This will help you get over a girl... guaranteed

[1funkymonk]

I am currently going through a heartbreak. I tried dating one of my close friends who I have been attracted to for a long time. We hooked up and went on some dates, I may have gotten a little clingy, and now she has given me all the signs of avoiding me and wanting to just remain friends. I made a pros/cons list which I will read every time I get that sick to my stomach feeling because I miss her. I was VERY into this girl.

The key to making this list is to be AS HONEST AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN. This goes for her strengths (pros) and weaknesses (cons). When you have a girl run you around, when being completely honest the cons list will far outweigh the positives. Reading this when I am down reassures me that what happened, happened for the best. It is also very important to write a conclusion and talk about yourself, what you want out of a relationship, and your good qualities or things you will improve next time around with a new girl. You must also state what will happen if she shows interest again, how you will keep yourself composed and how you will deal with it. READ YOUR PROS/CONS LIST SEVERAL TIMES A DAY IF YOU MUST! IT WILL HELP!

Here is my example about Kristin:

Pros:
-Beautiful
-She is easy to talk to and get along with
-Want similar things in life (overall/someday)
-We have been very close friends for ~2 years, spending countless hours together, alone and with friends. Helped each other through breakups
-Admitted to friends that she is attracted to me
-While with her most recent ex, she seemed to be a very good and loyal girlfriend
-Though I dated one of her very close friends, she took a chance and hooked up with me and went on several dates. She did not hide the fact that her and I were interested in each other from mutual friends. (Ex. made out with me in public on New Years Eve when the ball dropped).
-When talking about the possibility of us dating, she stated clearly that she is not over her last breakup, is messed up, and shouldn’t want to be with her. She was honest.


Cons:
-She needs constant attention from guys
-Texts and spends far too much time on her phone
-Keeps in contact with ex boyfriends
-Openly admits she is not over her most recent ex (broke up ~2 months ago, caught him cheating twice by reading through his text messages).
-Talks about going to school/getting new job but puts forward no effort
-Doesn’t cook or care to learn how
-Despite the fact that she is attracted to me and likes who I am, she is very guarded and has not admitted feelings or done anything significant to show she cares about me
-I dated one of her very close friends

What I think about her cons:
-Openly states that her father ignores her much of the time when she speaks, what she says seems not to matter to him (daddy issues)... might be why she seeks so much attention from guys
-She is very passive/lazy
-She has been hurt bad in the past and is trying to be careful

Conclusion:
She is not a girl that I would want to date. She has many issues she needs to overcome before she would be the kind of woman I want to be with. In some ways she behaves like she is in highschool- not attractive. My best option is to forget about being with her and focus on myself and my own life and talk to other girls. I would like to remain friends with her, but I will be doing a “pattern interrupt” and refrain from talking to her for a while so I can get my head straight. When I see her again, I will be focused, happy and moving forward with my life. Repeatedly hooking up with her in the future (which is not a for sure possibility and I should not expect or hope for it) may cause her to develop feelings for me. This may attract her and gain her interest again, and she may begin to pursue me in some way. If this happens, I must not make her a priority, I must continue to see other girls, and I must make it clear what kind of woman I want and that if she is not acting that way, I have no problem walking. I must be the alpha male and not take any of the “on the fence” shit. I would only consider dating her if she gets her head out of her ass and shows me respect and that she is putting as much work in as I am. (And this will take time, I must not assume she is doing this just because she is showing me interest). In the end, there is a good possibility that I will never be involved with her again, and I am OK with that because she has not shown me that she is worth it. It is not my fault and I have been honest with my feelings, and there is nothing more I can do. It was just not meant to be. I am good looking, confident, and have dated extremely beautiful girls and I will continue this pattern into the future.

 

[Pete Butter]

Dating other girls and time usually helps me get over girls. But most importantly I have found that screening girls, DEMANDING behaviors early on and cutting those that don't comply greatly reduce the chance of a failing relationship. It pays to be blatantly proactive.

 

[Jay]

1funkymonk,

Dude, I like this strategy. Its healthy, its easy, and it seems to be effective. For very analytical people who like things to be spelled out completely (like me), this is a great way to put the hard facts down on paper and constantly remind yourself that obsessing over this girl isn't worth it.

Keep it up man,

Jay

 

[PinotNoir]

This is a good strategy, and I'm glad it worked for you.

Personally, I've tried similar stuff to this, but the only thing that works effectively and quickly for me is meeting new women -- like Pete Butter said. Doing something like this, meditating, etc. has worked for me, but it took several months (depending on length of relationship).

Building yourself up again to even want to meet new women can be tough. But even if you feel miserable and just want to sit home alone drinking beer and feeling like a pile of shit, force yourself to go out with friends or alone to just meet some new women. This makes me feel a lot better faster, and it's a lot better than sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself. Everyone is different though.

 

[harjas0123]

Gr8 strategy dude....
Last time i and a girl broke up, i used a similar strategy...
Except i just wrote her pros and cons....
But the whole thing seems to be really effective....
Maybe we can write down the info on a paper and read it whenever we feel like going back to her...

Another strategy is writing a letter to your future self stating why you shouldn't go back to the girl...
My friend did it once and it helped him

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hi Guys,

Actually Ricardus, has a great article here too. Do check it out.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/get-o ... al-freedom

Zac

 

[1funkymonk]

Just had to read this list again...

Went out to meet her for drinks tonight. I haven't really talked to her in a week. She texted me once and I ignored her. A few days later she texted me asking how my dad was doing (in the hospital). I was friendly but short. She texted me again today asking to watch a mutual show together on Sunday, I told her "idk I have a lot going on". She continuted to ask me "Are we good?" and say things like "I used to see you 3 times a week, but this week I haven't talked to you or seen you at all." I replied with "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm in town now I'll grab a drink if you want." I was totally cool, didn't bring anything up and was just upbeat about life and telling her all the good things going for me. Still, seeing her made me miss her so I have to read the list again.

Probly going to see her Saturday night cuz we're going out with a group of mutual friends. What's my move here? I don't want to see her and be friends if I'm not involved with her and don't know how to tell her that without her thinking I'm still chasing her. The list is helping, but still could use some advice.

Thanks,
Mike

 

[PinotNoir]

Just had to read this list again...

Went out to meet her for drinks tonight. I haven't really talked to her in a week. She texted me once and I ignored her. A few days later she texted me asking how my dad was doing (in the hospital). I was friendly but short. She texted me again today asking to watch a mutual show together on Sunday, I told her "idk I have a lot going on". She continuted to ask me "Are we good?" and say things like "I used to see you 3 times a week, but this week I haven't talked to you or seen you at all." I replied with "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm in town now I'll grab a drink if you want." I was totally cool, didn't bring anything up and was just upbeat about life and telling her all the good things going for me. Still, seeing her made me miss her so I have to read the list again.

Probly going to see her Saturday night cuz we're going out with a group of mutual friends. What's my move here? I don't want to see her and be friends if I'm not involved with her and don't know how to tell her that without her thinking I'm still chasing her. The list is helping, but still could use some advice.

Thanks,
Mike

I don't know how you can do this without looking like you're chasing her. But...

I think you either need to:

1) Continue with your current approach. Don't show up to this event. If she texts, reply later and later with shorter and shorter responses. Don't spend time trying to think of elaborate responses. "Sorry, I'm busy" is fine. The key is to just keep them short and at late intervals. People are smart; she'll get the picture/hint.

or

2) Be nice and honest. "Listen, I just can't be around you or talk with you for a couple of months. I need time apart. Things like 'I used to see you 3 times a week' also makes me think that you need time away from me. We are not boyfriend/girlfriend, just friends. I don't even commit 3 times a week of communication to my friends. Friends just hang out when both are free and communicate when applicable -- not as some type of forced necessity. If you are wanting 3 times a week, then you need a boyfriend, not me. After a couple of months, we can communicate again and be around each other. Sorry."

OK, so #2 is a bit harsh and direct, but it's only meant as inspiration. Change it appropriately. And yes, I bet she'll try to twist it as "No, I'm not interested; you must just still be all in love with me! I just want to be friends!" or some other bullshit. Ignore this. You said what you needed to say and then commit. Silence for 2+ months.

I don't know your complete situation, but if you're still thinking about a girl and it's affecting you, you have to stop. You have to move on man and be apart. I'm sure you work hard. I'm sure you're generally a good guy. You don't deserve this. All humans need time and space after a breakup; it's natural. Don't feel bad for doing good things for yourself.

 

[Chase]

Mike-

Just had to read this list again...

Went out to meet her for drinks tonight. I haven't really talked to her in a week. She texted me once and I ignored her. A few days later she texted me asking how my dad was doing (in the hospital). I was friendly but short. She texted me again today asking to watch a mutual show together on Sunday, I told her "idk I have a lot going on". She continuted to ask me "Are we good?" and say things like "I used to see you 3 times a week, but this week I haven't talked to you or seen you at all." I replied with "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm in town now I'll grab a drink if you want." I was totally cool, didn't bring anything up and was just upbeat about life and telling her all the good things going for me. Still, seeing her made me miss her so I have to read the list again.

Probly going to see her Saturday night cuz we're going out with a group of mutual friends. What's my move here? I don't want to see her and be friends if I'm not involved with her and don't know how to tell her that without her thinking I'm still chasing her. The list is helping, but still could use some advice.

Thanks,
Mike

I'd advise not seeing her at all unless it's on your terms. i.e., if she wants to see you, insist that she come over to your place for drinks and that you don't really feel like going out. If she comes over, escalate. Otherwise, stay away from her.

After breakups / flings that don't move further, girls who like to keep men around usually work to transition these men into orbiter roles. They'll say things like, "Hey, are we cool?" or, "I don't understand what's up with you?!" trying to place social pressure on the guy to accept being a platonic friend and act like nothing was going on.

The fact of the matter is, once there's been some sort of sexual connection, one of the partners is always hoping to get back together with the other to some extent or another. It's better if it's the girl hoping to get back together with you and you who are just trying to keep her as your platonic gal pal. When it's the other way around... not so good, and usually not someone you want to have around you messing with your emotions.

Chase