FR ugh i got cockblocked/screwed up so badly with this girl

[Scofield]

so i see this beautiful girl, black hair, white, beautiful...just my type

i talk to her early in the night, i see her with a friend that looks similar to her so i ask "are you two sisters" and we chat a bit but she declines my offer to dance so i leave to talk to other girls.

later in the night, i find her again, at the bar by her friends. i start chatting her up again, she's noticeably more drunk now and much more receptive to me. we chat for a bit and then she asks me to dance....we dance for a bit, go sit down and talk for a bit and then go dance some more. she seems totally into me. i ask her to leave with me and she agrees but says she has to use the restroom first. i agree and walk her to the bathroom. while she's in there, i decide to go ahead and use it as well myself, figuring i'll get out before she does. when i get out i wait a few min before realizing she isn't in there anymore. i walk to the bar and see her chatting with another guy she obvlsy just met. i position myself by them and she says hi enthusiastically and i ask her where her friends went and she says she doesnt know. i tell her that i'll help her find them and hold my hand out....and then she totally ignores me and keeps talking to the guy...a real redneck type. the bar closes a few min later and they leave and start making out in the street....before leaving together; and as i heard them walking by i heard him saying he'd love to drive her home in the morning but doesn't even own a car. ugh i guess i should have stopped them but fuck, i just feel like i really screwed up. i didn't even need to use the bathroom that badlyi should've just waited for her. i'm not even really asking for anything here i just really needed to vent.

 

[Zen]

Re: ugh i got cockblocked/screwed up so badly with this girl

Scofield,

Just a quick pointer from reading your post. You allowed her to take the lead in your interactions by doing things on her terms (refusing your dance so you left, asking you to dance and you accepting it, allowing her to go to the restroom before you closed her). Even if things don't go your way logically (her refusing to dance with you), you always want to do end things on your term. Taking the lead as a man is an attractive trait.

- Zen

 

[Garrett]

Re: ugh i got cockblocked/screwed up so badly with this girl

Scofield,

Just a quick pointer from reading your post. You allowed her to take the lead in your interactions by doing things on her terms (refusing your dance so you left, asking you to dance and you accepting it, allowing her to go to the restroom before you closed her). Even if things don't go your way logically (her refusing to dance with you), you always want to do end things on your term. Taking the lead as a man is an attractive trait.

- Zen

Scofield,

Agreed with Zen on this one man. You were basically following her lead and doing whatever she wanted. I was getting a nice guy vibe as I read through your post. I think it's fine if the girl has to use the restroom, but by agreeing to dance with her only when she felt like it dropped your attraction. She wanted a strong masculine guy to take her to bed, and the redneck guy fit the bill. Good attempt though Scofield; however, next time try to take the lead and be more dominant and the girl will melt in your hands like putty. If the girl says no to you to dance then says yes when she feels like it - that's on her terms, so whenever a girl suggests to do something, pause for a second and if it involves following her lead, then don't do it! Mind you, some girls like to take the lead, but men are naturally born as leaders, and most girls admire that trait in a potential lover. The thing is, the dancing example is a clearcut demonstration of you following/chasing her, so next time be wary of that .

Cheers,
Garrett

 

[Scofield]

Re: ugh i got cockblocked/screwed up so badly with this girl

Okay....what should I have done instead then?

 

[Garrett]

Re: ugh i got cockblocked/screwed up so badly with this girl

Okay....what should I have done instead then?

You should have said no when she asked you to dance, then told her you wanted to take her somewhere instead. Then if she asks why you tell her you wanted to show her something cool (many different excuses you can use here, this one's just easy/off the top of my head). Then you take her somewhere private and show her something cool...

 

[Flames]

Re: ugh i got cockblocked/screwed up so badly with this girl

I actually don't disagree with everyone else but I dont think the dancing bit was any big deal. She probably expected you to wait outside the bathroom for her and when you weren't there she thought you'd left her alone, this compounded with loosing her friends, made her look for someone else 'to take care of her'. Remember she was drunk...

That being said she probably wasn't that interested or was too drunk to care.

 

[Light]

Re: ugh i got cockblocked/screwed up so badly with this girl

You have to becareful... if you reject her offer on the dance, which is what she wanted to do, she could just easily find another dance partner.

You can easily avoid the trap into being led by simply holding out your hand, and be the one to lead her to the dance floor.

 

[Scofield]

Re: ugh i got cockblocked/screwed up so badly with this girl

You have to becareful... if you reject her offer on the dance, which is what she wanted to do, she could just easily find another dance partner.

You can easily avoid the trap into being led by simply holding out your hand, and be the one to lead her to the dance floor.

well that is what i did....

 

[trashKENNUT]

Re: ugh i got cockblocked/screwed up so badly with this girl

i decide to go ahead and use it as well myself, figuring i'll get out before she does. when i get out i wait a few min before realizing she isn't in there anymore. i walk to the bar and see her chatting with another guy she obvlsy just met. i position myself by them and she says hi enthusiastically and i ask her where her friends went and she says she doesnt know. i tell her that i'll help her find them and hold my hand out....and then she totally ignores me and keeps talking to the guy...a real redneck type. the bar closes a few min later and they leave and start making out in the street....before leaving together; and as i heard them walking by i heard him saying he'd love to drive her home in the morning but doesn't even own a car. ugh i guess i should have stopped them but fuck, i just feel like i really screwed up. i didn't even need to use the bathroom that badlyi should've just waited for her. i'm not even really asking for anything here i just really needed to vent.

Did you position yourself by them and just talk to her, and hold out your hand while she's talking to the guy?

You should have ask her who the guy is and be cool with him. the problem is here you are taking her away from him without acknowledging she's in a conversation, mainly this puts you in a mindset thinking "He is a threat".

Zac

 

[Scofield]

Re: ugh i got cockblocked/screwed up so badly with this girl

i decide to go ahead and use it as well myself, figuring i'll get out before she does. when i get out i wait a few min before realizing she isn't in there anymore. i walk to the bar and see her chatting with another guy she obvlsy just met. i position myself by them and she says hi enthusiastically and i ask her where her friends went and she says she doesnt know. i tell her that i'll help her find them and hold my hand out....and then she totally ignores me and keeps talking to the guy...a real redneck type. the bar closes a few min later and they leave and start making out in the street....before leaving together; and as i heard them walking by i heard him saying he'd love to drive her home in the morning but doesn't even own a car. ugh i guess i should have stopped them but fuck, i just feel like i really screwed up. i didn't even need to use the bathroom that badlyi should've just waited for her. i'm not even really asking for anything here i just really needed to vent.

Did you position yourself by them and just talk to her, and hold out your hand while she's talking to the guy?

You should have ask her who the guy is and be cool with him. the problem is here you are taking her away from him without acknowledging she's in a conversation, mainly this puts you in a mindset thinking "He is a threat".

Zac

Yes you are very right...I really didn't know what else to do in that situation. I still have no idea what I should have said/done instead...

 

[trashKENNUT]

Re: ugh i got cockblocked/screwed up so badly with this girl

Yes you are very right...I really didn't know what else to do in that situation. I still have no idea what I should have said/done instead...

One way i do it generally, is address her first, ask her who's he, give him a slight acknowledgement by smiling(not sarcastic smile, just a polite smile), and talk to him by saying "I never see you around" and "i assume you just meet her", without questions, without seeking answers, just normal tone. Talk to him about two to three sentences. I then tell him we leaving, and just leave.

I could not give this a proper analogy of this, because i haven't come across it all too often. Chase has a great article, you can look into it here. https://www.girlschase.com/content/steal-your-girl

Zac

 

[Scofield]

Re: ugh i got cockblocked/screwed up so badly with this girl

Excellent thank you...you know....that might be the one chase article I haven't read haha. thanks again.

 

[Chase]

Re: FR: ugh i got cockblocked/screwed up so badly with this

Scofield,

Moved to "Field Reports" & gave it the right prefix.

This always sucks. It's a cut and dry case, though, of needing to move faster.

Drunk girl + no friends + very receptive = get her out of there pronto before the sharks descend.

Take this, and use it as fuel on your fire to make things happen sooner and faster.

we chat for a bit and then she asks me to dance....

I had to learn this through multiple experiences exactly like the one you just described, but when a drunk girl says to you, "Let's go dance!" You need to say, "Yeah, totally!," start heading with her to the dance floor, and then say, "It's way too crowded there... let's go somewhere chiller!" but in a high energy voice. She'll say, "Okay!" then you lead her out of there but keep the energy levels up and the sexual tension up.

we dance for a bit, go sit down and talk for a bit and then go dance some more. she seems totally into me. i ask her to leave with me and she agrees but says she has to use the restroom first. i agree and walk her to the bathroom. while she's in there, i decide to go ahead and use it as well myself, figuring i'll get out before she does. when i get out i wait a few min before realizing she isn't in there anymore. i walk to the bar and see her chatting with another guy she obvlsy just met. i position myself by them and she says hi enthusiastically and i ask her where her friends went and she says she doesnt know. i tell her that i'll help her find them and hold my hand out....and then she totally ignores me and keeps talking to the guy...a real redneck type. the bar closes a few min later and they leave and start making out in the street....before leaving together; and as i heard them walking by i heard him saying he'd love to drive her home in the morning but doesn't even own a car. ugh i guess i should have stopped them but fuck, i just feel like i really screwed up. i didn't even need to use the bathroom that badlyi should've just waited for her. i'm not even really asking for anything here i just really needed to vent.

So, a couple of notes on this one that will make you feel both better and worse:

• When a girl says, "Let's go dance!" it means she isn't really viewing you as a sex partner so much as a funtime partner
• Your escalation with dancing, talking, dancing, pull, is okay. Her leaving to go to the bathroom and disappearing means she was viewing you more as someone to have fun with than someone to sleep with
• Her making out with the guy and leaving with him later means she WAS looking to hook up... but probably never with you

So, she didn't pick him over you, necessarily - what actually happened here was that whatever you did earlier in the night with her, she was viewing you as a safe, platonic "dancing buddy," and when you tried to pull it was, "red alert! dancing buddy's getting too frisky!" So she bailed and found a "sexy man" to hook up with for the night.

The biggest problems here lie earlier in the night. Women are also more likely to hook up with men they've just met than men who've been investing in them and pursuing them when they're drunk near the end of the night. I think the reasoning is, "Well, this guy's been trying to get me ALL NIGHT and he hasn't succeeded, which means he isn't that good... but, wait, who's THIS sexy new hunk of man I've never laid eyes on before? Ooh!"

I've been both the maddeningly frustrated guy, standing there watching the girl he "worked on" all night leave with some guy she just met, and later on I became the guy she just met while some other guy who'd been working on her all night watched her leave with me, jaw on the ground.

Had you tried pulling her before going to dance, I suspect you would've had a LOT of resistance from her, but it would've been your best bet for getting her out of there and sleeping with her. Regardless, it looks like she'd already deemed you "platonic guy pal" by then, but you could possibly have overcome the resistance and gotten her home. You would've faced a ten foot wall of LMR though, whereas this guy (if he successfully got her home) probably saw very little of it.

It's mostly luck of the draw. Your and his looks and game could've been identical, and it'd play out the same way every time, purely because of circumstances and timing.

Conversely, you can also pick up pretty reliably at the end of the night, too. You can clean up with nighttime street game for exactly this reason.

Anyway, don't despair, Scofield... lots of good lessons in this one.

Mainly this: move faster.

Chase

 

[Scofield]

Re: FR: ugh i got cockblocked/screwed up so badly with this

Well, I didn't spend ALL night working her, I talked to her for 2-3 min earlier in the night and then a few minutes when I bumped into her later and then the events proceeded. I didn't waste time when she refused compliance by leaving and later all I did was say hi after she positioned herself by me and she started talking to me/chasing me. At the time it was just really hard to see if I was doing anything wrong. I could have sworn I was moving fast (the entire latter portion took place over maybe 30 min)....I guess I just wasn't fast enough still though....Thank you.

Also are there any differences between end of the night pickups (inside/on the street) as opposed to pickups earlier in the night? I have really struggled with these and while I can see how it's possible for them to be successful...it's just never worked for me. I've met some girls at the end of the night, even got some good banter going but never even got a phone number, and def no end of the night pickups. I did get one girl to agree to go eat with me nearby but she REALLY wasn't into me and just went for her friend's sake (she had just met another guy who wanted to eat as well).