Voice locking up before approach

[TouchGrass]

I've been dealing with approach anxiety recently, and made progress. But sometimes I'll find a girl, physically get closer to her, and try to say something...then find my throat locks up and the words don't come out. If the girl's stationary I can work around it - I'll just open visually and wave first, then after a few seconds my voice comes back (albeit lower in volume). But it's more troublesome if she's on the move, or if I need to speak loudly to get her attention first like if we're alone on the street at night and I don't want to scare the shit out of her. Then I'll get within speaking range but find myself unable to speak.

So far I've been meditating, visualizing successful approaches, sexualizing women, etc. to try and move past the mental AA. It's been helping but this specific issue is in my body rather than my mind. Or more probably subconscious resistance that sabotages my conscious decision. Anyone have experience dealing with this? Trying to force myself to speak hasn't been working the last dozen times it happened, so I'm thinking there must be a better approach to try.

 

[Spyce D]

I've been dealing with approach anxiety recently, and made progress. But sometimes I'll find a girl, physically get closer to her, and try to say something...then find my throat locks up and the words don't come out. If the girl's stationary I can work around it - I'll just open visually and wave first, then after a few seconds my voice comes back (albeit lower in volume). But it's more troublesome if she's on the move, or if I need to speak loudly to get her attention first like if we're alone on the street at night and I don't want to scare the shit out of her. Then I'll get within speaking range but find myself unable to speak.

So far I've been meditating, visualizing successful approaches, sexualizing women, etc. to try and move past the mental AA. It's been helping but this specific issue is in my body rather than my mind. Or more probably subconscious resistance that sabotages my conscious decision. Anyone have experience dealing with this? Trying to force myself to speak hasn't been working the last dozen times it happened, so I'm thinking there must be a better approach to try.

I remember this thing happening to me .

Now its doesn't happen .

 

[Gram]

This is something that can be fixed. Your voice is your breath moving over your vocal chords.

I suggest focus on your breathing. Chances are you are taking short, shallow chest breaths. Try practicing deeper belly breaths that expand your rib cage. These will relax you.

This exercise can help you increase your rib cage mobility:

Also check out posture so your column of air (now powerful) flows unimpeded up to your vocal chords and out.

More than anything practice belly breathing to get deeper breathes and relaxation chemicals flowing.

At first you'll wonder how you can mentally keep track of all these to-dos but they'll quickly become passive habits.

Also, this post touches on breathing:

Some introspection and some feedback

FREEZING UP AND GETTING ATTRACTION FROM GIRLS I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO I have noticed this happening to me I get attraction signs From either fat chicks or really beautiful girls but I have seen it mostly get from fat girls being aggressive towards me,like asking for number directly , staring at...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

Try clearing your throat before you speak, while your walking past her. See if that works

or

say "Wow" to no one in particular while you walk past her, if she turns to you, just go into a direct opener "you look great! , what's your name?"

This serves the same function - getting her attention - as waving to her does

I mean tbh, your just gonna have to go through some really awkward and uncomfortable sets until you don't fear this anymore, and then you won't have this problem, it's a psychosomatic (caused by the mind yet effects the body) problem that's why

 

[Zoro]

I've had awkward approaches turn into dates. Don't let it stop you, because combined with the other poster's advice, exposure/experience will help your body learn there's no reason to lock up.

Might want to try this breathing technique as well:

*breathe in through the nose for 4 seconds, pause for 4, breathe out the mouth for 8, slight pause, repeat until relaxed*

This breathing pattern signals to your nervous system to relax.

 

[TouchGrass]

Thanks for the advice guys. I felt my voice lock up today, but I remembered to breathe and was able to vocalize (after a couple of tries) and open a girl sitting next to me. She seemed interested and I ended up exchanging numbers with her.

This is the approach I am workshopping for now: (1) Consciously relax throat and open airway while exhaling, (2) Observe how your feet feel against the floor, (3) Breathe in deep and slow, (4) Contract your diaphragm and push air, (5) Imagine your voice leaving from the tip of your tongue when speaking. Sometimes I need to repeat these steps a couple times, and I'll keep working on improving my method, but following these steps worked for me.

 

[James D]

It still happens to me from time to time despite being quite successful with cold approach.

Keep throwing yourself in the water and fight to stay afloat.

You may not solve it completely, aka it may still happen, but you may reduce its frequency.

Don't worry, you got this