To Go Cold or Not?

[NewTon]

Hi guys. I need some help. I seem to have fallen into oneitis with this chick. I will write into bullet points our brief history, and maybe you can give me unbiased opinion on what should be best done here.
1)* I know her since last summer, I made several attempts to bed her, we slept both being drunk after a party, but nothing happened. She is 10 years younger than me.
2) we never kissed too, though I did try.
3) she seems to either like my attention, OR wants me to try harder. She dont have BF but has several guy friends.
4) She seems to text me when she is bored OR when she needs something done. She is never enthusiastic over text, cold fish...
5) she studies in another country and whenver she comes for few days, she does want to meet up. The last few times we met, there was barely any physical contact. When I touch her, she completely shuts and never touches back, only when slightly drunk.
6) I have oneitis for her, and I noticed from my previous experience that I get oneitis for every chick that dont reciprocate my feelings. I am like "I need to try harder to seducer her", its been like this for the past 3 chicks, and I turn completely cold to those who show me interest, its like I dont see qny other chicks, but I keep trying to get those that are not so sure about dating me.

Guys, what should I do? This chick is gonna come back soon for few days and she is gonna text me to meet up. What do I do?

My heart says to invite her to my place and if she wont come, I never contact her again.

Guys, what would you do in my situation? We are in the same friend circle, if that matter.
I thank you for taking your time to read this... thanks.

 

[Skjöldr]

Yes ask her to meet up, practice your game, do your best, if she don't reciprocate, offer her a ride home.

Did this last night. Had a date with a chick. We grab food, drive to my place, chat and eat, watch movie, i escalate physically. Tell her to look at me, lean in to kiss, she says "i'm not looking for that" i ask her "what do you mean?" She says "i'm just looking to meet new people and make friends" i say "i've plenty of friends and i'm just looking to date" shut down laptop and say "Should i drive you home?" And she says alright. Ain't gonna waste time on shit like that. Find a girl who wants to fuck you as much as you wanna fuck her. Don't sit there and entertain some spoiled brat. Fuck that. If she says "let's just be friends" counter offer with "let's tongue kiss" and watch her face. Different words, same bullshit essence.

To answer your question: Meet more women (spin plates) and cut her off. It is unhealthy for you to chase a deadend. The only thing that can cure beta oneitis is pain. Trust me. A girl has been driving me nuts too the past week or so because she's being dismissive over text after we fucked and ghosting me intermittently. It hurts like a motherfucker and it is painful but you will grow tougher.

Us men have the illusion of action. Even in their absence these women have attention galore in the beta side of our brains. We sit there and scheme all day and night "now if i did this..... Then she would change her mind and then this.... And then no... That wouldnt work out hmmmm.... What if i wait 3 days and then...." Yknow? While we are doing that in her mind you're on the backburner and she's fucking someone else very likely. Don't give attention for free.

 

[NewTon]

Thanks for the reply, brother. I understand your position. I also believe there could be some auto-rejection going on, bcoz she knows it is not difficult for me to get other chicks, especially as she seen others hit on me...I think I need to dial down my value abit, be more human, down to earth.
I am also this type where I need longer to time to warm up to person before anything physical happens. She seems to be similar...

Going back to your post, she came over to your place, and you tried to kiss her, she was not ready for that and you drove her home. Do you think it could have been too harsh? I mean she too perhaps needs time to warm up? I mean I keep making the mistake of thinking what other person should do, and that is only my own perspective, which could be flawed, and whenver the person does not do as I EXPECTED them to do, I get angry/bitter/shut off - this is something I try to avoid right now at all costs, but the analitical(?) side of mine isnt so easy to shut down.

 

[Lover]

It looks like a dead end to me. I wouldn't try to invite her over because I know it wouldn't be the last time I would try. That is how powerful oneitis can be.

And with your history, I have a hard time believing you can turn this around. You spent a night with her without boning her. IME, that is one of the fastest shortcuts to the friendzone.

Meet other girls right away. Better to try with new girls than staying hung up on one girl.

Personally, I'd move on without even texting her back at this point. But since you're in the same circle, you may have to keep it friendly. Politely decline if she wants to schedule. You can tell her you're busy with whatever and won't have time to meet her this time around.

 

[Skjöldr]

But since you're in the same social circle you have an advantage over meeting her through cold approach. By going no contact it will have greater effect on her. During no contact you gotta keep meeting and dating fresh women though.

Thanks for the reply, brother. I understand your position. I also believe there could be some auto-rejection going on, bcoz she knows it is not difficult for me to get other chicks, especially as she seen others hit on me...I think I need to dial down my value abit, be more human, down to earth.
I am also this type where I need longer to time to warm up to person before anything physical happens. She seems to be similar...

Going back to your post, she came over to your place, and you tried to kiss her, she was not ready for that and you drove her home. Do you think it could have been too harsh? I mean she too perhaps needs time to warm up? I mean I keep making the mistake of thinking what other person should do, and that is only my own perspective, which could be flawed, and whenver the person does not do as I EXPECTED them to do, I get angry/bitter/shut off - this is something I try to avoid right now at all costs, but the analitical(?) side of mine isnt so easy to shut down.

Physical escalation is attractive. Rather err on the side of too much too quick than too little too slowly. She will see you as more of a man.

I had a really good gut feeling about this one. She basically agreed to be picked up in my car and go to my place 24 hours after i met her on the streets. Stranger danger or something... I reckoned she was almost DTF. When we paid for food the price came in 1 and i payed and she didn't interject. I simply noted that and thought i would escalate quickly with her when we got home. Didn't wanna invest in a dead end. She met me at the food place (compliance), followed me to the car (compliance), walked into my crib (compliance), moved to the sofa with me (compliance), let me caress her arm and shoulder (compliance). I thought i was good to go. My gut feeling told me to give her the kiss test. She failed it. Bye Felicia.

Yes we expect these people to reciprocate our chasing and it drives us mad, so we chase harder and mess things up. Just be stoic about it, things within your control (take a deep breath, chill tf out and let her come to you) and things without your control (her reciprocating interest and reaching out to you to the extent you wish for her to do). Every experience like this makes you tougher. Makes you more confident. You won't walk on egg shells. Stronger frame. Women will feel your non-needy attitude and be more attracted to you.

 

[Skjöldr]

It looks like a dead end to me. I wouldn't try to invite her over because I know it wouldn't be the last time I would try. That is how powerful oneitis can be.

And with your history, I have a hard time believing you can turn this around. You spent a night with her without boning her. IME, that is one of the fastest shortcuts to the friendzone.

Meet other girls right away. Better to try with new girls than staying hung up on one girl.

Personally, I'd move on without even texting her back at this point. But since you're in the same circle, you may have to keep it friendly. Politely decline if she wants to schedule. You can tell her you're busy with whatever and won't have time to meet her this time around.

Agree with all this except if she wanna schedule, do it, give it one last shot. Invite her to your place. You are conscious about your situation now. You understand where you stand with eachother. Put on your best game. If she turns down your advances tell her it isn't working out for you and that you think she's a nice person, but that your feelings for her are stronger than just friendship and that if she doesn't feel the same, you think it is best you should stop seeing eachother 1-on-1

 

[Velasco]

She met me at the food place (compliance), followed me to the car (compliance), walked into my crib (compliance), moved to the sofa with me (compliance), let me caress her arm and shoulder (compliance). I thought i was good to go. My gut feeling told me to give her the kiss test. She failed it. Bye Felicia.

yes ladder debunked.

 

[Lover]

@NewTon: From the way you described your history with this girl + you catch oneitis easily when girls don't reciprocate + you're in the same circle as this girl ... I personally think it makes no sense to continue further with this particular girl. And you would benefit from moving on when girls are not giving you what you want sooner. BUT:

Agree with all this except if she wanna schedule, do it, give it one last shot. Invite her to your place. You are conscious about your situation now. You understand where you stand with eachother. Put on your best game. If she turns down your advances tell her it isn't working out for you and that you think she's a nice person, but that your feelings for her are stronger than just friendship and that if she doesn't feel the same, you think it is best you should stop seeing eachother 1-on-1

If you're certain you can pull this off the way @Peterdk234 describes, absolutely go for it!

 

[blazerfury]

You should always be doing cold approach.