: What happened?
Me: Well, would you consider yourselves open-minded people?
Both: Yeah!
Me: Okay, good – I would like to hear what an open minded person thinks about this. So my friend Kaitlin, yeah she is this very expressive, adventurous person, and a few weeks ago… she looked into the eyes of a man… and thought she had an instant connection. Of course, one things leads to another… and the night swept them away, and they’ve been dating since. You know how those things work, right?
HBCharlotte: Yeah, sounds romantic – what happened to them?
Me: Ah, so it turns out that not everyone is as open-minded as you two. Slowly, Kaitlin and this guy began learning more about each other… their past loves and relationships… what they believed in and who they really were… and one word came out to this wretched man’s mouth that broke her heart… he called her “impure.”
HBBusty: Impure?
Me: Yeah, you see there are so many standards that women have to live up to nowadays… there are all of these pressures just WEIGHING YOU DOWN… and standards that you have to live up to. I think it’s so unfortunate, and one of the most archaic concepts is this idea of “female purity”… the idea of the “good girl” who isn’t supposed to be sexual… this guy affixed himself to this concept… and judged Kaitlin for not just being a sexual, expressive person… but also… being bisexual.
HBCharlotte: What a jerk!
Me: Right? Now here’s the thing… I find it so peculiar that people would perceive “purity” as things like exclusivity, abstinence, and chastity… because to me… purity in this day and age is instead feeling the freedom to be who you are… being true to yourself, you know? And not being afraid to flaunt this freedom… and really let go of the things that can hold you back, such as antiquated morals that were solely based around control. Overall, I think that I really like being around people who are truly liberated from these constraints, don’t you?
HBCharlotte: Yeah, I’m glad that she got rid out that guy. He’s not worth her time.
Me: Actually… Kaitlin told me a dirty little secret about him… want to hear it?
Both: Okay haha
Me: She said that the sex… wasn’t very good. Apparently he would flop around like a fish, not stimulating her in any way… not whispering any… dirty things into her ear… not caressing her and… holding her close… not cuddling and being sensual… kissing… going down on her and… licking passionately… you know, all of the things that girls like… it’s kind of crazy, you know because… those are actually my favorite things about sex. Maybe it’s not too insane to venture that perhaps girls like being with girls because… they know how to really get their bodies going… is that right? Like, have you ever been with a girl?
HBCharlotte: Yeah! I mean, nothing serious. Like I wouldn’t have sex with her. But fun kissing and stuff. And I agree that most men don’t know what women like… but I mean, I know what I like…
Me: Oh okay, that makes perfect sense. So you get where my friend is coming from, but it’s just not for you. Because you know that you like kissing cute boys. How about you? *looking to HBBusty*
HBBusty: I agree with HBCharlotte, and yeah I’ve kissed a girl…
Me: So… have you ever kissed each other?
HBCharlotte: No…
Me: Why not?
HBCharlotte: She’s hot haha but I don’t know… what’s your major?
Me: Business (BS). What’s yours?
HBCharlotte: Pre-Med! We’ll see how it goes haha.
HBBusty: Nursing!
Me: Alright, I think I get it. So you two are just very selfless. You like helping people and making them happy.
Both: Yeah!
Me: I really respect that. I think not enough people put the happiness of others first. Hey, you know, I’m studying business, but my passion is actually something else…
HBBusty: Really, what is it?
Me: Music – I produce music.
HBCharlotte: Oh my god, that’s so cool! What type?
Me: Well, maybe the type that not enough people listen to…
HBCharlotte: Do you have any on your phone?
Me: Yeah, you know, I do actually. I’ll play one song…
*I play the song and HBCharlotte grabs my forearms after like five seconds…*
HBCharlotte: Oh my god, that’s so good! You should definitely go after it!
Me: We’ll see… you know, have you ever wondered how music is made nowadays?
Both: Yeah! How?
Me: It’s very interesting, and on a computer actually. Hey… I can actually show you. My place is just a few minutes away, I’ll call an uber, we can head over there, and I can show you how music is made, and maybe we can even make our own song.
HBCharlotte: Tonight?
Me: Yeah, why not? It’s been such a cool conversation, right? It’ll just be for a few minutes.
HBCharlotte: Maybe another time? I have a flight at 8:00 am.
Me: Ah, no worries, it’ll just be for a few minutes and you can definitely get to your flight on time.
HBCharlotte: I would but I have to pack still
Me: That just takes a second, don’t worry about it. What do you think? *looking at HBBusty*
*HBBusty is super submissive to HBCharlotte and just stutters, but I think she wants to*
Me: Oh okay, that makes perfect sense. So you get where my friend is coming from, but it’s just not for you. Because you know that you like kissing cute boys. How about you? *looking to HBBusty*
HBBusty: I agree with HBCharlotte, and yeah I’ve kissed a girl…
Me: So… have you ever kissed each other?
HBCharlotte: No…
Me: Why not?
HBCharlotte: She’s hot haha but I don’t know… what’s your major?
Me: Business (BS). What’s yours?
HBCharlotte: Pre-Med! We’ll see how it goes haha.
HBBusty: Nursing!
Me: Alright, I think I get it. So you two are just very selfless. You like helping people and making them happy.
Both: Yeah!
Me: I really respect that. I think not enough people put the happiness of others first. Hey, you know, I’m studying business, but my passion is actually something else…
HBBusty: Really, what is it?
Me: Music – I produce music.
HBCharlotte: Oh my god, that’s so cool! What type?
Me: Well, maybe the type that not enough people listen to…
HBCharlotte: Do you have any on your phone?
Me: Yeah, you know, I do actually. I’ll play one song…
*I play the song and HBCharlotte grabs my forearms after like five seconds…*
HBCharlotte: Oh my god, that’s so good! You should definitely go after it!
Me: We’ll see… you know, have you ever wondered how music is made nowadays?
Both: Yeah! How?
Me: It’s very interesting, and on a computer actually. Hey… I can actually show you. My place is just a few minutes away, I’ll call an uber, we can head over there, and I can show you how music is made, and maybe we can even make our own song.
HBCharlotte: Tonight?
Me: Yeah, why not? It’s been such a cool conversation, right? It’ll just be for a few minutes.
HBCharlotte: Maybe another time? I have a flight at 8:00 am.
Me: Ah, no worries, it’ll just be for a few minutes and you can definitely get to your flight on time.
HBCharlotte: I would but I have to pack still
Me: That just takes a second, don’t worry about it. What do you think? *looking at HBBusty*
*HBBusty is super submissive to HBCharlotte and just stutters, but I think she wants to*
We keep talking on the way there, and both discuss their families. And travel plans for the break. I ask them if COVID was gone and they could go anywhere… where would it be? That discussion goes on for a while. We also discuss the pressures they have of being freshman in their sororities and all of those expectations. HBBusty keeps brushing up against my side, even “accidentally” bumping her massive tits into me. If we were alone, I’d be good. I addressed all three keys in this approach, but the logistics are simply rough now.
As we’re about to reach their dorm, I think that I might need to build my social frame just a bit more. So I mention my job that is in a fairly notable place in the community – I don’t like to mention it ever, really, but I think that it might be my best chance. They’re receptive to that and ask me questions. We then reach the front of their dorm – HBWildflower lives here too, actually.
I say that we should keep talking for a while longer, and HBCharlotte says that she’d take me in with her but boys aren’t allowed. I reply that breaking the rules is fun and exciting, plus I’m really thirsty and could use some water before walking home. She apologizes and assures me that we’ll meet up next semester.
Finally, they realize that I haven’t mentioned my name. Then they offer their phone numbers while thanking me for walking them home. HBBusty mentions that she likes to sing and would like to see my music. I offer again to show her right now, but the ASD is high in front of her friend despite my efforts. They thank me once more, hug me, and head inside.
Damnit. These were two cute girls. I thought I put up a solid effort, but it wasn’t enough. Seems like it’ll be a frustrating time of contemplation on my way home.
Cockblock Conclusion: The Fuckboy Connection
I’m crossing the street when a car swerves into the dorm’s parking lot behind me. A hot blonde screams something out to me. Alright!
I don’t hear what she says, so I walk over to the car. There are four girls packed inside. The girl in the driver’s seat is the one who called out to me. She asks if I just got kicked out of the all-girls dorm. I ask her to repeat this question a few times because I don’t really know what she means.
This crazy, obviously Cluster B girl tells a story about how someone inside saw her boyfriend in some other chick’s room. So she called the reception and had them sweep all the floors, kicking out all the boys found inside. Apparently her boyfriend was found hiding in another girl’s closet, naked and covering his balls.
She asks me if I’ve seen him. I respond that I have not seen any naked men tonight. Cluster B girl clarifies that he should be now wearing a tie-dye sweatshirt. I have not, and they ask if I want to come with them to search. They’re kinda hot, so it’s tempting… but I know it’s not a good idea.
Then they swerve away before screeching to a halt at the bus stop at the edge of my vision. Horn honks… some screaming…
“PUSSY BITCH”
“FUCK YOU PUSSY BITCH”
“YOU’RE A PUSSY BITCH, YOU PUSSY BITCH”
The car engine bellows as the Cluster B girl accelerates once more and swerves off iinto the distance. Alright, it looks like they found the guy. I head over to the bus stop to go meet him!
Sure enough, I amble over to the bus stop, and there is the guy in the tie-dye sweatshirt. Usual fratboy look… he’s FaceTiming someone and laughing hysterically. I sit down on the bench and ask him how his night’s going… because some crazy girl just drove up to me and said that you were found naked in a closet.
He is very proud off this social proof! The guy goes off on how crazy she is. Explains how they were dating for one week, and she was already buying him expensive gifts, including a plane flight to Boston to meet her parents for Thanksgiving. I agree that this is excessive. Meanwhile, he’s banging two other girls right now.
I commend him on that. He continues with a story about how he brought all of his girls to the same party, and for some reason they all got really mad at him. I let him know that this confuses me as well. Yeah, he has zero relationship management skills. I would recommend Witch 15 to him, but I know that it would be a wasted breath.
He’s meeting these girls at Greek Life parties. At these, there’s a social frame of everyone being there to have sex, and yet most of these guys still don’t get laid. This guy has better fundamentals than most, so he is getting laid, but it’s not game – it’s hooking up. He’s more or less part of a hook-up culture and exploiting it well. Which is great, but his ceiling is likely limited with this style… even though he’s getting laid more than me right now. We shall see...
Anyway, we connect over some stories. I respect his fuckboy-ness, even though he’s more douchey fuckboy than smooth fuckboy. It’s a fun time. I eventually meet one of his girls who comes to pick him up. They offer me a ride home, but I would prefer to walk in case the night has more excitement in store. We wish each other luck and part ways.
Lots to reflect on during my walk home. And I’m hoping for maybe an early-morning wanderer to cross my path, but it doesn’t happen. All good. The night was rife.
My brick feet reach my apartment just before 6:00 AM. I brush my teeth, pour 20 fluid ounces of almond milk into a Blender Bottle, toss in some collagen powder, drink it down, crash on my bed, and drift off into lustful fantasies, the type of which will be actualized sometime very soon.
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