FU unusual objection—can it be overcome?

[Marty]

Hey peeps,

So this evening I opened a young girl of around 22, wearing athletic shorts, in Kroger as follows:

• 
  Marty: I saw you standing over by the fish counter, and I wanted to come say hello. You have beautifully slim legs!
  
  Girl: (smiling broadly) Oh thank you!
  
  Marty: What's your name? I'm Marty, good to meet you. You look awfully young, are you still studying?
  
  Girl: Yes, actually I graduate from the technical university here in two months' time, and I already have a job lined up in Texas.

...and the conversation went off into a deep-dive. Not only that but she asked me where I'm from, too. All well and good. But, a few minutes later...

• 
  Marty: So if you still have a couple months here in this city, shall we grab a coffee some time soon?
  
  Girl: Yes, I'd love to!
  
  Marty: Okay, great. Well, let me just put down this shopping and grab your cell phone number.
  
  Girl: You know, I'd really be more comfortable...
  
  Marty: Yes?
  
  Girl: ...if you just added me on Facebook instead.
  
  Marty: Oh?
  
  Girl: Yes, you see we've only just met today. In a grocery store.
  
  Marty: I see. Well, I don't do Facebook. And certainly not with women I'm attracted to. In fact, I don't even have an account anymore. Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?
  
  Girl: No, I don't think so.
  
  Marty: Okay, well it was nice talking to you anyway.

Odd. She seems to be saying she doesn't know me well enough, so she can't meet with me—to get to know me better!

On reflection, I had a number of courses of action open to me:

• 
  1. Roll my eyes and hand her my phone with the dialer screen open anyway
  
  2. Say: "Facebook?? That's for buddies. I don't want to be your buddy. I want to take you on a date."
  
  3. Say: "Okay, well why don't you tell me a little more about yourself. What inspired you to go into environmental engineering?"—in the hope of building a stronger connection; then try again a few minutes later.

Which of the above would have worked best, do you feel? Any better ideas?

I don't think I look dangerous, even though I have a buzz-cut now She was smiling throughout, even at the very end. Maybe it's my British accent and the fact that I told her I grew up in the UK, I know Brits are often portrayed as villains in movies. But seriously? Afraid to give me a phone number... what does she think I'm gonna do with it? Give it to all my crazy friends?

Thanks!

-Marty

 

[Ross]

I can see her concern for comfort and the need for social proof. But unfortunately, this isn't the best way to deal with the objection. It just feels too... accommodating.

1. Roll my eyes and hand her my phone with the dialer screen open anyway

2. Say: "Facebook?? That's for buddies. I don't want to be your buddy. I want to take you on a date."

3. Say: "Okay, well why don't you tell me a little more about yourself. What inspired you to go into environmental engineering?"—in the hope of building a stronger connection; then try again a few minutes later.

Unfortunately, I wouldn't go with any of these responses. One just ignores the issue at hand, which will still leave her objection unanswered, thus leaving you unable to move on. Two and three play right into her hands; it shows that you're reacting to something she's said, rather than the heart of the issue.

You see, the main issue in this circumstance is that she feels uncomfortable in going for coffee with a man that she just met. Imagine a salesman coming up to you and saying he wants to talk about business opportunities within minutes of meeting you - feels weird, doesn't it? Then you bring up that you'd feel more comfortable if you could get social proof that he's legitimate. He says he doesn't do internet stuff, and that you'd just have to meet up with him. Or maybe he submits to your demand and starts trying to get to know you; sketchy, right?

It's important in this situation, that whatever you pick you stick with it. Two viable options I see here are sell the idea that her giving you her number is the best option, or take the tangent in conversation elsewhere. I'd likely see if an instant-date would be a better option to take, and if not go with the next lowest effort route, which is probably to win the frame battle over getting the phone number.

Here's an example that goes on a short tangent, then counter demands to keep the power balance in your favor,

Girl: You know, I'd really be more comfortable.... if you just added me on Facebook instead.
Me: Oh, you're still on that dried up social media website? -pause for effect- Have you heard of Twitter?
Girl: Yeah, of course I have an account! (qualifies herself and accommodates to me)
Me: Awesome! Can you pull it up on your phone?
Girl: Sure, -pulls out phone, as do you-
Me: Alright, you'll find me at /seductionmaster21. What's your phone number?

This brings up a good point; it's always good to have some instant social proof that you can use. I know Chase recently wrote an article on it that I've been meaning to read. It's important to have some way to relieve the concern, and having low effort options is an immaculately easy method for doing this, as you can flash an active social media profile and she'll totally forget why she was concerned about you in the first place, because you're an active, busy, likable, happening guy who's exciting to be around.

 

[Marty]

Ross:

Thank you. Good suggestion. I disconnected from Facebook because I agree with Chase that it's fake and actually quite disliked the feel of it, except for the convenience of keeping in touch with globally scattered friends, even before I read his opinion.

I do have a pretty passable LinkedIn profile, though; my picture there's horrible, but I'm having my photo taken professionally next week, so hopefully I can use that in future if need be. Very sensible idea, thanks!

-Marty

 

[Casanovelis]

Although I don't believe I would make my user name "Seduction Master"

 

[Gentle_Phrases]

Hey Marty,

Just curious here- how long did you talk to her? Was it under ten minutes?

Did you ask her if she had plans for that evening?

Ruminating on my last dozen or so approaches where this happened, the girl struck me as an introvert, I talked to her just over 10 minutes, I didn't ask her if she had plans for the evening or she happened to tell me that she was just headed home, and I didn't move her. All of them.

Curious to see if this fits for you too

 

[Marty]

This has happened to you a dozen times? That's incredible! It's only happened to me twice ever; the first time I brushed it off successfully. Then again, maybe I'm simply not as prolific as you; I've only done 192 approaches ever—perhaps if I did over 1,000 I would have this happen a dozen times too.

My conversation took 3 minutes. No, I didn't ask her whether she had any plans for that evening. I guess she was going to cook dinner soon, since she was in the store.

Where are you going with this, GentlePhrases? Your line of questioning is interesting, but why are you asking?

-Marty

 

[Gentle_Phrases]

Where are you going with this, GentlePhrases? Your line of questioning is interesting, but why are you asking?

Just curious to compare experiences!