FR Too rigid frame-control?

[Gladiator]

I was reading this post now and something similar happened to me earlier this week.. looking for some feedback. That post already covers most of what I was looking for but I needed some more inputs on logistical navigation and frame-control

I approached an Austrian chic (textbook beautiful with defined facial features and lovely dimples on both the cheeks) on the street last week. It was ON from the moment I approached (you'll know why soon).. This is how our interaction went:

She was walking pretty fast...

Me: (jogging UpTo her from behind) That's beautiful hair
She: (she started sipping water from her water bottle exactly the moment I approached) Hahaha.. (almost spitting out the water but doing it after swallowing it)
Me: You don't think so? (In a slow sexy voice)
She: Maybe yeah. Thanks but I had never met someone saying that to me on the street
Me: there's always a first time for everything
She: True

She seemed like she was in a rush.. so I ask

Me: So, you seem in a hurry? Like on a mission
She: I'm leaving the city tomorrow. So it's my last day..

It didn't make sense but she was implying that she doesn't have enough time to spend anymore with me.. So there was no point in me talking to her

Me: (In a mock hurt tone of voice) So is this the end of our story then?
She: Seems like it (she presses my traps. It was quite forward of her to do that mins after I met her. I took it as a sign that she's interested but just running out of time)
Me: that's sad
She: not really.. I don't like big cities and I'm waiting to escape from here
Me: Hmm.. seems like you're yet to have the best experience in this city (implying it was me)
She: Well.. I don't know cus I'm going somewhere now and tomorrow I'm gone. So, maybe I'll never find out
Me: there are times in life when opportunities come knocking and we fail to notice
She: True..

(I like to talk in implied terms generally but I didn't have enough time since she looked rushed. So I cut to the chase)

Me: Looks like you're missing an opportunity again
She: *Giggles* what have you got to offer?
Me: it's not me. It's US. it's not what I do for you. It's what we do for each other and make your last day memorable here
She: that was a great response. I really liked what you say
Me: Well, then you have to find out more about me
She: I would like to but I'm going for a dance now
Me: nice.. what dance?
She: Bachata social dancing
Me: Awesome.. I love Bachata. Let's dance (and I hold her hand at the traffic signal. People are Watching and specially a guy who keeps looking at me in Starbucks when I approach chics is standing just behind me listening to all of this. It put a lot of social pressure on me but I was standing ground cos the moment the signal turns green, she'll be gone and I didn't want to chase after her)

She: Haha I don't dance on the street
Me: ohh.. that's the best. Well I don't say I'm the best dancer but I think you'll have a far better experience than what you'll have at social dancing
She: Why aren't you going then?
Me: I'm not in a mood to go dancing today. I just finished work.
She: well.. what do you want to do?

(Maybe I let the cat out quickly but I thought it's a hailmary call and I could only think of that in the moment)

Me: let's start with a drink first
She: I don't drink haha
Me: I didn't mean alcohol
She: I don't drink coffee either haha
Me: We can get to know each other over tea, go watch sunset and maybe if you're not crazy, we can watch a movie
(I think I raised ASD here)
She: Sorry I don't go off to people's house who've I've just met
Me: Didn't I say if we have the connection?
She: well I really need to go now since the bus is leaving soon but you can join me for dancing if you like

Signal turns green. I turn towards the other direction to walk away and she's getting ready to leave in the opposite direction. She says one more time

She: Comeeee
Me: Naaah.. (And I leave...)

In hindsight, I could've gone with her since I know plenty of people at dance and would've helped with social proof and preselection but I'm not very adept at seducing with lot of wild cards thrown at me with other people involved and specially with the noise where I can't talk clearly and chics go crazy once they start dancing.. and hard to isolate.

After reading the post that I linked above, I thought it was worth giving it a shot since she was compliant to some extent. This post Chase also emphasizes vibe over strong-rules (which I'm a strong advocate of since I lean a bit towards being a natural in terms of going with the flow over following rules strictly). I'm also trying to break the rules using good judgement these days. So, my question is:

Assuming I had gone with her dancing, what are some things that I could've done that would've eased seduction and whether it was a right or a wrong call that I didn't join her?

Typically I'd have written it off as a NO girl but I'm trying to fine tune my calibration to get the most out of little effort. So your feedback is valuable.

 

[Will_V]

Sounds to me like you might have put too much pressure on too quickly, starting with 'so this is the end of our story then?' and then focusing too much on selling yourself as an opportunity instead of vibing and getting to know her a little more. That pressure caused her to push back and test you a bit (asking what you wanted to do and then rejecting a bunch of stuff) which then you responded to with a bit of a hedging statement about connections which comes off a bit flat and put the frame squarely in her court. It definitely comes across like you had a path you're determined to get her on and she probably felt it.

Something more chill, like maybe walking with her a bit toward the dancing place while getting to know her more, then asking what she's doing after (might have been a window there), could have worked out better.

 

[Gladiator]

Street approaches are tough nuts to crack aye. Since there are a lot of moving parts. I don't often do it unless I find her incredibly attractive.

Sounds to me like you might have put too much pressure on too quickly, starting with 'so this is the end of our story then?'

There was a vibe going on between us and she was blushing for everything I didn't think this'd hurt

and then focusing too much on selling yourself as an opportunity instead of vibing and getting to know her a little more. That pressure caused her to push back and test you a bit (asking what you wanted to do and then rejecting a bunch of stuff) which then you responded to with a bit of a hedging statement about connections which comes off a bit flat and put the frame squarely in her court. It definitely comes across like you had a path you're determined to get her on and she probably felt it.

This is correct. I generally avoid getting into frame battles or even if she tries to pull me in, I typically side-step the frame to bring her into "We/Us" frame and it's normally smooth-sailing thereafter. But in this case, with the limited time I had I got myself into a problem-solving frame which was not the best approach

Something more chill, like maybe walking with her a bit toward the dancing place while getting to know her more, then asking what she's doing after (might have been a window there), could have worked out better.

Yup, buying time would've helped a great deal and would've avoided putting pressure on both of us, to begin with. I asked her to stop and she stopped for a couple of mins but she looked restless cos she was running late for her bus. Would you have just started walking with her which is kinda chasing in my eyes since she's not completely sold yet or asked to walk with her? (James Marshall from TNL asks which I kinda like on one-hand coming across as chill and not haggling for my frame but on the other hand I find it as an over-investment in the early stages)

 

[Will_V]

Street approaches are tough nuts to crack aye. Since there are a lot of moving parts. I don't often do it unless I find her incredibly attractive.

Yeah it can be tough when she's really on the move.

There was a vibe going on between us and she was blushing for everything I didn't think this'd hurt

That first line wasn't bad in itself, it's a bit of cheese which works well if there's a good vibe from the start, which there definitely was here. But it set the tone for the rest of the interaction which was leaning too heavily on making her feel like she was missing out on something.

She just wasn't invested enough .. if you dropped that first line to fan the flames of her initial excitement a little, and then went into a bit of getting her to qualify herself or finding out about her, it would have gone better.

This is correct. I generally avoid getting into frame battles or even if she tries to pull me in, I typically side-step the frame to bring her into "We/Us" frame and it's normally smooth-sailing thereafter. But in this case, with the limited time I had I got myself into a problem-solving frame which was not the best approach

Yeah it's something that happens when you are in your headspace and not hers, you're thinking 'damn she's leaving tomorrow' and expressing out of your own frame of it being a fleeting opportunity - but she is in the immediate frame of just being excited at a cool guy approaching and isn't invested in anything more yet. Not until you get her intrigued and invested.

Yup, buying time would've helped a great deal and would've avoided putting pressure on both of us, to begin with. I asked her to stop and she stopped for a couple of mins but she looked restless cos she was running late for her bus. Would you have just started walking with her which is kinda chasing in my eyes since she's not completely sold yet or asked to walk with her? (James Marshall from TNL asks which I kinda like on one-hand coming across as chill and not haggling for my frame but on the other hand I find it as an over-investment in the early stages)

I like James Marshall and I've learned a lot from his vids. I don't ask but I do tell her something like 'I'll just walk with you a couple blocks I'm heading up there anyway'. So that she knows I'm not going to be some weirdo following her around.

There are a few ways to go about things when she's in a hurry and/or you're walking with her. As long as there is some chemistry I usually push her harder to qualify herself to offset the feeling of her being less invested - I'll say things like 'what do you like to do for fun - don't be boring and say netflix' or 'tell me something about you I wouldn't guess', tease harder, use a firmer and more commanding tone etc. And then when I see that things are about to finish - e.g. she's getting near her destination - I take the frame by saying I have somewhere to go and can't hang and that we'll have to continue this later.

Something I remember hearing from James that I've not forgotten, since it is backed up by my experiences, is that when she doesn't respond to your texts it's usually because you didn't qualify her - she doesn't see any reason why you actually like her or why she's worth your time (besides a quick bang). In this case if you weren't going to the dance you'd basically have had no reason for her to reconnect with you. That's why I think the right idea here was walking with her to have a chance to qualify her, then seeding something after the dance, getting the number and texting her later.

But here maybe you could have just gone to the dance, since you like dancing. Your signals got all mixed - on one hand you wanted to dance on the street, then didn't feel like going to an actual dance, and basically roadblocked yourself from any continuation even though she wanted you to come. She would have felt something was off, like you had an agenda and the dance wasn't part of it. When in doubt it's best to just go with the flow so you have more opportunity, the frame can be corrected as needed later.

 

[Gladiator]

I like James Marshall and I've learned a lot from his vids.

Yes, he's really good, specially with street game.

I don't ask but I do tell her something like 'I'll just walk with you a couple blocks I'm heading up there anyway'. So that she knows I'm not going to be some weirdo following her around.

Good strategy. Will try this next time.

There are a few ways to go about things when she's in a hurry and/or you're walking with her. As long as there is some chemistry I usually push her harder to qualify herself to offset the feeling of her being less invested - I'll say things like 'what do you like to do for fun - don't be boring and say netflix' or 'tell me something about you I wouldn't guess', tease harder, use a firmer and more commanding tone etc. And then when I see that things are about to finish - e.g. she's getting near her destination - I take the frame by saying I have somewhere to go and can't hang and that we'll have to continue this later.

Something I remember hearing from James that I've not forgotten, since it is backed up by my experiences, is that when she doesn't respond to your texts it's usually because you didn't qualify her - she doesn't see any reason why you actually like her or why she's worth your time (besides a quick bang). In this case if you weren't going to the dance you'd basically have had no reason for her to reconnect with you. That's why I think the right idea here was walking with her to have a chance to qualify her, then seeding something after the dance, getting the number and texting her later.

I know that video from James and I've personally experienced too.

When in doubt it's best to just go with the flow so you have more opportunity, the frame can be corrected as needed later.

Noted. Thanks man for your feedback.