Vibing with high energy, witty people

[Darius]

Hello everyone,

I'm writing this post because I have recently come across this as an area to improve myself in, and I'm not sure how.

I used to be a very high energy person. However, during my last relationship (she was super chill) and after the breakup which left me in a bit of a depressed state, I kind of lost that high energy feeling and nowadays I feel a lot more chill. With me, it's more of a quiet contentment and enjoyment of another person's company -- which is why I prefer hanging out one on one with girls if I can.

The problem is that I am getting back together with this big social circle of friends, and they are SUPER high energy. Whenever they meetup, it's full of belly laughs and teases and witty remarks.

And honestly, I'm not really sure how to react to that. When some guy teases me for instance I just block up, or I end up saying shit that's not funny or over-the-top.

Basically I feel like I need to be a lot more teasey and witty around these guys to respond to their energy, and I need to calibrate everything so I tease them back enough but not insult them outright. Same with wit, need to make sure my replies actually make sense, lol.

Now, this was something that just came naturally to me before (especially in this social group), but now it feels like I'm really rusty.

How does one develop that skill in a conscious manner? Have you ever been in a similar situation?

Darius

 

[Will_V]

I can't really answer this one very well, because I'm a pretty reserved person and I don't have a circle of high energy friends.

But one thing with teasing between guys that I've noticed is that it's never really possible to formulate a good response unless you do it as if you are the 'perpetrator'. What I mean is that you need to provoke the sense within yourself that this guy is an original victim, not a competitor whose moves you are attempting to follow. That way you will be able to enjoy it and reach the small excess required to 'win'.

But I generally dislike teasing, to me it's a sign of a weak relationship that someone is probing to find an advantage.

 

[trashKENNUT]

I hope this helps for the moment

Observations - An unspoken rule among quality people. The Skeptical factor

This rule is not spoken by anybody except Chase. I haven't read people saying this very much. Chase noted this in his article on professional women. I have to admit, Chase know his stuff, damn well. He surprise me almost every time. This is the skeptical factor. When you invited to high end...

www.skilledseducer.com

z@c+

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Hello everyone,

How does one develop that skill in a conscious manner? Have you ever been in a similar situation?

Darius

In terms of intake
- watch stand up comedians
- watch comedy shows
- watch those British Prime Minister vs Parliament stuff
- rare insults on reddit
- roast me on reddit
- Black Twitter!!! Following the gossipy females will really sharpen your eye in terms of what they go after.

For the most part, a good "burn" is accomplished the same way a good joke is.

You point out a part of reality that doesn't make sense.

This is passive, but you need to take some things in so you know what it looks like when done well.

Then you need to practice

Again watch romantic movies, romantic comedies, and drama in general.

When you see a man and a woman interact, hit pause on the video, and say what you would say in that moment.

Then listen to what the writer said instead.

Additionally

• Playing sports, in particular basketball is a good way to learn this stuff in person
• Improv Comedy is good for this (Improv acting is good for learning how to emote when you're running your sets). Just take the classes. The one rule you'll learn is "go with it, whatever is said, go with it, and take it someplace else"
• Learning how to freestyle rap.

WIA

 

[Darius]

But one thing with teasing between guys that I've noticed is that it's never really possible to formulate a good response unless you do it as if you are the 'perpetrator'. What I mean is that you need to provoke the sense within yourself that this guy is an original victim, not a competitor whose moves you are attempting to follow. That way you will be able to enjoy it and reach the small excess required to 'win'.

hum, this is good food for thought. I always felt the same. If you're merely reacting to somebody, it kind of sets you up as the 'follower', and at least some of the time you have to lead.

I noticed that whenever I did react to somebody, at some point there is a "quiet" period afterwards. And if I don't "act" on it i.e. by saying something or carrying the conversation I risked being seen as the vibe killer.

I agree that teasing isn't really the best thing ever, I don't really enjoy doing it for its own sake. It's more of a challenge to me, to be able to adapt to this kind of group and this kind of situation.

I hope this helps for the moment

Observations - An unspoken rule among quality people. The Skeptical factor

This rule is not spoken by anybody except Chase. I haven't read people saying this very much. Chase noted this in his article on professional women. I have to admit, Chase know his stuff, damn well. He surprise me almost every time. This is the skeptical factor. When you invited to high end...

www.skilledseducer.com

z@c+

Thank you for the reply! I definitely noticed this as well! However, here I'm talking more about maintaining high energy levels (not as high as the organising person, there is a need to calibrate) in order not to be seen as a vibe killer.

Chase mentioned it in rule #1 of this article and put it very well

How to Be Social at a Party: 6 Secrets of Sociable Men

I’ve noticed as I’ve reviewed our discussion boards that lots of our posters are much more comfortable with meeting girls during the daytime, and find bars, nightclubs, and parties somewhat alien environments (although to be fair, there are also plenty of guys who are far more nighttime-oriented...

www.girlschase.com

My concern is merely being able to adapt to the energy of the group and building up on their vibe. If it's a teasy, jokey vibe full of energy then I must adapt accordingly.

In terms of intake
- watch stand up comedians
- watch comedy shows
- watch those British Prime Minister vs Parliament stuff
- rare insults on reddit
- roast me on reddit
- Black Twitter!!! Following the gossipy females will really sharpen your eye in terms of what they go after.

For the most part, a good "burn" is accomplished the same way a good joke is.

You point out a part of reality that doesn't make sense.

This is passive, but you need to take some things in so you know what it looks like when done well.

Then you need to practice

Again watch romantic movies, romantic comedies, and drama in general.

When you see a man and a woman interact, hit pause on the video, and say what you would say in that moment.

Then listen to what the writer said instead.

Additionally

• Playing sports, in particular basketball is a good way to learn this stuff in person
• Improv Comedy is good for this (Improv acting is good for learning how to emote when you're running your sets). Just take the classes. The one rule you'll learn is "go with it, whatever is said, go with it, and take it someplace else"
• Learning how to freestyle rap.

WIA

This is great! I'll definitely give these tips a try.

One question though, how does one find 'black twitter' lol.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

One question though, how does one find 'black twitter' lol.

This is a typical example -

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1413469537547128839

Drake, the Canadian rapper, is dating the woman in the picture.
The guy playing basketball is HER SON.
He's been mentoring her son AND dating the woman at the same time.

When you scroll through the comments, it's nothing but insults and jokes.

Here's one of the best, so good that him and his partner went from Twitter to Vice to Showtime

https://twitter.com/desusnice

That's the American pop culture temp gauge. And you can follow him, then really follow the topics.

This is something you do on occasion. But don't make it your life.

 

[Tr1cky]

One thing that helps me is to understand WHY people engage in a certain activity - what is the purpose.

Yes people are always jockeying for status and displays of dominance over others but that is not the main driver behind why men tease each other aka “breaking balls”

It is a test. *GASP* men shit test too!

They want to see if you are so weak you will let words break you down. If you aren't strong enough to handle words, you can't be trusted when shit hits the fan.

Second, specifically among friends, its a way of signaling to eachother and those around that you are close friends. By saying things that would start a fight between men that didn't know each other, or not part of the same tribe, you are signaling that you two are so close you don't take his "insults" as serious.

With all that said the only key to keep in mind is - don't get offended, don't act weak

Now there is a line that people shouldn't cross, even friends. But the best way to handle that is usually with a private sincere talk. If they don't respect your boundaries they aren't your friends. Treat them as such.

 

[Will_V]

One thing that helps me is to understand WHY people engage in a certain activity - what is the purpose.

Yes people are always jockeying for status and displays of dominance over others but that is not the main driver behind why men tease each other aka “breaking balls”

It is a test. *GASP* men shit test too!

They want to see if you are so weak you will let words break you down. If you aren't strong enough to handle words, you can't be trusted when shit hits the fan.

Second, specifically among friends, its a way of signaling to eachother and those around that you are close friends. By saying things that would start a fight between men that didn't know each other, or not part of the same tribe, you are signaling that you two are so close you don't take his "insults" as serious.

With all that said the only key to keep in mind is - don't get offended, don't act weak

Now there is a line that people shouldn't cross, even friends. But the best way to handle that is usually with a private sincere talk. If they don't respect your boundaries they aren't your friends. Treat them as such.

I think this is a good reading of a part of the role of teasing, and there's nothing wrong with 'shit tests' from either men or women when they are real - that is, when they are pressure in direct response to a perceived weakness or laziness.

But in my experience, unless you're a newcomer to a group, it generally comes from wannabee 'alphas' rather than the people who really wield power - because people at the top, much of the time, are more concerned with maintaining order and discipline in the group and preventing tension and fighting, rather than performing tests for no particular reason. Teasing is often used by people who want to define themselves within a hierarchy by all means possible, when that definition is not at all clear to others.

Good leaders know that people in the group are hanging onto every word they say, and it only takes attention management, or a clear, concise remark to let them know when something needs to be sorted out. Not to mention that they probably know already how someone is going to react to something without having to provoke it.

 

[Darius]

I think this is a good reading of a part of the role of teasing, and there's nothing wrong with 'shit tests' from either men or women when they are real - that is, when they are pressure in direct response to a perceived weakness or laziness.

But in my experience, unless you're a newcomer to a group, it generally comes from wannabee 'alphas' rather than the people who really wield power - because people at the top, much of the time, are more concerned with maintaining order and discipline in the group and preventing tension and fighting, rather than performing tests for no particular reason. Teasing is often used by people who want to define themselves within a hierarchy by all means possible, when that definition is not at all clear to others.

Good leaders know that people in the group are hanging onto every word they say, and it only takes attention management, or a clear, concise remark to let them know when something needs to be sorted out. Not to mention that they probably know already how someone is going to react to something without having to provoke it.

wholly agree with this, but that still puts me in a position where I have to pass the tests when shown them, no?

or would you suggest just acting like a high status guy and ignoring them?

for girls I just tend to see them as silly and cute, and I just tend to laugh off or flirt or whatever when she tests me, because I know I can deal with it. And I like to imagine her getting a little wet after I pass it lol.

but for guys? I'm a bit at a loss on how to pass their tests. I'm afraid if I don't play I'll end up creating a vibe of me being superior to them, and that kind of breeds resentment after a while, especially if the other guy is well liked. And it kind of tends to dampen the overall mood a bit when it happens.

I found the best way to treat guys is as your equals, neither superior not inferior to you.

 

[Will_V]

I found the best way to treat guys is as your equals, neither superior not inferior to you.

I basically agree with this, although there are a lot of subtle means to communicate dominance without annoying someone, and I think it is good to use them.

or would you suggest just acting like a high status guy and ignoring them?

Pretty much. But it's important to remember that although you may not be able to avoid these games, you can still behave in a way that communicates your disinterest and disconnection with them. Just as an example, let's say someone teases you, you might suddenly engage someone else with a warm or witty remark, something that shows value, and then after a few seconds turn back and laugh at the first guy in a bit of a dismissive way. You must always show pride and dominance though, it cannot be an obvious attempt at escape.

I remembered this video I saw which I thought was fantastic social control from someone whose social skills I admire. You can see that Mike Pence is trying to tool Putin the whole time but the more Putin engages other members of the group in a calibrated way, turning his attention and body away from Pence, it makes Pence look like a fool. Putin does not need to 'win' because he has dismissed the threat skillfully, which cannot really be pushed any further without losing calibration entirely.

I like this type of control, it takes back the initiative and redirects rather than engaging something undesirable. In my opinion, highly socially skilled people avoid positions of escalation if possible, and use the aggression of others against them by providing them with nothing to push against.

It's also important to remember that when the energy of a confrontation dies down, bystanders tend to remember and value control more than aggression, unless someone really lost the battle. Nobody really likes the aggressive guy all that much, and will not give respect to people who can easily be pulled into confrontations with him.

 

[Darius]

Pretty much. But it's important to remember that although you may not be able to avoid these games, you can still behave in a way that communicates your disinterest and disconnection with them. Just as an example, let's say someone teases you, you might suddenly engage someone else with a warm or witty remark, something that shows value, and then after a few seconds turn back and laugh at the first guy in a bit of a dismissive way. You must always show pride and dominance though, it cannot be an obvious attempt at escape.

will try this out and see if it works for me, thanks for the tip!

It's also important to remember that when the energy of a confrontation dies down, bystanders tend to remember and value control more than aggression, unless someone really lost the battle. Nobody really likes the aggressive guy all that much, and will not give respect to people who can easily be pulled into confrontations with him.

got it. that makes a ton of sense actually. I've had situations where I was dragged into a confrontation by a straight up aggressive guy, and it never ended up well for me unless I truly, unequivocally 'won'. But then again most of the time I won was because I dragged the group into it. And that was not a sign of aggression, rather, leading the group into making a decision of who's right.

Good insight this one, control trumps everything it seems.

P.S. man Pence looks like a total idiot there... what was he even trying to do with those stupid angry stares? Pick a fucking fight with Putin and make an international incident or something?

Edit: also lol at the end. When Putin decides it's over everyone just goes to their place. Guy really seems totally in control there.

 

[Will_V]

got it. that makes a ton of sense actually. I've had situations where I was dragged into a confrontation by a straight up aggressive guy, and it never ended up well for me unless I truly, unequivocally 'won'. But then again most of the time I won was because I dragged the group into it. And that was not a sign of aggression, rather, leading the group into making a decision of who's right.

Yeah I think the most important thing is to manage the perception of onlookers. The worst situation is when someone tools you and is also very good at speaking indirectly to the group and engaging them as they do it. So many times people get too emotionally focused on an opponent and forget about the crowd - they don't realize that the emotions on their face and their defensive or reactive behaviour looks ugly from outside the confrontation.

If there's one social skill I think is underrated it's the ability to 'grandstand', to pull the energy of an audience toward you and feed it back to them so that it feels like it comes from you. It doesn't require crazy antics or loudmouthing, but it does require very good attention management, expressiveness, and rock solid confidence. It is incredibly useful because it can easily stop a mob or hostile group in its tracks - instead of becoming overwhelmed by whatever emotions are in their head, your attention and expressiveness toward them turns them receptive and curious.

In a way, it's the same as how you attract a woman non-verbally, you pre-empt her reactions (and perhaps even hostility) by giving something (through an ambiguous but warm smile, for example) that simultaneously makes her feel a sense of pleasure and also become curious about what it's 'all about', and then she forgets that you're someone she could easily dismiss or release negative emotions toward.

Good insight this one, control trumps everything it seems.

P.S. man Pence looks like a total idiot there... what was he even trying to do with those stupid angry stares? Pick a fucking fight with Putin and make an international incident or something?

I think what is going on here, like in many confrontations where an aggressive but dumb guy gets outsmarted, is that aggression is a 'rolling' emotion, it feeds off itself and cannot be held still. If you try to hold it, it turns inward and feeds off your own fears instead, building tension inside you. But to back down is 'defeat' so the person is sort of stuck there getting more and more wound up, while his opponent, by controlling his attention, gives him nothing to fight against.

That's not the dumbest thing anyone's tried with Putin though. Here in Australia some years ago, the G20 was being hosted here and all the world leaders were turning up, and the Prime Minister decided to get on TV and suggest that he would rugby tackle Putin when he arrived. Needless to say he didn't, and looked dumb. But it didn't stop there, Putin was put on a table at lunch pretty much by himself, and after some time (probably still the first day) he suddenly had business to attend to in Moscow. But on his way out, rather than trying to look pissed off, he made a point of shaking hands warmly with the Australian police motorcade who escorted him to his plane, further cementing his reputation as a class act and someone who chooses his enemies, rather than letting them be chosen for him.

Not to get political at all, but you have to give the man his dues as a master of the social arts. It's no wonder his popularity is so high, among the general population and women in general, even though he's short, balding and quite frankly a bit ugly.

Not even a gaggle of gorgeous Russian women can faze him: