A
Anonymous
Guest
So the title is a little dramatic but I think once you have read this you'll appreciate why. So I am 27 and about a year ago I met a girl via a internet dating site. I am going to refer to her as C. She is 29 and I don't want to go into massive details but she was pretty amazing. Ticked all my boxes and I had been on a lot of dates beforehand. We hit it off really well and just connected. Seem to be going really well and then bam! at Christmas she said that she was wobbling about us. We had a looong talk about it and it seem to point a little towards commitment and a little towards me being too nice. In her words putting her on a pedastal all the time. Post-christmas everything again picked up. We went to friend's wedding together, did loads of road trips and even went on holiday with each other. In Florence, on the top of the bell tower next to the cathedral, waiting to take a picture of the sunset, was when I realized I was head-over-heels in love with her. As a boyfriend I would like to think I was relatively exciting and quite romantic. However, if I am being honest I was a little laid back and didn't really take a lead. We had also gotten into a little bit of a routine which was partly due to both being underpaid.
At the time we were both living in the north of England, and both were pretty fed up with our jobs. We had spoken about moving to London together and started looking for jobs. With my job (I work in TV) its harder to find full-time work with the recession and a huge influx of students wanting to do media. C is an architect and quite quickly found a job and got an interview. To be honest I should have at that point been incredibly positive about it but wasn't and kind of took a back seat. Then one Tuesday night she broke up with me. She was sort of calm about it and said all the cliches "you are a really nice guy", "you have been the perfect boyfriend" and then the killer "I am not sure there is a spark anymore". Pretty shitty. Anyways I didn't let that lie. Gave it a week and went back to fight. Went for the romantic gesture, she cried loads but still said no. She did suggest we stay as friends and go for a drink before she left. We met up for drinks and on the way home kissed like we did when we first started going out. It was very passionate. Maybe I was reading too much into it but I felt hope. Maybe it was a goodbye kiss I don't know. She moved a few days later. I tried to be a bit aloof and drop occasional texts to see how she was doing but she wasn't really replying.
The breakup sent me a little crazy. Didn't really eat or sleep for weeks. Then I hit upon an idea try and get her to a park in London just for a catchup but try and engineer circumstances to replicate our first date. However, that feel flat on its face and she text me quite bluntly saying no and that is was pushing her away from me and that she was going to struggle to talk to me whilst I was like this.
Having read the excellent guide about getting girlfriends back I think she maybe fits in with #2 option - the hardest to get back but kind of merging (maybe) into #3. My problem(s) are these:
Clearly speaking to her at the moment is maybe not a good idea. So I think some radio silence is a good plan although if I am honest I am tempted to send her a message that says "We are alright as friends right?", however, i feel that is instantly pushing me into the friend zone and maybe that's not a good idea. So do I or don't I?
I need to move to London if I stand any chance of getting back with her and I am working on that. But once in London I have a further problem with the plan suggested in the guide. Because we met online we don't have any mutual friends and don't run in the same social circles. So how do I get her involved in activities described to make me look like I am brushing her off and get her to chase me? We certainly have the same interests but I don't want to turn up at social things when she is there because I reckon that will come across as stalker-esqe. That is really the main issue for me. How do I keep contact in a way that doesn't make me look like I desperately want to be with here but at the same time get to see her in order to subtly show I have changed? Also being so far away what can I do now to lay the groundwork? Is there anything I can do? Am I making the mistake of thinking that "out of sight, out of mind" is a bad thing and want her to remember me not forget me?
This is a challenge I know, especially as I believe and want to change to be the man she wants. I need to be more dominant, sort my life and job out and get back the confidence I had on the first date. I am afraid I may have already screwed things up a little and should have read this site sooner, however, I am ready to try hard to win her back, because I am sure I want to be with her forever. I am also impatient so I need to settle down a bit more and control that. I feel like I need a plan and then follow it no matter what it takes. But I need the advice and help to get there. Help me Chase Amante!
At the time we were both living in the north of England, and both were pretty fed up with our jobs. We had spoken about moving to London together and started looking for jobs. With my job (I work in TV) its harder to find full-time work with the recession and a huge influx of students wanting to do media. C is an architect and quite quickly found a job and got an interview. To be honest I should have at that point been incredibly positive about it but wasn't and kind of took a back seat. Then one Tuesday night she broke up with me. She was sort of calm about it and said all the cliches "you are a really nice guy", "you have been the perfect boyfriend" and then the killer "I am not sure there is a spark anymore". Pretty shitty. Anyways I didn't let that lie. Gave it a week and went back to fight. Went for the romantic gesture, she cried loads but still said no. She did suggest we stay as friends and go for a drink before she left. We met up for drinks and on the way home kissed like we did when we first started going out. It was very passionate. Maybe I was reading too much into it but I felt hope. Maybe it was a goodbye kiss I don't know. She moved a few days later. I tried to be a bit aloof and drop occasional texts to see how she was doing but she wasn't really replying.
The breakup sent me a little crazy. Didn't really eat or sleep for weeks. Then I hit upon an idea try and get her to a park in London just for a catchup but try and engineer circumstances to replicate our first date. However, that feel flat on its face and she text me quite bluntly saying no and that is was pushing her away from me and that she was going to struggle to talk to me whilst I was like this.
Having read the excellent guide about getting girlfriends back I think she maybe fits in with #2 option - the hardest to get back but kind of merging (maybe) into #3. My problem(s) are these:
Clearly speaking to her at the moment is maybe not a good idea. So I think some radio silence is a good plan although if I am honest I am tempted to send her a message that says "We are alright as friends right?", however, i feel that is instantly pushing me into the friend zone and maybe that's not a good idea. So do I or don't I?
I need to move to London if I stand any chance of getting back with her and I am working on that. But once in London I have a further problem with the plan suggested in the guide. Because we met online we don't have any mutual friends and don't run in the same social circles. So how do I get her involved in activities described to make me look like I am brushing her off and get her to chase me? We certainly have the same interests but I don't want to turn up at social things when she is there because I reckon that will come across as stalker-esqe. That is really the main issue for me. How do I keep contact in a way that doesn't make me look like I desperately want to be with here but at the same time get to see her in order to subtly show I have changed? Also being so far away what can I do now to lay the groundwork? Is there anything I can do? Am I making the mistake of thinking that "out of sight, out of mind" is a bad thing and want her to remember me not forget me?
This is a challenge I know, especially as I believe and want to change to be the man she wants. I need to be more dominant, sort my life and job out and get back the confidence I had on the first date. I am afraid I may have already screwed things up a little and should have read this site sooner, however, I am ready to try hard to win her back, because I am sure I want to be with her forever. I am also impatient so I need to settle down a bit more and control that. I feel like I need a plan and then follow it no matter what it takes. But I need the advice and help to get there. Help me Chase Amante!
