This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine Man

[Big Daddy]

Hello friends,

I'm writing this using my phone while laying down on a girl's sofa more frustrated than anything you can imagine as she sleeps in her bed, so forgive the probable lack of structure and typos.

Every time I feel I'm making considerable strides in understanding the female psych, a girl comes and frustrates the fuck out of me. Life was so much simpler when I just had to "assume attraction" and stop when I felt she was going to freak out. But trying to become a "genuine man" I've been trying to really "understand girls" (or so I think); but I'm only left with questions and confused thoughts to chew on my own.

I start to question even my own thoughts and nothing makes sense anymore.

Litte backstory on how I ended up here

Back in March I met Nails through a very good female friend (Friend). They're besties, and Nails came to my city to visit Friend. I clicked super fast with Nails after a night out and we fucked a lot in the days she was around. It was obvious she liked me, and I quite liked her too for the period we were together (I'd never have her as a long-term gf). She was very sad when she left.

• After she left, Friend told me Nails liked me very much. Nails said I "was great in bed, understood women, was very mature even though I was young (I'm on my early 20s and she's on her late 20s)." I felt so great. All the deep diving, relating, framing... all of it was falling into place now. It seemed all this "game" thing was starting to make sense and I could really provide really good emotions to girls and could even outgame guys way older than me.

I mention that I was a little bit worried though, because I didn't want her to get too attached -- we would probably never going to see each other again and it was good while it lasted. Friend tells me she was kinda dating a guy back home so that puts me a little bit at ease knowing she probably will get over it faster.

Except we did.

Months later, I was traveling around and Friend suggested that I stop by her hometown to visit her and Nails (in another country). I text Nails and ask if I can stay over the weekend at her place, and she seems excited and says that I can. She would be alone so it wouldn't be a problem. Friend comments that it'd be weird if we bumped into the guy Nails was dating, so I knew she was dating someone but wasn't very concerned with that.

I arrive there, we go out to dinner with Friend, and Nails is sending me mixed signals; I start to wonder if I should try something, until Nails leaves to the bathroom and Friend tells me that she "can really tell Nails is so happy that you're here!" That put me at ease a little bit.

We drop Friend at her place and start walking to Nails' place.

The downhill

We get to her place, she asks where do I want to sleep, I say her bed is big enough for the both of us. She says OK and we lay down. She eventually turns to the other side so I hug her and start kissing her neck and she says "it's strange..." I ask what's strange, she says that she's kinda into a "thing" with this guy and here she was, with another man in her bed kissing her neck.

She tells me she knew I came there with other expectations and she didn't know what to think. She won't kiss or touch me, but she's very receptive to my touching telling me how much she likes when I touch her.

Ultimately what follows is a dance without much direction; she is showing how she'd like to be fucked (letting me kiss her neck and caress her tits the whole time this), but can't because she'd feel bad about the guy as he said he'd wait for her to be ready to be in a relationship (Jesus fucking Christ). Questions change but I know the issue is she's torn between what she wants to do (fuck me) and she felt was "right" (not fuck me).

Eventually I give up (to be honest, I thought playing cool would make her initiate something... didn't work), turn to my side of the bed and she jumps and hugs me and we sleep like that.

The couch (today)

Things are a little bit weird, but she's a very nice a courteous girl (top 3 in my life) and I can tell she's fighting against it a little bit. We were supposed to go to this concert of a friend of her date tonight because they've been planing that way before I went there.

The guy and his friends join us hours earlier than I'd like, and everyone speaking in their language. Friend and Nails only turn to speak English with me from time to time. I feel a little bit excluded and I'm annoyed, so I go far away from them to a lounge area to be by myself. Friend later join me and I ask how Nails feels, Friend tells me it'd be better if I slept on the couch. We stay there until the concert ends. But yeah I looked like a little bitch.

When we go home and Nails asks if it'd be okay if I slept on the couch, and here I am.

EDIT - Last day with her and my mindfuck

So spent my last there with Nails because Friend had stuff to do, and we had time to talk about what happened. Nails told me she was so anxious before I came because she didn't know what she'd do and what would happened, but she'd never ask me to sleep elsewhere after agreeing with it. Also I had to postpone the trip a few times and she told me some things changed since then.

We were talking about her whole situation and how it didn't make sense for her to be in a serious relationship because she would probably have to leave the city by the end of the year. She tells sometimes you can't chose when to fall in love [actually, you can] and you don't have a checklist of things you'd like to have when you fall in love [actually, you do] and sometimes you have to make sacrifices because you have a shared life [if you chose well, only to an extent].

She told that she was proud of herself for having resisted fucking me that night. Not against me, but because that probably means she really likes her date. This is most-likely backwards rationalization and was probably due to my complete inaptness to deal with LMR, and at this point I realized everything I believed made no sense...

• I've been feeling a disconnect lately while talking to girls, even friends. Years ago, I used to believe that love was unpredictable and you had to hold onto it no matter what when it happened. Then I found GC and realized that hey, I have options, this doesn't make any sense. But girls don't see the world like that. They don't approach and their role is not active. So love for them is like it was for me back then even if it's a sub-par mate.
  
  So my original belief that I swept this incredible girl off her feet and made passionate sex to her only because I was a better man was shattered. I couldn't replicate it. Was it luck the first time? Does it mean that I can only hope to find girls that for one reason or another are DTF? Am I really able to bring her positive emotions and give her a love of passionate sex at will or only in very specific conditions?

Are my beliefs just a result of me wanting so bad to get better, or my soul believes deep down that I would have done a favor to this girl by showing how miserable her situation might be in the future? I wonder if my actions are just egoistic because I wanted to fuck her or if they are genuine.

Too many things I don't understand.

 

[Cacc]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

That's a pretty interesting situation dude.

Are my beliefs just a result of me wanting so bad to get better, or my soul believes deep down that I would have done a favor to this girl by showing how miserable her situation might be in the future? I wonder if my actions are just egoistic because I wanted to fuck her or if they are genuine.

You're fine bro. I've thought those things before in situations unrelated to girls where I wanted to make sure my actions would benefit my group and not just myself and what I will say is, ponder on those things after. In the moment you can't have a shred of doubt or you'll crumble. Your assertiveness will tank. I think in seduction, you should act selfish. You will give her an experience she probably will never experience again, so act selfish and fuck her. Which is actually the most selfless thing you can do.

Don't let a girls soft words affect you that way. I mean... How happy do you think that milquetoast who told her he was ready to wait will make her? And girls don't care whether you're good or bad anyways. You as a seducer will enrich her life not make it worse. And if it means breaking up her rship with her "boyfriend" then he wasn't much to begin with.


I'm a newbie to seduction but, I think the biggest question you gotta ask yourself is how was your investment and outcome independence the day after you slept in her bed?

I think the biggest thing was that you guys were in bed and she displayed her frame of not being sure whether she wanted to sleep with you and you didn't do anything to out frame her AND at the same time you didn't sleep with her which sort of solidified her frame, in a sense.

Just my 2 cents. I hope a more experienced member chimes in because this is interesting.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

Being a genuine man starts as a romantic ideal. I go through this in my genuine man articles (which are almost 3 years old now), and I still acknowledge that practically, everything there is true.

But now, I see it more as an efficiency thing. Being genuine is simply the most effective path for pickup and relationships, unless you're a sociopath. However, you might be forgetting that genuine man doesn't mean nice. Also, if you remember, nice doesn't always mean nice.

Look at it mechanically -

She wants a relationship. She's roped her other beau into promising a relationship for sex. You come in and she's willing to give you a shot, but unless you ran some tight game, she's going to need some more investment.

There's a lot of things you could have done

- Talked about future plans together (her visiting you, you visiting her - the logistics of a relationship)

- Been more romantic (the emtions of a relatinoship)

She wanted *more* for her pussy. She changed the price tag. Part of pimp game is romancing a girl. Literally, pimps will romance girls. Sell her the dream.

How far you're willing to sell her the dream depends on how much you're willing to give up (or not if you straight up lie- hence the sociopath exception). But you don't sound like a sociopath, so

How much were you willing to give her for the pussy?????

good thing you got to stay with her; free place so you didn't really lose anything.

Here's where the "genuine man" stuff becomes dark.

Why didn't you leave her one night? Make this bitch worry about you. tell her you're leaving. walk out on her. Flirt with other girls in front of her. Try to fuck her friend. Her friends telling you that she likes you - you do realize that was a NAVY Seal operation called "Get Big Daddy to Commit to Nails," right? They were all in on it. Nails told the other girl to invite you to the city. This was all preplanned.

Plus, this bitch is dating another guy and let you, a man she's slept with many times, come sleep *in her bed.* Pretty much any rule goes out of the window. You need to get more savage.

As for your ego (which is more important than your game, actually), here's how to digest it.

- You pimped her

- She needed more

- You weren't ready to give her more

The only thing you should be mad at yourself for is not recognizing it. You're misidentifying this all as a moral issue. It isn't. It's a practical issue.

What are you willing to give to get what you want?

Hector

 

[alleniverson]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

"Your ego is more important than your game." Deep shit. Been thinking about that a lot having gotten very into meditation. Would love your analysis on that, Hector.

 

[Big Daddy]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

Hey Hector,

You cleared up my mind a little bit about the ""morals"" on this.

That said, I did cut several important bits that I'll try to remedy because I thought this was becoming too lengthy. I think I may have changed some of the dynamics because some stuff of what you said didn't make sense for me, so I will provide some additional information and you tell me if they change your analysis or not.

She wants a relationship. She's roped her other beau into promising a relationship for sex. You come in and she's willing to give you a shot, but unless you ran some tight game, she's going to need some more investment.

I see your point but I can't say for sure if she wants to be in a LTR. Her story in a nutshell is:

• She ended a several-year long relationship maybe 10 months ago. She is now free and for the first time in a very long while has plans for herself, but is living in this small-ish university town. She felt kinda alone because all of her friends left already.
  
  She finds this guy, which according to Friend, is the "least worst option" as almost everyone in this city sucks, so they start dating. Eventually the guy wants to get serious... she says she needs time for herself, as she just left a big LTR, but they still see each other as the guy says it doesn't change anything for him and he'll motherfucking wait (!!!) *facepalm* and then I arrive.

The thing tho is she has at least a decent chance of leaving the city by next year so the likelihood of this going south anyways has to be on her mind.

- Talked about future plans together (her visiting you, you visiting her - the logistics of a relationship)

Logistics are horrible and there's no way I'm going to be in a LDLTR so I thought this one was safe. In fact, we never thought we'd see each other again when we first met and she very clearly communicated to me that she felt the same way (even though she was sad life had it like that).

- Been more romantic (the emtions of a relatinoship)

She wanted *more* for her pussy. She changed the price tag. Part of pimp game is romancing a girl. Literally, pimps will romance girls. Sell her the dream.

But here, my fucking god, yes. On this one I agree 100%. This needs big improvement on my part and could very likely move the needle to a tipping point, though I have no idea how to step on this line without looking like a pussy. Read the last part about my final read to see what I mean.

Why didn't you leave her one night? Make this bitch worry about you. tell her you're leaving. walk out on her. Flirt with other girls in front of her.

Yeah, because I'm a pussy. I should've done that. There was a couple of moments where it was possible to strike convo with a few girls, but I didn't and on top of that even ended up looking like a bitch on the day after.

Plus, this bitch is dating another guy and let you, a man she's slept with many times, come sleep *in her bed.* Pretty much any rule goes out of the window. You need to get more savage.

YES

I know, right? Does it change that I didn't penetrate? Here she was, sleeping with another man in her bed caressing her tits while this other guy "waits" for her to be ready. Pathetic. What kind of respect will she have for him after that?





So my read is: her life is unstable atm, she feels alone, meets a guy and he wants to commit while she doesn't really want to, but eh, can't really risk losing him either. She likes me quite a bit; I come over and get a chance but out of a sense of self-rightouness she resists and I fuck up the chance that she gives me.

(She mentions her past LTR, respect, expectations and other social rules that we know doesn't make a lot of sense around here, but that by disagreeing with it with the best of the intentions, contributes to me looking a person with loose morals whose mission is to robotically fuck girls, though I'm here worrying about how I make them feel??????)

The reason I fuck up is because I can't understand how two things that you mention here can co-exist: you say "how far you're willing to sell her the dream, how much were you willing to give her for the pussy?????" and "you need to get more savage" so I don't know what to really do.

- At some point while in bed, was maybe being too IDGAF and I got the impression that she was thinking that she was "just a fuck"
- After reassuring that what we had last time was special and I had never clicked this fast with a girl before and she tells me "but you can't get attached to me!"

Imagine yourself in this situation -- what is being more "savage?" Pinning her and forcingly kiss her, when she'd push away every time I went for the kiss while being receptive to touches? What is being more romantic? Being vulnerable and showing her that I still want to spend this moment with her after her having asked for me to sleep on the couch?

I tried to (verbally for the most part) show her that she wanted to fuck me from every possible angle and in the end it made me feel like I was trying to convince her to ignore this fucking guy because I thought it'd be a dumb to thing to do to be in a relationship when she could get someone much better next year not being invested in this shitstorm... even if I really did! I know that matches perfectly my "agenda" of fucking her, but I really believe this is someone seeing a subpar mate with rose-colored lenses.

But how can one counter the "is love that easy for you?" It undermines entirely any "romantic" frame I may have even if I really felt it was the best for her and for me, and that's why I wonder if it comes from a place of egoism or it was just lack of knowing where to step.

In the end I couldn't show that I liked her a lot, that I wanted to spend time with her, that she shouldn't feel bad for ""cheating"" i.e. having this awesome moment with me, a guy she liked a lot and would never see in a very long while again because of societal programming that makes no sense. Why do you even have to tell him that we fucked, if we did?

 

[Richard]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

Aside from what Hector said, keep in mind that being a "genuine man" is all about yourself and not about women. You become a "genuine man" when you understand your higher purpose (whatever it is) and dedicate yourself to it; it's not for your ego, it's not to get laid, it's not for any woman, it's simply because it's "you" behind all the masks, voices, and other bullshit.

As a humanistic-existential psychological thinker I hate generalizing people but, after long talks with other advanced seducers, a woman's highest purpose seems to be locking down the most dominant/attractive/alpha/genuine man she feels she can reasonably get. All women want that 100% perfect relationship where you both love each other deeply and nothing ever goes wrong, all women have that fantasy.

There's an analogy that was used with me that I really like; women are water, they change who they are to adapt to the guy they're dealing with. The more genuine a man is the more concrete and stable his "cup" is, and therefore, the more easily a woman is able to be water and fill that "cup." Compare that to a guy who a) either has no idea what he wants or b) knows only what he wants because somebody else told him then a woman is no longer able to fill that "cup" so easily because it isn't as concrete or clear. Women want the man who knows what he wants and goes after it.

The other part about being a genuine man is making situations a win-win for everybody - something else I recently learned and started to adopt. It's one thing to know what you want and go after it without remorse (which means hurting others, manipulation, etc.) and it's an entirely other thing to establish things in such a way that everybody around you benefits in achieving their own highest purposes/goals. So, in this situation, as Hector analyzed the thing she wanted was an emotional connection with you (not necessarily an LTR which you both probably knew wasn't realistic) and you couldn't provide it - keep in mind that women are not idiots, women are rational creatures who can weigh their options and determine what is realistic or not so they're incredibly receptive when a man can come along, do the same thing, and figure out how to make it the best for both of them.

At the end of the day, all you can do is offer a girl what you feel is "best" and then it's up to her to accept or reject that - if it's the former then you enrich her life, if it's the latter then you walk away without contentions. So long as you feel it's legitimately "best" then you shouldn't have any qualms about it.

I think you're misunderstanding what it means to be a "genuine man" as well, on top of what Hector already said.

-Richard

 

[Big Daddy]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

I think I may have used the term Genuine Man too loosely -- could also be the effect of being pissed in a couch.

The problem, ultimately, is

So, in this situation, as Hector analyzed the thing she wanted was an emotional connection with you (not necessarily an LTR which you both probably knew wasn't realistic) and you couldn't provide it

Why is what? What specifically could I have done to provide it to her knowing that I wanted to?

The day after we talked about it, but my frame control is just horrible. I think after a while she really convinced me (and herself, really) that as long as she wanted to sleep with me, it would be "wrong" for her. I had no idea how to explain what I meant in the last paragraph of my last post:

In the end I couldn't show that I liked her a lot, that I wanted to spend time with her, that she shouldn't feel bad for ""cheating"" i.e. having this awesome moment with me, a guy she liked a lot and would never see in a very long while again because of societal programming that makes no sense.

I don't know where is the line between "be romantic and not pathetic" and "be savage and not a maniac."

 

[Richard]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

Why is what? What specifically could I have done to provide it to her knowing that I wanted to?

You make her feel desired, dude.

Think about it this way - sex is the natural next step for two people when they share a connection; it becomes "I want to have sex with you because our emotional and physical chemistry is amazing." With this girl, what I would have done when she logically started to deny sex (which is usually some form of ASD in most cases) on the assumption that it would be "wrong" (in other words, she's be acting slutty) then I'd go with something like this

"Nails, I don't see it that way. I think you and I have an amazing connection (go into specifics that showcase your connection with her) and it's because of that connection that I want to move things forward."

The thing to take away is that a girl wants to feel desired - not for sex but for who she is. When you show a girl you're choosing to be around her for "her" and not her pussy/mouth/orifice (LUL) then she's going to want to sleep with you. Keep in mind that that's also what a "genuine man" does and it's why he becomes picky about the women he's with - after you reach a point where you can get consistent sex, you become a lot more cognizant of the women in your life and have the luxury of only going for the ones you have a legitimate connection with.

Last thing is you need to fine with a girl not fucking you - it's okay to push for sex but don't expect it. The second a girl feels like you're disappointed/upset/mad because she's not sleeping with you then she's going to get extremely pissed and drop you like a bad habit. When she started to talk about not sleeping with you, even though you probably felt you were acting calm and collected, my guess is you said or did something that showed her you were disappointed or upset which is pretty hard to come back from.

I don't know where is the line between "be romantic and not pathetic" and "be savage and not a maniac."

My guess is you're too caught up in what women say, and not enough in what women "do." Actions speak louder than words. As you said, she backwards rationalized why she wouldn't sleep with you but during the entire process before that rationalization she was not firmly for or against sleeping with you - she rationalized her decision after YOU helped her make it.

Where you draw the line is based on your own morality (which changes as you get more experience under your belt). I used to think the same as you but after enough experience I now only shy away from something with a woman if I feel like a) it's going to hurt her or destroy her or b) there's realistic potential that it could hurt me (like maybe she has a crazy ex-boyfriend, gang member who worships Satan and thinks I remind him of his sexually assaulting alcoholic step-dad).

Outside of that, I firmly run on the notion that a girl wants to be fucked by a dominant/attractive man so even if she has a boyfriend or is "taken" if she sees me as an upgrade then she's more than likely going to be willing to sleep with me. Most of the time I don't find out about a boyfriend/partner until after the deed is already done.

-Richard

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

Your ego is more important than your game." Deep shit. Been thinking about that a lot having gotten very into meditation. Would love your analysis on that, Hector.

Iverson,

Good to see you, homie.

It's something that I realized recently. On a meditative level, the ego is the only thing that keeps you tethered to the material world. If you want to conquer the material world, you need the ego, else there's nothing that can "desire" any progress. Also, women love prideful men. I think that the pickup community has found interest in the enlightenment process since we deal with the most infectious desire of the flesh women, and a response to the pain it causes is to find the Exit, i.e., enlightenment. Problem is, if you take it too far, the material world will punish you for it through failure with women. Women don't respect a man who doesn't fight and kill those who fuck with him - problem is, go far enough along the enlightenment path, and you won't care about things like respect, personal image, etc. Before the Buddha slew Mara, he spent a few years as an ascetic, drinking his own piss, cutting himself ,eating one grain of rice a day, etc to torture himself. It wasn't ultimately the right path, but it was part of his path and instrumental in destroying his attachment to the world. Go too far on the meditation path and you will start to not care about anything. But become too Zen and you'll either lose women's respect for not standing up for yourself or you'll autoreject them because you'll be too far gone. This happens to me on dates. Actually probably lost me a recent girl who I really liked. I was so out of it and so spacey that she kept saying that I probably don't like her, which was weird, because she was probably one of the hottest girls I've ever gone on a date with and my perfect type in almost every sense. We're still in tango, kinda, but I have a suspicion that I won't get a date 2.

Be careful how far you go with this meditative shit. You might find yourself truly not giving a fuck anymore.

Which is why I say that the ego is the most important thing. It's what will motivate you to get ripped, rich, and charming. I have serious trouble motivating myself to do anything these days. Lots of days I'll simply sit there and watch paint dry. I suspect the Abyss of Grace will swallow me within this lifetime or I'll spend a lifetime trying to get enlightenment and then lose everything and gain nothing.

Funnily, that's exactly what some people describe as enlightenment.

Seek Truth with caution. There's a reason that it's said, "No one sees the face of god and lives."


@Big Daddy

I think what you needed to do was make her feel like she could be swept up for a romance without actually giving that. Focus on getting what you want. Be sweet kind and attentive without losing your sexual edge. Hold her hand. Kiss her on the forehead. Tell her how much you like being with her and how you want to see her again. who cares of "logistics are fucked." If a woman likes you, she'll fly across the world to see you.

I see your point but I can't say for sure if she wants to be in a LTR. Her story in a nutshell is:

She ended a several-year long relationship maybe 10 months ago. She is now free and for the first time in a very long while has plans for herself, but is living in this small-ish university town. She felt kinda alone because all of her friends left already.

She finds this guy, which according to Friend, is the "least worst option" as almost everyone in this city sucks, so they start dating. Eventually the guy wants to get serious... she says she needs time for herself, as she just left a big LTR, but they still see each other as the guy says it doesn't change anything for him and he'll motherfucking wait (!!!) *facepalm* and then I arrive.

The thing tho is she has at least a decent chance of leaving the city by next year so the likelihood of this going south anyways has to be on her mind.

This is all nonsense. Irrelevant. Vikulpa. Makyo. It's useful only to know how much you'll need to romance her to win her heart and even then it's useless. You're thinking like a philosopher. Cut that side off with women. Think like an animal.

"I want what I want; how do I get it?"

That's it. I'm not saying strategizing etc isn't useful but right now, you're stuck in your head. That's good and bad. You're lost in the "genuine man" concept and need to lose it. That's the great irony - to get something you need to passionately dedicate everything to it but then give it up. Sorry if that seems confusing but that's the way it is. Cut your learning curve and give up the concept now.

Do you want to keep seeing her? Then do what you need to win her over. In this case, it was being super romantic. Tell her that the other guy is a chode and that she loves you. Be territorial without being jealous.

There will be consequences, of course. She might become super attached. or you might. But you'll get what you want. Always consequences

Who says if she's in love with you that you can't keep fucking other women while she pines over you? Agh, i'm getting dark here

Yeah, because I'm a pussy. I should've done that. There was a couple of moments where it was possible to strike convo with a few girls, but I didn't and on top of that even ended up looking like a bitch on the day after.

if no one has pointed it out yet, you got played. Hard. You wouldn't be posting if you didn't.

Girls spin a lot more plates than you think. I'm not saying be paranoid, but a brief period of paranoia can unlock some dark corners you never thought to explore.

Getting mad helps in these scenarios. You gotta be mad at your previous behavior and be sick of it. For one Big Daddy to be born, another has to "die" (METAPHORICALLY).

The reason I fuck up is because I can't understand how two things that you mention here can co-exist: you say "how far you're willing to sell her the dream, how much were you willing to give her for the pussy?????" and "you need to get more savage" so I don't know what to really do.

Give her as much as you can without actually giving anything up is the key to game. Spend 30 minutes and make her FEEL like she's known you her entire life and that you're meant to spend the rest of your lives together? That's game. Other guys go the bargaining route and literally give their lives (i.e, the guy who promised to wait for a relationship).

Women, for the most part, only care about the emotions, but eventually, some concrete points must be given. More time, more attention, etc. else she will leave. The trick is giving those without explicitly promising yourself so she knows she has you.

Hector

 

[Big Daddy]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

@Rich

Yeah, I generally disregard what people say most of the time vs what they do. I don't know what got to me this time, but whatever it was, I can't let that happen again.

Outside of that, I firmly run on the notion that a girl wants to be fucked by a dominant/attractive man so even if she has a boyfriend or is "taken" if she sees me as an upgrade then she's more than likely going to be willing to sleep with me.

Yeah, I have zero qualms about that too. That said, I urgently need to get some mental reps down because in the heat of the moment I'm always to easily disarmed. It may be my reluctance of invest past a certain point as I explain below but this has to go.



@Hector

I'm so glad that I can come here and shoot the shit with you guys, it helps me see things so much clearer canalize my anger to the only thing that is to blame: myself. I'm so afraid of reverting back from the weak version of 10 years ago that I always refrain from investing too much because I figure it's going to be pathetic if she still turns me down in the end. But who gives a fuck really, as long as I don't become that person again.

But you are so right. I'm too limited by the walls in my head. If I'd have unleashed and did what I needed to be done no matter what, I'd have won her over. It's funny how being "selfish" would be so altruistic in the end.

I am fucking sickeningly mad at how I behaved in this shit. Poor girl. Now she's texting me from time to time and I can't forgive myself for letting her down. *facepalm*

Cut your learning curve and give up the concept now.

Done.

Who says if she's in love with you that you can't keep fucking other women while she pines over you? Agh, i'm getting dark here

I'm telling you, this is going to be happening in the near future (not necessarily with this girl).

 

[alleniverson]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

Your ego is more important than your game." Deep shit. Been thinking about that a lot having gotten very into meditation. Would love your analysis on that, Hector.

Iverson,

Good to see you, homie.

It's something that I realized recently. On a meditative level, the ego is the only thing that keeps you tethered to the material world. If you want to conquer the material world, you need the ego, else there's nothing that can "desire" any progress. Also, women love prideful men. I think that the pickup community has found interest in the enlightenment process since we deal with the most infectious desire of the flesh women, and a response to the pain it causes is to find the Exit, i.e., enlightenment. Problem is, if you take it too far, the material world will punish you for it through failure with women. Women don't respect a man who doesn't fight and kill those who fuck with him - problem is, go far enough along the enlightenment path, and you won't care about things like respect, personal image, etc. Before the Buddha slew Mara, he spent a few years as an ascetic, drinking his own piss, cutting himself ,eating one grain of rice a day, etc to torture himself. It wasn't ultimately the right path, but it was part of his path and instrumental in destroying his attachment to the world. Go too far on the meditation path and you will start to not care about anything. But become too Zen and you'll either lose women's respect for not standing up for yourself or you'll autoreject them because you'll be too far gone. This happens to me on dates. Actually probably lost me a recent girl who I really liked. I was so out of it and so spacey that she kept saying that I probably don't like her, which was weird, because she was probably one of the hottest girls I've ever gone on a date with and my perfect type in almost every sense. We're still in tango, kinda, but I have a suspicion that I won't get a date 2.

Be careful how far you go with this meditative shit. You might find yourself truly not giving a fuck anymore.

Which is why I say that the ego is the most important thing. It's what will motivate you to get ripped, rich, and charming. I have serious trouble motivating myself to do anything these days. Lots of days I'll simply sit there and watch paint dry. I suspect the Abyss of Grace will swallow me within this lifetime or I'll spend a lifetime trying to get enlightenment and then lose everything and gain nothing.

Funnily, that's exactly what some people describe as enlightenment.

Seek Truth with caution. There's a reason that it's said, "No one sees the face of god and lives."

Hector

This is great shit. I see what you’re saying. If you desire success in this material world then you need emotional stake in the game. That peace and bliss that persists through the ups and downs, rejection, doesn’t always help you in your pursuit of material desires. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

The idea that you manufacture your identity in your mind and there is no "real you" really does bother me, though. I really adapt to each social situation, and am not sure who I am because of it. I don't take as much confidence from hot chicks I've fucked in the past, because I didn't get her, rather it was "that game I ran that one time." I don't know what is the default me, and when I'm constantly changing my ways of socializing I am changing my outward self. So how do I reconcile outward presentation and my ego with what's inside my mind when I'm alone? And that’s why meditation is so attractive because it says that is OK, don’t try to find yourself, just BE AWARE of your impermanence and lack of form and be grounded in that.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

I don't take as much confidence from hot chicks I've fucked in the past, because I didn't get her, rather it was "that game I ran that one time." I don't know what is the default me, and when I'm constantly changing my ways of socializing I am changing my outward self. So how do I reconcile outward presentation and my ego with what's inside my mind when I'm alone? And that’s why meditation is so attractive because it says that is OK, don’t try to find yourself, just BE AWARE of your impermanence and lack of form and be grounded in that.

Jesus fuck, you're farther on the path than I thought. However you're meditating, you're doing it right.

Don't try to find yourself...hm...

"Thereupon he spoke these words of victory:

"Seeking but not finding the house builder,
I hurried through the round of many births:
Painful is birth ever and again.

O house builder, you have been seen;
You shall not build the house again.
Your rafters have been broken up,
Your ridgepole is demolished too.

My mind has now attained the unformed Nibbâna
And reached the end of every sort of craving."

This is what the Buddha said moments after his Enlightenment (allegedly).

"O house builder, you have been seen."

There is a Self, but he's a Liar. His name is Mara. See him for what he is and you will realize that True Self is No Self.

Or so that's what they say. Strangely, the illusion continues despite finding Nibbana. Only in Parinibbana (death of the body), does a Truth Knower truly ascend...except, the Buddha refused to answer whether or not he continues after death forever or is annihilated. he only said that an Arahant, after death, is like a bird in the sky. His path is untraceable.

Mara might be a liar, but the lie that's been woven by him and Maya is very beautiful indeed Look how enraptured we are!!

Jesus how did we get here...sorry for the hijack, Big Daddy.

Hector

 

[alleniverson]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

Wow. Big stuff. I appreciate the reply Hector. My knowledge of Buddhism itself is lacking and I plan on doing more research on it in my quest to understand this whole consciousness deal. Could talk about it all for hours.

 

[lux7]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

Hey man, sounds like a positive story overall to be honest. You both had a great time there (except maybe the last days) and she's probably better off not entangling too much with you at this point.

On "life before being a seducer and love", I often thought about it too and maybe you do lose that kind of "mutual falling in love" option which I never had again it after my young 20s. And yes, that is quite an amazing sensation and I'm glad I had it.
Romance does become more diffuse, more number game. The moments are not as deep for you but on the other hand happen with more women.

At least that was my experience.


On the ego thing, I feel it's not so much so how to feed it right, but more about what you pay attention to in the first place, such as what you build your ego around.
Do you build it around "winning" or fucking that girl -in which case you're condemned to outcome dependence-, to being great -in which case you're condemned to being perfect all the time and having to "modify reality" to keep seeing it that way- or do you build around, say, doing your best no matter what and being ok with the results?

That's what I found to be working for me.

 

[Drck]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

What's so difficult, I don't get it, her responses were quite clear. Didn't get a chance to read the responses, but you got big ego. She liked you a lot, you slept together, and then you left. What do you expect her to do? She finds another BF who she likes a lot as well. Then you come back... She still like you but is now confused, she wants to be fateful to the other guy who - unlike you - will most likely stay...

It has nothing to do with being genuine or not, she is simply in relationship that she considers important and doesn't want to give it up because of you.... If she slept with you she knows that she would have to feel miserable about herself after you leave again, so she is proud he didn't do it and ask you to sleep on the couch...

You should work on your Ego and not genuinity, leave the girls that are in serious relationship alone...

I wouldn't be surprised if she actually cut all the contact with you, that way she won't have to feel bad about herself...

 

[Bboy100]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

I didn't read all the comments, but I'm with a combination of Drck and Hector's replies on this one. See it's like this:


There's a new guy she's seeing in the mix. Therefore, having sex with her is harder than it would have been had she been completely single. Regardless, she was willing to give you a chance because she really likes you. She probably rationalized an excuse for why you're at her place and sleeping in her bed. Unfortunately, your "game" so to speak is not good enough to deal with this. It's good enough to get her when she's single. But not when she has the added roadblock of "seeing another man"(there's also a small but still existent chance that she wouldn't have slept with you no matter how good your game is. Doubt it though since she already invited you into her bed).

Now...the other side to this coin is this...do you want what's best for her? Or do you just want to get your dick wet? You said you really like her right? Well here's the thing...even if you had slept with her, you would have left her off worse. The moment all the emotions wear off, she's gonna feel like shit. You're still leaving. And she's still dating this other guy who she now feels like she's cheated on. Moreover, this can actually create problems for her relationship with him (even if he doesn't find out, cheating can still be harmful for the relationship in other ways). I'm not judging nor am I telling you to behave one way or another. Just understand that there's no way around it...had you slept with her, she would've ultimately lost.

As for all the genuine man stuff. I've read Hector's articles and they're actually my favorite articles on this entire website. Having said that, I think you're overthinking it. This really doesn't seem to have anything to do with being genuine. You might want to reread them a few times as you may not completely understand them (I know I had to!).

 

[Snazzy]

Re: This Damn Girl Made Me Question Everything I Believe About Being A Genuine M

you want the pussy to much. the pussy ain't shit, bitches treat it like it's gold but in actuality it's trash. you can fuck it and throw it away, it's nothing. next time, you be the one telling the bitch no when she's trying to fuck you. then you have power. being thristy leads to nothing good.