- Joined
- Dec 6, 2012
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<Writing up this report as an example of what not to do, mainly.>
Wednesday Meeting
While coming back from a meeting across the river, I made an approach in the subway. We met on the platform as I complimented her fashion, then stopped talking, and then I sat next to her on the subway. Started talking to her the whole way, learning she's an MFA from China now in New York, and deep dived her about her experience growing up in China and then what it’s like living in New York. About midway through the ride after qualifying her three times, I suggested we grab drinks together. She agreed, and then we continued our conversation. After we got off at the same subway station, it turned out she was kind of lost, but going in the same direction as me – she was off to an art fair in Central Park, while I was going home in the same direction. I helped her to the next subway (same direction as me) and talked to her more about art and what inspires her. We talked about grabbing drinks one final time, before I got off and left her on her way.
That same evening she replied to my Save My Number text very quickly, so I started setting up for a date on Friday evening, to which she agreed. She was quite chatty with me and double texted twice – all good signs.
Friday Evening Date
Friday turned out to be an absolutely insane work day for me, and the weather was also terrible towards the end of the day – raining and cold. I wanted to approach but didn’t have time.
I texted my usual day-of anti flake, which was to switch the date from drinks to an art gallery. She agreed to this. We agreed to meet at 6:15pm. However, with the shitty weather, she texted at 6pm and asked if we should still meet at the art gallery. I said that if it’s too difficult to go to the Gallery, we can just meet for drinks. She agreed to that, and so I went straight there.
I arrived late, to find her already sitting at the couch. Turns out she hadn’t eaten, so I got us each a cocktail, plus some large appetizers which we ate during the date.
Over time I transitioned the flow of the date from talking about her and her art, to growing up in China, and all the way into sexual frames and sex talk like I usually do. She actually ate this part up – and was listening intently as I was describing how unfair it is for women to be judged for their sexuality, and then also listened intently through my sex talk. During sex talk she blurted out that she’s actually a virgin – so she’s super curious about all of this (including my 8 types of orgasm routine). Then she talked about having an ex-BF in China for several years, but who cheated on her with other girls because she didn’t have sex with him – and she didn’t understand this. I used this opportunity to fractionate.
After more conversation, I told her like twice that I was having a great time with her. She said the same thing back.
We stayed at this venue from 6:30 when we met, until around 8:15pm. I suggested a live music spot nearby (at this point I knew I wasn’t going to pull her), so we made our way there after a while. While walking, I held her tightly on her upper arm and walked as a unit (need to find a way of doing this that is more comfortable for women).
Sat at the bar at the live music spot, live music hadn’t started yet. We first faced parallel to each other and talked over our shoulders, I then moved her in such a way where she was facing me directly, but her legs were in between mine, which were to her outside. This was a good position to keep on talking, we were leaning into each other and at times she brought her face really close to me.
At some point I used a Yes ladder and did a pull attempt – telling her I wanted to show her my art, after asking if she’s having a good time (yes) and that the night is still young (yes). She resisted, saying that she needs to get up early and has to clean her studio tomorrow. I persisted once and then dropped it.
After the live music started, I switched positions with her – I told her to get into my seat, and I got into hers (since the live music was actually behind me at first). This enabled me to kind of “spoon” her while we were sitting and listening to the music. She had a ton of fun and was dancing in her seat and vibing to the music.
I used this to start touching her all over – I gave her a back massage in the seat, and eventually had my hand on her ass. At some point she asked “why do you keep touching me?” and I looked confused and asked “what do you mean?” and when she asked again, I said “Oh, I don’t know… I guess I like you” and switched topics. I started talking about going to Portland in April to see Rage Against the Machine – she had revealed earlier that she used to be in a rock band and is a good singer. I told her she should check out Rage Against the Machine when she gets home.
I again said at this venue “I’m having a great time with you,” and she said this back to me.
Around 10pm, she looked at the time and said “it’s 10,” to which I replied “yeah, I think I should go. It’s kind of late, how about we get out of here.” She obliged.
We walked out and I again put my arm around her, she was kind of resistant, then said I should just go home and not walk her to the subway. I didn’t care, I kept doing it, then told her the best way to get to her stop. When she saw on Google Maps that I was right, I kept walking her over, arm around her.
The moment we got to the stop, she disengaged and walked like two feet away.
I looked at her with a huge smile, and said “I had a really great time with you tonight.”
She replied “I had a great time with you too”
I then started to walk away, smiling and looking at her, saying “Bye, get home safe” and waved.
Here, she looked EXTREMELY nervous, and walked pacing back and forth while we were looking at each other walking away, before going in the subway.
I had a suspicion after this that – FINALLY – I ended a date on a perfect note. I was to be right when she sent this message late at night:
HER: I'm listening rage against the machine now. I feel surprised that you said you like me. Maybe it has different meaning in different culture. Haha, but I don't feel bad for this.
Saturday Follow-Up
The next morning I replied:
ME: Morning - I fell asleep the moment I got home, haha. I am not sure what you mean - why are you surprised? I had a great time with you
ME: Enjoy Rage Against The Machine?
HER: Yes. It's good
HER: Because you just meet me once, and I felt it's fast to say like. If a friendship like, not a reason for stroked. That's really make my heart skip a beat
HER: But I guess it's different culture, I don't need to over think about it
I had no idea how to reply here – everything was going really well and clearly she likes me.
HER: What do you do today <CLUE ONE>
ME: Haha, yeah, nothing to overthink about
ME: I just finished at the gym, now going to photograph my little nephew's birthday party. Have you started cleaning your studio yet?
HER: I m walking in the city,to find sites paint some new red squares now, I guess I will do this all day
The rest of the day we kept chatting periodically. It didn’t occur to me at first that she was trying to feel out my schedule to see if I was free. I was busy in the afternoon but free in the evening.
ME: Nice, it's the perfect day for that - send some pix!
ME: I'd love to see you again soon - ever been to the jazz clubs in West Village? How's your schedule this week?
HER: My schedule is flexible after next Thursday. We have annual review at Thursday. just drink is boring, do you wanna do other things?
HER: When your nephew's birthday party finish <CLUE TWO>
ME: We actually just finished, just hanging out with them now!
ME: Annual review sounds tough! I have to work trip Thursday thru Monday next week - maybe let’s get together when I’m back then? Do you like to cook?
It still didn’t occur to me that she was trying to hang out with me. But after discussion with my coach, it became clear. Then she sent this message:
HER: If you finish hung out with them , do you wanna document my projects ? Haha, (it's not a heavy duty, just like hanging out in the city, take some pictures)
HER: cook sounds good
ME: Sure, I’m down for photography. What part of the city are you in? How about cooking tonight?
HER: East 30st street
ME: Cross street?
HER: Yes <to cooking>
HER: I will moving
HER: So not just stay one sites. When you finish you can tell me, we can find each other
HER: Do you have food materials?
HER: By the way, today I didn't wear make up, dare you see me? Hahaha
ME: We'll go to the grocery store and grab some ingredients later
HER: Yeah
ME: I'll leave here in like 15 minutes, see yoy soon!
Saturday Evening Date
Now I met up with her around 6:30pm in a different part of town. Even without makeup she was still an 8-8.5, very attractive Chinese girl.
We walked around in the cold for about one hour while she painted her project in a couple areas throughout the city. During this time I kept putting my arms around her, but she was very resistant to this, kept saying it’s both uncomfortable and it’s not “girl power.” I guess she had some idea in her head about girls being superior to men, or something – or wanted this to be true. I kept fractionating my touch and did this periodically.
<Note in retrospect, more comfort needed>
Then after her final painting, we took the subway to the grocery store by my house and got ingredients. Vibe was still good and playful at this point.
Got the ingredients, came home and started to cook. While she was at my house, I could see that she was really into me, but still really tense about me touching her. She kept saying things like, when I poured her a drink, “are you going to put something in my drink to take advantage of me?” I always countered this with jokes, telling her that maybe she’s going to put something in my drink to steal all of the things in my apartment, and that she’s the one who is into horror films.
We spent about one hour cooking, and every time she was nervous about me touching her, I actually escalated on her more, playfully, as if she was being ridiculous.
By the time 9:15 came around we had eaten, and kept talking. She was still super resistant to me touching her – and I knew it wasn’t because she didn’t like me, she was just EXTREMELY nervous. I didn’t have a way to calm her down.
Later I moved her to the couch where we just kept talking casually. I suggested we watch a movie, but then she said she wanted to go home soon – obviously to avoid the poosibility of me escalating on her. We were just building up the tension – I kept putting my arm around her, and she kept resisting it and trying to avoid it. I didn’t bother trying to make a move to kiss her now, she still wasn’t comfortable enough. I just kept the vibe high.
She was so tense the whole time - I didn’t escalate because it didn’t seem like she was comfortable with it - we just hung out and talked a lot.
Finally around 10:00 or 10:05pm, she said she had to go. I helped her up and got her jacket from the closet. While putting it on her, I started to massage her neck while she did this and SUDDENLY we found ourselves facing each other, about to kiss.
Suddenly we found ourselves embracing in a kiss position. I had my forehead on hers, holding her, and our nose was touching. I held this moment for a long time, because she basically stopped breathing – every single time. And I had to tell her to relax and breathe - multiple times/
Did this several times for like ten minutes. But didn’t kiss her.
This was a big mistake. Basically every time I went for a kiss, she moved her face away and stopped breathing, then I reengaged and told her to breathe and relax. I put her arms around me too. But she was SO TENSE than she didn’t feel ready to be kissed
I realized later that i held her in tension when actually im supposed to release tension by kissing her
So she basically left after like fifteen minutes of that, and told me she had fun multiple times, but I stupidly left her in a bad state by holding that moment and not going for it. I basically had my nose on hers, forehead connected, and we were looking at each other that way.
While it was a good practice in feeling something she never felt, something in me didn’t feel right in releasing her, until she was more comfortable, because she was SO STIFF it was crazy. So i think i actually created a bad situation
Someone has told me before that in that moment girls feel really uncomfortable, if the tension is not released, and I created it.
Eventually she said something along the lines of “I’ve never felt this before, it feels like I can’t breathe” and I said “it’s an amazing feeling, right?” to which she replied “you must have felt this many times, like 100.” Obviously she was asking if I’ve done this with other girls.
My response was bad – rather than saying something to make her feel special, I made a joke and said “yeah like a million times, actually two billion.”
I again engaged her in this position but didn’t kiss. After another five minutes, I hugged her and we disengaged and she left.
Suddenly my doorbell rang a minute later – she came back and looked at me and said “I missed you so much that I came back.” I was speechless and didn’t say anything. Another bad move, I didn’t feel her emotions in this moment. Then she corrected herself after a 10 second silence “Actually, I forgot my bag,” I then got that, and offered to walk her to the subway. She declined. I went for another embrace, but she verbalized her feeling “no, I can’t, I already feel like my heart skipped a beat and I cannot breathe.” I let her go walk down the stairs, and told her to text me when she’s home.
Already by now my gut sank, this was a really bad situation and I was about to find out the conclusion. I wanted to chase after her and walk her to the subway, but I didn’t.
Maybe this is why im so bad at escalating, because I don’t understand how sexual tension works. For her it’s not something she’s ever felt before. So it was a very unusual feeling, i guess. I had an opportunity to teach her and make her feel really good about it, but I failed there
So she likely left feeling like i created this bad feeling in her.
Later that evening she texted me, multiple times.
HER: i Really regret I take E train, still not come
ME: E isn't the best to get to the PATH, I think the N train is better - how about I walk you there?
HER: It's coming!
ME: Ah, good!
HER: Thank yooooou
ME: My pleasure
Now I feel asleep, and the next morning I woke up to this.
HER: shit I take path in wrong way I came back to 33st <11:15pm>
HER: In home finally <12:00am>
HER: I see 1:59 turns to 3:00! <3:00am, we talked about Daylight Savings Time at my house>
HER: I really tired now. I cry since I came home until now. I feel my head is burning. Maybe ours flow is not same. I'm so sensitive for you. I assume that you just wanna be relaxed with a girl ( no matter who). People's relationship and connection is wired thing I can't understand. Thank you you say hello to me in the subway. Goodbye bro. There are lots of interesting girls in the city. <3:10am>
I was torn up when I saw this in the morning. Clearly failed hard here by not releasing her tension.
I sent one final message just to close this chapter.
ME: M, I'm glad you got home safely, despite getting lost!
ME: I didn’t mean to confuse you and leave you with a bad feeling yesterday. I think I know what you were feeling - and it is very rare, special, and beautiful. That we felt it together in that moment yesterday is, I think, amazingly special and beautiful, and I do not take it lightly. It's not something I feel with just "anyone" and I think you misunderstood (and no, i do not want to be "just relaxed with a girl no matter who"). People's connections are wired, yes. I appreciate how sensitive you are for me - I certainly did not mean to leave you with your head burning! I am glad that we met in the subway, thank you for speaking to me too, it was very special.
I think for some reason she didn’t feel special with me - The problem is, I didn’t actually kiss her, I just left her with a whole lot of sexual tension - and she’s now resenting me for it. Before she left she asked me “have you felt this with someone else?” I just said “it’s a beautiful feeling isn’t it?” And she said back “so like 100 girls?” And i replied back “no like 2 billion” joking - but i think that she just wanted to feel special.
So my response was bad, i should have been empathetic and said “i have felt this before, but rarely - it’s a very special feeling.” This is a big problem for me though - sexual tension is I guess a sticking point I’m not aware of - and I must release it when its there. I blew this out of the water, because I didn’t act on kissing her. I ruined a beautiful thing by leaving her with a whole lot of sexual tension and no outlet for her to release it.
Lessons: I really learned a lot from this experience.
Wednesday Meeting
While coming back from a meeting across the river, I made an approach in the subway. We met on the platform as I complimented her fashion, then stopped talking, and then I sat next to her on the subway. Started talking to her the whole way, learning she's an MFA from China now in New York, and deep dived her about her experience growing up in China and then what it’s like living in New York. About midway through the ride after qualifying her three times, I suggested we grab drinks together. She agreed, and then we continued our conversation. After we got off at the same subway station, it turned out she was kind of lost, but going in the same direction as me – she was off to an art fair in Central Park, while I was going home in the same direction. I helped her to the next subway (same direction as me) and talked to her more about art and what inspires her. We talked about grabbing drinks one final time, before I got off and left her on her way.
That same evening she replied to my Save My Number text very quickly, so I started setting up for a date on Friday evening, to which she agreed. She was quite chatty with me and double texted twice – all good signs.
Friday Evening Date
Friday turned out to be an absolutely insane work day for me, and the weather was also terrible towards the end of the day – raining and cold. I wanted to approach but didn’t have time.
I texted my usual day-of anti flake, which was to switch the date from drinks to an art gallery. She agreed to this. We agreed to meet at 6:15pm. However, with the shitty weather, she texted at 6pm and asked if we should still meet at the art gallery. I said that if it’s too difficult to go to the Gallery, we can just meet for drinks. She agreed to that, and so I went straight there.
I arrived late, to find her already sitting at the couch. Turns out she hadn’t eaten, so I got us each a cocktail, plus some large appetizers which we ate during the date.
Over time I transitioned the flow of the date from talking about her and her art, to growing up in China, and all the way into sexual frames and sex talk like I usually do. She actually ate this part up – and was listening intently as I was describing how unfair it is for women to be judged for their sexuality, and then also listened intently through my sex talk. During sex talk she blurted out that she’s actually a virgin – so she’s super curious about all of this (including my 8 types of orgasm routine). Then she talked about having an ex-BF in China for several years, but who cheated on her with other girls because she didn’t have sex with him – and she didn’t understand this. I used this opportunity to fractionate.
After more conversation, I told her like twice that I was having a great time with her. She said the same thing back.
We stayed at this venue from 6:30 when we met, until around 8:15pm. I suggested a live music spot nearby (at this point I knew I wasn’t going to pull her), so we made our way there after a while. While walking, I held her tightly on her upper arm and walked as a unit (need to find a way of doing this that is more comfortable for women).
Sat at the bar at the live music spot, live music hadn’t started yet. We first faced parallel to each other and talked over our shoulders, I then moved her in such a way where she was facing me directly, but her legs were in between mine, which were to her outside. This was a good position to keep on talking, we were leaning into each other and at times she brought her face really close to me.
At some point I used a Yes ladder and did a pull attempt – telling her I wanted to show her my art, after asking if she’s having a good time (yes) and that the night is still young (yes). She resisted, saying that she needs to get up early and has to clean her studio tomorrow. I persisted once and then dropped it.
After the live music started, I switched positions with her – I told her to get into my seat, and I got into hers (since the live music was actually behind me at first). This enabled me to kind of “spoon” her while we were sitting and listening to the music. She had a ton of fun and was dancing in her seat and vibing to the music.
I used this to start touching her all over – I gave her a back massage in the seat, and eventually had my hand on her ass. At some point she asked “why do you keep touching me?” and I looked confused and asked “what do you mean?” and when she asked again, I said “Oh, I don’t know… I guess I like you” and switched topics. I started talking about going to Portland in April to see Rage Against the Machine – she had revealed earlier that she used to be in a rock band and is a good singer. I told her she should check out Rage Against the Machine when she gets home.
I again said at this venue “I’m having a great time with you,” and she said this back to me.
Around 10pm, she looked at the time and said “it’s 10,” to which I replied “yeah, I think I should go. It’s kind of late, how about we get out of here.” She obliged.
We walked out and I again put my arm around her, she was kind of resistant, then said I should just go home and not walk her to the subway. I didn’t care, I kept doing it, then told her the best way to get to her stop. When she saw on Google Maps that I was right, I kept walking her over, arm around her.
The moment we got to the stop, she disengaged and walked like two feet away.
I looked at her with a huge smile, and said “I had a really great time with you tonight.”
She replied “I had a great time with you too”
I then started to walk away, smiling and looking at her, saying “Bye, get home safe” and waved.
Here, she looked EXTREMELY nervous, and walked pacing back and forth while we were looking at each other walking away, before going in the subway.
I had a suspicion after this that – FINALLY – I ended a date on a perfect note. I was to be right when she sent this message late at night:
HER: I'm listening rage against the machine now. I feel surprised that you said you like me. Maybe it has different meaning in different culture. Haha, but I don't feel bad for this.
Saturday Follow-Up
The next morning I replied:
ME: Morning - I fell asleep the moment I got home, haha. I am not sure what you mean - why are you surprised? I had a great time with you
ME: Enjoy Rage Against The Machine?
HER: Yes. It's good
HER: Because you just meet me once, and I felt it's fast to say like. If a friendship like, not a reason for stroked. That's really make my heart skip a beat
HER: But I guess it's different culture, I don't need to over think about it
I had no idea how to reply here – everything was going really well and clearly she likes me.
HER: What do you do today <CLUE ONE>
ME: Haha, yeah, nothing to overthink about
ME: I just finished at the gym, now going to photograph my little nephew's birthday party. Have you started cleaning your studio yet?
HER: I m walking in the city,to find sites paint some new red squares now, I guess I will do this all day
The rest of the day we kept chatting periodically. It didn’t occur to me at first that she was trying to feel out my schedule to see if I was free. I was busy in the afternoon but free in the evening.
ME: Nice, it's the perfect day for that - send some pix!
ME: I'd love to see you again soon - ever been to the jazz clubs in West Village? How's your schedule this week?
HER: My schedule is flexible after next Thursday. We have annual review at Thursday. just drink is boring, do you wanna do other things?
HER: When your nephew's birthday party finish <CLUE TWO>
ME: We actually just finished, just hanging out with them now!
ME: Annual review sounds tough! I have to work trip Thursday thru Monday next week - maybe let’s get together when I’m back then? Do you like to cook?
It still didn’t occur to me that she was trying to hang out with me. But after discussion with my coach, it became clear. Then she sent this message:
HER: If you finish hung out with them , do you wanna document my projects ? Haha, (it's not a heavy duty, just like hanging out in the city, take some pictures)
HER: cook sounds good
ME: Sure, I’m down for photography. What part of the city are you in? How about cooking tonight?
HER: East 30st street
ME: Cross street?
HER: Yes <to cooking>
HER: I will moving
HER: So not just stay one sites. When you finish you can tell me, we can find each other
HER: Do you have food materials?
HER: By the way, today I didn't wear make up, dare you see me? Hahaha
ME: We'll go to the grocery store and grab some ingredients later
HER: Yeah
ME: I'll leave here in like 15 minutes, see yoy soon!
Saturday Evening Date
Now I met up with her around 6:30pm in a different part of town. Even without makeup she was still an 8-8.5, very attractive Chinese girl.
We walked around in the cold for about one hour while she painted her project in a couple areas throughout the city. During this time I kept putting my arms around her, but she was very resistant to this, kept saying it’s both uncomfortable and it’s not “girl power.” I guess she had some idea in her head about girls being superior to men, or something – or wanted this to be true. I kept fractionating my touch and did this periodically.
<Note in retrospect, more comfort needed>
Then after her final painting, we took the subway to the grocery store by my house and got ingredients. Vibe was still good and playful at this point.
Got the ingredients, came home and started to cook. While she was at my house, I could see that she was really into me, but still really tense about me touching her. She kept saying things like, when I poured her a drink, “are you going to put something in my drink to take advantage of me?” I always countered this with jokes, telling her that maybe she’s going to put something in my drink to steal all of the things in my apartment, and that she’s the one who is into horror films.
We spent about one hour cooking, and every time she was nervous about me touching her, I actually escalated on her more, playfully, as if she was being ridiculous.
By the time 9:15 came around we had eaten, and kept talking. She was still super resistant to me touching her – and I knew it wasn’t because she didn’t like me, she was just EXTREMELY nervous. I didn’t have a way to calm her down.
Later I moved her to the couch where we just kept talking casually. I suggested we watch a movie, but then she said she wanted to go home soon – obviously to avoid the poosibility of me escalating on her. We were just building up the tension – I kept putting my arm around her, and she kept resisting it and trying to avoid it. I didn’t bother trying to make a move to kiss her now, she still wasn’t comfortable enough. I just kept the vibe high.
She was so tense the whole time - I didn’t escalate because it didn’t seem like she was comfortable with it - we just hung out and talked a lot.
Finally around 10:00 or 10:05pm, she said she had to go. I helped her up and got her jacket from the closet. While putting it on her, I started to massage her neck while she did this and SUDDENLY we found ourselves facing each other, about to kiss.
Suddenly we found ourselves embracing in a kiss position. I had my forehead on hers, holding her, and our nose was touching. I held this moment for a long time, because she basically stopped breathing – every single time. And I had to tell her to relax and breathe - multiple times/
Did this several times for like ten minutes. But didn’t kiss her.
This was a big mistake. Basically every time I went for a kiss, she moved her face away and stopped breathing, then I reengaged and told her to breathe and relax. I put her arms around me too. But she was SO TENSE than she didn’t feel ready to be kissed
I realized later that i held her in tension when actually im supposed to release tension by kissing her
So she basically left after like fifteen minutes of that, and told me she had fun multiple times, but I stupidly left her in a bad state by holding that moment and not going for it. I basically had my nose on hers, forehead connected, and we were looking at each other that way.
While it was a good practice in feeling something she never felt, something in me didn’t feel right in releasing her, until she was more comfortable, because she was SO STIFF it was crazy. So i think i actually created a bad situation
Someone has told me before that in that moment girls feel really uncomfortable, if the tension is not released, and I created it.
Eventually she said something along the lines of “I’ve never felt this before, it feels like I can’t breathe” and I said “it’s an amazing feeling, right?” to which she replied “you must have felt this many times, like 100.” Obviously she was asking if I’ve done this with other girls.
My response was bad – rather than saying something to make her feel special, I made a joke and said “yeah like a million times, actually two billion.”
I again engaged her in this position but didn’t kiss. After another five minutes, I hugged her and we disengaged and she left.
Suddenly my doorbell rang a minute later – she came back and looked at me and said “I missed you so much that I came back.” I was speechless and didn’t say anything. Another bad move, I didn’t feel her emotions in this moment. Then she corrected herself after a 10 second silence “Actually, I forgot my bag,” I then got that, and offered to walk her to the subway. She declined. I went for another embrace, but she verbalized her feeling “no, I can’t, I already feel like my heart skipped a beat and I cannot breathe.” I let her go walk down the stairs, and told her to text me when she’s home.
Already by now my gut sank, this was a really bad situation and I was about to find out the conclusion. I wanted to chase after her and walk her to the subway, but I didn’t.
Maybe this is why im so bad at escalating, because I don’t understand how sexual tension works. For her it’s not something she’s ever felt before. So it was a very unusual feeling, i guess. I had an opportunity to teach her and make her feel really good about it, but I failed there
So she likely left feeling like i created this bad feeling in her.
Later that evening she texted me, multiple times.
HER: i Really regret I take E train, still not come
ME: E isn't the best to get to the PATH, I think the N train is better - how about I walk you there?
HER: It's coming!
ME: Ah, good!
HER: Thank yooooou
ME: My pleasure
Now I feel asleep, and the next morning I woke up to this.
HER: shit I take path in wrong way I came back to 33st <11:15pm>
HER: In home finally <12:00am>
HER: I see 1:59 turns to 3:00! <3:00am, we talked about Daylight Savings Time at my house>
HER: I really tired now. I cry since I came home until now. I feel my head is burning. Maybe ours flow is not same. I'm so sensitive for you. I assume that you just wanna be relaxed with a girl ( no matter who). People's relationship and connection is wired thing I can't understand. Thank you you say hello to me in the subway. Goodbye bro. There are lots of interesting girls in the city. <3:10am>
I was torn up when I saw this in the morning. Clearly failed hard here by not releasing her tension.
I sent one final message just to close this chapter.
ME: M, I'm glad you got home safely, despite getting lost!
ME: I didn’t mean to confuse you and leave you with a bad feeling yesterday. I think I know what you were feeling - and it is very rare, special, and beautiful. That we felt it together in that moment yesterday is, I think, amazingly special and beautiful, and I do not take it lightly. It's not something I feel with just "anyone" and I think you misunderstood (and no, i do not want to be "just relaxed with a girl no matter who"). People's connections are wired, yes. I appreciate how sensitive you are for me - I certainly did not mean to leave you with your head burning! I am glad that we met in the subway, thank you for speaking to me too, it was very special.
I think for some reason she didn’t feel special with me - The problem is, I didn’t actually kiss her, I just left her with a whole lot of sexual tension - and she’s now resenting me for it. Before she left she asked me “have you felt this with someone else?” I just said “it’s a beautiful feeling isn’t it?” And she said back “so like 100 girls?” And i replied back “no like 2 billion” joking - but i think that she just wanted to feel special.
So my response was bad, i should have been empathetic and said “i have felt this before, but rarely - it’s a very special feeling.” This is a big problem for me though - sexual tension is I guess a sticking point I’m not aware of - and I must release it when its there. I blew this out of the water, because I didn’t act on kissing her. I ruined a beautiful thing by leaving her with a whole lot of sexual tension and no outlet for her to release it.
Lessons: I really learned a lot from this experience.
- If a girl comes to my house and is feeling sexual tension, I MUST release it. No matter what before she leaves, I must find a way to release her sexual tension. This applies mainly to nervous women, since excited women are just excited.
- A girl asking me if I’ve done anything with other girls, or felt something with other girls, means she’s highly attracted. Rather than joke, i need to say something that makes her feel special and unique.
- The main barrier of a nervous girl is her comfort. If I can keep her there long enough and make her comfortable, her walls won’t be up. To do this I should actually fractionate my touch and create distance.
- Even if she’s nervous and clearly stops breathing, I cannot take this nor her resistanat face value. SHE doesn’t know that kissing will release this. Now, I do.
- This means that even if I need to manhandle her into a kiss, it will help release her tension and HELP HER.
- To not release the tension is a recipe for her confusion and resentment of me, she won’t see me again after this.
- It’s important that I understand the signs of her sexual tension. Resistance to touch is one, her being fiesty is another, and especially her seeming like she’s uncomfortable with touch but still following my lead is a really big one.
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