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Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 24, 2021
Messages
224
I have got feedback from a lot of people that I look "studious", "nerdy", etc.

Now I have worked on improving my fashion and have been hitting the gym.

what confuses me is that some people appear smooth and dominant if they don't talk a lot and me being naturally less talkative appear "depressed".

are there any body language/ facial expressions/ voice/ etc that cause this difference?
 

HumanWhoLearns

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 25, 2019
Messages
100
It's great that your working on yourself. I get a sense that you have some self deprecating beliefs. I agree that neglecting attractive qualities (like a lot of nerds) is detrimental to getting women, but it doesn't sound like that's your biggest problem.

The reason you aren't coming off like you want stems from those self beliefs. You can't hide how you feel about yourself; it shows up in your face, your posture, your voice, how you talk, etc. You can work on all those things but it's still not getting to the root cause.
 

Conquistador

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 2, 2022
Messages
1,065
what confuses me is that some people appear smooth and dominant if they don't talk a lot and me being naturally less talkative appear "depressed".

are there any body language/ facial expressions/ voice/ etc that cause this difference?
I can’t pinpoint, but it comes down to nonverbal expressions.
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers

James D

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jul 23, 2017
Messages
582
I have got feedback from a lot of people that I look "studious", "nerdy", etc.

Now I have worked on improving my fashion and have been hitting the gym.

what confuses me is that some people appear smooth and dominant if they don't talk a lot and me being naturally less talkative appear "depressed".

are there any body language/ facial expressions/ voice/ etc that cause this difference?

Consider this:

Why are you less talkative?

What is the reason behind you choosing to talk less?

Too often we tell ourselves that we're being the cool, mysterious silent guy...

When in fact, there's something deeper going on behind our choice to be less talkative.

Often it's a fear of confrontation. Fear of interactions.

Instinctively, people will know exactly why you're being less talkative.

Those people you say who appear smooth and dominant even if they don't talk a lot...

Ever notice how, when they do talk or when the need arises to interact...

They spring right into it effortlessly?

And how, when they're done, they revert back to being less talkative, looking cool af?

That's cuz they have the social skill already built-in and now have the luxury to choose to be less talkative.

What you should do is talk more, not less.

Become comfortable with all facets of socializing.

Become the super talkative guy and learn to lead conversations and add good vibes.

It's essential to develop these skills.

Once you have them, if your natural inclincation is to be less talkative, then sure, you go ahead.

No facial expressions or body language will compensate for that lack of raw social skill where you're comfortable with confrontation and can maitain a solid frame.

Get that handled first.

The luxury of being less talkative is something you have to earn.
 

ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 11, 2018
Messages
568
It's great that your working on yourself. I get a sense that you have some self deprecating beliefs. I agree that neglecting attractive qualities (like a lot of nerds) is detrimental to getting women, but it doesn't sound like that's your biggest problem.

The reason you aren't coming off like you want stems from those self beliefs. You can't hide how you feel about yourself; it shows up in your face, your posture, your voice, how you talk, etc. You can work on all those things but it's still not getting to the root cause.
This
 

Steezzy

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Apr 29, 2023
Messages
14
I agree with @HumanWhoLearns about beliefs. They are the core of how a person projects themselves into the world. I also have some material to help with eliminating bad beliefs that I'm happy to share with you for free.
 

Searcher

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 24, 2021
Messages
224
Looked up the Post Creep/Trust spectrum and the NuT Model by @Chase

it kind of helps out.

evaluating my Threat, Need and Utility
I think my Utility is less if I am not really being the center of attention or my mannerism might be high Need or Threat.
Hard to pin point.
 
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