FR university student in Starbucks

[Marty]

Hey fellas, I'm going to put this one down on paper while it's fresh in my head, because it's interesting (at least for me, at my relatively elementary level) and was great fun for me.

I had to mail a letter to a government agency in my home country this afternoon, and as I walked back to the office I passed a Starbucks with an outdoor seating area, where a lovely young girl with gorgeous hip-length natural blond hair was sitting, sipping an iced coffee, very busy annotating a binder of text, occasionally breaking off to use her iPhone.

Having had a badly failed approach earlier in the day, I got the heebie-jeebies and knew I'd make a mess of it if I approached spontaneously. I hung around a bit; luckily she was too busy to notice me, then I went back to the office to get myself into a proper frame of mind. I drew on Zphix's recent post on The Mirror (timely that, thank you Zphix!), telling myself that this was ridiculous, here I was well into the 60s in terms of number of approaches completed, and I was acting like it was my first. Pathetic. I took a half-hour out and told myself that if she was still there, I would damn well act like a man and kick ass or be blown out trying.

I turned the corner and there she was, absorbed in her work as before; better still, there was now no one else in the coffee shop garden, and my approach angle was perfect. I came up with mountains of confidence. I place my hand on the opposing chair at her table and wait for her to make eye contact before looking in her direction.

Marty: Hey there! If you're not too busy, d'you mind if I join for a moment?

Girl: Sure! (doubt creeps in...) Uh, join me???

Marty: Yes, I was just walking past and I saw you sitting here, and I wanted to say hi. I have to tell you, I think you're really beautiful, and I wanted to introduce myself. I'm Marty.

Girl: (gives name, I take her hand and hold it, looking into a pair of very happy eyes. She is smiling broadly)

Marty: So are you... working? studying?

Girl: I'm just preparing for my accounting exam, which is in a few days' time.

We shoot the breeze about this. To support her study, she is working at a well-known US restaurant chain... she indicates the logo on the uniform she's wearing. Her degree course is with a major university downtown.

I deep-dive about what she wants to do once she gets her qualification, also about how she feels after a night's work at the restaurant, what it's like balancing full-time work and education, etc. etc. Standard stuff.

Marty: So, you must have a ... boyfriend? husband?

Girl: Boyfriend. Yes.

Marty: Is he good to you? (flirty sidelong glance)

Girl: Very good! (giggles)

Marty: (shakes head, smiling) Is he bigger than me?

Girl: Oh yes! (huge smile)

Marty: So are you going to tell him about our little... conversation here? ;-)

Girl: No! ... I might Tweet it though.

Marty: Tweet it! (exaggerated display of exasperation) Well, I try to be discreet about things... I'm off-the-market relationship-wise myself, you know...

Girl: Ooh... (mock disapproval)

Marty: (getting into the swing of things a bit by this stage) I don't want to distract you from your studies for too long this afternoon... (relaxed, open gesture with hands on table) Why don't we get a bite to eat some time soon?

Girl: You know, I'm really not sure my boyfriend would approve of that!

Marty: For goodness' sake! I thought we just agreed you weren't going to tell him! You were just gonna Tweet it!!

Girl: (laughs)

Marty: I'd love to see you again... we should certainly meet, though there don't have to be any expectations. Maybe it would be best if you just left me your phone number, then we can figure things out. We'll keep it quiet.

Girl: Oh, I don't know...

I smile, maintain unbroken eye contact. I pull out my phone.

Girl: Do you have the new operating system?

Marty: Yeah, I do actually. What do you think of it?

Girl: Not sure yet

(I bring up the iPhone "Keypad" screen)

Marty: See here, they've made the background white, but I liked it better black. Easier to see. (I push the phone over to her side of the table.)

She gives me a quick look, then enters her number.

Girl: That's me.

We continue to talk for a minute or two. I wish her well with the exam, lean over, place my hand on her shoulder and cheek-kiss her as I make my exit. She says "Ooh" again, but doesn't pull away or resist.

So if the accomplished guys here want to give me their opinion on whether I can move this forward at all, and how to do so, I will appreciate their help enormously!

 

[Mr.Rob]

Nice job overcoming that random A.A. You know I started approaching 9 months ago and I honestly have never thought about how many girls I've approached so far, if I had to guess it would probably be close to 100 give or take. Yet I still also have those random A.A. moments from time to time (though usually situational, ie. walmart always gives me the heebie jeebies for some reason) so your not the only one brother. Fight the ego! Anyway I'm by no means an expert on this dating stuff but i'd definitely try and get this girl to meet up with you "as friends". It seems you already set the expectation in her head of a dominant somewhat-to-decently sexy man. You just have to fulfill that expectation and see if she bites. It also seems she was hesitant to give out her number which (like I said this is only in speculation) means she was on the fence. You could get lucky and call her after she gets into a fight with her boyfriend and she just wants to get some dick or act out to get back a BF. But what do I know?
Good luck bro!

 

[Marty]

Thanks Mr Rob. Yes I know what you mean by "situational" anxiety; I'm all right with Walmart as it happens, yet Target kills me every time. I think you have to break through it to get over it, i.e. confront your fears head-on. I've still never managed a bookstore approach because the quietness of those places spooks me!

 

[Mr.Rob]

Haha that's hilarious walmart but no target. Yeah I really try to embrace situations like that or situations where girls with family (those are gnarly for me) and when I do go head on I feel like a fucking warrior. This is how I feel after approaching in walmart http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwm3rjgWUcY Im the guy in the stealth bomber!

 

[Marty]

Haha that's hilarious walmart but no target

I think it might be the clientèle... Target ladies at lunchtime are dressed to the nines and clicking around in heels at lightning pace, while Walmart womenfolk seem to be more relaxed and easygoing, to me.

Anyway, it's totally irrelevant to this FR!

 

[NarrowJ]

Marty, very smooth approach! Your frame was strong and direct. She knows exactly what you want. Just the fact that she said she was going to tweet it tells me that she doesn't get approached like that often

I'd definitely be trying to push forward.

Normally I would critique on the "do you have a boyfriend?" question as opposed to "are you single?", because you want to get them saying yes. But in this case it actually seemed to work in your favor, since you then started framing it as a discreet "encounter" that could be really fun and rewarding for her

Any reason why you didn't try to move things forward right then & there? I guess she was busy studying, but sometimes people will make time for an unexpected adventure!

Overall, fantastic approach and interaction. Let us know what the result of the texting is!

NJ

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey Marty,

Excellent! I agree with NJ, fantastic FR, and you handled those tie-breaking points rather adroitly.

Definitely move things forward with her; would love to hear the results . Just keep doing what you're doing.

Jake

 

[Marty]

NarrowJ, PrettyDecent:

I can't tell you how appreciative I am of your support. As we all know, just working off the feedback we get from the girls directly is tough (imagine what Chase went through!); having a knowledgeable sounding-board to bounce stuff off is invaluable.

The last couple weeks have been pivotal for me from a PU perspective; one of those crisis periods you have to go through when you are learning anything, and you come out the other end a better man. I am so glad that I actually pushed through and did this Friday afternoon, finishing off the 2-week period on a high note!

Normally I would critique on the "do you have a boyfriend?" question as opposed to "are you single?", because you want to get them saying yes.

NJ, the reason I do this is that "Are you single?" feels wrong for me right now. I don't have a dominant enough frame to stop it sounding (to my ears) like hopeful anticipation, which to my mind is slightly pathetic. I want it to feel more like I am calmly assessing the obstacles before clearing them if necessary.

Let us know what the result of the texting is!

I am dreading this. I'm hopeless at texting. I didn't get a reply to my icebreaker—not sure whether to read anything into this. I thought I might make reference to her crack about Twitter... something like "So am I notorious on Twitter now?" ...if you can do better, don't hesitate to set me straight. Also could send something Tue lunchtime such as: "Kick it with those debits and credits tonight, show 'em how it's done!" (a reference to her upcoming accounting exam).

In-person is by far my favorite communication style, with phone a distant second... email works okay for business, where I want to get things done with minimum backchat, but social texting kills me. When I was studying for my undergraduate degree, I had a phone installed in my dorm room (fixed-line: cell phones were beyond most students' means in the mid-90s) and I found it a great seduction tool... calling girls at all hours and generally having a lot of fun with it. But in this instance, I'm reluctant to phone her... accidentally embarrassing her in front of her BF is unlikely to be the route to her pants. ;-)

Any reason why you didn't try to move things forward right then & there? I guess she was busy studying, but sometimes people will make time for an unexpected adventure!

I didn't have the imaginativeness to think of this. It was around 4 PM, i.e. neither lunchtime nor dinnertime, but I could have tried moving her to a classier café a couple blocks away. Alternatively, should I have perhaps moved onto the adjoining seat where we were (in Starbucks garden area), asked her to move over to my side of the table, and tried kino and a little escalation calibrated to her response? Maybe my cheek-kiss at the end was too sudden, having done nothing before that besides taking her hand. Escalating to a full make-out then and there would have been kickin'. Too late now but it'd be good to know for next time!

Anyway, thanks again, guys; meeting this girl made my day and reading your take on it cemented that feeling!

-Marty

 

[Marty]

Think I lost this one. She hasn't replied to 2 texts now. One icebreaker and one wishing her well in her exam. Guess she's busy but writing "thanks" doesn't take a lot of effort

I'll maybe give her a call later this week, just hope she's not with her BF at the time (if he indeed exists), I always prioritize discretion for the girl's own sake but I'm not getting a lot of feedback from her here! ;-)

 

[NarrowJ]

Think I lost this one. She hasn't replied to 2 texts now. One icebreaker and one wishing her well in her exam. Guess she's busy but writing "thanks" doesn't take a lot of effort

I'll maybe give her a call later this week, just hope she's not with her BF at the time (if he indeed exists), I always prioritize discretion for the girl's own sake but I'm not getting a lot of feedback from her here! ;-)

You know, sometimes you have a near flawless interaction with a girl (as this one was, seriously, way to go!) and it doesn't go anywhere. Then, you'll someday have what you think is an awkward convo with a girl and text her... and she will be all over it. I'm not sure what goes on in their heads. But, I can tell you this: the experience she had talking to you... she doesn't experience that at all, maybe never. So use that as a take away. Even when you fail, which you will, you've changed her perspective on men in general. She now knows there are men out there that will compliment her shamelessly. You didn't get in her pants, but YOU WERE FUCKING AWESOME and she will probably remember the encounter for a long time, even though she didn't act upon it.

You're a game changer. Embrace changing women's lives. In one of Ricardus' articles he claims his lay percentage is fairly low. You just create more opportunities for yourself, that's all.

NJ