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- Jan 24, 2021
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Sometimes I see guys struggling to handle women and it becomes clear there’s an aspect of female nature they don’t quite understand. It’s something that effects every part of the seduction, but crucially it’s a component whenever she abruptly goes cold on you - whether it’s just ghosting suddenly, all the way to suddenly turning around and accusing you of taking advantage of her.
In simple terms, a woman is a submissive. Although guys intuitively understand that women are softer and more yielding than men, they often don’t seem to know what that actually means in her reality. A lot of times guys seem to think of women as weak dudes who have simply lost the dominance competition before it even started, and so she just puts up with going along with what the guy wants. That’s a very superficial understanding.
What being submissive means is that the woman is predisposed psychologically to agree (hence women being more ‘agreeable’ than men in general) to the intent of someone who is more dominant than her, and that she derives pleasure from that. In the same way that a guy simply feels good being dominant, a woman simply feels good being submissive. Importantly, her pleasure is not entirely a function of what the guy does with his dominance, it is also a function of submitting per se. She may not like a guy very much, she may feel anxious, she may have lots of doubt, and still submit to him, because it feels good.
What does this mean? As you might have guessed, this means that she can end up with a lot of internal conflict, where one part of her is saying “Go!” and the other part is saying “Stop!”. When things are getting physical, that’s when the “Go!” part is strongest. Before she’s warmed up, or after she’s left your presence, that’s when the “Stop!” part can get the upper hand in her mind. You can see this most clearly when she’s enthusiastic during an approach, but then ghosts immediately on text.
Obviously, we want there to be as little of the “Stop!” part as possible. Women will always have doubts about you, feel anxious about what will happen if she does XYZ with you, that’s normal. It’s not necessarily the goal of a seduction to make everything completely comfortable, because many women don’t get aroused or excited by that, almost all of them want a man – especially for a lover – who takes them a little out of their comfort zone.
But sometimes, a woman has strong doubts or reservations, or objections, not to you specifically but to something that you are (or she believes you are) doing or suggesting. In these cases, in is your job to find those objections, bring them out, reassure her and/or adjust course, and reframe things in a positive way that she is enthusiastic about – not just before she submits, but also during and afterward.
Because sometimes you can go ahead and just insist and use her natural submissiveness to get past the obstacle, but in those cases, it is much, much more likely that later on the “Stop!” part will emerge in her mind and you’ll have issues with her.
As a man, you have to think of a woman’s submissiveness toward you as an elastic band. It’s soft and easy to stretch, but when you release it, it can go back past the neutral position to the negative side. And that’s because she feels pleasure in submitting to you, but that can be entirely separate to her rational point of view of what she is doing. So after that pleasure fades away, she may be left with a negative frame about what she just did. You just didn’t see that negative frame while she was going along. And in trying to reconcile this conflict, women can sometimes come to the conclusion that the guy somehow made them do something they didn't want to, and that it's his fault.
What you want to do is stretch her gently, and then use frame control to reset the neutral position in a way that she’s happy about, in a way that she wants to say “yes!” to.
Here’s a simple example: let’s say you’ve brought her home and you’re kissing and touching her, but she’s giving you LMR. You’ve reassured her, you’re going nice and slow, but she’s just shy and nervous, and it takes you a while to get those panties off. Let’s say you’re fingering her, now regardless of whether it’s true or not, it’s a good idea to start reframing here: “Mm look how wet you are, you naughty girl, you’ve been wanting this all night!” etc. You highlight her desire for you and set a new frame about what’s been happening so far – that she’s been wanting it bad and you are simply uncovering her hidden desire. This will usually make her super excited, and if she wasn’t actually that wet before, she probably will be now.
A lot of times guys forget to do this, because they forget the elasticity of a woman’s submission. She’s going along? Great! Just plough ahead. And then she either ejects or doesn’t want to see him again, or worse, starts accusing him.
When you take a woman out of her comfort zone, you have to use frame control to re-establish where her comfort zone is, even in the moment where she’s submitting to you, or after the fact. Because you don’t just want her to go along, you want her to go along enthusiastically and energetically – not only now but in the future. That’s how you have the best sex and end up with her wanting to see you all the time.
This is, I believe, one of those hidden virtues that great ladies men have, that women can sense on them from almost first glance – his ability to sense the doubts of those around him, reframe them, and create a path along which they can proceed with a sense of security and pleasure. These men rarely end up with a woman trying to ruin them, because the woman simply feels safe with him even when he’s having his way with her.
Other men may walk around being dominant, but those around him do not feel seen or understood, they simply feel a distance, a sense of unknown quantity in this person, that makes them instinctively wary and on guard, and reluctant to accept his presence in their reality. And sometimes when he pushes too hard, someone turns around and stabs him in the back, to recover their sense of security.
The role of frame control in seduction is never over, from the moment you walk up to her to the moment she’s walking out your door trying to fix her hair. It is not something you do as a reaction to an obstacle, but something you do pre-emptively, all the time, to a greater or lesser extent, to guide her to a place where the only thing in her mind, even when you’re not there anymore, is how good it feels to have you inside her.
In simple terms, a woman is a submissive. Although guys intuitively understand that women are softer and more yielding than men, they often don’t seem to know what that actually means in her reality. A lot of times guys seem to think of women as weak dudes who have simply lost the dominance competition before it even started, and so she just puts up with going along with what the guy wants. That’s a very superficial understanding.
What being submissive means is that the woman is predisposed psychologically to agree (hence women being more ‘agreeable’ than men in general) to the intent of someone who is more dominant than her, and that she derives pleasure from that. In the same way that a guy simply feels good being dominant, a woman simply feels good being submissive. Importantly, her pleasure is not entirely a function of what the guy does with his dominance, it is also a function of submitting per se. She may not like a guy very much, she may feel anxious, she may have lots of doubt, and still submit to him, because it feels good.
What does this mean? As you might have guessed, this means that she can end up with a lot of internal conflict, where one part of her is saying “Go!” and the other part is saying “Stop!”. When things are getting physical, that’s when the “Go!” part is strongest. Before she’s warmed up, or after she’s left your presence, that’s when the “Stop!” part can get the upper hand in her mind. You can see this most clearly when she’s enthusiastic during an approach, but then ghosts immediately on text.
Obviously, we want there to be as little of the “Stop!” part as possible. Women will always have doubts about you, feel anxious about what will happen if she does XYZ with you, that’s normal. It’s not necessarily the goal of a seduction to make everything completely comfortable, because many women don’t get aroused or excited by that, almost all of them want a man – especially for a lover – who takes them a little out of their comfort zone.
But sometimes, a woman has strong doubts or reservations, or objections, not to you specifically but to something that you are (or she believes you are) doing or suggesting. In these cases, in is your job to find those objections, bring them out, reassure her and/or adjust course, and reframe things in a positive way that she is enthusiastic about – not just before she submits, but also during and afterward.
Because sometimes you can go ahead and just insist and use her natural submissiveness to get past the obstacle, but in those cases, it is much, much more likely that later on the “Stop!” part will emerge in her mind and you’ll have issues with her.
As a man, you have to think of a woman’s submissiveness toward you as an elastic band. It’s soft and easy to stretch, but when you release it, it can go back past the neutral position to the negative side. And that’s because she feels pleasure in submitting to you, but that can be entirely separate to her rational point of view of what she is doing. So after that pleasure fades away, she may be left with a negative frame about what she just did. You just didn’t see that negative frame while she was going along. And in trying to reconcile this conflict, women can sometimes come to the conclusion that the guy somehow made them do something they didn't want to, and that it's his fault.
What you want to do is stretch her gently, and then use frame control to reset the neutral position in a way that she’s happy about, in a way that she wants to say “yes!” to.
Here’s a simple example: let’s say you’ve brought her home and you’re kissing and touching her, but she’s giving you LMR. You’ve reassured her, you’re going nice and slow, but she’s just shy and nervous, and it takes you a while to get those panties off. Let’s say you’re fingering her, now regardless of whether it’s true or not, it’s a good idea to start reframing here: “Mm look how wet you are, you naughty girl, you’ve been wanting this all night!” etc. You highlight her desire for you and set a new frame about what’s been happening so far – that she’s been wanting it bad and you are simply uncovering her hidden desire. This will usually make her super excited, and if she wasn’t actually that wet before, she probably will be now.
A lot of times guys forget to do this, because they forget the elasticity of a woman’s submission. She’s going along? Great! Just plough ahead. And then she either ejects or doesn’t want to see him again, or worse, starts accusing him.
When you take a woman out of her comfort zone, you have to use frame control to re-establish where her comfort zone is, even in the moment where she’s submitting to you, or after the fact. Because you don’t just want her to go along, you want her to go along enthusiastically and energetically – not only now but in the future. That’s how you have the best sex and end up with her wanting to see you all the time.
This is, I believe, one of those hidden virtues that great ladies men have, that women can sense on them from almost first glance – his ability to sense the doubts of those around him, reframe them, and create a path along which they can proceed with a sense of security and pleasure. These men rarely end up with a woman trying to ruin them, because the woman simply feels safe with him even when he’s having his way with her.
Other men may walk around being dominant, but those around him do not feel seen or understood, they simply feel a distance, a sense of unknown quantity in this person, that makes them instinctively wary and on guard, and reluctant to accept his presence in their reality. And sometimes when he pushes too hard, someone turns around and stabs him in the back, to recover their sense of security.
The role of frame control in seduction is never over, from the moment you walk up to her to the moment she’s walking out your door trying to fix her hair. It is not something you do as a reaction to an obstacle, but something you do pre-emptively, all the time, to a greater or lesser extent, to guide her to a place where the only thing in her mind, even when you’re not there anymore, is how good it feels to have you inside her.
