- Joined
- Nov 29, 2020
- Messages
- 2
Hey guys,
First time poster here, I have read the docs and searched through threads for "polyamory" and didn't really see my use case so hoping one of you guys will point me in the right direction if this thread would be more helpful in a different sub.
TL;DR: Guy (within his tribe) wants advice/tactics on trying to bring his wife's two best friends into some sort of poly scenario.
A bit about me:
-29
-Wealthy for my age (leaving sales to start my own company)
-In a 9 year monogamous relationship (married for 5)
-2 kids, one dog, one house
-Very very happy overall; take away COVID insanity and life is beautiful
-Interested in getting sexually weird in my 30s
Perhaps unusually for the community, I've been in a happy long term monogamous relationship for the last 10 years. 5 year wedding anniversary recently. We probably strive for a Relationship of Equals a bit too much, sometimes my wife can be a bit too testy etc, but overall I'm dom and she is sub. And, while I stumbled on Girls Chase while trying to read up on polyamory, I've been blown away by the site --- social and sex advice from a rationalist, deeply skeptical perspective, without most of the "alpha silverback red-pill sell you penis pills" stuff I've seen on occasional dips into Manosphere blogs or whatever. Thanks Chase for making me be an "asshole" to my wife today - I like to be jovial and genial as my default mode but love the reminders about tactically laying the smack down.
Anyways - other than normal dumb shit like sharing parenting duties (hopefully soon to be solved as I am pushing hard for hiring a nanny), relationship with the wife is good and any occasional challenges are all covered by GC articles.
The exception is sex - and a specific fantasy I have around a polyamory scenario.
A little background - my wife and I have known each other since the 5th grade. We both went to school at a very small school where there were like 30 kids in the grade - including her two best friends, who we'll call A and G. I'm setting the stage to say we've all known each other at least on some level for a very long time.
My now wife was an early crush of mine - I went somewhere else for high school though and we did not of course keep in touch. Fast forward like 8 years to college junior year, I'm walking through the bar scene of my town with some bros and we run into A and two friends outside a deli at like 2am. They run over, give me hugs, chat us up, etc etc etc. I exchange numbers with A. This was night before Thanksgiving, and we message a bit about getting together over Christmas break.
Well, turns out their crew is having a NYE party right next door to ours, so I end up visiting their party - and even though A invited me, my wife was standing on the porch of the house as I walked up, and she's the one I connected with that night, and we've talked every day since pretty much.
Fast forward almost 10 years -I'm married to my wife. A is married to some guy named B, who's a beta. We each have kids that are 1-3yrs old.
We moved directly across the street from them earlier in 2020.
We own our houses. And G bought a house 3 mins away.
And because of that, in 2020 our relationship as a social group has gotten much deeper than it has ever been throughout our 20s. Like, moving from acquaintance as a default level to best friends as a default level, or something like that.
There is also a distinct sexual chemistry in the mix. A, G, and I flirt all the time. Add in my wife and they are like the giggly trio.
My wife and I have also been talking a lot more openly about how we both want to be more intentional at getting "better at sex" - once you have kids fellas, things tend to be a bit more businesslike lol. We've been talking a lot and experimenting a lot and results have been fun.
Well, we've talked as well on and off over the years about potentially having a threesome. My wife will occasionally say that she "likes girls" or "is bi" (which, like, uh huh), talk to me about chicks we both find hot, etc.
There's also this weird space around the two best friends, sexually. For example, my wife said to me one time that "The only thing that's off limits is you talking about A and G as sex objects - they are like family so it grosses me out"
Those same friends also talk about their tits together etc.
Girls are silly and cute!
Now, compare that pretty clear line in the sand with a comment from the other day - G lives alone, and she has been feeling down/isolated during COVID. So we've all been debating whether or not she should move into one of our houses during the winter.
The other night my wife commented to me "Well, I was pitching G for a while earlier on moving in here - but she did tell me that when she crashes at A's place, she often just sleeps in the same bed as A and her husband..."
This was a teasing comment as my wife definitely said it mischievously (if it were a text it would have had a wink face) -- but shortly after pivoted to "and I just KNOW you have some weird sex fetish thing with my friends, so gross..."
So, sorry for the long post, I just feel like I need to have an outlet for this as I haven't talked about it with a single soul, and this community seems like the place to provide two things:
1) Big picture feedback on whether this desire I have is something I should act on, or whether or not it would probably be too complicated and fuck everything up
2) If the meta-conclusion is "Awesome dude, fucking go for it" -- then I need advice on tactics.
The outcome that I *think* I want is for:
Me to be alpha
My wife to be head wife
Have sex with the other two women in various configurations
Grow very very close emotionally even without sex (including different levels of physical intimacy--all being naked together, kissing, etc)
Me to essentially be the provider for this expanded family unit/harem
As for the husband, I can take it or leave it - I'd be fine to be a bit bi as the cost of doing business (might help draw him out of his shell tbh). He can watch us have sex, even touch and join in if he wants to in a group scenario. I just don't think I'm down for full on wife swapping or MMF threesomes, as that puts us on too much of an equal footing.
Here are the two paths forward I've thought of so far:
-We have a nice hot tub coming this week, and I know all the ladies are very excited for it, and have already hinted at skinny dipping. So I can wait for the hot tub, invite them over, assume the husband doesn't come, make some great drinks, and see what happens?
-Or...realize this is just a fantasy, would wreck the good things we have going on, and move to pursue kinky stuff in a less risky way that doesn't involve such close existing friendships.
Or...some options I haven't considered, as recommended by you guys?
Thanks in advance for not shitting on this post lol
First time poster here, I have read the docs and searched through threads for "polyamory" and didn't really see my use case so hoping one of you guys will point me in the right direction if this thread would be more helpful in a different sub.
TL;DR: Guy (within his tribe) wants advice/tactics on trying to bring his wife's two best friends into some sort of poly scenario.
A bit about me:
-29
-Wealthy for my age (leaving sales to start my own company)
-In a 9 year monogamous relationship (married for 5)
-2 kids, one dog, one house
-Very very happy overall; take away COVID insanity and life is beautiful
-Interested in getting sexually weird in my 30s
Perhaps unusually for the community, I've been in a happy long term monogamous relationship for the last 10 years. 5 year wedding anniversary recently. We probably strive for a Relationship of Equals a bit too much, sometimes my wife can be a bit too testy etc, but overall I'm dom and she is sub. And, while I stumbled on Girls Chase while trying to read up on polyamory, I've been blown away by the site --- social and sex advice from a rationalist, deeply skeptical perspective, without most of the "alpha silverback red-pill sell you penis pills" stuff I've seen on occasional dips into Manosphere blogs or whatever. Thanks Chase for making me be an "asshole" to my wife today - I like to be jovial and genial as my default mode but love the reminders about tactically laying the smack down.
Anyways - other than normal dumb shit like sharing parenting duties (hopefully soon to be solved as I am pushing hard for hiring a nanny), relationship with the wife is good and any occasional challenges are all covered by GC articles.
The exception is sex - and a specific fantasy I have around a polyamory scenario.
A little background - my wife and I have known each other since the 5th grade. We both went to school at a very small school where there were like 30 kids in the grade - including her two best friends, who we'll call A and G. I'm setting the stage to say we've all known each other at least on some level for a very long time.
My now wife was an early crush of mine - I went somewhere else for high school though and we did not of course keep in touch. Fast forward like 8 years to college junior year, I'm walking through the bar scene of my town with some bros and we run into A and two friends outside a deli at like 2am. They run over, give me hugs, chat us up, etc etc etc. I exchange numbers with A. This was night before Thanksgiving, and we message a bit about getting together over Christmas break.
Well, turns out their crew is having a NYE party right next door to ours, so I end up visiting their party - and even though A invited me, my wife was standing on the porch of the house as I walked up, and she's the one I connected with that night, and we've talked every day since pretty much.
Fast forward almost 10 years -I'm married to my wife. A is married to some guy named B, who's a beta. We each have kids that are 1-3yrs old.
We moved directly across the street from them earlier in 2020.
We own our houses. And G bought a house 3 mins away.
And because of that, in 2020 our relationship as a social group has gotten much deeper than it has ever been throughout our 20s. Like, moving from acquaintance as a default level to best friends as a default level, or something like that.
There is also a distinct sexual chemistry in the mix. A, G, and I flirt all the time. Add in my wife and they are like the giggly trio.
My wife and I have also been talking a lot more openly about how we both want to be more intentional at getting "better at sex" - once you have kids fellas, things tend to be a bit more businesslike lol. We've been talking a lot and experimenting a lot and results have been fun.
Well, we've talked as well on and off over the years about potentially having a threesome. My wife will occasionally say that she "likes girls" or "is bi" (which, like, uh huh), talk to me about chicks we both find hot, etc.
There's also this weird space around the two best friends, sexually. For example, my wife said to me one time that "The only thing that's off limits is you talking about A and G as sex objects - they are like family so it grosses me out"
Those same friends also talk about their tits together etc.
Girls are silly and cute!
Now, compare that pretty clear line in the sand with a comment from the other day - G lives alone, and she has been feeling down/isolated during COVID. So we've all been debating whether or not she should move into one of our houses during the winter.
The other night my wife commented to me "Well, I was pitching G for a while earlier on moving in here - but she did tell me that when she crashes at A's place, she often just sleeps in the same bed as A and her husband..."
This was a teasing comment as my wife definitely said it mischievously (if it were a text it would have had a wink face) -- but shortly after pivoted to "and I just KNOW you have some weird sex fetish thing with my friends, so gross..."
So, sorry for the long post, I just feel like I need to have an outlet for this as I haven't talked about it with a single soul, and this community seems like the place to provide two things:
1) Big picture feedback on whether this desire I have is something I should act on, or whether or not it would probably be too complicated and fuck everything up
2) If the meta-conclusion is "Awesome dude, fucking go for it" -- then I need advice on tactics.
The outcome that I *think* I want is for:
Me to be alpha
My wife to be head wife
Have sex with the other two women in various configurations
Grow very very close emotionally even without sex (including different levels of physical intimacy--all being naked together, kissing, etc)
Me to essentially be the provider for this expanded family unit/harem
As for the husband, I can take it or leave it - I'd be fine to be a bit bi as the cost of doing business (might help draw him out of his shell tbh). He can watch us have sex, even touch and join in if he wants to in a group scenario. I just don't think I'm down for full on wife swapping or MMF threesomes, as that puts us on too much of an equal footing.
Here are the two paths forward I've thought of so far:
-We have a nice hot tub coming this week, and I know all the ladies are very excited for it, and have already hinted at skinny dipping. So I can wait for the hot tub, invite them over, assume the husband doesn't come, make some great drinks, and see what happens?
-Or...realize this is just a fantasy, would wreck the good things we have going on, and move to pursue kinky stuff in a less risky way that doesn't involve such close existing friendships.
Or...some options I haven't considered, as recommended by you guys?
Thanks in advance for not shitting on this post lol
