"Waitress Trap"

[PinotNoir]

First, I think trying to get a date with a waitress is dumb, but every now and then I'll see a beautiful one, and I just can't help myself. And of course, the flirting was just for a better tip. There have only been about 2-3 waitresses I actually got a date (not just number) when out with friends.

Yesterday, I had an encounter and tried to frame it so that I didn't get burned, but still did haha. Here it is:

(Scene: At bar getting drinks with a few buddies. Waitress comes up and gets our drinks. I first ask her for suggestions to see how open she is with talking and what her eye contact with me is like. Then she brings back the drinks. We drink a bit and then she comes back... I don't remember the exact dialogue; this is a rough estimate.)

Me: "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Olivia Wilde?"
Her: "No, who is that?"
Me: "You know... have you seen Tron: Legacy?"
Her: "No, I don't get to see a lot of movies."
Me: "How about House?"
Her: "Oh yeah, I like that show."
Me: "You know Thirteen from the show?"
Her: "Nope. Just because she's a celebrity though, she could be pretty ugly." *laughs*
Me: "Maybe." *smile*

(Here, I probably should have said that the actress is gorgeous and then probably ask about something else to deep dive, but I didn't.
Someone asks for a drink, and she goes to get it.)

(Buddy looks up pictures of her to show her when she gets back.)

Her: "Wow, she is beautiful."
(I should have said, "why would I say you look like an ugly actress?")
Me: "So you said that you don't have a lot time for movies, you in college?"
Her: "Yeah, I go to BlahBlah College"
Me: "Ah cool, I got a couple of friends that go there. Now, I'm going to ask you the typical cliche question..."
Her: "Oh, and what is that?"
Me: "What's your major?"
Her: "Oh haha, I actually don't get asked that a lot because I work a lot. It's Medicine..."
Me: "Why'd you pick that? Was it because of House?"
Her: "Haha, no, it's actually Medicine Management."
Me: "Ohhh, I see. So why that?"
(She tells me a long list of reasons, about her mother, etc. I just say a few words egging her to keep talking like "okay," "yeah," etc. Then I ask her about what it is exactly, and she goes into detail about what you do, etc.)
(I figure this is a good time as any...)
Me: "So I have to ask...(pause)"
(She leans in)
Her: "What's that?"
Me: "How often a night do you get hit on here?"
Her: "Well.... I haven't gotten hit on tonight."
Me: "Oh, well, would you want me to hit on you then?"
Her: "Maybe..."
Me: "Let's go on a date?" (I can't remember exact wording here)
Her: "Well, I have a boyfriend."
(I immediately respond in a second thanks to Peguin's recent suggestion.)
Me: "Well, he can come and watch!"
(She laughs.)
Her: "What's your name?"
Me: "B... yours?"
Her: "Brittany. Wow, B... and Brittany, nice ring to it."

The conversation just kind of dies off here, as I lose interest trying to continue to flirt with a girl that has announced that she has a boyfriend in front of my friends. Even if she was interested, I couldn't see her giving up her number in front of them after revealing that information.

Me: "Well, nice to meet you... blah blah blah"
Her: "Nice to meet you 2... blah blah blah"

 

[Knight]

Hey man,
I can relate deeply with you on this level. It is possible that these situations can be used for your benefit if you frame them well. Hear me out on this one.

If you keep on creating contacts that's okay. How? Well if you can walk into places like this and be known well, only good things can come from it. Women and men will see you talked to/about more in these venues and therefore more desirable/cooler. You're in demand in an essence. As long as you follow the law of least effort (not going out of your way for these social actions to arise) you're on the right path. Other possible benefits include being able to remain confident and relaxed in more places faster. You know many people in these areas and the others are on your 'turf'.

I'm not sure if you will agree with me on all those points but take them into consideration. Best of luck to you!

 

[Dash]

I was going to write a post on this exact topic.

Waitresses = bad most of the time. But they are still women right? And some girls will take part time jobs as waitresses to meet people and get social.

So there must be a balance in there somewhere or an approach that works best.

I've been burned in the past but I've also been opened by waitresses.

What's the harm of making an attempt? Not like they're the only women we wll be approaching.

 

[Dash]

If you keep on creating contacts that's okay. How? Well if you can walk into places like this and be known well, only good things can come from it. Women and men will see you talked to/about more in these venues and therefore more desirable/cooler. You're in demand in an essence.

@Knight. I think this is spot on.

One of the ideas from this article https://www.girlschase.com/content/tactics-tuesdays-going-out-alone-meet-women is going out to the same places regularly. You get to know the staff by chatting up the waitresses, obviously. It's easy to stumble into hitting on them, of course!

Howl posted the below quote and more here: https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=391&p=2220&hilit=waitress#p2220

So, I've talked to a lot of female bartenders/servers about this, and I want to share a success story with you. This was from very beautiful waitress, and she was engaged to a guy she met at the restaurant. And she went to his table, and there was eye contact, and smiling, but VERY LITTLE "Flirting." It was all non verbal. And at the end, he didn't ask her our in front of everyone, he went to the back of the restaurant, found her, and asked for her number. She was shocked at how bold and simple that approach was. And now they're engaged!

He goes on to say a lot more... mainly about being direct and chill if things don't pan out.

I imagine reading signs and needing to be socially aware is even more important when trying to get together with a hot waitress. You go in knowing she gets hit on even more than a regular hottie... who doesn't have to work directly with people.

 

[Light]

Me: "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Olivia Wilde?"
Her: "No, who is that?"

Me: "Don't worry, she's beautiful"

I love flirting with waitress... they are my source of entertainment while I get served.. and I usually get well served

Heres a few tips for you guys:
Remember that the waitress is there to work, so they may find it awkward if you hold a long conversation with them.
Instead, just compliment them, tease them, make them serve you well.. because what they are doing is ultimately investing in you!
Once you've got them to like you, just tell her where you are your friends are heading out to after the meal, and casually ask if she would like to join you after she finish her shift.
She will either say yes or politely refuse with a valid reason.
Thats all there is to it!

Happy Waitress Fishing

 

[Dash]

@Light. I'm the same. I do enjoy chatting up waitresses. There's not a lot of downside... unless you fall for that *one* girl and haunt the establishment.

Knight has a good secondary reason for making friends with bar staff. Regulars get better, and more personal, service. It's neat rolling to a place with new people (or a new girl) and having the staff call you by name, bring over your normal drink, say Where you been?!

I've stumbled into a situation with a waitress and would like to get some opinions about how to keep following a path of least resistance. So chime in.

Couple months back I was at a local bar, doing a bit of work, watching a game, sipping on pints. I wasn't really talking to anyone, the bar was kinda dead. I was sitting at a tall table by myself.

After a while I notice one waitress is huffiing and puffing as she walked around, making lots of noise. She smacked a glass down on the top of the table near me. Then she came by a couple minutes later and snatched it up.

I got the feeling she was trying to catch my attention. I purposefully didn't engage her, or try and make eye contact.

I pay up, get ready to leave, putting on my coat, etc.

That's when she walks to the exit and places herself right outside the door.

I make some comment to her about the weather and we talk for a bit. I probably should have introduced myself and so on but I was still a bit unsure about the signs and chatting up waitresses (the last girl I'd dated was a waitress and it didn't turn out well, lol).

I went to the bar a couple more times after that... can't exactly recall. But fairly soon after that interaction I'm at the bar, it's not busy, and I noticed she's there with a gal pal, off hours. I don't go right over. I go to the restroom and then engage her on the way back to my seat.

That's when we exchange names, more chit chat, and I ask for her number.

She pauses, then says, "Next time."

I shrug and go back to my night. I figure it's all done and I missed the chance. Moving on!

Then, on Friday, I'm at the bar with friends and she's serving. She asks me if I want my regular drink. She's acting quite friendly and one of the women I was out with commented "I want my bill, Dash... maybe you can smile at her and she'll come over faster."

I decide to push the interaction with the waitress and get some resolution. I nurse my drink and let my friends pay up and leave. Waitress comes over to get the bill. I hold out a twenty and ask for some change.

She goes to grab the bill and I hold onto it while she's trying to pull it out of my hand. The following is almost exactly the conversation:

"You never did give me your number."

"I'm just soooo busy working all the time."

I shrug. "And I'm not?"

She's smiling and standing flirty. Her voice lowers.

"I can't date guys who come to the bar."

I smile a bit and quip back "I'll stop coming." I said it quick and cool.

There are people around, not a lot, but enough. I know it's not a good situation for getting a number. So I'd prepared ahead of time.

I hand her the cash, which she'd stopped plucking at somewhere along the line, and my business card.

"Give me a shout."

She turns away with a smile. I stroll out.

It was a rescue attempt, and probably there were better ways to do this. But I formed a plan on the spot and wanted to test it out. It was, at the very least, fun. And if she contacts me....

I figure on giving the bar a rest for a bit, then rolling back in and acting normally. The ball is in her court.

I know it seems like I'm investing a lot in this one girl... but that's not the case at all. I worked hard at playing it cool.

Thoughts, critiques?

 

[Light]

You played it well brother, with minimum effort.

Your finish line of "i'll stop coming" was just too cool! hahaha.

Although there may be other ways of dealing with this, but I can say that you did everything fine. I'm sure it suits your own style.
As long as you have kept up that warm sexy smile of yours throughout the whole interaction, then you're good.

What I would have done however, was paid close attention to her the first time while she was huffing and puffing around.
I would try to spot if she was stealing glances at me. If so, I would have made a move sooner.

 

[Dash]

Spot on, Light. Thanks for the feedback.

I should have moved faster. A number grab and\or a coffee\drink date would have been vastly easier to set up when she first showed some signs. At the time I hadn't really been tuned to some of the odd ways girls show interest. Smiling, tossing the hair, making eyes... that's fairly easy to catch on. A waitress acting agitated and slightly bitchy... A bit harder to get a handle on.

I knew something was up when she positioned herself at the exit... but I didn't act fast or confidently enough at the time. I wasn't nervous, but I didn't reward her either.

I ran the scenario past a gal pal who's worked as a waitress, and in all sorts of other service jobs (couple bikini shops). She rolled her eyes when I told her about the initial interaction.

"Moron! She was putting herself out there and it's like you turned her down!"

Frankly, I don't think she'll message me. That's a big jump for a girl, I think. And my job - clearly outlined by my card - might send her into auto-rejection.

The fun part of executing that plan was it put me in a solid state the rest of my solo adventures that evening. I chatted up some other ladies and actually demanded and got a phone number while quite buzzed and ordering a late night slice.

So it was a little bit of reactions and results. Fun stuff.

 

[Knight]

I can't remember if I learnt this tip from Girls Chase but its a good tactic if a girl likes you but can't show it because of reputation (in this case, at her job).

Simply, when she's behind the counter hand her the money and a piece of paper. Why at the counter? There is usually pieces of paper that you can simply push to her which follows the law of least effort. Ask her to write her number in a quiet voice and see what happens.

 

[PinotNoir]

@Knight: That definitely makes sense. But when I see the same server again after asking them out on a previous day, it just feels a little awkward -- this is probably all in my head though. In fact, one server that my friend asked out pretended like she didn't even know or remember him (we eat there a lot), but maybe this girl is just rude in general haha. However, I can definitely see framing a friendship with the servers/bartenders as beneficial.

As for the paper approach, honestly, there usually isn't paper where I go (except for the receipts). This could be pretty fun though. I think this is how I'll tackle it:

Me: "I promise I won't tell anyone..."
Girl: "Tell anyone what?"
*slide paper towards her*
Me: "About you giving me your number."

This is a bit bold, but end up being pretty entertaining


@Dash: True. And I would expect women to get an emotional high from being asked out. It's got to be pretty flattering, right? Also, I have thought about doing the talk-with-the-waitress-alone approach, taking her to the side. I think I haven't tried it just out of laziness haha [law of least effort, right? ]. If the waitress seems a bit shy or reserved, then I think I'll do this.

And as for your waitress story, I think you did a fantastic job. You seemed mysterious and interesting, and it looks like it helped with social momentum for the rest of the night.


@Light: Those are some great tips. My conversation was definitely a bit dry with no chase/sexual framing at all. However, we did both laugh a good bit, and she at least "seemed" interested in conversation. I mainly went for it because of how much our eyes locked with each other during conversation. I definitely should have done more teasing though. Next time I'm out at lunch/bar/etc., I'll keep this mentality in mind, and if I'm unsure about attraction/connection, just tell her about where my buddies and I are going like you said.


I forgot to mention that one of the waitresses in my life that I've actually dated was asked out by my friend for me lol. We were chatting her up. (Keep in mind, we've been drinking some wine.) She walks away, and I tell my friend that she's pretty hot. She comes back, and he just immediately shouts "my friend thinks you're hot" (without me asking; I was kind of upset). She wasn't bothered by it though, and we exchanged phone numbers and went on a few dates. She was working 3 jobs and going to college though (I had just graduated college at the time actually), and I broke it off because I could only see her like once a month.

 

[Knight]

Well men,
just got home from a night out with a waitress. Would never of even talked to her before this website was found.
I had used all of Chase's written tactics on her since I saw her and kept getting turned down lightly because she was a very busy person. Any way, did not let this make me Chase her at all, instead went for persistence. She ended up asking me out for the night, this woman who was hit on by so many guys wherever she went. She eventually confessed to me that she liked me from the very first time she met me (thank you, eye contact and fundamentals!) and the only reason we hadn't gone out for the night earlier was because so many guys were giving her a hard time. All I have to say my friends is, persist and never chase!

 

[Light]

Well men,
just got home from a night out with a waitress. Would never of even talked to her before this website was found.
I had used all of Chase's written tactics on her since I saw her and kept getting turned down lightly because she was a very busy person. Any way, did not let this make me Chase her at all, instead went for persistence. She ended up asking me out for the night, this woman who was hit on by so many guys wherever she went. She eventually confessed to me that she liked me from the very first time she met me (thank you, eye contact and fundamentals!) and the only reason we hadn't gone out for the night earlier was because so many guys were giving her a hard time. All I have to say my friends is, persist and never chase!

Good Job Knight!! Keep that sword of yours polished and shiny!

 

[Dash]

Nicely done!

Chase's post on persistence is a good one: https://www.girlschase.com/content/why-chasing-women-doesn’t-work-and-why-persistence-does

Sounds like you managed the timing correctly, Knight.

 

[Knight]

That article where Chase discussed human nature and religion a few weeks ago was a real eye-opener.

 

[Dash]

Update time.

I was walking around downtown yesterday and I stopped to chat with someone near an intersection.

A woman walks by.... staring at me with a big smile on her face.

It's cute waitress.

I quickly peel from my conversation and turn my attention to waitress.

"You haven't contacted me yet."

She goes into this thing about being busy, working fifty hours a week. She keeps turning to walk away, then turning back throughout the conversation.

"I'm seeing someone."

I shrug... using the GC mentality that things a man doesn't want to talk about should be ignored.

She says she's working full time until next Thursday.

"Cool," I say, then point to a coffee shop across the street. "I work until nine. We can meet there at nine-thirty next Thursday."

"Maybe."

"Maybe??"

I back off for a bit and chat about other things. Then come back to next week and meeting up.

"Maybe," she says.

I persist in what I hope was a manly, chill fashion. I wasn't begging, or acting needy. I was simply trying to make my interest very clear... and be a bit commanding at the same time.

Then she says something like "...it took the last guy months..." The implication being it took her current man (if dude exists...) a while to get her out.

I end the conversation by saying something like "Next week!"

Anyhow, still pondering this one. I'm not going to chase, and I'm not investing a lot of time. This was a random interaction that she more or less initiated by slapping a big silly smile on her face. She had clearly seen me first.

I have a few other irons in the fire, so I'm not just thinking about this one girl. I'd approached several other women that day, including a day game cold approach with a fox, who was friendly but not interested.

In GC terms this seems like a prolonged seduction. I'm chipping away instead of sealing the deal fast. But I'm also not investing a lot in a girl who originally opened me, and is showing signs of interest. I am a bit concerned that she's setting the agenda. Then again... maybe she is busy, and currently has a man.

Thoughts?

 

[Knight]

Update time.
-snip
Thoughts?

Nice! The fact she didn't walk away and continued is a great thing man. I had a similar experience and kept getting maybes, but just backed down and went for it a bit later every now and again. Eventually, she contacts me and we go out and she tells me she's always liked me blah blah blah and the only reason she didn't go out earlier is because there was other factors involved such as her boyfriend and lots of other men contacting her. Well, that didn't stop me because her and her boyfriend aren't together now and those other guys - they're acting do or die. In text messaging! Haha!

Keep at it Dash.