The Long Fall from the Top

[Ross]

Hello folks. I typically don't get too personal about my life on here, but it's gotten to the point of ridiculousness where I feel the need for some advice to make sure that my mindset is straight about this. I'll keep this quick to encourage you guys to read it and give me honest feedback. READ UNTIL

I started reading GC in late 2010. It was my junior year of high school, and I still had quite a bit to learn. I came from a conservative childhood and background, and seldom even heard of sex. Having never even gotten a girls number and being generally unattractive, I progressed to being a lover of women and made a lot of progress in my senior year of high school. At this point, I was still quite a bit of a loner in most circles, but I had the ability to escalate with women.

Then came college, where everything proceeded nicely during my first semester. Then, during the second semester and up until recently I've had scattered success with women, gradually dwindling down. I rarely ever go out, and most contacts of mine have diminished due to the fact that even when I did hang out with them, I was so inside of my head that I couldn't hold a conversation with them. Constantly thinking about issues, solutions, and your path in life certainly takes a toll on social interaction.

I seldom have felt as great about things as I do until this recent weekend. I've always had goals, but they seldom ever felt "right". There were times where I wanted to become a world-class decathlete - but that goal disappeared as I revealed to myself that sports, in the competitive sense, were not worth the time of doing in place of things which need to be done. In other words, I found it to be pointless. I thought moving would help - perhaps travel - perhaps dropping out. But ultimately these felt like solutions that simply avoided my problems. HERE FOR BACKSTORY

I'm currently of the mental model that I need to work towards goals which are obviously beneficial not only for me, but for everyone around me. I actually found this motivation in a movie in which I've been putting off seeing - Van Wilder (one which I know Chase prides a lot of his 'game' after). As cliche as it sounds to pick up advice from a movie, I've realized that I've been quite unhappy for the past year. I've been turning away everyone and everything in search of my own path in life, when in reality that's where my path lies. There is an ideal peak, in my mind, and I fell in pursuit of that peak.

What is the ideal of life which I speak of? We know that there are many things which make our lives better, which are undeniable. Sex, Love, Fun, and Satisfaction are among these. There's also Purpose and Fulfillment.

Ultimately, everything in your life is controlled by you. If you can pick out the things which you need, and honestly give an effort towards them in order to self-sustain, then there's no reason you will not experience the ultimate happiness and overall well-being which surrounds a fulfilled life. I could talk in abstract for days; but, I have deduced my goal of well-being into a nice format after this past year of constant thought. A lot of which I have stuck to is ultimately what I learned back when I was getting better with women, with a few twists.

A life which includes pleasure is one which is fulfilled. Pleasure is not limited to the things which make you specifically feel great in the moment; it stems from everything. Bodily pleasures, comfort, safety, warmth, and nutrition are all a part of it. We all seek out what brings us pleasure, and we can all recognize it. There is not a way in which the world should be - there is only the wild way in which it is.

That is the most comprehensive conclusion of my mental state that I can come up with. I'm actually just about to make a journal that documents my rise (rebuilding social circles, meeting women, sexual escapades) back to the top - an ideal which others can see and work towards. That is where I will reveal the more personal choices I've made regarding how exactly I'm going to approach going about maintaining a state of well-being and pleasure. If you all see anything in here which is a cause for alarm, or just want to speculate on my thoughts, I'd be happy to entertain the ideas as well. Thanks for reading.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Ross,

Interesting to hear your backstory -- and the way you dismantled large ideas into their building blocks was incredibly perceptive. Thanks for sharing!

Keeping a journal, will be good...and it appeals to your purpose:

I'm currently of the mental model that I need to work towards goals which are obviously beneficial not only for me, but for everyone around me.

Some thoughts from an outside perspective - The means to happiness is inherently subjective, so people will find it through different ways: Religion, Global Purpose (like feminism, or fighting against global warming), Personal Improvement, etc. But it's not the idea that makes it great (i.e. that believing in a God is what makes us truly happy), it's the methodology (e.g. that you're getting closer to securing a seat in heaven for the Afterlife). And the fact that if you KNEW no matter WHAT you did, you'd "win", the idea would lose it's appeal and with it your source of happiness.

So meta-analytically, it all comes down to Progress. I think I'm borrowing the idea from Tony Robbins, but nevertheless it rings true. And from my perspective (and I'm just as guilty of this, myself), it seems your looking for ideas that inherently make you happy, rather than making the progress to achieve any specific goal. And since the path is infinitely more fulfilling than the goal itself, you'll never find what truly makes you 'happy' until you stick with one goal.

And combine that with your rumination over finding happiness itself, and that spirals toward depression. Because here's the deal - you can never pinpoint happiness. It's a byproduct of Progress. That's why Chase recommends substituting thoughts of negativity of the present to possibilities of the future. But that's exactly why your new journal is so important, its an anti-rumination strategy as well as a means to make Progress. I'm sure it'll help as you find your next goal after women and socializing; it's an easier state of mind to think in.

Anyways, hope that helps, Ross

~Nick

 

[Ross]

The means to happiness is inherently subjective, so people will find it through different ways: Religion, Global Purpose (like feminism, or fighting against global warming), Personal Improvement, etc. But it's not the idea that makes it great (i.e. that believing in a God is what makes us truly happy), it's the methodology (e.g. that you're getting closer to securing a seat in heaven for the Afterlife).

There's no hiding that quite a bit of the ability to be happy is attributed to the being that is experiencing the subjects. But there's no denying that certain things will make the large majority happy - such as a great love life, a feeling of being understood, and even at the most basic level, the feeling of good health. That is what I'm more or less after. Getting know people and their intrinsic, unique capabilities is the other piece of the puzzle. I cannot foresee and tell what everyone would be happy with, I can certainly talk to them, get to know them, and inspire them to achieve that ultimate feeling of pursuing and perhaps completing their goals. The ability to create an emotional connection out of no where is one of the keys to building deep, lasting relationships - but as soon as you shun that emotional connection you become shunned as well.

Because here's the deal - you can never pinpoint happiness. It's a byproduct of Progress.

I agree that it is a byproduct of progress - therefore, aren't we pinpointing it?

Ultimately there is a way to get things.. While we cannot measure it, we can certainly pinpoint methods which bring pleasure, and eliminate those which bring pain.

 

[Richard]

Ross,

Because of your more philosophical and intellectual nature, I was going to actually PM you about something that I think is better served as a reply to your post here. Anyway, as you know, I'm deeply devoted to psychology and it's teachings, ideologies, theories, and so on and so forth. So I'll be exposing my psychology nerdiness, but whatever

Abraham Maslow in the 50s proposed the idea of self-actualization where we strive to be the greatest people we can be as individuals, and that people are striving to fulfill their greatest potential. In this modern era, a new field of psychology came about, called positive psychology, which focuses on happiness: studying happiness, testing happiness, and so on. Martin Seligman and his co-founders have deduced quite a lot about human happiness, and have categorized happiness (as a living type) into three categories: The Pleasant Life, The Good Life, and The Meaningful Life, each getting progressively happier.

Seligman, in an article of his entitled Pleasure, Meaning, and Eudemonia, he stated this:

“His target was life satisfaction. He found that both the Good Life and the Meaningful Life were related to life satisfaction: the more Eudemonia or the more Meaning, the more life satisfaction. Astonishingly, however, the amount of pleasure in life did not add to life satisfaction.”

Basically, he was stating through empirical study that pleasure does not equate to satisfaction nor happiness.

Happiology/ Martin Seligman

I could definitely say more than what I have now, but I encourage you to check out that link and do some searching around the internet if you find this interesting or if you want to know more, I've left things a little open for discussion

-Richard

 

[Ross]

Zphix,

I more or less lumped them all into an umbrella term to make things easier. It's a bit silly when doctors get into defining things, and simply throw around different words to define the same thing:

Basically, he was stating through empirical study that pleasure does not equate to satisfaction nor happiness.

Words, words, words. For all intents and purposes, when I say 'pleasure' I am talking about being purposeful, having physical and social gratification, strength - the whole shebang. I thought I made it clear:

What is the ideal of life which I speak of? We know that there are many things which make our lives better, which are undeniable. Sex, Love, Fun, and Satisfaction are among these. There's also Purpose and Fulfillment.

Try to think of your studies as something that isn't set in stone. It's more like food for thought. Keep in mind that I have read quite a bit of literature on psychology, as well as taken many courses on the subject, so all of the stuff you've linked me to I've already read/studied before.

 

[Richard]

I more or less lumped them all into an umbrella term to make things easier.

Check!

Try to think of your studies as something that isn't set in stone. It's more like food for thought.

Check!

Keep in mind that I have read quite a bit of literature on psychology, as well as taken many courses on the subject, so all of the stuff you've linked me to I've already read/studied before.

and Check!

I was actually running with these assumptions, but wasn't sure to what extent they were true. I know you're well versed in psych and things of the sort, it's why I was going to PM you actually

I'll be keeping up with your rise back to the top though, and I'll definitely be throwing in my thoughts when I see the opportunity.

 

[Ross]

I'll be keeping up with your rise back to the top though, and I'll definitely be throwing in my thoughts when I see the opportunity.

It's much appreciated, Richard.