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Weird situation. please read. need help

A

Anonymous

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Hi guys please help


I was never interested in having a relationship with a girl, until I met her. When I first met her ( I am writing this 4 months later I know its long but please carry on reading) I was instantly interested in her. The day I met her I checked her out on facebook, only to find out that she was engaged. So about 3 weeks passed of casually meeting her 1-2 times a week. I was seeing her though a social circle. I was having small chats just like normal people. I acted like I have always done when I have found out that she was “taken” as any other guy would. But I always wondered why her “husband to be” was never there.

So then I went on facebook and messaged her “Hey I didn’t know you where engaged congratulations” (She never mentioned that she was engaged with was always strange even though I new) She then replied that they had called the engagement off but she was keeping her status on facebook as engaged as to not “cause trouble”. A conversation started from there, leading to her asking if shed like to do something sometime. The fact that she said that made me think I was making an impression on her when we saw each other in the social circle. So the minute I read that I got all excited but what I failed to realize back then is that HE was controlling her.

The next week I met her I managed to get her alone and I asked her out. That weekend she binned me with the excuse that she had fallen asleep. As a guy who believes in second chances I ignored it and began chatting to her via text.

About another three weeks pass where we are constantly messaging and she is flirting with me a lot on the texts. I have asked her out 3 times now and on all occasions she has binned me at the last minute. By this time I new she was gone and she “WASN’T” interested in me. Until she began messaging me as if nothing happened I asked her why she binned me and she said that she was busy with work. She began flirting with again but by this time I was really confused. So I asked her if you don’t want to go out. Then let’s just see each other some where and talk. She accepted and I thought we where getting some where until she binned me again at the last minute, followed with more messaging that didn’t explain anything.

So a week passed where I met her again and she acted like nothing was wrong.

Now at this point I didn’t know about “him” at the moment.

Getting all frustrated I wrote her a message being very straight a forward with asking what is going on with you and why have you been so weird. Two days pass with no reply.

I then get a LONG message on facebook from HIM saying that I must stop my chase of her and that she will never leave him for me. And that they are most certainly engaged.

I then replied apologizing for all the trouble that I have caused. Then a few hours later received a message from her.
.
About 2 years earlier her “fiancé” was beaten very badly in a street fight and was paralyzed from the waist down. (I have huge respect for paralyzed people but not what he was doing to her)

I found out that she really likes me a lot (I hadn’t gotten any indicators before my “strong” message) but she has been keeping me on “hold” this whole time and binning me because she is in a tight situation with him. She said that I have to wait until her situation gets under control.

I start messaging her again asking her how she is doing …. No reply for about a week.

I am getting worried for her now. So I use a friends phone to message her (I had been deleted off her bbm (messaging application), this was when I was chasing her)

The reply I get on my friends phone is probably the only situating in history where chasing a girl has been a positive. It made me boil inside.

He had deleted me off her phone. He was checking her phone and facebook regularly to make shore I hadn’t messaged her. She was not allowed to message me because she would get in trouble. She said that I have to hang in there for her until she sorts this situation out.

I was so angry with him, but I didn’t know what to do. I got worried at this point for her safety at this point and all I wanted to do was to protect her. But I couldn’t.

So I messaged her best friend what’s going on with her. She replied saying that she pretends to be his fiancé (oh and she lives with him by the way). He has been in the local news about getting this machine that will make you walk again and he has been using her as an “I will walk with my beautiful fiancé again” message.

I found out more and more as the weeks progressed.


This is where I need your help guys. So after 4 months she eventually moved out and away from him saying that everything will be ok. I new she has been going through so much trouble with all that’s going on so I let her have a few weeks for her own time to recover.

She has begun to not chat to me as much. So I asked her what’s going on. She said this. Is this me getting friend zoned or was I just the catalyst for her to get away from this guy.

Hey thanks for the msg. Sorry Ive been so weird. I just switch off sometimes, its not that I am not thinking of u, its just I don’t like to spend time with my phone when I need to think. The reason Ive been sending you mixed messages is probably because I like u a lot but I am not sure if I can rush into a relationship right now. I will just hurt you like I hurt (his name). It’s my fault he’s angry and sad and I feel so bad for doing that to him. But can’t help that I don’t love him anymore. I am not going to tell you wait for me, I can’t do that, but don’t give up completely please. You bring so much light into my life. You’re so special to me.

What dose that mean?

It just seems like I am not “interesting to her anymore. I was chasing all the time( just realised after reading all the stuff on this website. But she is happy now. As I am writing this Ive stopped chasing her and hopefully after a few weeks she gets back to me. Please help me I don’t know what to say to her. I am just so confused please help guys.
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
Oh and when we talk in person she almost never looks me in the eye. I try not to freak her out by staring at her but she never looks at me. only for a few seconds at a time
 

Gamecrasher

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 7, 2012
Messages
46
I think you should go after other girls and keep her on the backburner. Instead of waiting for her this whole time, you could've had other women then. Until she realizes that she's missing out on you, have fun with some other women.
 
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake

Garrett

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 23, 2012
Messages
224
Rustyboy,

Here's what happened. The girl was dealing with crap from her boyfriend, and she eventually got sick of it because he was too possessive/clingy, and she was keeping you on the backburner the entire time (as most girls do), so she had you as a backup option. This girl sounds extremely insecure, immature, and selfish to tell you to wait for her as she puts YOU on the backburner. If I were you I'd cut her off completely. If you feel you can't do that, then at the very most, put HER on the backburner. I feel like you deserve a lot better, and waiting around for her is just a seduction death sentence.

The longer a girl knows you without becoming your lover, the more you text her, etc. will lead you into platonic friendzone land. You messed up in those areas, but you'll know better next time. When you meet another girl you like, move faster, and text her less (check out Chase's posts on this), that way you'll save yourself a ton of time/effort, and will get the girl! If you study the material in the book and on the site, you'll gain enough knowledge and know how to get any girl you want. Maybe not right away, but this site provides you with a lot of useful information, that will put you on a level above all of the other clueless guys out there. Even if you do nothing but move fast and don't work on your walk/speech etc., you'll be tapping more ass than all of your friends! ;)

Hope that clarified things for you,
Garrett
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
Your very right about her keeping me on the side. I just needed someone elses perspective, thanks.
Is there anything that i should say that will make her realise what she has done. Or is not talking to her the best option?
 

The Tool

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 24, 2012
Messages
556
garrette covered everything extremely well rusty, essentially just stop talking to her you need not to messege her a single thing
 

Good Vibes

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 27, 2013
Messages
105
Rustyboy said:
I am not going to tell you wait for me, I can’t do that, but don’t give up completely please. You bring so much light into my life. You’re so special to me.

What dose that mean?
It's up to you Rusty, a girl in a situation like that are easy pickings. Just make sure she doesn't control you.

I know what I'd do with her.
 

Flames

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 7, 2012
Messages
430
I seriously doubt there actually is another guy unless you have unrefutable evidence to the contrary.

Regardless wether it's true or not, never stop looking for other options, even when you don't even think you have time, and be very careful getting involved in complicated 'relationships'.

As in business you should never invest more than your prepared to lose.
 

Garrett

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 23, 2012
Messages
224
Flames said:
I seriously doubt there actually is another guy unless you have unrefutable evidence to the contrary.

Regardless wether it's true or not, never stop looking for other options, even when you don't even think you have time, and be very careful getting involved in complicated 'relationships'.

As in business you should never invest more than your prepared to lose.

Good tips Flames, and interesting business example. The thing is, girls, especially if they're attractive, almost always have options. Therefore, to say that you seriously doubt that there is another guy, although this may be true, typically isn't; she's usually got guys on the backburner ;).

Garrett
 

Flames

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 7, 2012
Messages
430
Garrett said:
Flames said:
I seriously doubt there actually is another guy unless you have unrefutable evidence to the contrary.

Regardless wether it's true or not, never stop looking for other options, even when you don't even think you have time, and be very careful getting involved in complicated 'relationships'.

As in business you should never invest more than your prepared to lose.

Good tips Flames, and interesting business example. The thing is, girls, especially if they're attractive, almost always have options. Therefore, to say that you seriously doubt that there is another guy, although this may be true, typically isn't; she's usually got guys on the backburner ;).

Garrett

Actually a good point, there usually at least one other guy, just in this case the story doesn't really add up IMO, not that that really matters. ;)
 
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