TheGame's Newbie Assignment

[TheGame]

Hello everyone. I am TheGame, and I have terrible approach anxiety. Over the next ten days or less I am going to complete the newbie assignment, and be well on my way to overcoming my fears. Any comments, or advice will be greatly appreciated.

I am currently 18 years old, and have never had success with women. For the last five and a half months I have been on a sort of quest for self improvement. Four months ago I found this website, and began reading through all the articles. I finally understood things that had never made sense to me before. Even after having read through all of the articles, and applying many things from them to my life I still haven't approached one girl in that time. I have adjusted my walk, changed the way I smile, lost a lot of weight, and put on a lot of muscle, but I haven't done what this is really all about. I am going to change that today by starting this assignment.

Day 1
Task 1
My first task is observation. I have a few different places in mind, but the one that is the most promising is the beach. There is a large beach here and its split up into different parts. I am not sure if that would count as four different places, but I do have a backup, and that is a mall which isn't too far from where I live. I am going to go to both of these places today to scout them out.
Task 2
I have already been working on my posture according to the instructions in the article for some time, so I will just continue to use my current walk.
Task 3&4
I am not sure if its allowed, but I feel it would largely be a waste of time to go to the beach, and only conquer one of these tasks so I am making it my goal for the day to at least say hi to some cute girls.

 

[TheGame]

Day 1

Summary of events:
Just got back home from my observation assignment. While I was out I wanted to get some shorts, and some kind of shoes that would work well for summer. Once I stopped by my usual stores and found what I wanted I headed on over to the mall. I've never been a guy that likes to just go and stroll around in the mall. It has never appealed to me, and I have always felt very out of place when I go there. As I walked in and approached the main hallway everything inside me told me I should go back, but I ignored it. As I walked through I noticed that there was actually a very wide range of women. It seemed that there were more than enough girls there in my age range. Another thing that occurred to me was that a lot of these girls let off a vibe almost like they want to be approached. I cant explain that and it very well could have been my imagination. Despite that it seemed that every time I was walking toward one of them they got very interested in the conversation with their friends or just looked at the floor. All who met my eye contact, even when I was smiling would quickly look down. On my trip back through the hall I saw a cute blond, and as we walked past each other I said hi. She looked at the floor and smiled. Saying hi to people isn’t difficult, but I still found the anxiety in my chest rise as I was about to say it. Soon after another cute blond appeared. I said hi again, and I think she heard me, because she looked to the ground and smiled. I had no idea why they were doing this, but my anxiety for saying hi was completely gone anyway.

Next I headed for the beach. I was disappointed at the lack of people there. It was a decent day, but there just weren’t enough cute girls on the field. I decided that I wasn’t just going to waste the trip, so I took a walk down the pier to the lighthouse. There was not one person on that pier alone like I was. But I could see some bikinis in the distance and thought I would walk down. I didn’t pass one girl my age on the way, but once I got to the end I did find the bikini girls, but there were four all in a group, and I didn’t say a word. So having screwed myself out of that opportunity I turned back, and started the walk to the shore. Finally as I neared the shore I saw a redheaded girl wearing a bikini walking with a not so cute friend. As we passed I said hi, and she smiled and looked to the ground. I got in my car and left. I went to another spot on the beach, and there were even less girls, so I got back in my car and went home.

Task 1:
It seems to me that between the beach and the mall, the mall is actually the most promising. As it gets later into the season I am going to try the beach again, or maybe if it heats up significantly soon.
Task 2:
I focused a bit on my walk today. Other people seem to walk either a lot more slouched over than I do, or with a lot more swing than I do. I noticed there were some people who seemed to overdo the shoulder swagger, and others who couldn’t be any more interested in the ground.

Task 3:
I found that most guys when I made eye contact would look down. Some would hold my gaze, and then nod their head or smile when I did. The girls always seemed to look down, unless they were middle aged. The middle aged ones looked to the side more than any other.

Task 4:
I only said hi to three attractive women today, and got the exact same response from each.

Final Feelings:
I really feel like I didn't accomplish much of anything today, and am going to strive to do better tomorrow. I think the only thing I may have done is take away some of my anxiety for this assignment as a whole. This morning I was sick with all the anxiety I was feeling, and couldn't sleep much at all the night before, and it was all because the next day I was going to say hi to a few people...Right now I am actually looking forward to getting out tomorrow and making some actual progress.

 

[TheGame]

Day 2

Had a bad day today. Got out to the mall and walked up and down it multiple times, and went into many of the stores. Said hi to a lot of people including some cute girls, but there weren't a lot of them. Was on my out and saw a girl walking toward me, so I said hi and managed to follow it up with how's your day going.

Next I went back to the beach, and found that yesterday wasn't a fluke. I didn't find one girl that I thought was cute. I don't think my standards are that high. What I did notice is there seems to be a lot of families around the beach. There aren't many girls without a guy hovering near them. The girls that are there are always in a group, but I really didn't see a single cute one.

From now on I wont be going to the beach at all. The mall is my primary spot, and even that doesn't seem too great. Tomorrow I'm going to look into finding more places that will have some women. I will also be starting day 5's assignment, and will try to get a start on day 6's.

After walking around for hours and accomplishing almost nothing I'm once again very disappointed in the progress I've made. Will have to do better tomorrow.

 

[TheGame]

Day 3

Today I went to an amusement park. I don’t plan on going back, but today was not a failure. I got home today, and told my 13 year old brother to get ready. (I just don’t want to walk around an amusement park all day by myself) By the time we got out there it was 12:00. I figured I would keep the pressure off myself and begin just by scouting. I quickly realized that this place was a middle schooler’s paradise. We headed for the biggest roller coaster first (gotta keep my brother happy after all). I spent most of the day making small talk with the people in the lines, or next to us in the cars. Eventually 13 and I started to split up more, and I would position myself next to the cute girls. I remember one specifically. She walked up behind me in the line for the car I was waiting on. I started a short conversation, that had to do with not having to wait long with it raining out, and she responded very well. I should have kept it going, but I got in my head.

After that we took a break from riding for a while. We went and sat on a bench, and a very cute 2 set sat on a bench across from us. (A distance of about thirty feet). I sat there getting in my head for way too long, thinking I should walk over and ask the cuter one if she’s single. 13 left to get a drink. I Didn’t take advantage of it to go talk to them. Finally I told him to go on, and keep riding without me. (My back was getting sore anyway, and I didn’t want him around if I was gonna open them). I continued to get in my head and never got up to talk to them. By the time they left I was feeling like shit physically from roller coasters for the last few hours, and I wasn’t much better mentally with how badly I was in my head. I was as far out of a good state as I could be.

I went to sit in the car to try and recover. Some good music came on the radio, and I drank some water I had out there. After relaxing for about a half hour I felt a little better, so I got up to go find 13. Once I found him we went on another ride, and I continued saying hi to people just to keep a bit of momentum going. After that we split ways again, because he just HAD to go on one more roller coaster before we left the park. It was on the other side of the park, so we started walking and he rushed ahead. Eventually I got to the ride entrance, and there was nobody sitting on the benches nearby, but one cute girl that I had seen a lot through the day. She had dark hair. I think she was the only girl there that I had seen wearing lipstick, and it was bright red. I hadn’t tried talking to her before this, because she was in a group of 4. I knew that this was my last chance to prevent the day from becoming another failure. I walked over and sat on the bench near her. 30 seconds later I stood up and walked the few feet to her, and asked her if she’s single. She looked up at me and smiled, but said no. I said I just thought you were cute, and wanted to come meet you. As I said this my voice started to jump, and I think my eyes were all over the place. Then I took a few steps back and sat down.

I was quite proud of myself, but at the same time mentally and physically exhausted. It just so happens that the other 3 in her group( a tall guy, and two other cute girls) were in the same set that my brother was in, so they walked out about the same time. I went to go meet him, and she went to meet the people in her group. 13 and I left the park and now I’m home typing this up.

Learned:
It seems that I have a lot of trouble approaching, and get in my head like crazy until I'm about to leave.
Need to stop thinking, and just focus on moving my feet over to the girls.
Try to be more in control of what my eyes and voice are doing while talking to them.

Feelings:
I feel like I'm slowly freeing myself of shackles that have been holding me back for years.

 

[TheGame]

Well I think I made a mistake that is going to be difficult to correct. I didn't go out yesterday. Day 4 I decided to sit at home due to how tired I was still feeling. Along with going out everyday trying to talk to girls I have been pushing my body harder than I ever have before. I have been doing interval training, weightlifting, and I'm on a mainly protein diet that can sap a lot of my energy. So yesterday I sat at home deluding myself into thinking it would be a good idea to stay home and rest. Now I think I should have gone out for a bit to at least keep some momentum.

Day 5

Last night all I felt was excitement to go out today and push my social limits further. Now I'm feeling a lot of anxiety. I think this is because of two things. 1: I took a break yesterday...bad idea. 2: This isn't like day 1 anymore. I have gone out and asked a girl if she's single, and then told her she's cute. I know that coming home today I will not be satisfied with myself until I top it. Knowing exactly what I have to do really stirs me up inside.

I figure going on here and writing all this down is another way of putting off what I must do today, but I wanted to get what I want to do written down, so that I wont be able to have any excuses later on.

Today I'm going out to a bookstore that is near the mall I have been going to. If that doesn't work out I will go over to the mall. Either way I WILL NOT come home until I have topped what I've already done. I will do this one of two ways. I will ask at least two girls if they are single, and follow it up with telling them they are cute, or I will have a longer conversation with a girl after saying this. That will be my bare minimum requirement for the day.

 

[TheGame]

Day 5

After my post earlier I ended up getting pushed into doing some stuff for my parents. Once that was done I immediately left for the bookstore. I got there about 4:30. I didn't see anyone there that I could get the guts up to talk to. One girl was there with her father, but she looked a little young anyway. Another was there with her mother, but she looked a little old, and I didn't even view approaching her while her mother was around as an option. After realizing it was mostly guys my age there, and older people I decided to go somewhere else.

The bookstore is a part of a strip mall, and I tried going into a T.J. Maxx that I saw some cute girls walk in. That place was packed with nothing but cute girls. They were everywhere. I realized that I wouldn't be able to talk to one without 5 others hearing, and I became a coward and left there too. After that I went to a pet store that's at the same strip mall. There wasn't anyone in there but an overweight employee. She had a cute enough face and I said hi, but didn't stay since there wasn't anything worth staying for. On my way out I had a quick conversation with a cute girl who was bringing a dog into the store. She was probably in her 20's. I just asked about the dog, and had a short conversation with her.

Drove down the street to the main mall I have been going to, and walked in. I saw four cute girls in a group and was trying to psyche myself up to go and open them, but they walked into a chuck e. cheeses, and I didn't bother following them in. Got in to the mall, and started my usual walk down the hall. I noticed there was a cute girl walking ahead of me in the same direction. She had a blue t-shirt on, and jean short shorts. Her hair was long black, and being held back by sunglasses. She was talking on her phone, so I didn't open yet thinking I would see her walking later on hopefully off her phone.

Went into the bathroom, and tried getting into the right state. I think I was partly successful. I walked out and couldn't find another girl who was alone. I sat down in one of the chairs in the main hall, and just watched the people walking by. There weren't a lot of cute girls, but I definitely missed some opportunities just sitting there. Then I noticed the girl from earlier walk into some kind of a bath store near where I was sitting. I had a good view of the entrance, and decided I would catch her on her way out. Well after sitting there for a bit I got bored and walked by the store. There was a lady in there talking to her, so I went to another store that was nearby. There weren't any cute girls in this one either, so I walked back and sat down in my chair. Eventually the girl walked out of the bath store, and walked past me, and as I was standing up to catch up, and open her she went into Victoria's secret. I definitely didn't feel comfortable walking in, especially with how close everyone in there was to each other. I kept sitting there keeping an eye on the Victoria's secret with my peripheral vision, and looking down the hall for any other girls that might be alone. I didn't see any, or not any cute ones anyway. Then I started noticing the stores around me were closing up. Soon after the V S store started to close, and I noticed her walking out. Got up, and had to walk kind of quick to catch up to her. When I did I touched her upper arm to get her attention, and she spun around. She said oh and jumped a bit. It was then that I realized two things. 1. I forgot not to look at her eyes as she was spinning around, probably part of why she was startled. 2. This girl was much more of a beauty than I had originally thought. I kept my eye contact and asked her if she was single. I also managed to keep up a warm smile. She said no she has a boyfriend, and I said well I thought you were cute and wanted to come meet you. I only glanced away from her for an instant to the side when I said the cute line, and I quickly corrected it. I also kept my voice level, and felt almost no anxiety.

After this I left the mall, since it was closing anyway, keeping an eye out for cute girls as I went. I only saw two, and they were with each other. Calling myself a coward I headed home.

Learned:
1. I need to get over my fear of approaching groups, and approaching a single girl while other people are around. This waiting for the perfect moment is really hurting the amount of time I am actually doing something productive while I'm out.
2. I need to remember to make eye contact after she meets my eyes when trying to pre-open, and not before.
3. I need to get out earlier so I have more time in the mall.
4. It is easy to approach one girl, and keep my cool.

Feelings:
I didn't get enough done today. I didn't meet the goal I set myself. The only redeeming thing in any of this is that I kept my cool much better than I did with the first girl I approached. If I can just bring myself to approach a group my daily tasks will go by much quicker, and I will be much more productive, and start learning a lot faster.

Tomorrow:
Tomorrow I am going to get out earlier. I will need to get my interval training, and weightlifting done in the early morning. Tomorrow I will be going back to the mall with the intent of approaching groups. Also today when I approached the girl no one could overhear what I was saying (we were almost alone in the hall). Tomorrow I will need to erase the concern I have about approaching in front of others. I also need to continue focusing on maintaining eye contact while talking.

 

[TheGame]

Day 6

Well today was just more of the same. Only approached one girl, and I was out for around 4 hours. Just writing that really shows how much of a failure today was. I couldn't bring myself to open a group. There are a lot of excuses, but there were a few groups at the mall that were in my age range, that were cute enough, and I just wussed out.

The one girl I did open was standing at a jewelry kiosk in the mall just browsing. She was alone, and there were people that could have been within earshot I'm not really sure. Anyway I walked up, and tried to preopen her, but I think I may have looked at her eyes first. She was short, blond, and thin.
Me-"Hey are you single?"
Her- "No, I have a boyfriend."
Me- "I thought you were cute and wanted to come meet you, I'm ____t." As I did this I held out my hand.
Her-"Hi" As she held out her hand. "Well thank you for the thought I guess"-she laughed kind of nervous I think.
Me-"Yep" and I walked off.

After this I actually couldn't find a group or a lone cute girl to approach. Left the mall, and got something to eat. Went to a community college that is near my house that I am already familiar with. Unfortunately no cute girls, but I realized that it was too late in the day in the summer for it to be busy at all. I plan on going back tomorrow earlier to see if its any better. It would save me some gas money if I could go to the college instead of the mall, and It will be much easier to make going to the college a regular part of my day.

Even if the college works out for me I'm still going to have to get over this group fear eventually. Right now I am progressing far too slow.

I feel almost no anxiety when approaching a cute girl now.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey TheGame,

Fantastic job getting to Day 6 and going for 10 days consecutively, rather than spread out. I've enjoyed reading the journal. Here are some thoughts -

Anyway I walked up, and tried to preopen her, but I think I may have looked at her eyes first. She was short, blond, and thin.
Me-"Hey are you single?"
Her- "No, I have a boyfriend."
Me- "I thought you were cute and wanted to come meet you, I'm ____t." As I did this I held out my hand.
Her-"Hi" As she held out her hand. "Well thank you for the thought I guess"-she laughed kind of nervous I think.
Me-"Yep" and I walked off.

Props on using a direct opener. You probably don't need the "I thought you were cute and..." after, though. You only need that second statement if she asks "why?" instead of "No, I have a boyfriend". Either way, after the "No, I have a boyfriend" statement, just thread cut and ask her what brings her out today. If you want to salvage something with her, just continue the conversation and pretend that subject never came up at all. After all, it could just be a white lie...

I feel almost no anxiety when approaching a cute girl now.

Rock on. After approaching about 4-6 girls pretty quicky, you're mind becomes less "What can I say or do to make this interaction work?!?" to "Alright, I've just got to sift through the low interest girls and find one that gives me a lot of investment, quickly". In other words, AA is not even a factor at that point. It's just stamina. That's how people go approaching 20, 25, or even 40 women in a row.

Keep up the great progress,
Jake

 

[TheGame]

Didn't get out yesterday. Had some work to do, and the only thing I managed to do was scout out the college earlier in the day. There are enough cute girls there that It could be worth taking some time to go to.

Day 8

Didn't feel much like going out today, and it wasn't due to AA. Eventually I convinced myself to get up, and go to the mall. Ended up approaching three girls with are you single. I really should have taken a bit more care when picking my targets though. I finally got up the guts to open a two set. Now looking back I believe it was a mother and daughter walking together. They were walking towards me in the main hall. The daughter was my age, and I asked the mother if she's single. The one that I believe to be the daughter started laughing, and the mother just looked down smiling a bit and said no. They didn't stop walking so I turned a bit as they were passing and said, "what no?" in a playful tone. I got a good laugh out of that.
The second girl I approached said she wasn't single, and there wasn't anything unusual about it.
The third girl was in a music store, and the music was a bit too loud in there. I saw a short cute blonde, and one of the workers was cute. The worker kept eyeing me as she walked by, but I haven't been approaching the hired guns at the mall. So I walked up and asked the blond if she was single. She didn't hear me due to the music, so I had to repeat myself. She said um yeah, then waited about a half a second and spun on her heel and walked to the other corner of the store. I almost started laughing in the middle of the store. I kept thinking I should have said something before she walked away, but she didn't really give me a chance. Thinking about it now She was visibly shocked that I approached, and I think she was quite young.

I think tomorrow I'm going to head to the college and find the best place for pickup, and hopefully start getting in approaches there. I have 3 areas in mind that seem like they would work well.
1. Front entrance- Pros: highest traffic of girls. Cons: Lots of other people there, and many hired guns.
2. Back entrance- Pros: Not many hired guns. Great visibility, I can see a cute girl a mile away. Cons: Less traffic than the main entrance.
3. Student lobby- Pros: Almost all people my age. I could stay there all day, and nobody would care. Cons: Seems to be all groups, and a lot of guys. Least traffic overall.

 

[TheGame]

Hey Jake thanks for the words. Glad your enjoying the read.

Props on using a direct opener. You probably don't need the "I thought you were cute and..." after, though. You only need that second statement if she asks "why?" instead of "No, I have a boyfriend". Either way, after the "No, I have a boyfriend" statement, just thread cut and ask her what brings her out today. If you want to salvage something with her, just continue the conversation and pretend that subject never came up at all. After all, it could just be a white lie...

I hadn't thought to thread cut after they say they have a boyfriend. It would be nice if I could get a conversation going, even when they do have a boyfriend.

Rock on. After approaching about 4-6 girls pretty quicky, you're mind becomes less "What can I say or do to make this interaction work?!?" to "Alright, I've just got to sift through the low interest girls and find one that gives me a lot of investment, quickly". In other words, AA is not even a factor at that point. It's just stamina. That's how people go approaching 20, 25, or even 40 women in a row.

I like that idea of stamina, and am looking forward to the time when AA wont even matter.

 

[TheGame]

Well Its been a couple weeks since I last posted. For awhile I was too busy to go out, and then I just couldn't get myself to go out for a bit. Anyway I finally forced myself out today.

I went out to the mall for a couple hours, and I missed so many opportunities. My AA was back to a degree, but not as bad as it was in the beginning. In one of the stores there was a girl who seemed to be showing interest. She kept looking at me and walking by me. I couldn't bring myself to talk to her, and ended up seeing her a few other times from across the store, but every time I set off in her direction she would disappear. Serious magician type stuff. After this I continued missing opportunities. I was focusing too much on finding the right time to approach, rather than just doing it. Eventually I found myself near a couple of girls in a clothing store and I decided to approach one. I picked up a clearly glittery female shirt and held it up and said does this bring out my eyes. She laughed, and said oh yeah that's great. I didn't follow it up with anything. Partly because her face was not attractive, and partly because I was facing AA.

I approached 2 girls walking. I caught up to them, and approached over my shoulder to the side. Said I saw her and had to come tell here she was the cutest girl I had seen all day, I'm Alex. I had to repeat my opener, because I wasn't loud enough or talked too fast. I'm not sure which, and am guessing it was probably both. She was polite smiled, and thanked me. I forgot to ask for her name, but I asked her how her day was going, and what she was doing out at the mall. She responded well enough, but then caught interest in some shoes her friend was looking at through a window. It seemed as though she was brushing me off, so I said it was great meeting her, and got out of there.

Most important thing I need to do Is be the way that I envision myself being approaching girls, but to do that I need to become more comfortable with approaching girls in the first place. I need to be louder, speak more slowly, and start approaching every girl I see that is worth approaching.

 

[TheGame]

I've gone out twice since my last post.

7/16
I believe this is the correct date. I went out to the mall hoping to actually start getting into some conversations with girls, rather than delivering an opener and leaving the conversation. I know I missed a lot of opportunities, and this was mainly due to my reluctance to open sets. Eventually when I was falsely browsing around in a store I saw a cute blond. I would rate her as a 9. (I never rate girls as 10's, because I figure they all have flaws. I also hate rating girls, because of chase's posts on it, but I see others on here doing it and it seems to be the quickest way to express to everyone how attractive or not they are) With the part of the store she was in and where I was she had to walk by me, so when she did I said "Hey your adorable I had to come meet you". I shook her hand, and I started to freeze up, and she took a couple steps away and said, "Well I'm going to go try these on". She had clothes in her hands. At this point I realized I was freezing and that made it much worse. The conversation was not going anywhere while I was frozen, so I asked for her number, rather than just leaving. She gave it to me and I left. Once I got out of the store and was thinking clearly again I realized that I hadn't even got her name or told her mine. She was the only girl I approached that day.

7/18
I am actually somewhat proud of what I managed to accomplish yesterday, but that doesn't come without some regret. I decided to go to the beach again. It is a lot later in the season now, and the heat has picked up substantially. Before I was having issues with abundance. I couldn't seem to find girls I wanted to approach, but I felt like a kid in a candy store this time. There were so many cute girls on the beach that the abundance really hit me. I didn't feel any need to rush. I parked down near the pier where I usually do, and started my walk down to the water that I usually take.
Within 5 minutes of getting out of my car the following happened. 13(my brother) started texting me, so I was a bit distracted texting him back, but I still noticed an hb 6 walking toward me. I finished my text as we were nearing each other, and put my phone away. I walked up and said "hey you’re adorable I had to come meet you, I'm Alex". She responded well and said her name was K____.
Me: So what are you doing at the beach today?
K: Oh you know just swimming, and (can’t remember everything she said) What about you?
Me: I was just out looking for girls on the beach.-said jokingly.
K: Oh yeah totally. (joking back) So do you live around here?
Me: Yeah I live about 15 minutes out. (I know I messed up here)
At this point I think I started to freeze again.
K: (Not sure what she said back)
Me: Well hey let me get your number.
K: You don’t even know my name yet
Me: Sure I do. You just told me. - Warm sexy smile, strong eye contact.
K: Oh yeah (Smiles looks down) She tells me her number.
I am putting her number in my phone, and getting texts from 13 at the same time. The freezing turned into me feeling overwhelmed, and I ejected from the conversation. Near the end I also told her I was joking about looking for girls, and was just out to take a walk down the pier. Once we said bye I instantly regretted not sticking in the conversation longer. I should have invited her to walk with me. I also realize that asking where I live was an ioi. I messed up in this conversation, but things that used to be difficult are getting easier.

After this I was unable to find another girl by herself to open, and ended up letting some great opportunities pass by. One that I’m still pissed about was 2 girls who got out of a car right near me, and met up with a friend. They all looked great and I couldn’t even choose what one I wanted to go for, and then I never opened them.

I started to walk down the beach at the water’s edge, and didn’t see anyone I wanted to open, but on my way back I saw a two set. There was a really fat girl, and then an hb 7 with her. She looked young, but at this point I was ready to leave the beach, and just wanted another approach done. So I walked up and used the same approach as before. It went alright, but I couldn’t get the girl I liked talking at all, and her friend kept trying to hijack the conversation. I wasn’t sure how to deal with it, so I ejected out.

I didn’t get any more approaches. I was going to approach a girl working at an icecream stand but she was near a coworker, and what looked like their boss, and my AA hit hard. So I went home with one number.

I ended up sending an icebreaker text to K, and she started texting me back right away. After she asked a couple questions I suggested we meet up, and she just sent back maybe. I said when are you free, and haven’t heard back since.

I need to start sticking in good conversations longer, and push my limits.