LR virgin, talk through LMR

[girlsfollow]

I thought I should post a successful story on here for once since I've only posted problems so far - usually leaving out the smoother ones. although a little short and not perfectly toned - good practice and the process was fun!

I thought this was particularly interesting because she was a virgin and had had bf's before and clearly refused sex with them for months at a time, I'm also only the second person she had told...

Prelude: (skip if you want the more interesting part)
Met her with her friend and my wing in a bar, chatted for an hour tried to bounce them home but they needed to get home for work. A week later we had planned to meet near my place. They send text at last minute trying to get us to change our plans and come to them - I say NO! They fold and come (although they were 3 hours late! - they almost didnt come because it was 11pm on a work night - but I just persevered - didnt think postponing was a good idea) get them to come over to my place.

We have drinks/games then its clear that my girl likes me - i think the kino turning point came when I picked her up and threw her in the air a few times - after that she was touching me and very warm. My wing's girl was cold to him and everything - not really feeling it - which was irritating. Then I tell my girl to come up with me she just makes it clear that she knows what that means but comes anyway. We get up and I just push her on the bed and initate kino - then we start dry humping and I get my hand int he back of her jeans - she's very excited...tells me she really wants to but can't. I say thats ok. Then her friend trys t come up and my wing trys to stop her friend coming up - he looses his cool (he has a problem keeping his temper) and starts insulting her friend and raises his voice "why dont you leave them alone stop being so ******* inconsiderate" - I have to go down and get him to chill out - some may say this is a liability...

Anyway I get her to come around to cook 2 days later - every text she sends she says she will need to leave early and seems hesitant. again she is almost 3 hours late - but this time I went to the gym and she has to wait for me for 20 mins! We cook, eat, drink bottle of wine she bought on way here from station. Then upstairs to watch film and smoke.

THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING:

I escalate, leave her top on then I tell her to take her trousers off, the whole time she is wondering what it is that I want - I tell her that sex isn't a need for me - I can potentially have other options if need be - "for me all that is important is that you have a good time - the thing that makes me the most happy is making other people happy" "sometimes people don't know what will make them happy and they need a small nudge to get them there - like with the trousers - so ultimately its for you!"

- she counter offers to take her top off
- I say "no - its the jeans which are uncomfortable in bed"
- I pinky promise (her idea) that I will not touch her below the waist unless she wants me to.
- After a few refusals I just say thats cool - "all I'm saying is that you will be more comfortable and we'll have a better time if you do". I then take my trousers off and just lie there watching the film.
- I actually go throught the same sequence as the guy in the film (vicky christina barcelona) -I ask her retrical questions such as "why not - do you really think I am going to rape you if you take them off (this is obviously said in a joke tone with a smile) - you know you can trust me!" "what is the worst that can happen , you can always put them back on again"
- I also talk about the film yes man and how I dont like to associate with NO people only yes people (this is in response to her saying that if we have sex I wont call her again - I say no its the OPPOSITE because I like YES people)
- She then takes them off!
- Then I relax with her and remind her of her objection - "you see nothing bad happened when you took them off!" she agrees "You are much more comfortable now arent you" she agrees...
- Then I escalate again and take her top off and bra off - this comes off very easily - I make a few attempts to get in her underwear - she says NO (maybe I shoud have left her top on and only gone for underwear first? - might have made underwear easier)
- I ask her to take her underwear off - then go through the same sequence as above....remind her that last time nothing bad happened and she doesn't regret the decision...I give her more time this iteration - let things sink in more and just take it even more easy
- this is where she tells me she is a virgin and that shes never told any one and that she thinks its embarrasing. I tell her that I don't judge and its quite cool.
- She says ok! - then she lets me take her underwear off - I just relax with her like that - watch the film and we spoon gently.
- Then at a moment of passion in the film I escalate again and go into full naked missionary with her - I just rub along the outside - not inserting - keep doing this
- eventually: "ok I want you to do it, I want you, please put a condom on"
...- I'm very gentle, do a very gentle job, make sure she is fully relaxed (actually tell her to relax a few times and tell her to open her legs more) etc....

- Afterwards we watch some more of the film - go down have some tea and she leaves at 3am.

 

[NarrowJ]

I think this worked for you because these:

"for me all that is important is that you have a good time - the thing that makes me the most happy is making other people happy"

"sometimes people don't know what will make them happy and they need a small nudge to get them there - like with the trousers - so ultimately its for you!"

"all I'm saying is that you will be more comfortable and we'll have a better time if you do"

I feel like these aren't really logical explanations but rather you're conveying thoughts to her about the way she feels and the way she CAN feel if she moves along with you in the interaction.

"you see nothing bad happened when you took them off!" she agrees "You are much more comfortable now arent you" she agrees...

Nice reinforcement there.

I also talk about the film yes man and how I dont like to associate with NO people only yes people (this is in response to her saying that if we have sex I wont call her again - I say no its the OPPOSITE because I like YES people)
- She then takes them off!

Seems like this really sealed it for her. One of the biggest reasons for LMR is that the girl knows from experience that when have sex with a guy before they invest more time in them (ie, at least 2 or 3 dates) that they usually don't stick around long.


Anyway, great LR. Hope to see more of these from you in the future!


Cheers,
NJ

 

[Laowai]

Indeed, Girlsfollow, impressive handling of her LMR. This is exactly the point where I lost girl after girl when I was living in China until a few months ago. LMR can be super tricky. It's all about being smooth and communicating that you're considerate while at the same time remaining assertive and insistent. It can be a bitch to get right since you have to battle your own frustation at the same time ("come on, baby, let me just stick it in!").

I'm not sure if you're aware, but you're setting some excellent frames early on in the bedroom - you saying that you like to make people feel good and all that. Usually when dealing with LMR a good move is to qualify them and remind them why you like them, and that you don't just want to bang them and throw them away. You could also set the frame that her having sex with you will make the two of you closer and make you like her more.

You address her concerns smoothly and kindly, and you lead her through her verbal objections by showing empathy and care. Well done.

This girl must have liked you a great bit. She came back to your apartment for dinner even though she knew that you'd push for sex like you had the first time she was over - she had even thought about it happening with you since she told you "I know why you wanna take me upstairs". It definitely didn't help that your wing and her girlfriend didn't hit it off, and she actually tried to cockblock you.

So, when you eventually managed to closed her it might be because your game was awesome or because it was the right time for her, or probably a combination of both. Hats off for you, Sir.

 

[Mr. oblivious]

Nice report

 

[sneaky_charm]

Wow girlsfollow, smooth handling! I wonder what happened after you guys finished having sex. Did she act even more comfortable rest of the night, or did she seem to have mixed thoughts or regret? What about after she left, did you contact her again?

- Kevin

 

[girlsfollow]

Wow girlsfollow, smooth handling! I wonder what happened after you guys finished having sex. Did she act even more comfortable rest of the night, or did she seem to have mixed thoughts or regret? What about after she left, did you contact her again?

- Kevin

She was very relaxed after. She wanted to see me again but I wasn't too into it since I had other interesting options at the time - we've stayed in touch though and I've made it friendly now

 

[Raqimus]

All very interesting would you have any advice on having sex with a virgin?

 

[girlsfollow]

All very interesting would you have any advice on having sex with a virgin?

What aspect exactly? If you ask more specific questions it helps know what you are looking for!

 

[BlackBolt]

Hey girlsfollow I have a question. Maybe its my intense religious background but when I meet a girl and find out she is a virgin or religious then I hesitate and don't push as hard as I usually do. Sometimes it feels as if I will defile them if I have sex with them. Now this is interesting because a girl I was sleeping with my freshmen year of college (two years ago) was religious and even directed the choir at a local church. However when I found that out and saw the refrigerator magnets of scriptures in her dorm room I was already a FWB so it didn't bother me much. However, if i knew this before hand I probably would've sabotaged myself. Just last night a virgin was over in my Apt but I didn't push for sex like I usually would with a girl whois not a virgin. This same phenomenon happened my freshmen year with this beautiful Muslim girl I was smitten with. I was alone in her Apt. In both instances we spent the night together and nothing happened, not even a kiss! This is because I see Virgins and religious girls as pristine Angels still! How can I get past this because I know Virgins and religious girls want and need good sex too?

 

[girlsfollow]

Hey girlsfollow I have a question. Maybe its my intense religious background but when I meet a girl and find out she is a virgin or religious then I hesitate and don't push as hard as I usually do. Sometimes it feels as if I will defile them if I have sex with them. Now this is interesting because a girl I was sleeping with my freshmen year of college (two years ago) was religious and even directed the choir at a local church. However when I found that out and saw the refrigerator magnets of scriptures in her dorm room I was already a FWB so it didn't bother me much. However, if i knew this before hand I probably would've sabotaged myself. Just last night a virgin was over in my Apt but I didn't push for sex like I usually would with a girl whois not a virgin. This same phenomenon happened my freshmen year with this beautiful Muslim girl I was smitten with. I was alone in her Apt. In both instances we spent the night together and nothing happened, not even a kiss! This is because I see Virgins and religious girls as pristine Angels still! How can I get past this because I know Virgins and religious girls want and need good sex too?

you've answered your own question there - you just need to remember they are human and like sex just as much as anyone else. There might actually be something in your hesitation though- virgins are usually inexperienced and so it might be better to not just use them for a ONS and then not return their calls as some might - while other girls know this is the deal a virgin might have other expectations and so if you have no interest in anything further at least make sure thats clear - once you've done that (or if you want more) then there should be less holding you back.