FR UndueInfluence

[Marty]

I may have already fucked this up before even getting off of the ground. The reason I'm posting this FR up so soon, pre-date, is because I did something a little unorthodox here and I'm wondering if you can help confirm my next steps.

I was at the park today cold-approaching girls. I had already opened two earlier in the afternoon, but they were just okay, while the third was delightful; she is the subject of this report. She has ambitions to become a lobbyist, hence the name. Here goes...

I see a girl of about 25 on a picnic-rug lying on the grass. She is in the prone position; my eye cannot avoid her ass. In fact, my eye cannot avoid any of her perfect form, stretched out straight from head to toe, with lissom legs and slender waist, dark brown medium-length hair and pale skin. All that is the enticement; the ass poking up above the main thrust of her curves is simply the final provocation that makes me unable to resist.

In front of her is a book in which she appears to be making notes. I come close.

• 
  Marty: Hello!
  
  UndueInfluence: Hello!
  
  Marty: Are you studying, or just reading?
  
  UndueInfluence: Oh, just reading...
  
  Marty: What are you reading?

She closes the book to show me the cover. What Color is Your Parachute?—I believe I have seen it recently in a bookstore somewhere. A manual for career changers.

• 
  UndueInfluence: I'm thinking of making a career change.

Uh-oh. This has the potential to go into a deep-dive too soon, and I am in danger of being accused of "hiding the banana". Better get a couple things straightened out first. I allow my eyes to glide down and up over her body, visibly.

• Marty: You have a beautiful figure.
  
  UndueInfluence: Thank you!
  
  Marty: What's your name?
  
  UndueInfluence: UndueInfluence.
  
  Marty: I'm Marty. Mind if I sit down?
  
  UndueInfluence: Sure!

That's better. Now I can pick up the thread again.

• 
  Marty: Career change, huh? So, what have you been doing until now, and what do you plan to change to?

I have her tell me about herself for around 10 minutes. The conversation takes a natural turn and she also discusses the places she's lived and studied, and her aspirations in terms of location and career. My phone rings once during this conversation; without taking my eye off of the girl, I unhurriedly take it out and silence it. We chat about our current city; we are both essentially moving through, and she also has me tell her about what I do and the places I've lived. Then:

• 
  Marty: Well, it looks as if you've got the rest of your afternoon planned out, figuring out your career—
  
  UndueInfluence: Yeah, I'm also trying to get some sun on this pale skin.

At this point I receive three text messages in close succession.

• 
  Marty: Good idea. So, would you like to grab a coffee with me some time?
  
  UndueInfluence: Sure!
  
  Marty: Let me grab your number. Someone seems to be texting me like crazy, incidentally.
  
  UndueInfluence: Yeah... what are your plans for this evening?
  
  Marty: Well, I planned to go see a movie. That's probably what all these text messages are about.
  
  UndueInfluence: Seems a shame to sit in a movie-theater on a day like this.

This is where the trouble starts. I find this sort of scolding a little tricky to deal with; after all, during the light part of the day, here I am out in the park. She asked about the evening. Anyway, it's probably a test so I remain unperturbed:

• 
  Marty: Yeah. Well, I haven't been for a while actually.

Just as I am about to hand her the phone, it rings again and I silence it and she inputs her number. I lean over and kiss her on the cheek; she leans toward me to accept it, and is all smiles. I leave.

I return the missed call, am informed about the movie plans, and am asked whether I would like a ticket. The film doesn't sound like my cup of tea; I decline.

As I walk away, I begin to ruminate about UndueInfluence's words: "What are your plans for this evening?" Stupidly, it doesn't occur to me that this was probably a test. What if she wanted to make instant plans, and I failed to strike while the iron was hot?

I return to where she is lying.

• Marty: UndueInfluence!
  
  UndueInfluence: Hey!
  
  Marty: My movie plan was canceled. Are you available for dinner tonight?
  
  UndueInfluence: Oh, I wish I could! But I'm afraid I have plans. I'm doing karaoke.
  
  Marty: Okay, not to worry. I'll text ya!
  
  UndueInfluence: See ya!

So, maybe that wasn't such a great idea after all. Now it seems like I am chasing.

As a consequence I think I will "bend the rules" slightly and slow things down a bit, to compensate for what may be perceived as an excess of enthusiasm:

• 1. Delay icebreaker text until tomorrow morning (Sunday).
  
  2. Following that, radio silence for 2-3 delays before nailing down the date proposal.

Does this sound reasonable?

-Marty

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey Marty,

Yeah, that's tricky. It's hard to tell what intentions girls have when they say things like that. I commend you for taking advantage on that potential sign of interest - better to try and be wrong than having a girl lose interest completely from a missed escalation window!

Anyways, I wouldn't delay the messages - if only because girls decide to go on the date based on how excited they are, and time is the biggest source of erosion for emotion.

I have more to say, but I've got to head out soon!

~Nick

 

[Marty]

Thanks Nick. I think I'll still send the icebreaker Sunday morning though, because writing "Nice to meet you" Saturday evening while she's out at karaoke (or getting ready for such) doesn't say a lot about what I have on my mind.

Glad you thought I was right to go back and reengage.

 

[Eric]

I did something a little unorthodox here

I was at the park today cold-approaching girls

Reading the first part and then the "I was at the park today" made me laugh out loud. "Baha! This is going to be great."

my eye cannot avoid her ass. In fact, my eye cannot avoid any of her perfect form

Still laughing

Uh-oh. This has the potential to go into a deep-dive too soon, and I am in danger of being accused of "hiding the banana". Better get a couple things straightened out first. I allow my eyes to glide down and up over her body, visibly.

Great social calibration here. You did good, but it would have been smoother if you asked "What are you reading?" while at the same time as you are sitting down. Not sitting before asking, or asking before sitting, same time. Would have been extremely confident and smooth. Seemed to work out okay though.

UndueInfluence: Yeah... what are your plans for this evening?

These are not tests, Marty. These are hot hot hot hot escalation windows. Basically, "God I want you, hurry up and make plans with me". Could have been like "With you, sweetheart", hard to do on the fly when you're not used to quick escalations from girls you met, I still fumble these occasionally.

UndueInfluence: Seems a shame to sit in a movie-theater on a day like this.

She's giving you another chance, but you don't take it. That's why when you came back a little later after realizing what happened that she was busy. If you had asked here or before for coffee she would have been free.

Marty: My movie plan was canceled. Are you available for dinner tonight?

This should have been "I canceled my movie plans, free tonight?"

UndueInfluence: Oh, I wish I could! But I'm afraid I have plans. I'm doing karaoke.

Persistence here would have been good, you made an offer. "Oh cool, we can make some time for me afterwards then". Something, I'm not sure.

So, maybe that wasn't such a great idea after all. Now it seems like I am chasing.

As a consequence I think I will "bend the rules" slightly and slow things down a bit, to compensate for what may be perceived as an excess of enthusiasm:

• 1. Delay icebreaker text until tomorrow morning (Sunday).
  
  2. Following that, radio silence for 2-3 delays before nailing down the date proposal.

Does this sound reasonable?

-Marty

Do something like "Oh by the way, here's my number, nice meeting you ___ - Marty". That'll open conversation up without chasing. You can then just simply ask "What's your schedule like?" to whatever she says, and then setup the day "Okay, we'll go for coffee on ____". That should work, I think.

Great read. You've gotten a lot better.

You're fine, as long as you don't end up chasing. The second you do chase you're done for. The icebreaker text would be fine in the morning, yeah. I don't know about the radio silence, you can follow off the ice breaker pretty easily (like what I said above) if you just ask what her schedule is like. Don't suggest a date or a day, just ask when she is free.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Basically, "God I want you, hurry up and make plans with me". Could have been like "With you, sweetheart", hard to do on the fly when you're not used to quick escalations from girls you met, I still fumble these occasionally.

I always got confused here between girls just making normal conversation and giving escalation windows. And from what's implied in your post is to always assume these are escalation windows, correct? Guess it depends on the feel of the situation.

"Oh by the way, here's my number, nice meeting you ___ - Marty"

Savvy response. Will keep this one in mind!

~Nick

 

[Eric]

I always got confused here between girls just making normal conversation and giving escalation windows. And from what's implied in your post is to always assume these are escalation windows, correct? Guess it depends on the feel of the situation.

~Nick

Chase and I call these "questions of intent". If you ever hear these and you've got some sort of feeling or vibe, like they are questioning you, for some purpose unknown, it means it's with INTENT. They intend to act on that knowledge.

So, "what are you doing later?". That's something you'd ask a girl right? Because you want to make plans. There's intention behind it.

Similarly, she asked "what are your plans for this evening?". Intent.

When he doesn't take her bait, she lingers on it once more... "Seems a shame", this time with some extra negative labels for that extra oomph.

Another common one is "Where do you live?". The intention is to assess logistics.

 

[Marty]

Eric:

What I want for Christmas

A mini-Eric (or a mini-NarrowJ) to perch on my shoulder like a little woodpecker, and tweet into my ear "Escalation window! Escalation window!" or just "Hot! Hot! Hot!" when I'm in danger of plowing on oblivious.



Seriously, you've really brought home what I missed out on here.

These are not tests, Marty. These are hot hot hot hot escalation windows. Basically, "God I want you, hurry up and make plans with me". Could have been like "With you, sweetheart", hard to do on the fly when you're not used to quick escalations from girls you met, I still fumble these occasionally.

When I read that I just had my head in my hands solidly for about five minutes.

The good news is that I'll recognize it next time. Maybe.

She's giving you another chance, but you don't take it. That's why when you came back a little later after realizing what happened that she was busy. If you had asked here or before for coffee she would have been free.

I'm not quite sure I follow the logic of this, but I'll take it on trust You mean she made some hasty arrangements right after I missed two opportunities, but before I came belatedly back? Or that she would've canceled her karaoke to go out with me, but owing to what she perceived as my lack of enthusiasm (which was nothing of the sort actually, merely lack of nous), she started thinking I'm not serious about her?

Do something like "Oh by the way, here's my number, nice meeting you ___ - Marty".

I did exactly that at 11 AM Eastern today. Haven't heard back (yet). I think what I'll do (assuming she doesn't return my text) is pick up again in 2-3 days with something along the lines of: "So, UI, did you figure out what color your parachute is yet? Care to tell me?" and see whether I can proceed from there to a date... she already knows my intent, seeing as I asked her to dinner. But I'm probably done for already.

Hot hot hot escalation windows, and questions of intent. I'll try, very hard, to remember that in future

Thank you, Eric.

-Marty

 

[PrettyDecent]

Chase and I call these "questions of intent". If you ever hear these and you've got some sort of feeling or vibe, like they are questioning you, for some purpose unknown, it means it's with INTENT. They intend to act on that knowledge.

Gotcha! Thanks for the clarification, Eric.

~Nick

 

[Eric]

I'm not quite sure I follow the logic of this, but I'll take it on trust You mean she made some hasty arrangements right after I missed two opportunities, but before I came belatedly back? Or that she would've canceled her karaoke to go out with me, but owing to what she perceived as my lack of enthusiasm (which was nothing of the sort actually, merely lack of nous), she started thinking I'm not serious about her?

When a girl is interested she'll try her best to make time. She probably had the plans but if you pushed then she would have seen you after them, maybe. Or invited you to come (or cancel). Hard to know for sure that's why you shoot first and ask questions later.

There was this time where I met up with a girl I was sleeping with, and her boyfriend was in the area. Said fuck it in my head and tried to make the best of it... I offer to do a safeway run and go to her place to cook dinner. She says yeah, but then she comes back to me... "Sorry, my boyfriend doesn't want me doing that I told him earlier I'd go have dinner with him and his friends"..

Facepalm

 

[Marty]

OMG that's funny.

"Can't you fuck Eric some other night, sweetie? All my friends are coming tonight, and you know how needy I get in front of them if I don't have a woman to compensate my inadequacies. And it's the weekend—we always stay together on weekend nights, don't we, sweetie? I'm off Monday on a business trip, can't you fuck Eric all next week instead? Pleeeaase?"

This is what I should have read before going out yesterday afternoon: Preparedness: The All-Important Seduction Tool. Not so much in terms of the logistics, but in terms of the mindset...

I nevertheless had some girls who were attracted to me fast - occasionally even right away.

I could see it - sense it - but I didn't really believe it, and didn't know what to do with it. "She'll probably lose interest as soon as I try to make a move," I'd tell myself, and do nothing, and lose the girl.

And you know what?

By Girls Chase standards, yesterday's approach was fairly ordinary, even tame... missing the escalation window, not trying to sleep with her same-day etc. But by regular social standards, the way I opened the girl was extremely aggressive. She was bang in the center of a 200-foot square patch of open ground, empty only within a 20-foot radius of the cutie, the rest of it covered with lounging couples attentive to proceedings. I had zero cover and I basically realized that if I was rejected I'd just have to slink off with my tail between my legs.

She was no doubt conscious of all of this—she even seemed to look in my direction a couple times as I was casually figuring out approach angles (which were of course irrelevant: there weren't any), but she was wearing sunglasses and I really need eye-contact to be sure of an approach invitation, so I went into this cold. The worst that could possibly happen was that she'd have no idea why I was talking to her; that's why I made sure to go direct quite sexually, very early on, although I think it was redundant—she knew what I was at from the word "Go". But going into it hammer-and-tongs like that probably created quite an expectation in her mind; an expectation that was disappointed when it turned out I was a fellow who had insufficient social calibration to spot the escalation windows. If it had been a sitting-on-the-bench type thing, she might have been more forgiving, though she'd probably have been less impressed also.