Want to meet with friend of my ex-girlfriend

[Green Pill]

Hello guys,

I apologize if this text is too long, I tried to keep it relevant.

I'm 23 and she is, too.

Relation to my ex

Broke up with ex in summer, she lives in a different country now with a boyfriend and unlikely to return. We are on good terms.
Her friend was a past friend of her, they had then differences and cleared them up, but have no contact. Not a strong friendship anymore, but still respect for the past on both sides.

Situation with her friend

Met her at the public swimming pool a few months ago where she asked me how I took the breakup. I told her I'm fine actually and she said she was single too recently. I jokingly said that we should go out sometime and she jokingly replied that friends' exes are off limits. Nothing more noteworthy.

2 months after I wrote her on her opinion on the local gym since it chanced last time I lived here. I wrote her a few times and had some witty, comforting conversations. Recently she jokingly asked me why I actually kept writing her. I said "Why not? I could drop it" "No it's funny writing with you but you are my ex friends ex, morals you know". "so what? its the past" "well it's not tooo long ago, but really what made you write me since so didn't like me too much in the past?" "i had the same impression of you but when we met I thought it's sad that we have prejudice". She agreed and we cleared it up that we had found each other conceited and she found me too direct sometimes. Imagine some emojis thoughout the conversation.

Anyway recently I wrote her that we should do something on the weekend, which she sidestepped. Then I sent her a voicemail where I said several things about my weekend, asked her how her day went and said that I actually would rather meet her during the week for a hookah (smoke). I figured I could talk with her there. Notice that I haven't actually seen her since the swimming pool and just want to meet her casually to talk. She took her time and gave me an elaborate reply how she thinks it's not a good idea to meet, it's not personal but simply odd because of my ex. She told me that my ex had something with one of her exes and she didn't take it too well. It's a matter of principle.

I replied "Nah, If you feel better we just meet platonically, nothing has to happen you know" to which she did not reply yet, and doesn't seem to.

How should I proceed? I'm aware that I should look for alternatives and so on, but I have this desire to have her since it would be a deep gratification for several reasons.
I want to be persistent and she doesn't really have a good reason to say no to at least talk. She knows how I met my ex, how I kissed her within one minute on a drunk party and has the impression of me being a bold, confident and rather conceited guy. I tried to downplay via text and would like her to see me as a nice guy, befriend her. I'm not afraid of the friendzone since I look and act like a sexual man.

Thanks for reading fellows

 

[Inbocca]

Based on reading this, it sounds like she's pretty determined not to get involved with you due to her relationship with your ex. The good news is, like you said, you come across as a confident, sexy dude so there's no ambiguity in your intentions despite what you're saying. If she were interested, you're doing everything right and she'd probably be going for it. It just sounds like she's not interested.

If you can persist without coming across as chasing, it might pay off. Maybe she'll realize she's not as close to your ex as she thought or maybe they'll have a fight and she won't care about hurting your ex. I'd advise expanding your horizons though. Talk to more girls, show her you've got options, and if she bites she bites. If not, well, you've got options so who cares.

 

[Green Pill]

Thanks for your reply Inbocca.

"The good news is, like you said, you come across as a confident, sexy dude so there's no ambiguity in your intentions despite what you're saying."

Isn't this counterproductive since this makes her too wary to even meet up in a innocuous manner?

"Maybe she'll realize she's not as close to your ex as she thought"

She isn't. They've had no contact for years since they fought over something, she even said herself "You are the ex boyfriend of my ex friend" implying they aren't friends anymore." Thats why I saw a chance in the first place. Problem is, she's rather high quality, doesn't sleep around much aside from relationships which tempts me, but makes her an even harder target. Cause if she's not prone to hooking up causally, us possibly in an LTR would be even awkward for me.

I will seek out other options, but I still want her someday because I just don't see why not. My ex is already over me and happily in a new relationship.

If she does not reply, should I say something? Should I point out how it's really no big deal to casually talk like friends? I'm just seeking for comfort.

Or should I even try to casually "show up" at her workplace (nursery) to get some face to face time?

Turning cold and not writing anything all of a sudden would come off as if I was butthurt and would give the "rejection" more meaning, wouldn't it? Shouldn't I treat it as being silly from her being so afraid of such a casual thing?

 

[Inbocca]

Isn't this counterproductive since this makes her too wary to even meet up in a innocuous manner?

Except you don't want to meet up innocuously. Best case scenario, she'll think you're moving too fast when you make a move, worst case you end up in the friend zone. Make it clear what you want and show you're not afraid to walk away if you don't get it. Why? Because you're not worried, there are plenty of girls who will give it to you.

They've had no contact for years since they fought over something

Maybe she's worried about her reputation then. Doesn't want people to think she's hooking up with you to spite your ex. Not totally sure based on that time frame, it could just be an excuse.

My ex is already over me and happily in a new relationship.

If she knows this she might think you're just using her as a rebound or to get back at your ex.

If she does not reply, should I say something? Should I point out how it's really no big deal to casually talk like friends? I'm just seeking for comfort. Or should I even try to casually "show up" at her workplace (nursery) to get some face to face time? Turning cold and not writing anything all of a sudden would come off as if I was butthurt and would give the "rejection" more meaning, wouldn't it? Shouldn't I treat it as being silly from her being so afraid of such a casual thing?

If you feel it's casual, show that through your actions. Don't text her so much, don't put yourself in the chasing role, definitely don't show up at her work (not sure why but the fact that it's a nursery makes it feel that much creepier).

If she's rejecting you and you keep writing her, it's chasing not persisting. It doesn't show you're butthurt unless you get upset or start talking bad about her, something like that. Her saying no and you going on your way to talk to girls who are worth your time communicates that you're a high-value man that values his time and effort.