To Chase or Not To Chase...??

[Drck]

Hey Guys,

There seems to be two totally opposite styles of getting girls, chasing vs not chasing. "Do not chase" makes perfect sense, and it is working great. However, long time before this style I read "The Rake" (Robert Greene, The Art of Seduction), and in my opionion, this style is basically chasing, hitting on her, pushing and pulling, being romantic and so on, till she finally gives up. It does require a lot of energy, time and patience, but it is working. I hear you, why to chase only one girl if there is twenty another ones around available, but I guess my point is, what if she is really special, and among those other girls really outstanding?

My attraction to this woman is really much greater than to the others, and "Do not chase" was not originally working on her. She was quite attracted, true, but it faded away and there was no way to get her back. So basically, I changed style and I started to hit on her, first lightly, but she ran away as I expected. I thought that I have to give it up, but she came back. So I hit harder, and she ran away again, but again she came back. Each time she gets back she gets closer and closer, more interested. IMO she just cannot resist the constant attention and compliments from my side, perhaps only for a reason that no one else does it. I mean I really went beyond what is considered reasonable, but she is always coming back.

Just wondering what is your opinion and success rate with "The Rake" style. Thanks!

 

[Flames]

hey there.

Ive no idea what the rake is exactly, but what you seem to be doing is push/pull. What essentially this means is that you arnt chasing all the time, and this is what most people mean when they say don't chase. It mean you can hit on a girl, but then you wait for a response, if the response is negative then you back off (pull Away). If your response is Positive then you push forward.

Now I know what a lot of people are going to say. I've got my push and pull definitions wrong, to which I'll say it doesn't matter, however you want to think about it, works.

As long as your not encouraging her running away by giving her more attention, or discouraging her coming to you by pushing her away, then however you do it is fine. There is a crevete though and that's you cannot invest more than she does, in my experience that doesn't work at all.

For example if she comes to you and says 'hi' and you reward that by over investing, such as asking her straight away on a date (assuming no previous investment) then she's more likely going to say no, but if you first get a bit of investment via a compliance, then she's more likely to say yes.

It's all a Dance and you have to get the balance right, too much pull and you appear needy, not enough and you look unattainable and she think she can never have you, so doesn't bother trying.

I think the attainabilty part of Chases book describes this about the bet I've seen around, and I've read pretty much everything out there.

 

[Franco]

Hey Drck,

Having not read The Rake and going specifically off of your description, it sounds like there are two key differences in the approach here.

The approach you mention is the following:

...this style is basically chasing, hitting on her, pushing and pulling, being romantic and so on, till she finally gives up.

What Chase advocates here is actually not all that different, except for one specific component: replace "being romantic" with "being sexy and seductive"

When you think about it, if two guys are pursuing a girl, both using the push-pull technique, who do you think is going to be the one who sleeps with her first? The one who is sending her flowers, taking her out to dinner, giving her "romantic kisses," and courting her like a gentleman until she gives in? Or the guy who is being aloof, only setting up brief meets when he has time, setting a very sexual frame when he is around her, and constantly pushing for the close until she gives up?

The latter guy will end up sleeping with the girl 99/100 times. And the first guy to sleep with her is the man she will feel the strongest feelings for. No matter how aloof the first man is being, he is presenting her with so much value that she would be afraid to sleep with him and risk losing him forever.

Unlike the story of the tortoise and the hare, it's almost always the hare who wins this race.

- Franco

 

[Drck]

Ok, let me just rephraze so I understand (english is my second language):

The first guy, #1 is "romantic kisser" and gentleman with high value, so she considers him for a long haul, e.g. potential boyfriend/husband. Thus she is taking longer time with him, making him wait.

The other guy, #2, is rather aloof, setting sexual frame. She doesn't really want him as a boyfriend/husband, but she wants to get a good night sleep with him. She doesn't care if she looses him because he is not boyfriend material. This one will end up sleeping with her 99/100 times.

Just confused about who she has greater feelings for? I understand that #2 is rather Alfa male, thus she has (or should have) a strong attraction for him. But she has a feelings for #1 too, who appears more Beta, since she is thinking about keeping him for long term and not sleeping with him. Thanks.

 

[Chase]

Drck-

Just confused about who she has greater feelings for? I understand that #2 is rather Alfa male, thus she has (or should have) a strong attraction for him. But she has a feelings for #1 too, who appears more Beta, since she is thinking about keeping him for long term and not sleeping with him. Thanks.

She likes the romantic man who's a potential boyfriend or husband more. That's why she makes him chase her harder, resists sex with him more, and most of the time never ends up together with him. She doesn't want to risk chancing ANYTHING happening with this guy unless she makes it PERFECT.

On the other hand, the lover is more throwaway. She sleeps with him quickly because she doesn't care very much what he thinks about her. It isn't until they're sleeping together for a little while that her feelings for the lover begin to become stronger than they were for any of the boyfriend candidates she had before she met him whom she never slept together with and kept dreaming of perfect, fantastical futures with that usually never really happen because they never get together and she eventually loses interest.

Chase

 

[Tyme2k]

Back to the specific situation, this girl is seeking validation. You are showering her with constant attention and compliments, girls need and crave this. The problem is you are already that guy to her, Chase puts it as a "Friend." She can come to you when she needs to feel important, wanted, loved, pretty, etc.. but she will go to her lover to have sex. Chase actually wrote an article about how women will get different guys to fill drifferent roles, you must frame it early on as the lover role or she will fit you in somewhere else. Now she doesn't want to lose her validation boy, so chances are she wont sleep with you.

I don't really see this situation salvagable for the time being. My suggestion is start seeing lots of other girls and get abundance, once this happens try again with her, but with less validation, compliments and attention.