Tried Out Chase's dialed-back natural opener

[Justintime]

There's a QT at a coffee stop I visit. We've chatted sporadically here and there as she makes coffee in the past. I decided to ask her out. Just went with a discussion about coffee, how she was probably an expert in it now, whether she'd like to try a place together...

I think the rapport was fairly good. It certainly felt natural and synced up. In response, she said, 'I don't know about that.' I said, 'well bear it in mind', and left it there. [Edit: one other thing that comes to mind is that before i got interested in her i recall asking her what she did outside of being a baristerette, and she was rather evasive. So she's slightly standoffish when it comes to anything personal. Maybe a defence mechanism for the job]

I'm anticipating people typing something up about "persistence." Maybe they are right. Should I have persisted? If so, how? Should I open up the prospect of it with her again? Or is there something else worth doing?

 

[Sky]

I think what you need to focus on is more about how she feels instead of how you feel in this case. You can usually tell by her body language, but since she’s considered a hired gun it’d be hard to tell if she has any sort of interest or just being nice because it’s her job.

if I were in your situation I’d probably push it like this:

HB: Oh I don’t know about that…

You: Well look at this way. It’s hard to meet new and cool people nowadays and it’s hard to find people that are non judgemental and full of passion. I feel like you are that type of person. Someone that’s curious, spontaneous and willing to get out there for new experiences.

HB: Yea but I don’t know you though…

You: We’re pretty much like friends now! Look, you don’t know me and I don’t know you and that’s fine. You can walk away within the first five minutes if you find yourself feeling uncomfortable. Heck I might be completely wrong about you and call it after the first few minutes. But WE don’t know that yet…

HB: um okay here’s my no…

Obviously she might voice other objections and you just have to acknowledge it and deal with it.
But I don’t think there’s anything left for you in this situation…
Just my 2 cents.

 

[Justintime]

I think what you need to focus on is more about how she feels instead of how you feel in this case. You can usually tell by her body language, but since she’s considered a hired gun it’d be hard to tell if she has any sort of interest or just being nice because it’s her job.

if I were in your situation I’d probably push it like this:

HB: Oh I don’t know about that…

You: Well look at this way. It’s hard to meet new and cool people nowadays and it’s hard to find people that are non judgemental and full of passion. I feel like you are that type of person. Someone that’s curious, spontaneous and willing to get out there for new experiences.

HB: Yea but I don’t know you though…

You: We’re pretty much like friends now! Look, you don’t know me and I don’t know you and that’s fine. You can walk away within the first five minutes if you find yourself feeling uncomfortable. Heck I might be completely wrong about you and call it after the first few minutes. But WE don’t know that yet…

HB: um okay here’s my no…

Obviously she might voice other objections and you just have to acknowledge it and deal with it.
But I don’t think there’s anything left for you in this situation…
Just my 2 cents.

Makes sense, essentially handing her a compatible self-concept for what I'm suggesting.

I was wondering about something along the lines of 'you know, I feel we have good rapport. It would be fun to explore it.'

 

[Sky]

Makes sense, essentially handing her a compatible self-concept for what I'm suggesting.

I was wondering about something along the lines of 'you know, I feel we have good rapport. It would be fun to explore it.'

honestly I feel like you might as well spend your energy elsewhere. The only circumstance where ‘well bear that in mind’ will work is if she’s interested in you. And in this case, sorry bro don’t think it’ll happen.

The good thing though is that you learnt a lesson here. So why not applied what you’ve learnt from this interaction for your next approach?

No point spending so much energy on one girl when you can develop yourself interacting with plenty other women out there.

 

[Justintime]

honestly I feel like you might as well spend your energy elsewhere. The only circumstance where ‘well bear that in mind’ will work is if she’s interested in you. And in this case, sorry bro don’t think it’ll happen.

The good thing though is that you learnt a lesson here. So why not applied what you’ve learnt from this interaction for your next approach?

No point spending so much energy on one girl when you can develop yourself interacting with plenty other women out there.

point taken but its not like I have to go far out my way to give it another shot and she dead centre over my type. I realize that level of matching can be found elsewhere, but it is rarer, so I'd like to see if I can make something come of it. I'm not singularly focused on her.

 

[Justintime]

Update:

I've been back a couple of times since. Successfully presented an upbeat, cheery, unfazed front. Made small talk with her briefly.

My aim is to show I'm not discombobulated without appearing like I'm chasing.

Might circle back and open her again in another couple of weeks using a compliance ladder, or what the poster above suggested.