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This is my seduction story: How would you answer 'honest' critical questions without ending in tragedy?

___M

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 14, 2020
Messages
11
Hey everyone,

I’m sure many of you have faced these moments: an honest, critical question that feels like it could go west or south in a second. Questions about the relationship and where things are heading.

So, how do you handle these when they come up?

I’ll share two of my own experiences, including how I handled them and where I think I went wrong.


#1: Mona

This was a first-date lay.
  • I used the BF Disqualify (told her I wasn’t looking for something serious).
  • Took her back to her place (she resisted at first, but I persisted).
  • We had sex twice, and she was warm and affectionate afterward.
The next day, I planned to text her late at night but found out she had unfollowed me on Instagram and removed me as a follower. Still, I decided to text her as if nothing happened. I shared a genuinely funny event from my day and asked how hers was.

She responded with a laugh emoji to the story but seemed cold, saying, “I’m fine.”

I sensed this might be an auto-rejection—because she wasn’t sure if I wanted to see her again. So, I sent her this:

I want to meet you again. I'm sorry I didn't make it clear.
Being with you is fun, and holding you feels really nice too.
If we make up, I'll treat you to some desserts.

Then I asked her what she felt like eating.

She responded with Tough Question #1:

Why do you want to meet again? Can you tell me?
So we can understand if we feel the same way.

I handled it like this:

I don't know, it's just that meeting you felt nice, so I want to see you again. That's all.
Are you wondering about what’s next for us?

This warmed her up, but then she hit me with Tough Question #2:

I remember you mentioned before that you’re not looking for a serious relationship. When we first met, everything happened really fast. So I want to ask you directly: if we hadn’t been intimate, would you still want to get to know me?
I’m just curious; I just want to understand you better.

Here’s where I messed up. I replied:

I honestly don’t know. I’m not good at waiting, but since you’re nearby, if nothing happened between us and I was free, I might still want to meet you again one time.
I’m a curious person, and I’d still want to get to know you. But it’s just one-sided of the feeling. I haven’t had a simple, casual relationship where we just meet up and hang out without anything more happening in a very long time.
For me, just meeting without anything else happening makes the feelings fade even more. Whether I like someone or not, I usually know within an hour. I don’t see the point of dragging it out until it fizzles.
I get how women feel, but I think being straightforward and fast is better.
The reason I’ve ended up not staying with people I liked in the past is because things moved too slowly and became stagnant—If I meet them twice and nothing happens, I just move on.
For me, having that physical connection is only a positive thing, honestly. I really don’t see why we’d wait.

Yes, it was honest, but it created too much dissimilarity between our views on “moving fast” vs. “moving slow.” She ended things with this:

I completely understand.
I think you're very open and straightforward, which is really great. But from what I've learned about you, I feel like our needs or perspectives might not align very well, especially when it comes to relationships. Personally, I prefer to take things slow and spend more time getting to know each other, which might not be what you're looking for. So, I think it might be better for both of us to stop here.
Thank you so much for your sincerity, and I truly hope you find someone who matches you perfectly.

And that was the end of that.


#2: Jane

This case was different—no intimacy involved. I once wanted something serious with her. But still…
  • She knew from the start that I had a lot of casual relationships in the past.
Last year, I met her twice. The first time, I found out she had a roommate. The second time, I learned that her roommate was out and her place was available, but she calmly said she didn’t want me to come in yet, maybe next time.

Before setting up a third date, I ended things due to logistical challenges. We parted on good terms.

Two weeks ago, I messaged her on Instagram. She was invested, interested, and excited. We talked and set up a date.

On the date, she seemed more nervous than last year when she was bright and glee. Over light drinks, she asked:

I want to know what our relationship will be like? Like… what’s next for us?

She explained how last year she didn’t talk to a single man because she was tired of guessing the nature of relationships. She added:

I don’t want to be involved in something casual—it feels like there’s no goal. So, what’s the point?

I told her I was looking for something serious and had been for a while.

Then she asked:

Why did you text me back then?

I half-joked:

Because it was your birthday.

She stood up like she was leaving, half real feeling, half-joking. I grabbed her and pulled her back to the seat. She said:

So, you didn’t want to talk to me that much?

I replied, Why would I not want to?

We moved on to other topics and planned a small trip the next day (which we didn’t go).

After that date, we talked almost every day, but I could sense she was nervous. She might have put me in the 'playboy' box. When I set up dates, she seemed nervous, and now we haven’t talked to each other.

Looking back, I think I should’ve taken the opportunity to reassure her more. I should’ve said something like:

You’re not just some girl to me. I really like you, and if things work out, I genuinely want to be serious with you.



My Question to You

These tough questions don’t feel like “tests” as described in GC articles (like this) They seem more genuine—about understanding and emotional alignment.

So, how would you approach these kinds of questions?
  1. How do you maintain the right mood and mindset when answering?
  2. How would you have handled Mona’s or Jane’s questions?
…How to answer these kinds of questions to save the day?

Looking forward to your thoughts!
 
Last edited:
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake

TwoNameGame

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 12, 2024
Messages
161
I've been there recently.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not sure I have the answers, but I want to answer to see if I've truly learned. Here was my takeway after reflecting.

Questions about the relationship and where things are heading.
These are called frame conflicts. You handle them as you'd handle them elsewhere. Do not overthink them or switch gears.

The girl is asking if she can trust you, and trust is about consistency. Again, hold frame and get her into your frame. It is better to lose the girl than to lose the frame.

#1: Mona

I sensed this might be an auto-rejection—because she wasn’t sure if I wanted to see her again. So, I sent her this:

I want to meet you again. I'm sorry I didn't make it clear.
Being with you is fun, and holding you feels really nice too.
If we make up, I'll treat you to some desserts.
The issue here is that you weren't honest about your intentions before. The best thing would have been to tell her you want to see her again, maybe set up the second date, after the sex.

You are running damage control, meaning you are now reactive and lost the lead, so you risk looking needy and like you might just say stuff to manipulate her.

I honestly don’t know. I’m not good at waiting, but since you’re nearby, if nothing happened between us and I was free, I might still want to meet you again one time.
Wrong answer. You always know what you are doing. Saying "I don't know" makes you hard to understand, and less comfortable to be around. You can't lead without a destination, so the fact you got a same day lay (good job, by the way) is incongruous. You are making her question everything about you because clearly, you do know. She perceives you as dishonest, hence her reminding you of the lover frame and asking you point blank.

Also, you make her feel bad if you say you'd only want her because she is close. She is already kicking herself for being easy.

For me, just meeting without anything else happening makes the feelings fade even more. Whether I like someone or not, I usually know within an hour. I don’t see the point of dragging it out until it fizzles.
See, you do know.

Better answer, because you go back to your lover frame of short, intense, meaningful. A thing isn't made beautiful because it lasts. Valuing a physical connection like an emotional one shows similarity. But again, part of the issue is you are running damage control.

I get how women feel, but I think being straightforward and fast is better.
Probably better to be more personal, less PUAish

You get how SHE feels. People like people who understand them.

I think you're very open and straightforward, which is really great... Personally, I prefer to take things slow and spend more time getting to know each other, which might not be what you're looking for.
Translation: It's not you, it's me.

But notice how she was willing to go fast last night. She bought into the lover frame because you seduced her with a lover frame. It's not until you let go that you lost her.

#2: Jane

This case was different—no intimacy involved. I once wanted something serious with her.
What was the frame? It seems you weren't a lover, but you don't seem to use the boyfriend frame.

Last year, I met her twice.
It sounds like you didn't escalate over a very long period of time. Attraction expired, and you might have been friendzoned. Why did you only see her 3 times in the span of 12 months? Also, how do you know you wanted her? What was the timeframe?

I want to know what our relationship will be like? Like… what’s next for us? I don’t want to be involved in something casual—it feels like there’s no goal. So, what’s the point?
Same as last time. You had no frame and failed to state goals. She felt the need to step in and lead. The solution is once again to be proactive, or lead her back into your frame. Yes ladders help.

Not jokes. These didn't look like shit tests, they seemed like important questions.

  1. How do you maintain the right mood and mindset when answering?
The goal is to seduce. Be honest, but keep the mood from before. Don't get upset or sad.

The "right" mindset is to keep the mindset that was "right" earlier. Keep leading. Keep being a lover. Do NOT switch gears - incongruence fails always.

Also, there is a saying in Mexico that applies to womanese: "If a woman asks you to be honest, it is because she knows the answer." Read between the lines.
 

___M

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 14, 2020
Messages
11
Hey @TwoNameGame , thanks so much for your response.

I haven’t looked into ‘Frame’ that much, but since you point it out, I can see it’s something I need to work on.

Same as last time. You had no frame and failed to state goals. She felt the need to step in and lead. The solution is once again to be proactive, or lead her back into your frame.

You’re right—I don’t know much about Frame, and my frame isn’t solid. In Jane’s case, I failed to lead effectively.

I usually know where I want things to go, but I rarely tell women unless they ask (and in Jane’s case, I answered that poorly). Do you think it would help if, when the context feels right, I stated what’s going to happen between us? For example, in Mona’s case, it might be after sex, and in Jane’s case, maybe during the middle of the third date. Would giving clarity about where I want us to go next, along with pulling her into my frame, be the right approach?

As for your questions:

What was the frame?

I just wanted to move forward with her. My thought was, if things between us continued to be this nice, and if they stayed nice enough, I’d be happy to be with her.

It sounds like you didn't escalate over a very long period of time.

Last year, I moved back to live with my parents for a short time. During that time, we met on Tinder and went on two dates. She’s one of the few girls whose personality fits really well with mine. However, at the end of the first date, I found out she had a roommate (I only realized when I was about to step out of my car and go up to her room). On the second date, she calmly said she didn’t want me to come in yet because she hadn’t asked her roommate for permission.

Although she seemed open to escalation, the third date didn’t happen. During the time we were setting it up, she sent texts like these:

Jane: I thought you liked writing in the evening, kind of late like this. I think it's quiet, not too chaotic.
Jane: Thanks! I just got to my room.
Me: In this quiet, I’d rather talk to you. 😁
Me: Are you going to play games after getting back to your room?
Jane: Hahaha, let’s find a quiet place to talk later then ;)
Jane: [Continues the chat]

She seemed open to escalating somewhere besides her room. But at the time, I felt that a relationship would be difficult if we always needed to find an outside place or deal with her roommate. Later, when the context allowed, I asked her if her roommate would let me in, so I would know whether things between us will work out or not. I ended up forcing her to make a choice. She said then it doesn’t work for you. I said no, it’s not working for both of us, and I told her I really, really wanted to meet her and travel more with her. But when it came out like this, it’s no one’s fault, just bad timing. We talked a little more and ended on great terms.

This year, I got a job that required traveling all around the country. Now that I’ve quit that job and moved back home. I talked to couple of my friends, and they all said “If neither of you has a place, it’s not a problem—just get a hotel.” That made me think, Really?

When I did the math, I realized that even meeting twice a week, the cost of a hotel is still pretty cheap. Plus, we’d have the chance to explore different parts of the city every week. Which.. seems fun!

So, I decided to reach out to her again, and now the story continues as I described in the main post.

I really think I had to tell her what things between us would look like
 

gameboy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Nov 7, 2023
Messages
981
So what if someone has a roommate? I've never asked my roommates for permission before bringing a girl home. Nor did they ask me.

I assume you have different rooms and aren't literally living in the same room? Coz I had a buddy once for who that was the case. (His roommate turned out to be a real asshole and locked him out when he had a girl over... now that's something I wouldn't recommend lol)
 
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