Was she an inexperienced girl? What actually happened?

[bennysegman]

So I tried to jump out of the friend zone (was not there for long; approx. 1 week). I called her, talking normally, about average things and then halfway through the conversation I told her what I thought of her plans for the future, I gave her some platonic compliments, then I asked her out. She was shocked and didn't know how to take it. She couldn't even give me an answer yes or no. This made me get puzzled. I told her "Just wait a little and then if you still want to go out, call me back in a few days, otherwise I will take it that you don't want to." She then asked me what I "had to offer". I told her that I could offer a man's and a genius's perspective to her life. She didn't really say yes or no to that either, and instead acted unsure. I told her my offer one more time and then we said our goodbyes. Well she didn't call. And I myself don't know what the fuck went wrong during that phone call. My guess is that it had to do with my inexperience. Or maybe she was just a nerd herself who didn't know what to say when a real man approached her? I'm trying to piece together what actually happened. What do you think? Was there something I should have done differently?

 

[Chad Tyrone]

For starters,why get thrown in the friend zone from the go.Work on your fundamentals,learn to come across sexual and a sexy man.Work on your voice you know ... put on some sexy outfit (s) and say goodbye to the friend zone.Offer sexual value and that begs the question,Is she the only gal who friend zoned you or it's just a common occurrence

If you are starting out you should not really cut off all the value you offer.But with time you should aim towards offering sexual value . It's key to being a lover.

Sounds like you got emotional when talking about the future to her.Let her earn the compliments whether platonic or sexual.Again up your sexual game,man.Platonic should not come into your interactions for gals you want to close the deal with .

She should feel a reason why you are choosing her don't go throwing compliments merely for her approval or to get into her pants.

When asking her out did you soft close-see if she was down for something or you just hard closed-asked her out without "testing the waters"(herein soft closing)...for lack of a better phrase

You then went on to talk her out of meeting you before she could even agree."otherwise I will take it you don't want to"Chill out when asking her out you want to be as causal as possible.Know what her schedule is like before asking her out.

"What do you have to offer?"...sounds like she was testing you and then u went on to qualify yourself a no-no.Leave that to the orbiters chasing after her which u did after she never gave you a yes or no.

She doesn't have to be necessarily be a nerd .Guess has to do with your experience as you say it.Again work on your sexualizing your interactions,your fundamentals if messy and learn to chill out.

Hope this shed some light

~Chad Tyrone

 

[Derek da man]

then I asked her out. She was shocked and didn't know how to take it

This tells me 2 things:
1. You didn't set a frame that you liked her,
2. She doesn't see you as date-able - partly because of point 1 above so probably hasn't thought about you in that way, and also because she hasn't been able to relate to you yet. This could be because she see's you as out of her league, which could be you're too good for her, or not good enough. You may feel it's the latter because of your inexperience but it could well be the former as girls are actually really insecure.

"Just wait a little and then if you still want to go out, call me back in a few days,

This shows confidence and you handled the situation well although you could have pushed a little further for her to agree

otherwise I will take it that you don't want to

This wasn't so good and isn't necessary. It probably changed the dynamic of the conversation as it show uncertainty on your part. If you'd left it out it wouldn't have changed the actual situation that if she "didn't come back to you she wasn't interested" as that was a given anyway.

She then asked me what I "had to offer"

This was a test, so she's not inexperienced at all. Her perspective has now moved from her initial position where you didn't set a frame of liking her and wanting to date her. She's now engaged so she's asking you to sell yourself to her - giving her a list of things actually devalues you, just a smile and move on to the next point would be a better response to such a test. Alternatively you should have read the signals and then added something along the lines of ". . . we could go out and spend some fun time together doing . . . " based on what you already should know she likes, but it's better not to have ended up in that position by avoiding the test to start with.

There may be some inexperience on your part but you also have confidence and humor which a lot of guys don't have.

 

[Zoro]

Seems like a standard response to a situation like this.

You want to sweep girls off their feet. And that involves making them FEEL the experience.

That happens by being a dominant masculine presence with attractive mannerisms of eye contact, body language, and demeanor. A man who knows how to lead with confidence and tact, mindful of her feminine nature. It's why we talk about "moving fast" and "calibration".

A man puts himself in the friend-z0ne by doing little or none of these things.

You don't want to rely on logic to "ask a girl out". And that's what happens when you do something like this over the phone, because you can't really lead, you can't escalate, you can't sweep her off her feet. Even if you do make her feel emotions over the phone, she's not there with you physically and those emotions will simmer out within the hour.

You even got her examining you like a product off the shelf "What do you have to offer?"

What does a man have to offer? The organized wisdom of masculine direction and leadership, and the solidness of character that can withstand the chaotic emotions of a feminine being.

Emotions are what gets a girl invested, interested, and horny.

You want to win her heart first, her mind will follow.

 

[Beck Bass]

So I tried to jump out of the friend zone

Good luck with that, good luck.
People love categorizing each other and women, with men, specially, tend to keep them in the same category, specially as "friends".

She didn't take it because, well, you're already friends, technically she already has what she wants (or could have, in her view), with you.
Why would she risk what you offer currently? Going on a date with a man is always risky for a women:

• It could damage her reputation (maybe you know some people she knows, and you go and talk shit about her in case it doesn't go well, or even you have sex and then you don't treat her "properly" afterwards, maybe her friends think you're a total loser and her status on her social groups would plummet if she goes out with you)
• It could damage her herself (as in maybe you're secretly maybe some weird violent dude, maybe only in relationships, of course most guys are not, but some rare are, and this is always on women's mind, though it's a very secondary concern)
• It could damage your friendship (I mean, that's obvious, if things don't work out, it's very tough for you to be friends again)

So she has even more than the value she already has with you to lose, and this is why she asked you what she had to gain, though I would say, this is mostly a gold digging type of move. If she was attracted to you, you should have made something happen with her before, but that didn't happen (maybe because she wasn't, and never gave you any chances, or maybe you missed your window), so now the only possible role you could have, for her, would be of a provider type of guy. Could you still have sex or have a relationship with her? Probably (like low probability), but you would have to show you have financial value to her, that you can provide for her and possible kids. Also it would probably go the usual slow dating her as she tries to postprone sex as long as possible to get you as invested into her as possible, taking her to expensive places, maybe buying her gifts and even commiting to her before sex even happens.
Overall, just a terrible place to be.

Honestly I think the best is you can do is go meet new women and learn to seduce them quickly, to screen the ones that are attracted to you and make something happen with them. Get over her!

You gotta lead women and make things happen, if you wait until they are your friends, well, you're stuck on the friendzone, and that just sucks (unless you wanna be her platonic friend, then sure, great for you).

Godspeed

 

[bennysegman]

Well, I didn’t see a good opening for a sexual convo when we met. She was working at a place that I had been frequenting (no not a strip club or anything like that). I sensed it was a pretty professional environment so I tried not to do anything that was even the least out of the ordinary, like flirting openly. But I managed to talk with her on 2 different days, and I sensed she was giving me more attention and interest than the average guy walking through those doors gets. That led me to make the assumption that she liked me. She never said anything explicitly to that extent though. The way I walk, I expect chicks to take a liking to me. Also I am considered very exotic where I live. She had commented on that so that gave me the idea that she liked me as something more than an average guy. On the 2nd day she also gave me her number without me asking for it, which I had truly believed was for personal reasons but in actuality it turned out that she had done it to simply provide me with another line of contacting someone over there if the need arose. I guess I just failed to read the line between friendliness and flirtatiousness, the latter of which she was not actually expressing at all. However at the time, like I said, I believed the latter was actually going on, so when I gave her that call, my strategy was to avoid being flirtatious because I didn’t want to seem overexcited about getting her number. Also, the compliments I gave were not for the purpose of kissing up to her, they really were genuine commentary that expressed my admiration for her as a woman. When I was talking to her face to face I really enjoyed being in her presence so I let her know that. I was not trying for a fuck buddy type of relationship with her. My mission is to simply get a solid girlfriend.

 

[TomInHo]

So I tried to jump out of the friend zone (was not there for long; approx. 1 week).

Getting out of the friend-zone is always tough but lets see how this goes

I called her, talking normally, about average things and then halfway through the conversation I told her what I thought of her plans for the future, I gave her some platonic compliments, then I asked her out.

Ah! I see what's actually happening

You're trying to move her with logic rather than emotion. So your approach is coming off rather provider-ish

This will make girls screen you harder because the relationship is not based of sex and fun but rather what she can get from associating with you

She was shocked and didn't know how to take it. She couldn't even give me an answer yes or no.

Yup! Because you were platonic for a while then all of a sudden showed tons of intent. She had to take a step back to re-assess you. So this means at this point you weren't deep in the friend zone and still had an opportunity to sway her decision.

This made me get puzzled. I told her "Just wait a little and then if you still want to go out, call me back in a few days, otherwise I will take it that you don't want to." She then asked me what I "had to offer".

What you have to offer?

Remember what I said earlier about coming off provider-ish... this is what you get with that approach

I told her that I could offer a man's and a genius's perspective to her life. She didn't really say yes or no to that either, and instead acted unsure.

OMG.... Massive Fail

Bro, you don't even know this girl. She hasn't fucked you yet and you willing to give her masculine leadership?

That makes no sense

This makes you come across like you're not a challenge. Plus it paints you like a guy that would rob her of her freedom

Listen man, it works way better when you lead with sex and fun first while you let the girl chase you for all the serious stuff.

When you flip the dynamic it kills the intrigue and sexual tension

I told her my offer one more time and then we said our goodbyes.

Offer?

Bro this is supposed to be fun, not a business deal

Well she didn't call.

No surprise

And I myself don't know what the fuck went wrong during that phone call. My guess is that it had to do with my inexperience. Or maybe she was just a nerd herself who didn't know what to say when a real man approached her? I'm trying to piece together what actually happened. What do you think? Was there something I should have done differently?

Read all the above

You just need to modify your approach and dial back the serious vibes. I don't think you were in the friend zone hardcore, you just sold yourself in a way that was not attractive

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

Getting out of the friend-zone is always tough but lets see how this goes



Ah! I see what's actually happening

You're trying to move her with logic rather than emotion. So your approach is coming off rather provider-ish

This will make girls screen you harder because the relationship is not based of sex and fun but rather what she can get from associating with you




Yup! Because you were platonic for a while then all of a sudden showed tons of intent. She had to take a step back to re-assess you. So this means at this point you weren't deep in the friend zone and still had an opportunity to sway her decision.




What you have to offer?

Remember what I said earlier about coming off provider-ish... this is what you get with that approach



OMG.... Massive Fail

Bro, you don't even know this girl. She hasn't fucked you yet and you willing to give her masculine leadership?

That makes no sense

This makes you come across like you're not a challenge. Plus it paints you like a guy that would rob her of her freedom

Listen man, it works way better when you lead with sex and fun first while you let the girl chase you for all the serious stuff.

When you flip the dynamic it kills the intrigue and sexual tension



Offer?

Bro this is supposed to be fun, not a business deal



No surprise



Read all the above

You just need to modify your approach and dial back the serious vibes. I don't think you were in the friend zone hardcore, you just sold yourself in a way that was not attractive

Spot on and great analysis. The provider / lover frame can be a dicey one to understand for beginners and inexperienced seducers

But I'm willing to take a good guess that the op has no idea what you meant by all that

 

[TomInHo]

Spot on and great analysis. The provider / lover frame can be a dicey one to understand for beginners and inexperienced seducers

But I'm willing to take a good guess that the op has no idea what you meant by all that

You might be right.

For OP think come in casual, flirty and fun first, with something serious being a possibility later on if she matches your requirements

That frame has the largest reach

 

[Beck Bass]

sexual convo when we met.

You don't need to necessarily talk about sex (or have a "sexual convo") to take a girl to bed (or even just go out with her and maybe make out hehe). I think the situation seemed like a good opportunity to you, but you're just not quite on the level where you can take advantage of it. It's good that you had the instinct to try something at least (and her giving you her number by herself is a good sign, for sure).

Maybe she was attracted after all, but actually making it happen requires that you find a way to make it happen "naturally" with her, if you know what I mean. Girls are just kinda lazy (that's not quite the truth, truth is she probably has a lot on her plate already, like work, family, friends, maybe even dozens of other guys hitting on her), so you're the one that has to solve the puzzle of how to make something happen with her. Sadly with only a phone number many times you're very limited with what you can do (you could call her and have a nice conversation, if it goes well, say something like "I would love to have a coffee/drink with you sometime"). I'm not sure the specifics about your texting with her so far (or the "live" interactions with her) so it's hard to give more concrete advice.

But again, I would say, go meet more women! The training always helps, and maybe you find a girl you like better.

 

[bennysegman]

Sex and fun yeah that’s not really my thing. Let me tell you a little about me. I am a very straight shooter type of guy. I don’t do that sort of devilish seduction. Where you overload a woman’s senses until she can’t take it anymore. Where you stick your tongue in her ear like a snake and whisper sexual fantasies until she leaks fluid from her vagina. EVEN IF SHE ENJOYS IT, to me that’s something satanic and totally doesn’t fit with my personality or the code I follow. I’m a spiritual guy. I believe in treating women delicately and gently. All that sort of leather jacket wearing, motorcycle-riding, mohawk-wearing, poker-playing, vodka-swilling, cocaine-sniffing DEVIL MAY CARE lifestyle is not for me. My brain and my heart are too big to be a low-level faux thug. You guys are telling me to be more like a bad boy, be more like a wannabe thug. That is oafishness. You’re like a bunch of slobs! It’s nonsense!

 

[TomInHo]

Sex and fun yeah that’s not really my thing. Let me tell you a little about me. I am a very straight shooter type of guy. I don’t do that sort of devilish seduction. Where you overload a woman’s senses until she can’t take it anymore. Where you stick your tongue in her ear like a snake and whisper sexual fantasies until she leaks fluid from her vagina. EVEN IF SHE ENJOYS IT, to me that’s something satanic and totally doesn’t fit with my personality or the code I follow. I’m a spiritual guy. I believe in treating women delicately and gently. All that sort of leather jacket wearing, motorcycle-riding, mohawk-wearing, poker-playing, vodka-swilling, cocaine-sniffing DEVIL MAY CARE lifestyle is not for me. My brain and my heart are too big to be a low-level faux thug. You guys are telling me to be more like a bad boy, be more like a wannabe thug. That is oafishness. You’re like a bunch of slobs! It’s nonsense!

Oh I see... you're one of those guys

Forget everything I said earlier.

PS There's nothing devilish about seduction and banging a girls brains out. And if your Dad didn't fuck the shit out of your Mom, you wouldn't be alive today to pass judgment on all us degenerates

 

[Will_V]

Where you stick your tongue in her ear like a snake and whisper sexual fantasies until she leaks fluid from her vagina.

That's oddly specific for such a spiritually enlightened man as yourself. Maybe you need to light a few more candles?

There's nothing wrong with sticking your tongue in a woman's ear if that's what turns you on (the worst that can happen is a bad taste) or saying stuff to make her wet, which is a natural part of foreplay.

 

[Chase]

He's banned.

Was he a troll or just autistic?

Hard to say.

Either way, Rule #8 from the Beginner's Board Rules:

8. Respect your fellow users and moderators at all times. If you disagree with something, state as much in respectful and specific terms and argue politely. Name-calling, accusations, and labeling are not allowed on these boards. Members engaging in these, trolling, or flame wars will be warned, suspended, or banned.​

If a guy's not capable of that in his third post here, he's not capable of posting here, period.

Chase