Walking Sets (Stopping Girls vs Walking With)

[AspiringStoic]

In daygame, I do a lot approaches in places such as the street, mall, underground etc. When it comes to girls that are walking, I see there are two separate camps.

1. There are the guys who place a lot of emphasis on STOPPING the girl immediately and then delivering the opener which is usually a direct opener as that is the only thing that makes sense with stopping a girl who is walking.

2. Then there is the second camp of guys who say don't try to stop her immediately as that is too disruptive and asking for too much compliance right at the start. Instead open her and walk with her and then as she sees that you are a cool guy, you can then stop her.

I personally up until now, have been following the former camp. I usually go up, stop her and then deliver my opener telling her I was doing xyz and saw her and I wanted to come talk to her because I thought she was (insert compliment here).

This system has been working fine. While a small minority of girls don't stop, most girls do stop and listen to my opener and either are polite and stay for a few seconds to a minute and then leave or they end up hooking and we end up having a good conversation.

But I have been noticing a few cons of this method I am following which are as follows:

Disadvantages of doing Stops
- As I have to stop her immediately, it increases my AA a bit as I feel it draws more attention to the approach.

- When it is on a busy street with a lot of foot traffic or in narrow alley in a mall, it is uncomfortable as we are kind of in the way of other people once I stop her and it kind of puts the spotlight on us and sometimes I feel the girl also realizes that we are in the way and feels more uncomfortable.

- In places like malls and indoor areas, a stop draws a lot more attention and if she rejects you and you kind of turn around and walk back it stands out a lot more and is less discrete. Because of this, I feel after I do 1 or 2 I need to switch locations as doing more would draw more attention.

- When girls are really in a hurry, they just cannot afford to stop and might have been okay with having a chat as long they were still walking to wherever they were going.

Many a times due to these reasons, I end up waiting for the best time to stop the girl and they end up getting on a bus, going into a shop or a building and I end up not opening them.

Therefore, while stops have their place, I am thinking of experimenting with just walking next to her and a bit ahead of her and then opening with a compliment without immediately trying to stop her.

If she stops, no problem, I would stop.

If she does not, I can continue walking and talking and then depending on how well she is engaging, I can decide either to stop her or just eject by letting her walk off and slowing down or just walking off in another direction. I think by doing this, I can approach more discreetly without drawing unnecessary attention in certain scenarios.

Now the arguments I have heard of why its not good to walk with.

Arguments against doing the walk with approach

- The girl feels like you will not leave her alone and this will make her uncomfortable.
- She will associate you with charity sign up people and panhandlers (But funnily in my city the charity and panhandlers actually try to do stops, they don't walk with)
- Its weak and not as manly as the stop.

I don't feel like these are strong enough to argue against not trying the walk with method. I am going to field test it.

But I wanted to see what the others who approach walking sets have to say on this. Do you guys always do stops or you do the walk with? And what has worked better for you?

It would be great to hear about your experiences.

 

[Will_V]

In daygame, I do a lot approaches in places such as the street, mall, underground etc. When it comes to girls that are walking, I see there are two separate camps.

1. There are the guys who place a lot of emphasis on STOPPING the girl immediately and then delivering the opener which is usually a direct opener as that is the only thing that makes sense with stopping a girl who is walking.

2. Then there is the second camp of guys who say don't try to stop her immediately as that is too disruptive and asking for too much compliance right at the start. Instead open her and walk with her and then as she sees that you are a cool guy, you can then stop her.

I personally up until now, have been following the former camp. I usually go up, stop her and then deliver my opener telling her I was doing xyz and saw her and I wanted to come talk to her because I thought she was (insert compliment here).

This system has been working fine. While a small minority of girls don't stop, most girls do stop and listen to my opener and either are polite and stay for a few seconds to a minute and then leave or they end up hooking and we end up having a good conversation.

But I have been noticing a few cons of this method I am following which are as follows:

Disadvantages of doing Stops
- As I have to stop her immediately, it increases my AA a bit as I feel it draws more attention to the approach.

- When it is on a busy street with a lot of foot traffic or in narrow alley in a mall, it is uncomfortable as we are kind of in the way of other people once I stop her and it kind of puts the spotlight on us and sometimes I feel the girl also realizes that we are in the way and feels more uncomfortable.

- In places like malls and indoor areas, a stop draws a lot more attention and if she rejects you and you kind of turn around and walk back it stands out a lot more and is less discrete. Because of this, I feel after I do 1 or 2 I need to switch locations as doing more would draw more attention.

- When girls are really in a hurry, they just cannot afford to stop and might have been okay with having a chat as long they were still walking to wherever they were going.

Many a times due to these reasons, I end up waiting for the best time to stop the girl and they end up getting on a bus, going into a shop or a building and I end up not opening them.

Therefore, while stops have their place, I am thinking of experimenting with just walking next to her and a bit ahead of her and then opening with a compliment without immediately trying to stop her.

If she stops, no problem, I would stop.

If she does not, I can continue walking and talking and then depending on how well she is engaging, I can decide either to stop her or just eject by letting her walk off and slowing down or just walking off in another direction. I think by doing this, I can approach more discreetly without drawing unnecessary attention in certain scenarios.

Now the arguments I have heard of why its not good to walk with.

Arguments against doing the walk with approach

- The girl feels like you will not leave her alone and this will make her uncomfortable.
- She will associate you with charity sign up people and panhandlers (But funnily in my city the charity and panhandlers actually try to do stops, they don't walk with)
- Its weak and not as manly as the stop.

I don't feel like these are strong enough to argue against not trying the walk with method. I am going to field test it.

But I wanted to see what the others who approach walking sets have to say on this. Do you guys always do stops or you do the walk with? And what has worked better for you?

It would be great to hear about your experiences.

You're forgetting the main thing that stopping her achieves - immediate compliance (here we go with that term again, I much prefer 'leading/submission', but what can you do).

The biggest problem with walking with her is that it postpones (sometimes for a long time) any compliance on her part, and places you in the position of following her - literally. Even if you strike out half a pace in front she knows you're walking with her and not the other way around. So the frame is that she's doing nothing to signal you yes or no, and yet you are there. Signals and responses thereto are a big deal for women, they know that this is their first line of control. They very quickly test you on responsiveness to signals to weed out the guys who can't be trusted.

Whereas when you stop her, she knows she's chosen to stop and submit to your command, which predisposes her well to submit even further.

The thing of whether you might be a dude who won't leave her alone is also a big deal, because her immediate reflex to a man suddenly walking beside her is 'what does he want from me' and her second thought is 'wait .. will I be able to get away from him if I need to?'. And since she's already walking it can easily put her subconsciously in the 'flight' state.

There are other issues - that she has to turn and make it obvious if she wants to get a look at you, which, if she's feeling a little anxious, is harder to do than just keep her head down and charge along. Whereas when you stop her front on, she can get a clear sense of you without having to make it obvious that she's looking. She knows that turning to look at you could be taken as interest that might encourage you, and she doesn't yet know if she wants you there.

Walking with her is only slightly better than going up to where she's sitting and plopping yourself down beside her, which also doesn't usually go so well. A reflexive startled/defensive instinct is often enough to kill the vibe.

IMO, stopping her is way better for those reasons. As always nothing is impossible but not stopping her is more difficult.

If I stop her and I sense she's dithering and in a hurry, I'll sometimes say something like "I'm going up that way, let's walk a couple of minutes" and start walking with her. But it's important to have her stop first if possible.

 

[AspiringStoic]

You're forgetting the main thing that stopping her achieves - immediate compliance (here we go with that term again, I much prefer 'leading/submission', but what can you do).

The biggest problem with walking with her is that it postpones (sometimes for a long time) any compliance on her part, and places you in the position of following her - literally. Even if you strike out half a pace in front she knows you're walking with her and not the other way around. So the frame is that she's doing nothing to signal you yes or no, and yet you are there. Signals and responses thereto are a big deal for women, they know that this is their first line of control. They very quickly test you on responsiveness to signals to weed out the guys who can't be trusted.

Whereas when you stop her, she knows she's chosen to stop and submit to your command, which predisposes her well to submit even further.

The thing of whether you might be a dude who won't leave her alone is also a big deal, because her immediate reflex to a man suddenly walking beside her is 'what does he want from me' and her second thought is 'wait .. will I be able to get away from him if I need to?'. And since she's already walking it can easily put her subconsciously in the 'flight' state.

There are other issues - that she has to turn and make it obvious if she wants to get a look at you, which, if she's feeling a little anxious, is harder to do than just keep her head down and charge along. Whereas when you stop her front on, she can get a clear sense of you without having to make it obvious that she's looking. She knows that turning to look at you could be taken as interest that might encourage you, and she doesn't yet know if she wants you there.

Walking with her is only slightly better than going up to where she's sitting and plopping yourself down beside her, which also doesn't usually go so well. A reflexive startled/defensive instinct is often enough to kill the vibe.

IMO, stopping her is way better for those reasons. As always nothing is impossible but not stopping her is more difficult.

If I stop her and I sense she's dithering and in a hurry, I'll sometimes say something like "I'm going up that way, let's walk a couple of minutes" and start walking with her. But it's important to have her stop first if possible.

Hmm I see. All these make complete sense. I also feel that when I go for the stop, I am being more assertive, dominant and basically controlling the frame. And I feel like I have implicitly given her an "out". If she stays and talks to me, its out of her own free will. Whereas with the walking with thing, you basically don't give her that choice. But of course its only for a few seconds, if she does not respond well, I don't plan on continuing to walk with her.

For the reasons you mentioned above, I have been doing only stops. And I am not thinking of abandoning stops. I was just wondering if I can add walk with approaches as well to my arsenal and be more flexible. Like this video here of @Tony D He just starts walking, I am sure he would have calibrated if the girl seemed hesitant.

And in this one, she kind of stops and then wants to continue walking so thy do so.

I feel like these just seem more under the radar than this for example

This looks more "daygamey".

Stops work, I have no doubts about that. I have been doing them a lot. But I just feel that the more I go out and more approaches I do, the less the approaches stand out the better and I have more flexibility and don't have to always try for the stop asap.

 

[jackgignac]

Requires pace.

 

[TwoNameGame]

2. Then there is the second camp of guys who say don't try to stop her immediately as that is too disruptive and asking for too much compliance right at the start. Instead open her and walk with her and then as she sees that you are a cool guy, you can then stop her.

This is optimal in campus daygame, which is my niche.

Due to social pressures, girls feel more at ease if you open next to them as you don't stick out in a crowd. Plus, they are often going to class/work and cannot stop for long, so less disruption often helps.

In my experience, women walk away more often if you stop them, and proper interest bait can get them to focus on you nonetheless while benefitting from how motion creates emotion. You then build compliance to a full stop.

Another complication is her mood. She may not be in the mood to offer big compliance, but may mellow out. I once had a girl act a bit cold during the approach, but she apologized over text and blamed her upcoming exam. Then, she opened up well. Similarly, I've been auto-rejected by girls when I stop them and they are on their way to study for/ take a midterm.

Arguments against doing the walk with approach

- The girl feels like you will not leave her alone and this will make her uncomfortable.

This comes down to calibration as the only time I made a woman uncomfortable is when I persisted despite her softly rejecting me. Whenever I take the hint, they don't seem bothered, but the interest bait and some teasing make it pleasant overall.

- She will associate you with charity sign up people and panhandlers (But funnily in my city the charity and panhandlers actually try to do stops, they don't walk with)

In campus game, the opposite is true. Panhandlers stop you, associated walk with you.

This also plays into openers - one of my fastest rejections was when I stopped a girl and opened indirect near a panhandler on campus.

 

[Will_V]

This is optimal in campus daygame, which is my niche.

Due to social pressures, girls feel more at ease if you open next to them as you don't stick out in a crowd. Plus, they are often going to class/work and cannot stop for long, so less disruption often helps.

In my experience, women walk away more often if you stop them, and proper interest bait can get them to focus on you nonetheless while benefitting from how motion creates emotion. You then build compliance to a full stop.

Another complication is her mood. She may not be in the mood to offer big compliance, but may mellow out. I once had a girl act a bit cold during the approach, but she apologized over text and blamed her upcoming exam. Then, she opened up well. Similarly, I've been auto-rejected by girls when I stop them and they are on their way to study for/ take a midterm.


This comes down to calibration as the only time I made a woman uncomfortable is when I persisted despite her softly rejecting me. Whenever I take the hint, they don't seem bothered, but the interest bait and some teasing make it pleasant overall.


In campus game, the opposite is true. Panhandlers stop you, associated walk with you.

This also plays into openers - one of my fastest rejections was when I stopped a girl and opened indirect near a panhandler on campus.

Yeah, I can definitely see 'walking with' working better on campus, where getting to know other people is expected and everyone's sharing the student identity, so her shield isn't going to be up the same way as out in the general public.

Out in public where you have all sorts walking around, it's important to establish a positive, authoritative frame quickly without triggering her defenses, and I've found it best to stop her.

 

[Stark]

But I wanted to see what the others who approach walking sets have to say on this. Do you guys always do stops or you do the walk with? And what has worked better for you?

I hadn't thought much about this, but I will share my experience:

If I'm approaching her from the side, I usually walk with her, and continue the conversation, till she's immersed/hooked.

Then I either STOP her altogether OR continue walking till we find an optimal spot to stop. It's easier to relax with each other and escalate if there's a wall or railing to lean against.

Getting her to stop before she's hooked will activate her fight or flight signals. As James D said in one of his posts, approach in a way that minimizes the amount of social discomfort for her.

You are also right that it attracts a lot of attention to your approach, which is not ideal.

 

[AspiringStoic]

@Will_V @TwoNameGame @Stark

Thank you very much guys for your responses. Stops have been my staple and will continue doing them.

But in very crowded areas and inside malls I want to experiment with the walk with. I will do so and come back to this thread with my findings.

 

[KeepTravelin]

Its best not to overthink this shit as it will have negligible impact on the outcome. I've attempted to make girls fully stop and "comply", but it ends up just pissing the chick off or she'll wriggle out of the set. If she keeps walking without looking at you as you're talking to her, I would just peel off and approach another set as it's a strong indicator of disinterest.