Turning casual into more.

[HitMeNone]

I ll keep this very short.

Sleeping with this girl for 3-4 months now. 1-2x/week (lately more often).
At first I told her very bluntly that this is going to be casual. She agreed.

I grew for her and now honestly want to be more serious. We are going into that direction. However we're very confused about where we stand.
However there's this other guy who's abroad and they text 24/7 very romantically and how they're gonna be eachothers future husband/wife.

I am more of a -contact 2-3 x a week to schedule meetups- kind of guy. Lately I started texting her "good morning" after we spend nights together, to show more interest. Should I up my attention to her?
I definitely have more value and lead a more attractive lifestyle then this guy.

 

[Garrett]

HitMeNone,

It's good that you've been having sex with her. The fact that she's texting some other guy abroad all the time - not really something to worry about, but it may be an indication of something important. Keep reading and I'll explain why.

So what you're doing now is basically stating through your ctions that you two are closer than casual. If you see a girl once a week, you will be leaning towards commitment, and she may not even have the 'talk' with you if the two of you are seeing each other often enough. For girls, actions speak louder than words, so the fact that you're seeing her more than once a week is a clear indication that you're committed to her, as opposed to remaining casual.

If you aim for a casual relationship, you want to be seeing the girl once every 10 days on average. The fact that you see the girl less than once a week indicates that you two aren't that serious.

Now, let's discuss your situation. The fact that the girl is texting this guy everything, I wouldn't worry about it. Eventually they'll tire of each other. You're probably wondering, "Well damn, this is so annoying, what can I do to really up the attraction and get her interested in me?" Well I think the problem here is, you may not be taking care of what the girl needs bro. If you were, she probably would have no interest in the guy whatsoever. I feel like you're being a bit aloof with your feelings towards her, seeing her for sex then leaving all of a sudden. That's what a casual relationship is, but even in a casual relationship, you need to make your girl feel good. Hold her after sex, talk to her, deep dive, get her more connected to you. You are in the relationship so you can start becoming a bit more authentic with her by now, including being a bit more romantic. That by NO MEANS suggests you should drop all other girls in your life, stop meeting new girls, getting numbers, etc.

If you want this girl to really like you a lot, take care of her emotions more than you currently are. With that being said, don't start taking her out to dinners all the time, unless you KNOW you can manage that throughout your ENTIRE relationship. Set low expectations; high enough that she'll be happy, but don't take her on expensive trips, dinners, buy her things all the time, unless you want to keep doing that for the remainder of your relationship. If you do all of that then stop, she'll be attracted to the stuff you were doing for her/giving her, and not you as a person. Also, she'll get upset because 'you weren't the same guy as before', and she'll assume your interest has dropped as a result.

Conclusively, if you want to get committed, that's fine, so long as you don't cut all external options off (friends and girls) because that's stupid, poorly planned, impatient behavior. When people follow their emotions all the time, especially in relationships, they'll get that "high" for a while, then it'll come crashing down in a trough and you'll feel terrible for months once things dry up with your girl. Take that into VERY CAREFUL consideration when making your decision .

Cheers,
Garrett

 

[HitMeNone]

Garret your post was so spot on and mind opening!!

As I said I started very casual with this girl, but me having a certain frame to the outside world - cool calm collected, didn't wanna break that too fast and was OK with investing almost nothing to fuck her and just keep the attraction flowing....
Also asking some other PUAs in the scene (when she flaked once), they told me to go no contact and shit, so I was confused from my principle - which is be open and confident with your emotions (as long as you're not a loser who gets attached to the first girl he sees) to theirs, which was keep building attraction....

But aside from the txt talk in which I just text or call to meet up I have almost always done her well and held her and immersed deep with her with some soothing chillstep on the background. The last times we hung out we just had sex and cuddled in bed for 6 fucking hours. It was almost hypnotic honestly.

Background info on the other guy - They know each other since they were kids. Hooked up last summer on holidays. She tells me how he's been obsessed over her for years, but also that she would have gotten in a relationship with him in the summer had it not been for the distance.

And don't worry I am not dropping other girls in my life. In fact one of the big bridges for me is that she knows the type of lifestyle I have and even knows who I have been hooking up with. I have put the girls on hold a bit this last week, but obviously haven't told he anything.

Now to the point. Should I try to do more bf kind of things for her (getting her to nice restaurants, etc).... I kinda hate restaurants or movie theatres. I d rather sit in bed and eat and watch a movie and cuddle. Should I up the contact? I am just afraid it ll make her run away. Right now she answers with a 10 min - 2 hr delay to my txts.... :O (whereas to this guy she replies right away). And honestly this guy has no life so it wouldnt surprise me if he never tires out.

Also there's a lot of mixed signals. She pushes to plan things together (even a roadtrip). She's very genuinely nice and buys me food and drinks (although has done the same for other people too). Sometimes she seems to get jealous, she told me once to "not get afraid to get attached to her", but she also told me one day to "not think too much of this and just live in the present". That honestly made me bitter. :/

This is what I thought about VDay. Get her a stuffed dog toy (she likes dogs), make an origami that is something meaningful for us and maybe make a list of 3-4 "good" songs and tell her to pick a number. Tell her to listen to it in her room with eyes closed and headphones on.
Also Im buying this massage candle oil so we can give each other massages.

PS: Where in Canada do you live?

 

[HitMeNone]

bump

 

[Tyme2k]

My suggestion baby step it. Vday you're going waaay overboard. Take it slow and ask her to do something with you thats "girlfriend like." I am in the exact opposite boat as you right now with a girl I've been seeing. She wants nothing more than to be with me exclusively even thought we agreed in the beginning. What seems to work here is I push away but continue to spend time together. I was in two 4 year relationships and grew a bit accustomed to bf/gf stuff, so I do enjoy it. She is getting super clingy and I know she will end up hurt. Fuck me...

You should definitely not push it over the top though. Slow down, stop reacting so emotionally and just lead it where you want to go.

 

[HitMeNone]

My suggestion baby step it. Vday you're going waaay overboard. Take it slow and ask her to do something with you thats "girlfriend like." I am in the exact opposite boat as you right now with a girl I've been seeing. She wants nothing more than to be with me exclusively even thought we agreed in the beginning. What seems to work here is I push away but continue to spend time together. I was in two 4 year relationships and grew a bit accustomed to bf/gf stuff, so I do enjoy it. She is getting super clingy and I know she will end up hurt. Fuck me...

You should definitely not push it over the top though. Slow down, stop reacting so emotionally and just lead it where you want to go.

Lol I've been in that boat a few times. This is the first time being in the opposite part (kind of)

As for the emotional stuff. I just feel like I have been lacking in the past with emotion and I see that being a problem. I am just trying to open myself to my emotions. If you've ever read SexGodMethod. I feel like my dominance is quite high,variety is good, immersion depends from time to time, whereas the emotion snowball has been lacking mainly cuz I am a very manly man.

I will not do the song stuff, but definitely get her that stuffed dog and maybe the massaging oil. No dinner, chocolates or anything cliche though.

 

[MisterX]

just read the newest article https://www.girlschase.com/content/what-do-your-girlfriend-valentines-day

that talks about Valentines day with all the different types of relationships.