Waitress pickup? What should I have done?

[Xygnus]

Hi guys this is my first post, but I've been lurking for about 2 months and reading up on others experiences, which is very informative.

I researched a couple of chase's articles for any tips on improvement.. which I found on in this articlehttps://www.girlschase.com/content/are-you-single-why-always-ask-girls (might've helped if I found it earlier). So without further ado, here's my story:

So I was at this cafe(a small one, no bigger than your average Subway restaurant). Anyways, I ordered, got my food, and asked for the check.
Afterwards, I just asked her for her name, I gave her mine, we exchanged a few words and then I just left it at that(it was crowded that day, and with her being the only waitress I figured she wouldn't wanna be publicly picked up
in front of customers; also, we sorta had an audience). About a week later, I come to the cafe again and I ask her "are you single?" (she asked me to repeat it 3x lol.. I'm sure I said it loud enough for her to hear. Perhaps she wasn't expecting this sorta question?) in which her response ultimately was "Nope" and then she asked why I asked, I said "just curious" then she asks me about my valentine's day plans and I said, "I have no plans." And then she mentions her "friend" (she didn't say "boyfriend") very briefly, but I just ignore it and ask her what her plans are for V day. Her response was something along the lines of.. "I don't really follow these sort of traditions.." so I asked her "oh, but you're not single?"(could've used a better line, I know) and she says "wellll it's just that when you spend so much time with your significant other, it's just like another day.. it's just my perspective on it", and so I just smiled and said "yeah.. interesting." I wasn't sure how to navigate from here so I got up, said "thanks [girl''s name], cya next time"

(not a total loss is it?)

anyways, I get the feeling that she is actually single but just wasn't sure how to answer so she said "No" to the "are you single?" question.. possibly?


any ideas or feedback, advice, or what I should've done guys?

Edit: crap, didn't mean to post in wrong section

 

[PinotNoir]

Welcome Xygnus,

Congrats man on asking her that question!

I recently got this from a waitress too, and I used Penguin's, "Well, your boyfriend can come and watch... No, wait, he can't " However, I was already framing it that I wanted to date her. I didn't get a date or her number, but it did intrigue her.

The problem now... Since you didn't compliment her or build a connection, she's thinking:
1) "I don't know if this guy liked me or not. I guess he's just a friendly nice guy."
2) "If he asks me out tomorrow, then he's chasing me, and he didn't have the courage to do it yesterday."

The good news is that you know that she's got a boyfriend. So it will be easy to get her off the mind and ask out other women.

"I don't really follow these sort of traditions.."

1) If you also have some non-traditional things you do, you could have said that. Say, "Most all other guys follow traditions" and how you're one of the few that doesn't. Scarcity.
2) You also could have deep-dived from this some more. "Ah, rebel. In what other ways do you go against society?" or "Why? Don't like public love and romance?"
3) If you're feeling bold, you could have said, "I don't like traditions either. I think beautiful women should go on hot dates with other guys rather than their boyfriends on v-day ", or just, "Oh, so you date other guys on v-day then?" I wouldn't suggest this unless you just came off sexy initially and/or already had a little connection/chemistry built.

"wellll it's just that when you spend so much time with your significant other, it's just like another day.. it's just my perspective on it"

This line is subtly great. It could mean that her relationship is in a rut.

So again, could have done some more deep-diving/connection-building here:
Deep-diving: "Why? Do you feel in a rut? No wild passion anymore?" or bolder, "Ah, waiting for a guy to come sweep you off your feet?"
Connection-building: "I know exactly how that feels... (I dated this girl for X years)."


I don't know if talking about v-day was so good after hearing of her boyfriend, but it actually seemed to create some good opportunity here and reveal some subtle knowledge.

In the meantime, start seeking out other women. However, next time you see her, try building a connection by asking questions and thinking of questions based on her responses. You can initiate pretty easily with just, "Still single today?" since you had to comically repeat it 3x haha. I wouldn't do that anymore than once though because then you'll be the "are you single?"-chasing guy. Compliment her on something. Try to introduce some subtle cues of "you and her" and chase-framing.

Most importantly, you want to be the sexy/carefree/easy-going guy with a little bit of fun. If she's feeling in a rut, you don't want to talk about negative things and be the dispassionate, boring guy. You essentially want to be the opposite of her boyfriend/relationship and instead be the missing glue in her life.

 

[Xygnus]

Great advice PinotNoir, this is more in line with how I normally am with girls that I'm not as interested in but find attractive. What do you make of her getting a bit flustered(talking faster than normal, trying to avoid eye contact, weird movements) after I threw the question at her? She was the one who initiated the v-day topic, asking me a bunch of questions rapidly like "why? do you have any plans for v-day?" , "why do you ask?"

I definitely could have done more connection building and deep-diving. One thing though, which is that she seemed a bit busy so I didn't think it would be a good idea to be going on about something and then be interrupted because she had to go tend to a customer.

Next time though! I'm starting to get the hang of this

 

[PinotNoir]

What do you make of her getting a bit flustered(talking faster than normal, trying to avoid eye contact, weird movements) after I threw the question at her? She was the one who initiated the v-day topic, asking me a bunch of questions rapidly like "why? do you have any plans for v-day?" , "why do you ask?"

I think it was because you threw her out of "autopilot." Also based on this, I get the feeling that she doesn't get hit on or flirted with that often. In fact, if I'd have to guess, it doesn't sound like she gets as many compliments from her boyfriend anymore. She's not used to this direct flirtation.

On the other hand, she could have been more bashful/submissive in order for the news of her boyfriend to not hurt your emotions or something similar -- especially in order to keep customers happy and keep coming back without it being awkward. Reflect on when you've had to let a girl down in your past. I don't think this is the case here though.

I think you'll have to be the one to judge this