FR very neutral date

[newgameplus]

i picked up a girl's phone number at an open mic i went to and we went for a date at a coffee join, and then she followed my car to a park where we walked around and talked.

i had her investing in me doing stuff like letting me see her rings / jewelery, having her follow my car to the park, and i commanded her to do things like letting me see her hand, go get herself a coffee while i get a seat.

i was thinking about the date the entire day trying to figure out why she was so neutral towards me. and i finally figured out, it was because it took me:

1. too long to find something we could enjoy talking about together (singing, she started brightening up when we talked about singing and she sang for me. i could tell she was having a better time at that point)
2. i was too reserved, and probably distant. i have been a jester for a very long time, and have grown negative feelings towards using facial expressions and emotions to make girls laugh. but because of this, i went to the opposite extreme, from jester to a serious business man. i made her laugh a bit in the beginning, but in an attempt to keep up a very emotionally controlled outer presence, i was not very funny. i turned that off so i could be treated more serious. the result was bad. i learned a lot about her and she a little about me, but instead of following light heavy light heavy heavy light light heavy heavy heavy, it was just light heavy heavy heavy heavy light heavy heavy heavy heavy heavy.

i was kinda down but now not so much, because i at least know where i screwed up. i feel like i need to show a bit more emotion on dates. i show less when i'm doing pick up, i stay stone faced and i'm just witty. but the past few dates i've been on, i think i've been too serious and i didn't make them laugh enough, or properly.

i'm thinking back on the situation and there were times were i could have made her laugh appropriately by using just a little emotion, and not make myself look like a clown, but i just turned that all of because i've blamed laughter for my unsuccessful relations with women.

the running them seems to be balance when it comes to game. now i know better.

 

[Garrett]

Newgameplus,

Good that you're looking back at your mistakes, and that you can recognize them as well!

My advice for you is to be a bit more playful/relaxed next time. I know you said you were a joker, and oftentimes when we do something wrong, we go to the opposite extreme. An example would be when you realize you're a nice guy, then you suddenly change into an ass hole. After a while, you realize that being an ass hole is better, but not as great as being a genuinely good man. A man who takes care of girl's emotions, makes them feel special, but doesn't go out of his way for her and come off as 'too much.' You're relaxed, cool, calm, playful, admirable, a bit mysterious, and sexy. If you slip up, whoops, a mistake, no big deal at all! You have to make these mistakes to get to where you want to be, so accept the mistakes, be open to making them, and that's how you'll get better!

It's good that you're playing with the extremes, and I think you've gone a bit too far to the aloof side, so try to tone that down a bit and you should be good to go! It's hard/frustrating when you're experimenting with your behavior. As a jester though, you just have to tone it down a little bit, not too much. Don't completely lose who you are and your personality. Just try to make small tweaks/adjustments so you come off as natural, yet different than all the other, boring, nice guys around .

Cheers,
Garrett

 

[Tyme2k]

I didn't read anything there about you being sexual. It is Ok to be "heavy" as long as you're being congruent and in the moment. I think you needed to take the interaction towards sex. She was investing a lot which meant attraction was there. Next step is comfort and sexual escalation.

Day 2 her and start that escalation!

 

[newgameplus]

nah, she ain't returning my after date text and i don't blame her. i somehow managed to be congruent the entire date but it was just too stiff. she just didn't really have a fun time.

it's all good though, picked up new numbers and got a lunch date scheduled for wednesday.