- Joined
- Apr 6, 2023
- Messages
- 10
Here's a whirlwind life history, which I can send people to for extra context. Keeping it as terse as possible. Hard to believe, I know.
## Genesis: The incel nerd
I was the chubby kid in school. Possibly the shyest person you could ever meet. In high school I asked out a couple girls and got my rejection served with a large platter of public humiliation. The one time I managed to get a girlfriend, she cheated on me within a couple weeks. Can't say I blame her. I went into my shell. Porn and video games are safer than real life.
## A PUA is born.
At 19 (the legal drinking age in O' Canada), my friends dragged me kicking and screaming to a night club. Me sitting alone in a corner. And there I met some old man named Dan.
Dan was not going to tolerate me sitting alone. He starts picking on me, telling me how I'm wasting my youth, look at all these beautiful women, stop being a loser and go dance. Finally he said the words "Ok here's a deal. Go ask any girl to dance. I don't care if she says yes or no. Go do that, and I'll leave you alone. Don't do it, and I will keep this up allll night".
So I approached. Her name was Kim, and she said yes!
From that moment I was hooked. I started going out every Saturday. At first my approach anxiety was so bad I was physically trembling. I felt the fear, and I did it anyway. I don't know what ever came of Dan, but I owe that asshole my life.
Eventually you get numb to fear. I never had canned lines. I would just ask a girl to dance. Escalate to kissing. Get number. Invite to my place for a movie and chill. Oh, I didn't mention the TV is in my bedroom? Whoops, oh well...
By day, I would use craigslist as a platform for experimenting. Creating fake posts to see what women responded to. Create female posts to see what guys were sending. Became a master wordsmith. Dating sites were a thing before tinder, but my success with them was mediocre compared to CL and especially night clubs.
After a couple years I had racked up a couple stats I was proud of.
- I once got sex 8 minutes after introducing myself. Yes, I really timed it.
- I slept with 3 girls (separately) in a 24 hour period. They all knew about the fact, 100% transparency. They still did it anyway. My female roommate thought this was the funniest shit ever and made pancakes in the morning for the one who stayed the night.
- I do not know my total body count.
- Once kissed 13 girls in one night. Ok fine, it was news years eve, but it still counts!
## The dark side of success
I always was aware that pickup was my only personality trait. When family asked "What do you like to do?" I was so ashamed... I couldn't even answer. Girls were my life. Sex, my addiction.
Guys loved me because of what I could do for them as a wing. I have had 3 different LTRs cheat on me with 3 different friends of mine.
Girls loved me because of how I could make them feel for a night. But it was superficial. Paper thin. After reaching 'the goal' I had the personality of a turnip (as someone once said)
I remember one night where I struck out a dozen times in a row, and had a mental breakdown over it.
I kept trying to get out of the game, just find an LTR. But invariably either I would cheat, or she would.
## Descent into MGTOW
One particular lady did a number on me. Won't go into too much detail. Don't date someone with BPD is the lesson here. After a year, I kicked her psycho ass out of my house. So she went to my mother and claimed that I raped her. This was also during the peak of the #MeToo BS.
What really messed me up was the fact that my mom didn't immediately defend me. She believed it until my older brother was like "Ok, have you even met your son? That B was always crazy, and you know it."
When I told people this, guys started coming out of the woodwork to say "Ya bro, I've been falsely accused too". I don't know how many guys I've met who have said that. But every time a new #MeToo story broke out, my first thought was "Poor guy". I had to struggle to remind myself that it might actually be true.
I watched story after story of guys losing everything. Not in a court of law, but the court of public opinion. Feminism started picking up more and more power.
I no longer felt safe doing pickup. It wasn't anxiety of being rejected, but anxiety of having my life absolutely destroyed by some random feminist wanting to jump on the bandwagon.
Stopped going out. Started watching mgtow stuff. Became filled with depression and anger.
## Growing old in Ice-solation: My namesake
I had a couple girlfriends over the years since then, but I have never let down my guard. I have never let myself be vulnerable since that accusation. I developed odd habits like meticulously backing up text and email convos in case I need an alibi. I assume every gf is cheating, and try to just... not care? What else can you do. I have completely lost my ability to trust another human being, male or female.
Long periods of isolation. Go to work, come home, sleep, repeat. Someone tries talking to me? Cut it short and leave. Adopt the Mike Pence rule and blatantly refuse to be alone with any woman I'm not dating.
Years go by in utter solitude.
Got old
Became obese.
Early last year, so desperate for human connection I tried dating someone. Absolute butterface, but I'm a sucker for a thigh gap. She turned out to be classic narcissist. Daily gaslighting, screaming about things I never actually did, suicide threats when I tried to leave. I was already in such a bad state psychologically that she finally succeeded at breaking me. My mental health got to the point that I had full on audio/visual hallucinations, disassociation. Catatonic for stretches of time.
## Rebirth: Out of the darkness, I rise
She's gone. And in the silence, I knew I had to steer my life in another direction. Any other.
I started reading philosophy.
Got hobbies outside of women.
Became nerdy about nutrition and quit sugar. Went low carb and start fasting
Wait, did I just lose 50lbs? When the F did that happen!?
My muscles are atrophied, I start lifting.
Shave my head.
Start dressing nice.
I'm becoming that 'sexy older man'.
Did that girl just smile at me a little *too* much.
People start commenting on how I am a different person. I smile more. I glow. I look good (still need to work on muscles though)
Last weekend I found a little drop-in dance class followed by social dance. I go in and my old habits kicked in instinctively.
Scan the people walking in to get a feel for the room. Zero in on one of the hottest chicks I have ever seen. Before I can approach, some curvy little 7 asks me to dance. Fuck it, why not. Eventually I'm free and find my target sitting in a corner table surrounded by friends. I don't even care as I shove my way past them to sit next to her. Start chatting. She's cool. Has the same name as the 7. Get her to dance with me. At this point I notice the boyfriend glaring daggers at me. Lollll hope I don't get shot.
We dance. We have amazing chemistry. And she's giving me some serious eyes. Tempted to kiss her, but the boyfriend butts in and drags her off.
I sit down alone. Thoughts racing as I contemplate life. This is what I have needed. It always was.
Thoughts are cut short as ANOTHER woman approaches me. It was NEVER this easy when I was young.
Guys? I think I'm home.
## Genesis: The incel nerd
I was the chubby kid in school. Possibly the shyest person you could ever meet. In high school I asked out a couple girls and got my rejection served with a large platter of public humiliation. The one time I managed to get a girlfriend, she cheated on me within a couple weeks. Can't say I blame her. I went into my shell. Porn and video games are safer than real life.
## A PUA is born.
At 19 (the legal drinking age in O' Canada), my friends dragged me kicking and screaming to a night club. Me sitting alone in a corner. And there I met some old man named Dan.
Dan was not going to tolerate me sitting alone. He starts picking on me, telling me how I'm wasting my youth, look at all these beautiful women, stop being a loser and go dance. Finally he said the words "Ok here's a deal. Go ask any girl to dance. I don't care if she says yes or no. Go do that, and I'll leave you alone. Don't do it, and I will keep this up allll night".
So I approached. Her name was Kim, and she said yes!
From that moment I was hooked. I started going out every Saturday. At first my approach anxiety was so bad I was physically trembling. I felt the fear, and I did it anyway. I don't know what ever came of Dan, but I owe that asshole my life.
Eventually you get numb to fear. I never had canned lines. I would just ask a girl to dance. Escalate to kissing. Get number. Invite to my place for a movie and chill. Oh, I didn't mention the TV is in my bedroom? Whoops, oh well...
By day, I would use craigslist as a platform for experimenting. Creating fake posts to see what women responded to. Create female posts to see what guys were sending. Became a master wordsmith. Dating sites were a thing before tinder, but my success with them was mediocre compared to CL and especially night clubs.
After a couple years I had racked up a couple stats I was proud of.
- I once got sex 8 minutes after introducing myself. Yes, I really timed it.
- I slept with 3 girls (separately) in a 24 hour period. They all knew about the fact, 100% transparency. They still did it anyway. My female roommate thought this was the funniest shit ever and made pancakes in the morning for the one who stayed the night.
- I do not know my total body count.
- Once kissed 13 girls in one night. Ok fine, it was news years eve, but it still counts!
## The dark side of success
I always was aware that pickup was my only personality trait. When family asked "What do you like to do?" I was so ashamed... I couldn't even answer. Girls were my life. Sex, my addiction.
Guys loved me because of what I could do for them as a wing. I have had 3 different LTRs cheat on me with 3 different friends of mine.
Girls loved me because of how I could make them feel for a night. But it was superficial. Paper thin. After reaching 'the goal' I had the personality of a turnip (as someone once said)
I remember one night where I struck out a dozen times in a row, and had a mental breakdown over it.
I kept trying to get out of the game, just find an LTR. But invariably either I would cheat, or she would.
## Descent into MGTOW
One particular lady did a number on me. Won't go into too much detail. Don't date someone with BPD is the lesson here. After a year, I kicked her psycho ass out of my house. So she went to my mother and claimed that I raped her. This was also during the peak of the #MeToo BS.
What really messed me up was the fact that my mom didn't immediately defend me. She believed it until my older brother was like "Ok, have you even met your son? That B was always crazy, and you know it."
When I told people this, guys started coming out of the woodwork to say "Ya bro, I've been falsely accused too". I don't know how many guys I've met who have said that. But every time a new #MeToo story broke out, my first thought was "Poor guy". I had to struggle to remind myself that it might actually be true.
I watched story after story of guys losing everything. Not in a court of law, but the court of public opinion. Feminism started picking up more and more power.
I no longer felt safe doing pickup. It wasn't anxiety of being rejected, but anxiety of having my life absolutely destroyed by some random feminist wanting to jump on the bandwagon.
Stopped going out. Started watching mgtow stuff. Became filled with depression and anger.
## Growing old in Ice-solation: My namesake
I had a couple girlfriends over the years since then, but I have never let down my guard. I have never let myself be vulnerable since that accusation. I developed odd habits like meticulously backing up text and email convos in case I need an alibi. I assume every gf is cheating, and try to just... not care? What else can you do. I have completely lost my ability to trust another human being, male or female.
Long periods of isolation. Go to work, come home, sleep, repeat. Someone tries talking to me? Cut it short and leave. Adopt the Mike Pence rule and blatantly refuse to be alone with any woman I'm not dating.
Years go by in utter solitude.
Got old
Became obese.
Early last year, so desperate for human connection I tried dating someone. Absolute butterface, but I'm a sucker for a thigh gap. She turned out to be classic narcissist. Daily gaslighting, screaming about things I never actually did, suicide threats when I tried to leave. I was already in such a bad state psychologically that she finally succeeded at breaking me. My mental health got to the point that I had full on audio/visual hallucinations, disassociation. Catatonic for stretches of time.
## Rebirth: Out of the darkness, I rise
She's gone. And in the silence, I knew I had to steer my life in another direction. Any other.
I started reading philosophy.
Got hobbies outside of women.
Became nerdy about nutrition and quit sugar. Went low carb and start fasting
Wait, did I just lose 50lbs? When the F did that happen!?
My muscles are atrophied, I start lifting.
Shave my head.
Start dressing nice.
I'm becoming that 'sexy older man'.
Did that girl just smile at me a little *too* much.
People start commenting on how I am a different person. I smile more. I glow. I look good (still need to work on muscles though)
Last weekend I found a little drop-in dance class followed by social dance. I go in and my old habits kicked in instinctively.
Scan the people walking in to get a feel for the room. Zero in on one of the hottest chicks I have ever seen. Before I can approach, some curvy little 7 asks me to dance. Fuck it, why not. Eventually I'm free and find my target sitting in a corner table surrounded by friends. I don't even care as I shove my way past them to sit next to her. Start chatting. She's cool. Has the same name as the 7. Get her to dance with me. At this point I notice the boyfriend glaring daggers at me. Lollll hope I don't get shot.
We dance. We have amazing chemistry. And she's giving me some serious eyes. Tempted to kiss her, but the boyfriend butts in and drags her off.
I sit down alone. Thoughts racing as I contemplate life. This is what I have needed. It always was.
Thoughts are cut short as ANOTHER woman approaches me. It was NEVER this easy when I was young.
Guys? I think I'm home.
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