FU Tried to talk 4 times, seemed interested yet very aloof! WTF HAPPENED???????

[sneaky_charm]

Hope you all are doing well!

I’m not able to figure anything out, so please help me understand what actually happened! I approached a girl 4 times, nothing! Never do something like that, usually approach only twice at most, but she was DAMN FUCKING HOT and SHE CONFUSED THE HELL OUT OF ME!

So I see this hot chick at the park, wearing super shorts, and white tee. Some event was about to begin. She seemed to be walking around with a paper, and I assumed that she was involved in the event somehow.

At first when I noticed her, I intentionally walked past her, pretending not to notice. She didn’t see me noticing her, and probably she checked me out while I acted indifferent. A bit later, when I was watching her talk to her friends, she gave me brief glances. To me, it seemed like she was interested, but she didn’t want to be obvious, and didn’t expect me to approach or anything.

FIRST ENCOUNTER

So there is this room like structure where performers get prepared, and I’m standing near the door, looking to my left, with half of the curtain covering me. She comes my way from the right, I can tell she is approaching but don't turn, and I only look at her once she is in front of me, trying to get inside the room which I was half-blocking.

I take this as my chance, and open with ‘Are you organizing this thing, what events are gonna happen?’ My look was probably totally bored, and kinda even a bit annoyed. I tried too act aloof.

She responded a bit, and another dude came inside, and she asked him to explain to me what was going to happen in the event. The dude explained to me like for 30 seconds, and I didn’t give a damn really but pretended to listen. PROBABLY I ACTED TOO ALOOF?

So that’s the first encounter.

SECOND ENCOUNTER

After about half an hour or so, I see this girl again, standing near the stage, and I go near the stage, and stand for her to see me. She sees me, and I signal her from about 10 feet away. I use my hand in a ‘Come over here’ motion, and she signals with her hand pointing at her, as if ‘Asking meeeeee????????’!

I signal again to assure that it’s her, and she is now slowly coming over, with slightly annoyed or bored look, probably wondering ‘WTF!’.

As she comes near me, I look into her eyes, expressionless, say ‘You look really nice!’

2 or so seconds of silence, and she walks to the stage saying something, which sounded like ‘I’m busy now’. But I wasn’t sure.

THIRD ENCOUNTER

Time passes, after moving about the park for 45 minutes or so with my friend, I see her again standing beside the stage. I go and say ‘Hey!’. She looks at me, I say ‘I didn’t hear what you said then’. She didn’t understand, so I repeated. She said, ‘I said I’m busy’.

Not gonna happen! Left the scene.

The following part is the reason I bothered to write this FR in the first place.

Now this girl has blown me off twice, but when I’m sitting at the sitting area near the stage, she comes halfway from the stage near the area, after about 3 minutes of blowing me off, and talks to somebody in phone. This happens twice, and I can tell she probably knew that I was sitting near the area where she was standing calling someone.


Now that maybe because of the stage noise, and so she had to be somewhere else to hear properly what the caller was saying, but after rejecting me, I find it strange that she chose this specific location to take her calls. I do not pay much mind, and continue to banter with my guy friend.

Again, this girl comes my way from a 20 degree angle or so, now no phone, as if looking for someone, and returns after 2 or so seconds. Doesn't look at me directly, but I can tell she knows I'm there. I find it a bit weird. At this point, I again start to assume that she is interested but not showing it.

FOURTH ENCOUNTER

So at last, I think of taking my chance again, and sit near the same door in which I first talked to her. She comes after a bit, and I say ‘Hey’ again, with no expression or a bit bored look maybe, she says ‘I’m busy’, nothing else.

But then, she stands for like 3 seconds near the door, looking inside. I’m sitting outside the door, and her back is facing me, she is about 4 feet away. After standing for that 3 seconds or so, she retreats.

All this while, it seemed like she was a bit interested, but didn’t like to show it. It could be that she was not interested at all, but having seen how girls act uninterested many times, I feel like she was actually interested, even if just a little bit. But for some odd reason, she never showed it.

What do you think guys? Is it my imagination, or was she actually interested? Did I do something wrong in handling?
Or is it that she only wanted attention?

- Kevin

 

[Smith]

Re: FU: Tried to talk 4 times, seemed interested yet very aloof! WTF HAPPENED???

Hi SC,

Good job on trying! based on what you wrote (since I wasn't there to see her expression and body language), it would seem like she wasn't interested because she was probably genuinely busy with the event or not liked the way you presented yourself (mostly likely the latter).

take this as my chance, and open with ‘Are you organizing this thing, what events are gonna happen?’ My look was probably totally bored, and kinda even a bit annoyed. I tried too act aloof.

This is when things went wrong, not because of what you said but probably because of your fundamentals, which is neither sexy or friendly. And the guy who walked in saved her.

Your second encounter is a bit random because you already opened her before and you made her invest by coming over and rewarded her with a weak compliment, which was probably why she was pissed. The amount of investment at this level is too big for her and you didn't reward her properly. U were too aloof. Always have a bit of smile when you're complimenting a girl to show you're genuine and warm.

- Smith

 

[Drck]

Re: FU: Tried to talk 4 times, seemed interested yet very aloof! WTF HAPPENED???

Hope you all are doing well!

I’m not able to figure anything out, so please help me understand what actually happened! I approached a girl 4 times, nothing! Never do something like that, usually approach only twice at most, but she was DAMN FUCKING HOT and SHE CONFUSED THE HELL OUT OF ME!

>>>> Generally speaking, if she is confusing you she is not interested. But that is not the full story. She may not be interested at first, but by you showing her interest she may become interested.

At first when I noticed her, I intentionally walked past her, pretending not to notice. She didn’t see me noticing her, and probably she checked me out while I acted indifferent. A bit later, when I was watching her talk to her friends, she gave me brief glances. To me, it seemed like she was interested, but she didn’t want to be obvious, and didn’t expect me to approach or anything.

>>>> She’s thinking, he doesn’t seem to be interested, but why is he checking me out, why is he looking at me? He looks that he is interested in me, let’s see what is he up to.

FIRST ENCOUNTER

So there is this room like structure where performers get prepared, and I’m standing near the door, looking to my left, with half of the curtain covering me. She comes my way from the right, I can tell she is approaching but don't turn, and I only look at her once she is in front of me, trying to get inside the room which I was half-blocking.

>>>> She’s thinking, he doesn’t seem interested, but let’s just walk by to see what he’s gonna do.

I take this as my chance, and open with ‘Are you organizing this thing, what events are gonna happen?’ My look was probably totally bored, and kinda even a bit annoyed. I tried too act aloof.

She responded a bit, and another dude came inside, and she asked him to explain to me what was going to happen in the event. The dude explained to me like for 30 seconds, and I didn’t give a damn really but pretended to listen. PROBABLY I ACTED TOO ALOOF?
So that’s the first encounter.

>>>> She‘s thinking, he still doesn’t seem to be much interested, he is giving me that bored (or am I boring?) look? But why is he talking to me then? Is he interested or not?

SECOND ENCOUNTER

After about half an hour or so, I see this girl again, standing near the stage, and I go near the stage, and stand for her to see me. She sees me, and I signal her from about 10 feet away. I use my hand in a ‘Come over here’ motion, and she signals with her hand pointing at her, as if ‘Asking meeeeee????????’!

I signal again to assure that it’s her, and she is now slowly coming over, with slightly annoyed or bored look, probably wondering ‘WTF!’.

>>>> Now she’s probably thinking: If I am too boring to him, what does he want from me? Why does he stand right where I can see him, and why is he asking me to talk to him with that bored look? So I will show him that he is boring and annoying too! This guy is confusing!

As she comes near me, I look into her eyes, expressionless, say ‘You look really nice!’

2 or so seconds of silence, and she walks to the stage saying something, which sounded like ‘I’m busy now’. But I wasn’t sure.

>>>> If he thinks I am boring, he is boring too. I don’t have time for this boring stuff, I’m busy… I know I look nice, everybody knows it! Wait a minute - did he just hit on me...???

THIRD ENCOUNTER

Time passes, after moving about the park for 45 minutes or so with my friend, I see her again standing beside the stage. I go and say ‘Hey!’. She looks at me, I say ‘I didn’t hear what you said then’. She didn’t understand, so I repeated. She said, ‘I said I’m busy’.
Not gonna happen! Left the scene.

>>>> Yes, this guy is confusing me, I’m busy and I don’t have time for boring stuff. But why does he keep talking to me, is he interested? And why did he run away just because I said before that I am busy??? He is really confusing... How do I find out that he is really interested and not just looking to share his boredom with me?

The following part is the reason I bothered to write this FR in the first place.

Now this girl has blown me off twice, but when I’m sitting at the sitting area near the stage, she comes halfway from the stage near the area, after about 3 minutes of blowing me off, and talks to somebody in phone. This happens twice, and I can tell she probably knew that I was sitting near the area where she was standing calling someone.

>>>> Lets find out then. Let me come close to him to see what he is going to do. I’ll do it twice so he knows it is not a coincidence, and I’ll be talking at the same time so he can also hear me. If he can see me and hear me coming towards him twice, and if he is not blind or deaf, he must notice!

Now that maybe because of the stage noise, and so she had to be somewhere else to hear properly what the caller was saying, but after rejecting me, I find it strange that she chose this specific location to take her calls. I do not pay much mind, and continue to banter with my guy friend.

>>>> No, it is not strange, I chose this specific location, it is a clue. Lets show him that I am right here and right now, and not at different place. Lets show him one more time! This is already a third time, one, two and three!

Again, this girl comes my way from a 20 degree angle or so, now no phone, as if looking for someone, and returns after 2 or so seconds. Doesn't look at me directly, but I can tell she knows I'm there. I find it a bit weird. At this point, I again start to assume that she is interested but not showing it.

>>>> Why is he still ignoring me?? Lets come closer to him one more time, this time without the phone. Yes, I am looking for someone – him! Hopefully he’ll get it for the 3rd try…?? Or was it 4th time already?? How much more clear and direct I can be??

FOURTH ENCOUNTER

So at last, I think of taking my chance again, and sit near the same door in which I first talked to her. She comes after a bit, and I say ‘Hey’ again, with no expression or a bit bored look maybe, she says ‘I’m busy’, nothing else.

>>>> Stop confusing me! Are you interested or not??

But then, she stands for like 3 seconds near the door, looking inside. I’m sitting outside the door, and her back is facing me, she is about 4 feet away. After standing for that 3 seconds or so, she retreats.

>>>> How much time I have to stand RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM, so close that he can even reach me? And he still doesn’t notice me??? He still doesn’t get it???

All this while, it seemed like she was a bit interested, but didn’t like to show it. It could be that she was not interested at all, but having seen how girls act uninterested many times, I feel like she was actually interested, even if just a little bit. But for some odd reason, she never showed it.

>>>> For some odd reason, this guy seems to be interested but he never showed it…. I, on the other hand, showed him all the interest I could. I couldn't be more direct, what else does he want, written invitation for a date?? Or should I just kiss him right there?? That will NEVER happen!

What do you think guys? Is it my imagination, or was she actually interested? Did I do something wrong in handling?
Or is it that she only wanted attention?
- Kevin

>>>> And what is it that YOU wanted from this girl Kevin?

 

[sneaky_charm]

Re: FU: Tried to talk 4 times, seemed interested yet very aloof! WTF HAPPENED???

Hey Smith!

Thank you so much for replying, I thought it's better not to post anymore here, because my last 3 posts (including this one) didn't receive a single response! I check everyday just to see if anyone replied. At this point, I totally gave up hope of getting help, and saw your reply, so thank you so much for replying.

Now I see what you mean. And although it may be too ambitious of me, I think it was possible that she was in auto-rejection till the third encounter. The fourth encounter probably killed all my chances.

I say that because I recently read the auto rejection article, and 3 of the reasons match in my head in this case - showing too much value, acting as an asshole, and being too aloof!

But anyway, not trying to flatter myself here, because she was genuinely hot.

So that brings me to a question that has been bothering me for a while. Is it possible that truly beautiful girls go to auto-rejection quickly too, because I feel like I get attention only from really beautiful ones, and some of them even act like I am unattainable. Although, I personally feel like it's the total opposite, because those girls seem just too HOT to be with me. So is it possible that girls go to auto-rejection thinking that I'm unattainable in some twisted way, even though I don't feel like I have too much value?

- Kevin

 

[sneaky_charm]

Re: FU: Tried to talk 4 times, seemed interested yet very aloof! WTF HAPPENED???

Hey Drck! Thanks for such a detailed breakdown, means a lot to me!

I wanted her number to chat with her later, and get to know her. if she was great and seemed to like me too after meeting up, maybe I'd have thought of something serious too, because this girl seemed smart and confident, unlike all those unconfident girls I see all over day after day.

EDIT: Definitely wanted her ass too, but haven't pulled any to bed yet via cold approach, so that's too ambitious at this point.....nonetheless, oh my what an ass!

Also, is it possible that even the girls with whom I don't think I have any chance with are interested in me? Because I've thought about it quite a few times, and all those girls I thought were out of my league in the past, actually gave me strong eye contact, and approach invitations. I didn't know the signals back then, but now looking back, seems like many girls whom I thought to be clearly out of my league actually were quite interested in me, judging by their behavior around me from my memory.

- Kevin

 

[Drck]

Re: FU: Tried to talk 4 times, seemed interested yet very aloof! WTF HAPPENED???

Hi Kevin,

Yes, everything is possible. Think about it, most guys are thinking exactly like you, and by encountering all these guys she KNOWS them very well. You showed some confidence by approaching and talking but overall you didn’t show too much confidence. You were waiting what SHE will do (and she was waiting what you will do). You didn’t lead.

I’m not trying to be harsh, but just think about it: If you showed more actions without waiting for what she thinks about it, she would be much more interested.

By showing you that she is not interested when you come close to her and talk to her, she just might be testing your confidence. She tells you “I’m busy” and she knows that most guys will leave because they don’t have much confidence. But what does confident guy do? He says something like: That is really great! I am busy too, we can be busy together. Lets get busy, why don’t we go and do ABC. Or do you want to do DEF instead? See? He doesn’t get discouraged, he leads her, he shows strong confidence. He doesn’t really give her choice to leave, the only choice she has is either ABC or DEF. If she is interested it will be very difficult for her to say No. As a matter of fact, SHE CAN’T SAY NO. This confidence is very attractive, so even if she weren’t attracted before she may become attractive by you doing that, by you displaying strong ACTIONS, DOMINANCE, LEAD and being PERSISTANT.

You also have to change your beliefs. Your current belief is: “She is out of my league, she would never accept me as her BF”. By default you are putting her on a pedestal, you think that you are not good enough for her. You think that you need to prove yourself to her, that you need to supplicate to her. You think that she has bigger value than you do. Because of all of this, your brain thinks: Well, if she is out of my league I am not going to approach her. Approaching her is pointless, she has so much value that I am nothing to her, she will reject me anyway, and if she says “I’m busy” it logically means that she rejected me… >> And you don’t go to talk to her, it is kinda self-fulfilling prophecy.

So change your belief to something like: “She is really hot but she may not meet my standards as a person; she may not be good enough for me. I really want to talk to her, especially if she is hot. I want to find out if she is good enough for me and if she meets MY standards”. If she wants to be MY girlfriend she has to meet MY standards. And if not – she has to go!”. By this kind of beliefs you are placing yourself on the pedestal. You are setting your value above hers. I’m not saying that you should become narcissistic and entitled bastard, but you know what I mean. Now it is her who needs to be proving herself to you, now it is her whose value is not high enough, and not the other way. And your brain thinks: Ok, she is hot but that is not good enough. Why not just talk to her then, let’s find out if she is really good enough to be MY girlfriend! >> And you go and just talk to her as she was a regular person. It is also kinda self-fulfilling prophecy, she will feel that her value is less than yours, and thus she will try to increase her value by proving herself to you…

Ok, it probably sounds much more complicated than it is, but it is really quite simple...

 

[Smith]

Re: FU: Tried to talk 4 times, seemed interested yet very aloof! WTF HAPPENED???

I think Drck's breakdown covers it all and you've been missing your window to open her again with the 3rd and 4th encounter. A girl often won't stand in front of you for more than a few seconds for you to open her, especially if she was hovering around. If you missed it, then she just assumes you're not interested. It takes experience to recognize this and react to it, but generally you want to assume attraction and go for it anyway, and not stuck in the overanalysis zone. Present is what matters.

. Is it possible that truly beautiful girls go to auto-rejection quickly too, because I feel like I get attention only from really beautiful ones, and some of them even act like I am unattainable. Although, I personally feel like it's the total opposite, because those girls seem just too HOT to be with me. So is it possible that girls go to auto-rejection thinking that I'm unattainable in some twisted way, even though I don't feel like I have too much value?

True, you need to move fast with any girls especially the beautiful ones everyone go for. Because if you don't, other guys who move faster than you will bed her. Put yourself in their situation, if you're dating so many girls at the same time and one resisted to go to bed with you twice, you simply don't waste time on her anymore right?

I think chase mentioned before that if you just look at the girl's face, then you'll realize she's actually not that hot. So stop checking out her booty you'll just put her on pedestal even more. I also found that as I met more "hot" girls, they just seem average to me now, and the ones I thought was "hot" before I started this, they just don't impress me as much as before.

- Smith