FR Weird instadate

[Starboy]

So i come out this job interview with this tall jamaican girl in who also shared a interview with me. Talked about jobs for a bit as we walk out the store. Then I was thinking since we're outside i'd say something like nice meeting u, good luck, hope u get the job and leave. But somehow we ended up walking uptown towards this big park near a university. Idk exactly what precipitated us walking together I had mentioned food and she said there was places near the park so I thought uh ok sure why not. She was nice to talk,cute and I thought I had nothing better to do.

We were walking and talking and she said she would meet up with a friend or something. She was sort of leading me a bit initially. She saw a girl friend of hers they talked for a bit then the friend left. We reach the entrance to the park and I say lets go take a seat and she says um are u hungry I thought u wanted to get some food.
I was like sure lets get something to drink from starbucks 1st and she said yeah ok. We go inside I order a drink for myself she pays for her own drink. I get a call from the place I just interviewed in I practically am already offered the job and she passes me my drink while i'm on the phone.

We leave,get to the park, and I point for a place on the bench for us to sit on. I sit close to her and a lot of our conversations were surface level topics like jobs,hobbies,the city,background. Not very seductive,but I really didn't know how to transition into flirty topics or build any tension. I did my best to give flirty interested eye contact,but idk if it mattered.

I was trying my best to touch her since she seemed open and was really receptive to talking to me and spending time around me. I brushed her braids,i'd feel her furry jacket,brushed my leg up against hers at times,had her feel my cold hands,I played with her rings.

She kept asking me if I was doing anything later,if I had to go anywhere and I thought ok she likes me being around her that's why she walked with me all the way to the park. She also asked me a bunch of questions about myself like my background and stuff guys typically throw at girls they like.

As a time constraint and not to look like I had a lot of availability and had the whole day free I told her I had a swimming class after 4. In reality it was bs cuz I didn't sign for a class yet even though I had swimming gear in my park. She said her friend was gonna come to the park later and they'd hang out.

I knew I had to lead,but I wasn't sure what to do next or how i'd escalate on her. I thought maybe I could take her to a diner to eat food,but I wanted to kiss her first to ensure i'm not a friend to her. I know I couldn't kiss her when her guy friend arrives,but I didn't know how to kiss her without any kind of transition or context throughout our conversation. Felt it would be too forced and uncalibrated if I just randomly try to go for it. I was thinking about saying I wanna kiss you or asking her if she wanted to kiss,but that seemed uncalibrated and awkward as well.
Overall I got connection down and some compliance with her by her allowing me to touch her but arousal overall was weak.

At some point while we're sitting this crackhead is coming close to us so she says ok we can get up my friend is going to come from the train. We walk and move near this arch and I ask her what she's gonna do with her friend and she says they're just gonna hang out and chill and she wanted to kill time until 7. I said ok we should exchange numbers and hang out sometime and she was like yeah and gave me her # and told me to call or text her right then.

She wanted to move in the sunlight to be warm and we had commented on how cold it was so I try to tease and say keep me warm and put my arms around her and she laughs and says it's a bit too intimate I can't do that and after a pause she says i'm sorry I have a bf. She said her bf is crazy and he got ppl all over or something so i'm like whatever i'm not really gonna make anything happen with this girl.

Idk if this was a "shit test" or it was resistance I could push past,but I kinda lost interest in this girl after she told me she had a bf. I decided if she has a bf and isn't showing me clear indication she likes me she's not worth the effort on top of maybe dealing with a confrontational bf. She lives far from me on top of that. So we had a goodbye hug and she wished me well.

I thought it's weird she spent as much time talking to me as eagerly as she did and asked me my logistics for that day,but she had a bf all along and wasn't interested in anything more. At least if i'm taking her words at face value about her not being able to do anything cuz she has a bf.

My instincts told me ok this girl seemed green lights go along with it you have nothing to lose ,but it seems like she just wanted an orbitor to give her attention or a friend maybe to pass the time. By the time I realized this girl was taken/not interested I had already texted her so I figured whatever. I'm likely not gonna accept the job either so I don't have to see her again.

Do girls invest to the extent this girl did just to have a guy to talk and hang with in a non sexual/romantic context? She was ok with me touching her in different ways up until I wrapped my arm around her and then all of a sudden she said she couldn't do that.

How can I create a flirtier dynamic when talking to girls?
I'm always struggling to create a flirtatious vibe with girls even if it seems obvious the girl is interested in me. I always end up leaving the girl to think i'm a cool dude,but nothing more than that. Even if I touch girls they still somehow find a way to categorize me as a friend. This other carribean girl I used to work with would get excited whenever I was around even though she had a bf,but one day she joked and called me buddy or bestest friend or something odd like that even though I consciously did my best to avoid acting like a friend.

 

[Alpha13SC]

Firstly, gg for keeping the momentum with her.

From how I see it, you weren't actually behaving like a Lover with her in the first place. Later, transitioning frames require a bit more effort(idk if this is even a term, but you get it). IMH, see every girl as a potential lover for you and you'll behave like one also, then she ll behave like a Lover because you're behaving like one and so on. You gotta make MAN to WOMAN vibe.

You can start doing some emotional arousal with teasing, teasing + touching, push + pull. The basics. From there, you can go smoother into another topics like love, or some risky text like "hey, did you know that 1 in 5 people had sex at work?". This require calibration.

Regarding touching: how would a Lover take her hands to feel his? With strong eye contract, low voice, feel the hands, a little bit longer than usual. If she s compliant to that, escalate a little bit more. If she's hesitant, step back and try new/smaller acts.

Regarding bf situation. Who cares? Anytime when something like dis appear, you can tease her like "I bet he don't hug you like I do", or "So bad, I could have give you a chance". You can do it with a straight face, masculine and direct way, she should be speechless, and then you're like "kidding." then "actually not, I bet he really doesn't hug you like me". If she really has a boyfriend, that's your grey area of morals.

For your second questions, I think there's a self image matter. Start seeing yourself more as a Lover, as a STRONG MAN who women want to meet and want to fuck and you'll start escalating naturally, without even trying to do something.

Even some visualizing exercises could help. Start seeing yourself how you want to be. That's some rewiring brain, but it works if you do it long enough. You don't need to do something, but to think different about yourself.

I strongly recommend going into ESP model written by @Warped Mindless(Eye contact + sexual state + proximity and give it time on the date) on this forum and also Mirroring Neurons, there's an article on GS.

 

[Rakehell]

She sounded interested to me.

Ignore the boyfriend thing when it comes up later unless she obviously wants nothing to do with you. See how far you can escalate.

It’s okay if girls lead sometimes as long as you all aren’t going backwards just keep your eye on the bigger picture.

 

[Skills]

Trusting your instincts was the right move and not using that "kiss routine" it is soo lame and won't work, don't try that stuff "you want to kiss cause i thought something on your mind" from the game is horrible... don't use it ever, just yea the esp escalation is good, the secrets of micro escalation from 60 yoc, is great too

notice when you were micro escalating she was ok with advances then you went for a big move creep her out, and she may have use the boyfriend cause she may have gotten creeped out from that big move...

Wayback Machine

 

[Starboy]

@Alpha13SC yeah I was actually unconsciously doing the ESP model. I was really close to her,I was making eye contact suggestively,but maybe the sexual state was lacking. Being sexual is really hard for me and my default state is friendly. At best I come off as a cool guy to girls and they even tell me this. Personally I don't have an issue if a girl would cheat on her bf with me,but if she implies her bf is dangerous,crazy,aggressive I see it as a red flag and best to avoid it. Also I don't wanna work too hard to convince a girl to cheat with me unless i'm positive I know she likes me.

@SunKing I was thinking the signs pointed to that,but it's really confusing how she acted.

@Skills so based off what I said you don't think she was using me as an orbitor or just a guy to give her attention? Idk if this indicates anything,but she's only 19 and when I told her how old I was she qualified me and said I had good genes.

I didn't really use a kiss routine from the game I never read that book lol. I just knew I had to try and escalate cuz I never do with girls and that's why I always get friendzoned. So I did those microescalations and got no resistance. But putting my arm around her was a big one?

 

[Beck Bass]

But putting my arm around her was a big one?

I would say that's like an intermediate one... A big one would be some more intimate touch, like hair, face, neck, tights... But most girls will resist those in public, specially touching her tights/ass, for obvious reasons...
To be fair, in most situations having your arm around her can immediatly lead to some bigger escalation that leads to a kiss, like you can just stare her and get you face closer, and if she's down, you just kiss. In fact, the easiest and most obvious way to escalate to a kiss is just getting really close to the girl, like in her personal space, ideally you already touched her in some not so platonic way, and then you just give her seductive eye contact, like bedroom eyes, really eyefuck her, maybe do the triangling stuff, look at her lips, than back at one of her eyes, real slow... If she lets you get in her intimate space like that, the kiss is, most of the time, just a consequence.

If you're out in public, though, ideally you try to isolate somehow, sometimes you don't even need to be that isolated, just having fewer people looking at you can make a girl more confortable to your escalation, just give her some bs excuse as to why you need to move, sometimes having a lame ass excuse can even maybe make it obvious to her that you just wanna get more intimate with her (kiss or whatever) and prime her for that...