URGENT Advice needed for coffee date with a tourist with limited time!

[Yaxir]

Hi,

so in about 12 hours i will be going to a coffee date with a tourist

i cold approached her today and asked her if i could take her to coffee, she agreed

she has a busy rest of the day, as she said "because then I plan a lot of excursions"

so the coffee date will take place at 9 am in the morning

this is pretty much my first time in a situation like this,

i just want to know what can i do to make the best of this situation;

should i just use this opportunity to learn how to escalate? or should i try something more?

we will probably be near her hotel, so i could try to invite myself over to her hotel

I must remark that i have never been in this situation before, so i have sweaty palms and sweaty feet - i am THAT nervous

I am naturally feeling quite nervous and i am not sure what to do, what to talk to her about

and i will probably have limited time with her, since her rest of the day is busy

you help and guidance is GREATLY appreciated!

Thanks

P.S : A lot of my nervousness comes down to the fact that, (1) i have never had this happen to me before (2) i have a limiting belief that, 'would she even consider having sex with me' (i found her hot) but i guess this is all in my head and i am just overthinking

 

[Tryst]

Good job on getting the date.

Try to avoid framing your date invitations as "would you let me take you on a date", instead invite her to join you, frame it as "You may come and do this cool thing with me if you like"

Her saying she has a busy rest of the day is a time constraint for the date - she is pre-emptively limiting the time you'll spend together, and providing herself an easy excuse if she gets bored. Mentally, I suspect she's prepared to take the coffee and ditch you.

But you got the date, and that's what matters. My suggestion is this. Sit with her, take coffee for 15-20 minutes, and then invite her to walk with you. Offer to show her some tourist destination closeby, walk with her, and keep talking. At some point, sit down with her, kino her a little. Make sure you walked by either her hotel or your place. Try to pull her to your place with some prebaked reason that's not "Let's fuck", or try to get to her place, asking to charge your phone/use the toilet/drink some water, whatever the fuck. Try to escalate and try to fuck.

Of course this plan could fail at any step. It's okay. Just push and try to get as far as you can. Don't overthink it, don't stress it, this is just some chick you met, and whom you're gonna pass a little time with drinking coffee. Nothing more. Remember that.

- Tryst

First date, arriving late, and breezing through
The door into that cosy coffee place.
We'll drink our fill, and then wander, we two,
The streets, then to hers, forgetting the bill.

 

[Yaxir]

Good job on getting the date.

Try to avoid framing your date invitations as "would you let me take you on a date", instead invite her to join you, frame it as "You may come and do this cool thing with me if you like"

Her saying she has a busy rest of the day is a time constraint for the date - she is pre-emptively limiting the time you'll spend together, and providing herself an easy excuse if she gets bored. Mentally, I suspect she's prepared to take the coffee and ditch you.

But you got the date, and that's what matters. My suggestion is this. Sit with her, take coffee for 15-20 minutes, and then invite her to walk with you. Offer to show her some tourist destination closeby, walk with her, and keep talking. At some point, sit down with her, kino her a little. Make sure you walked by either her hotel or your place. Try to pull her to your place with some prebaked reason that's not "Let's fuck", or try to get to her place, asking to charge your phone/use the toilet/drink some water, whatever the fuck. Try to escalate and try to fuck.

Of course this plan could fail at any step. It's okay. Just push and try to get as far as you can. Don't overthink it, don't stress it, this is just some chick you met, and whom you're gonna pass a little time with drinking coffee. Nothing more. Remember that.

- Tryst

First date, arriving late, and breezing through
The door into that cosy coffee place.
We'll drink our fill, and then wander, we two,
The streets, then to hers, forgetting the bill.

thanks for that, Tryst

sad to say the plan did not work out and did in fact, fail

i tried to pull to her hotel room and later to my place, with the plausible reason of having lunch (and later i said i wanted to show her my gaming PC)

but she said she was not looking for anything (relationship etc) and was more interested in sightseeing

i do believe that partly it is my fault ( i have a habit of blaming myself ) that i was not sexual enough and this is something i really want to overcome!

we went to a park, as she wanted to check out plants etc

i did compliment her, touched her where appropriate, led her by touching her back (she had a fucking backpack on, so could not touch her back), checked out her nailpolish ..

agh .. i tried to tease, her personality however did not allow for double meaning jokes / sexual inneundos - although i did try one or two of those

she was a divorced 30 year old, who knew all things that happen in a relationship - maybe she wasn't looking for anything sexual, but i think then i should have lead harder and gotten rejected early on

maybe it was the cold approach where i should have been straight forward -> when i approached i complimented her coat, said it looked nice on her and she said thanks but that she was in a hurry because her phone was out of charge, so instead of using my routine i asked her out to coffee, to which she said yes (which is what we had today)

when i met her, i greeted her and handclasped her .. as Chase said in his article. I am not a very big or muscular guy ( she was taller than me, which is personally not a problem and i like taller women), so i tried the handclasp to make it appear non platonic.

my writing is probably all over the place, because my emotions are clouding my articulation in my writing right now - but yeah, this is what happened

i will, ofcourse, appreciate on what to do better next time - i don't want to appear platonic or boyfriend material (i am, in fact, tired of being the good guy - i don't want to be that anymore)

on how can i be more sexual, more non-platonic, more intentful next time - as i will prefer to keep things clear from the get go

thanks for guiding

 

[orkie123]

Nicely done Yaxir. It's easy to punish yourself but instead you should be feeling great for achieving something that very few people have the balls to do.

A few tips for situations like yours where a relationship is basically off the table:

- Build tension by slowing things down. Longer eye contact, more focus on kino if allowed to, more silences after you ask her questions/qualify her.
e.g. If she says she is a lawyer. and you ask her " You seem too creative to be a lawyer, how did you get into that?" She may initially respond with a quick sentence. Let the silence linger for a while. She will 90% then expand with a much longer story. This helps build familiarity and make her feel as if she's known you for longer.

- Move multiple venues which you already planned to do and did. I couldn't understand if the 2nd 'venue' was her hotel but if it was, I would have moved 1-2 to other locations first. I.e. - Coffee -> "Lets go best Ice cream place" -> "Lets walk over to my fav park where you have >insert whatever interesting. During there you pre-seed the idea of her coming back to yours. Gaming PC is okaish but unless she is a gamer, I think you can do better than that. -> Use the seed to do the pull to your/hers. If she objects, try to figure out why, wait 10 minutes and pre-emptively solve her objection. For example if she says. "I'm leaving tomorrow and I still want to see Tourist thingy X/" Then you can say - Hey I know you want to see X and I've some stuff to do later too but I like our conversations. Lets have a quick break at mine so I can show you #seed idea# and then you can go to X. It will be quick and I there will be no funny business".

- Have a few sexual gambits ready from Teevster's list. Particularly the ones on being non-judgmental and encouraging spontaneity and pleasure. You can incorporate this easily and naturally given that she is travelling. If you feel bold or she is responding well, move on to some sexual prizing gambits and ask her some questions too. Keep the conversation indirect. I.e. don't make it seem like you are implying something will happen between you two, but if it was just a general discussion. That way she has her guard down and is more willing to share. The benefits come subconsciously - She knows you won't judge her, she sees that you 'get her', and she may get curious about your sexual abilities. + these topics are super fun.

It all comes down to practise, all these little things start aligning by themselves after you've had a couple of these experiences so keep going for it!

 

[Yaxir]

Nicely done Yaxir. It's easy to punish yourself but instead you should be feeling great for achieving something that very few people have the balls to do.

A few tips for situations like yours where a relationship is basically off the table:

- Build tension by slowing things down. Longer eye contact, more focus on kino if allowed to, more silences after you ask her questions/qualify her.
e.g. If she says she is a lawyer. and you ask her " You seem too creative to be a lawyer, how did you get into that?" She may initially respond with a quick sentence. Let the silence linger for a while. She will 90% then expand with a much longer story. This helps build familiarity and make her feel as if she's known you for longer.

- Move multiple venues which you already planned to do and did. I couldn't understand if the 2nd 'venue' was her hotel but if it was, I would have moved 1-2 to other locations first. I.e. - Coffee -> "Lets go best Ice cream place" -> "Lets walk over to my fav park where you have >insert whatever interesting. During there you pre-seed the idea of her coming back to yours. Gaming PC is okaish but unless she is a gamer, I think you can do better than that. -> Use the seed to do the pull to your/hers. If she objects, try to figure out why, wait 10 minutes and pre-emptively solve her objection. For example if she says. "I'm leaving tomorrow and I still want to see Tourist thingy X/" Then you can say - Hey I know you want to see X and I've some stuff to do later too but I like our conversations. Lets have a quick break at mine so I can show you #seed idea# and then you can go to X. It will be quick and I there will be no funny business".

- Have a few sexual gambits ready from Teevster's list. Particularly the ones on being non-judgmental and encouraging spontaneity and pleasure. You can incorporate this easily and naturally given that she is travelling. If you feel bold or she is responding well, move on to some sexual prizing gambits and ask her some questions too. Keep the conversation indirect. I.e. don't make it seem like you are implying something will happen between you two, but if it was just a general discussion. That way she has her guard down and is more willing to share. The benefits come subconsciously - She knows you won't judge her, she sees that you 'get her', and she may get curious about your sexual abilities. + these topics are super fun.

It all comes down to practise, all these little things start aligning by themselves after you've had a couple of these experiences so keep going for it!

thanks Orkie!

you're very kind and i do appreciate your encouraging words!

- definitely, i need to us the 'build tension' approach with more and more girls, its a nice way to make things non-platonic and make them squirm a bit. Can you suggest any articles on the GC website for this particular move?

as for the multiple venues, i agree that i didn't know this and this was literally my first time trying to pull a girl to her and then my place. Thats why i accompanied her to the garden to keep up with her and try the pull later. She was pretty aware and knew what i was implying and kept saying that she wasn't looking for a relationship, as a rejection to the pull.

I would like to know, what is a pre-seed? and how does one do a pre-seed?

I do like the idea of how after her objection, you can still try to solve her objection after a few minutes. My only question here is, you mention that you are pre-emptively solving her objection are you doing this by saying "there will be no funny business" OR by saying "lets have a quick break and then you can go to X" ? I want to figure this one out

- Teevster's sexual gambits is definitely something i have to use! thank you for making me aware of that!

Thank you @orkie123 , you're amazing~!

 

[orkie123]

thanks Orkie!

you're very kind and i do appreciate your encouraging words!

- definitely, i need to us the 'build tension' approach with more and more girls, its a nice way to make things non-platonic and make them squirm a bit. Can you suggest any articles on the GC website for this particular move?

as for the multiple venues, i agree that i didn't know this and this was literally my first time trying to pull a girl to her and then my place. Thats why i accompanied her to the garden to keep up with her and try the pull later. She was pretty aware and knew what i was implying and kept saying that she wasn't looking for a relationship, as a rejection to the pull.

I would like to know, what is a pre-seed? and how does one do a pre-seed?

I do like the idea of how after her objection, you can still try to solve her objection after a few minutes. My only question here is, you mention that you are pre-emptively solving her objection are you doing this by saying "there will be no funny business" OR by saying "lets have a quick break and then you can go to X" ? I want to figure this one out

- Teevster's sexual gambits is definitely something i have to use! thank you for making me aware of that!

Thank you @orkie123 , you're amazing~!

For articles, just search for the ones on charisma and eye contact. There are so many articles, but I would start with those ones because personally I think those are important and relatively simple to implement, just hard to do subconsciously without practice.

When she said "She isn't looking for a relationship" this is actually helpful to your own awareness. It likely means you were too nice, didn't build enough compliance and attraction. BUT she also still felt that you were trying to push things forward which is good because it means she didn't completely friendzone you. There is always a balance, and now you know you will probably need to go a little too far the other way which can be uncomfortable initially. The better you get, the more you will notice the subtle signs if you need to push tension, release it, etc. This is how you become calibrated.

Pre-seed is planting an idea without executing it yet. For example - you start talking to her about music tastes etc and she asks about yours. So you respond with " I have the best cheesy playlist ever", she may then ask "haha give me some example songs", then you respond " Whitney Houston is a guilty pleasure, but the rest, I can't share yet. Maybe I'll show you later..."

The pre-seed is that later you will share the rest of your playlist. Later on when you want to pull her back to yours, you can use the pre-seed as a plausible deniability. "You have cool vibes, lets go back to mine for a bit so that you can hear the rest of my cheesy playlist... and don't worry no funny business". You can use any pre-seed but it works even better if she is involved in it. It's better to bring up a pre-seed yourself if she doesn't bite the bait but it's more natural if she asks you a question and then you bring up the pre-seed. I.e. you start talking about gaming, and she asks you about your computer, then you bringing up the pre-seed of showing her your cool party LED PC. That said, I think I would avoid using gaming as a pre-seed.

Pre-emptively solving her objection is anything that shows you understand her concerns. "No funny business" = She doesn't want to feel like a slut. "lets have a quick break and then you can go to X" solves her objection of time. She has limited time, so you have to respect it. It doesn't matter if in the end you end up having sex and cuddling in bed for 10 hours because she still has the option at any time to leave. What she doesn't want is to feel obligated to stay a certain time with you if she doesn't want to. You can do this with any kind of objection if you know what it is.