Untangling my relationship with women (newbie/26yo)

[spear_kin]

So. I'm opening this journal to post brief stuff from time to time in regards to my experience learning about women, my relationship with them and sexuality.

I'll begin by format it with short sentences. Let's see if it works.

-STARTING FRAME-

GENERAL BACKROUND
>26 yo.
>Some traumatic experiences before (general and in sex). A lot of shame and grief about past relationship in teenage years. Had just one partner from my 16's to ~23's.
>Started actually seeing women and having sex again 3 years ago, but got into a relationship right away.


LAST YEAR (the most fruitful)
>Broke up, and started dating again via apps.
>Started seeing my problems with women in general.
>I'll admit it. I started reading sites like this and PWF setting myself to actually understand what was happening, why I couldn't fuck any or the girls I wanted.
>Started seeing progress. And facing that I had extreme anxiety around sex.
>After my last breakup I setted myself what I call MY OWN NEW YEAR (happening in november), and set myself a goal: GETTING TO GO ON 10 DATES IN THE YEAR. For some months I was still in a relationship so those are out.
>Started gaining experience, getting really smooth on certain situations and banging some girls.
>Cold approached twice this year. Got no girls but excellent results in my behaviour.
>I started learning how to actually give great orgasms, some girls tell me how great I do it.
>Sexual anxiety is reduced.
>I start excercising and my PE begins to be in control.

So long, this is how this year's graphic is going (S is when sex happened with that woman that time or later on, and no matter how many times):

10 dates
(S)(x)(x)(S)(S)(x)(S)(x)(S)()​

I'm happy with what I have achieved. And I'm also facing some other challenges now. I aspire to have my last challenged date this month before my birthday.
Number eight was like a dagger in my heart. I haven't desired a woman that much in my life...for however reason, she felt like she didn't want to continue, with no visible hint on why (we even had a programmed date).
Right now I want to cold approach as much as I can. My next year's challenge will include this and to bang a girl that's better looking that what I'm used to.
Right now I'm seeing a girl regularly so Idk where that's gonna lead me either.

Now...

KNOWN CURRENT OBSTACLES / ISSUES (to be edited)

>Sometimes I get into the Zone and I'm a natural seductive and sexual man. But sometimes I got anxious, fearful and...
>I start feeling that doing it isn't right. Having sex for the sake of it. Or I start longing for something more than that (GUILT).
>I feel a disgusting sensation when knowing how much a woman can actually be open to have sex with someone if the thing's done right (for some reason that I'll discuss in therapy and with myslef to learn why).
>I struggle with approaching women in places where I will be heard / seen doing it.


So I think that's all...I'll post whatever I learn and feel that's not too intimate.

 

[TwoNameGame]

>Sometimes I get into the Zone and I'm a natural seductive and sexual man. But sometimes I got anxious, fearful and...

Use social momentum for a boost.

If you are under the weather, talk to random people to remind yourself it's fine. Say good morning (or hi or whatever) as you walk. Compliment people's shirts or accessories even if you don't mean it. Ask workers "how's it going?" Strike up mini-conversations if it works out.

>I start feeling that doing it isn't right. Having sex for the sake of it. Or I start longing for something more than that (GUILT).

Nothing wrong with just wanting a relationship, but nothing wrong with sex either.

It's healthy. It's fun. You both want it. It's honest too; you're gonna have sex eventually even if you want a wife.

It's good to know that you both connect physically if you choose to pursue something more. It's easier to have a sexually active relationship with a girlfriend if the relationship starts from a foundation of passion.

>I feel a disgusting sensation when knowing how much a woman can actually be open to have sex with someone if the thing's done right (for some reason that I'll discuss in therapy and with myslef to learn why).

Why?

Relationships are built on trust, comfort, and connection anyways. That's basically all you need for marriage and therefore sex too. Why should the time-frame matter if everything is in place? If you do everything right, why is it wrong?

>I struggle with approaching women in places where I will be heard / seen doing it.

If you are calibrated, it doesn't stand out. After a few seconds, few will even know you two used to be strangers.

Few care. Most will respect you. Almost no one will stop you. (Girls Chase has an article I can't find about what to do if some feminist gets on your case. Basically, don't address them directly, joke with the girl about the situation, move the girl if necessary).

 

[spear_kin]

Use social momentum for a boost.

Hi pal, thank you for taking your time writing me.
That's a great advice. Thanks.

Nothing wrong with just wanting a relationship, but nothing wrong with sex either.

I still don't know. After nailing this last dates and encounters I'm beginning to see why it was difficult in the first place. I'll try to write a short post but I think it has to do with my upbringings (christian and with sex being at the same time taboo and "sacred" for me) and whatever traumas made me develop anxiety.
I will keep adressing these issues in therapy and meditation. But I still don't know what's making me get restrained.

I also felt devastated after my high school girlfriend dumped me (I was absolutely in love with her) and after that sex became a really sad and angsty topic for me. I believe I still drag some of that.

Luckily, I went from having extreme anxiety and shaking to going more naturally about it and handling various situations and cold approaching, so I'm winning. I'll read those links later.

Why?

I still don't know, but I'm working on it. Maybe trying so hard to get sex without love? Or to build this fleeting illusion of connection and relationship just because I'm horny? Sometimes without caring at all about the person.
What I can tell for sure is that after casual sex I often feel like shit. I need to rethink how I want to adress all this.

Few care. Most will respect you

I still need more experience. But I can do it : ).

 

[spear_kin]

Yo. Double posting to share my success.
I was in a nearby store yesterday and saw a girl I find really hot (she works there and I've had seen her a couple of times) I salute her and go buy my stuff.
When going out I decide I am going to try and ask her out.

So I did, joke a little and told her I find her attractice and that if she's alone. She tells me she is and that she will search me in Facebook, which she did.

So now we're talking and that's another landed shot for me.

 

[TwoNameGame]

Hi pal, thank you for taking your time writing me.
That's a great advice. Thanks.

Your welcome.

(christian and with sex being at the same time taboo and "sacred" for me)

I relate. I was raised Christian and told that premarital sex was a sin. I was also taught that since came from corrupting God's intention. I was taught to avoid sin because things like sloth, wrath, and lust brought ruin. But sin didn't come from nothing.

It took a while for me to comprehend, but a relationship often needs a physical connection as well as an emotional one. You can become closer and strengthen a relationship with intimacy. Sure, banging every chick without a care is risky, but that's why we screen. We don't have sex with the crazy party girls with STD's; we have sex to fulfill each other's needs.

I also felt devastated after my high school girlfriend dumped me (I was absolutely in love with her) and after that sex became a really sad and angsty topic for me. I believe I still drag some of that.

I get it. It sounds like a wonderful memory. But is it worth building resentment if that memory becomes something that holds you back?

Luckily, I went from having extreme anxiety and shaking to going more naturally about it and handling various situations and cold approaching, so I'm winning. I'll read those links later.

Seduction is a skill. It's something you can apply anywhere for personal development. I'm glad it's helping you break out of your shell.

What I can tell for sure is that after casual sex I often feel like shit.

How unfortunate considering the health and mental benefits. I hope you find out why.

Double posting to share my success.

Congrats. It seems like she's into you enough to invest effort. Keep it up.

 

[spear_kin]

@TwoNameGame How did you approach the religous issue?
I always use condom btw, no excuses. What I often feel is the guilt or shame of thinking about sex as something shallow, or even offensive, when it is lacking love.

I get it. It sounds like a wonderful memory. But is it worth building resentment if that memory becomes something that holds you back?

It is not. But I went through years of accumulated grief about her and other issues and I'm just now slowly letting that go, and actually feeling what I felt and was left to feel.

Seduction is a skill. It's something you can apply anywhere for personal development. I'm glad it's helping you break out of your shell.

It is. Thank you. I also can tell that most women find me at least good looking enough.

How unfortunate considering the health and mental benefits. I hope you find out why.

Prolly just because everything I said above. Ejaculating also makes me feel dull, I'm learning how to retain it for long periods.



UPDATE: Feeling bolder. I pinned a "hot sports milf" in my envision board some time ago and the one's just showed. She cycles in the field I train and I've decided I'm going to approach her. If she's my tenth date this year It'll be amazing.
I tried doing it today but didn't, I think I got nervous and tried to do it smoother than I was feeling (she's hotter than I'm used to dating). I should have done it anyway if it were to be sloppy. I promised myself to do it anyway the next lap (yeah I wanted to do it while cycling, she only does that there so it is what it is) but she was gone the next lap (stupid of me). Anyway.

 

[spear_kin]

Hey. I decided to start learning with the post newbie assignment.
I'll post my experiences here.

Newbie Assignment Day 1:

Okay so, simply searched for places this could work. Lots of women down there to practice.​

 

[spear_kin]

Newbie Assignment Day 2:

Went to every place on the list. I noticed some stuff about men walking:
1) There is a way some men walk that says "I don't care much about anything" that's offputting.
2) There is a way some men walk that says "I have this overmovement and fake confidence that actually says I'm kind of uncomfortable".
3) Some of them are noticeable stiff or stressed.

As for myself, after a while walking straighter I find that my own mind starts to set myself to feel bolder and energized.