What do I text a girl to setup a date after she flaked?

[Calibration]

I did everything right (I think!) and I thought she was into me but she ended up flaking today with a shitty excuse saying "she's too tired and asking if we can postpone it to next week?". I said "that's fine, don't stress" and she sent "thank you xx" to which I didn't respond.

It's been 3 weeks since I cold-approached her and I met her once in between for an informational date and since she was traveling, I couldn't get her on a date. Today we had planned to meet but she flaked. Is it worth trying to plan another date or just forget her? If I decide to reach out, what do I text her?

 

[trashKENNUT]

Sidenote:

try texting the girl the same day. My date was at noon and she texted back and met me.
"hey, you must have still been asleep from yesterday night? Haha"

*Implies that you are not judging her (Zac hypothesis)

z@c+

 

[DoWhatWorks]

I said "that's fine, don't stress" and she sent "thank you xx" to which I didn't respond.

This is still in play, the fact she replied to your last message is a good sign.

On Sunday give her a ping text e.g. "Hi X, how is [call back to something she told you] treating you?

E.g. "Hi Amanda, how are those high maintenance cafe customers treating you?"

Make brief chit chat then ask her how her schedule is for the coming week.

From there pick a date and time that you know she's free to hang out.

If she doesn't make it easy, I'd personally move on. I give girls 2 strikes [max] and their out.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Shawn dude! It's completely up to you, if you've got a lot of options and you're not bothered you can leave it. Though I'd recommend you follow up with these especially when starting out - it's an opportunity to practice persistence (read the articles), when she's cancelled she gave an option to reschedule which is better than just the excuse, a better sign is she gives a new alternative but a rough idea of next week is still manageable. Your response to the cancel was decent and not replying to her last message was a good call.

Girl logic, she messaged you last so she's expecting you to message her so she doesn't double text and this technically puts you in the better position to lead the interaction to arrange the meet up.

There's a few ways to follow up and this is a great opportunity to try new things. First check the forum for @Skills texting guide and check out girls chase article on the 14 texts you'll need (along with the other guides).

Typically, a greeting, consideration, new information and a follow up/call to action/soft close. The last part depends on your style, a soft close is great to stick to logistics only but for some girls this is a new interaction and they want some back and forth. The girl seems to have a cool buying temperature so going straight to the soft close is low odds.

"Hey NAME (greeting), hope you had a good weekend/week (consideration), - share something here/ask how something went if you've got something (optional - if you ask something here end the message)

 

[Calibration]

This is still in play, the fact she replied to your last message is a good sign.

Make brief chit chat then ask her how her schedule is for the coming week.

Ok, I'll try once more. I'm always on fence with this: whether to make a chit-chat or just get to the point since everyone professes texting is for logistics only. What do you think?

Girl logic, she messaged you last so she's expecting you to message her so she doesn't double text and this technically puts you in the better position to lead the interaction to arrange the meet up.

Hadn't thought of it in this way. Good analysis

There's a few ways to follow up and this is a great opportunity to try new things. First check the forum for @Skills texting guide and check out girls chase article on the 14 texts you'll need (along with the other guides).

I follow 14 texts guide religiously and that's how I had setup the date with this girl as well. I think she wouldn't have flaked if I had sent the check-in text before she sent the flake text. I was about to type the check-in text and send it but a colleague called me and while I was on the phone, I got the flake text. There was a gap of more than 24hrs between confirmation text and her flake text I'm beating myself up for this since yesterday. So, my analysis is she got nervous and cancelled it because I know that during informational date, she was showing all signs of interest. Is there a way I can handle nervousness of the girl over text? I couldn't find any article. In fact this is one of the main reasons I've lost many girls. They'd be all over me in person but over text when arranging dates, they get cold feet. It's an attainability issue but how can I make myself attainable over text? Maybe it's worth asking @Chase to write an article about this which will help a lot of guys

Also, could you point me to the text article from @Skills please?

Typically, a greeting, consideration, new information and a follow up/call to action/soft close. The last part depends on your style, a soft close is great to stick to logistics only but for some girls this is a new interaction and they want some back and forth. The girl seems to have a cool buying temperature so going straight to the soft close is low odds.

"Hey NAME (greeting), hope you had a good weekend/week (consideration), - share something here/ask how something went if you've got something (optional - if you ask something here end the message)

What's a soft close? Or what is the difference between a soft close and a hard close?

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Shawn dude! Cool to hear you're using the 14 texts guide, it is a fantastic blueprint to texting. Nervousness is difficult to deal with over text it's combined Female State Change (FSC), Anti Slut Defence (ASD), attainability issues, comfort and everything else. You can't influence her as much over text as you can in person and depending on the route issue and how she's presenting it depends on how you overcome this.

Texting purely for logistics hindered me, my cancel rate went up drastically. A conversational text style works better for me, mostly it helps create comfort and resolves attainability issues. I've been in the exact same situation you're in now dude.

Skills simple texting guide by @Skills
There's a few more posts where he clarifies soft and hard closes, they're touched upon in this guide if I recall correctly. Soft/hard closes come from sales, a double overflow: a soft close is a pitch, a hard close is a push sale.

Soft closing is testing the waters, putting an idea out and seeing how well she responds
Let's grab some drinks this week
We should meet up this week
We should grab a coffee some time

If they're interested and enthusiastic you proceed with logistics and a hard close

Hard close is defining the option being more direct and logistic based.
Are you free tomorrow? Let's grab those drinks
Let's go for ice cream Thursday (unless you've screened availability and know this is good you've restricted her options to Thursday)

The whole point of soft closing is checking buying temperature and screening availability/issues. It gives you a chance to ask again and to deal with any objections. You also make the girl feel like she's made the plans with you so she's had input and feels slightly in control. You've lead it and guided to what you want but you've done it in a way that involves her.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

+1 to Skills texting guide, was going to recommend it myself but I do it so much I’m worried I’ll come across weird ahah.

Solid advice from @Fluxcapacitor

Ok, I'll try once more. I'm always on fence with this: whether to make a chit-chat or just get to the point since everyone professes texting is for logistics only. What do you think?

I also used to only text for logistics but my results went up when I added a little “chit chat”. The reason is when you make meeting requests at an emotional high you get a far better response.

Just remember it has to be FUN conversation I.e inside jokes/memes not generic “how’re you”

 

[Calibration]

Thanks @Fluxcapacitor, @DoWhatWorks

I went through the link from @Skills and unconsciously I was using that style of texting in the past but it didn't work for ME. I'm getting far better results with "14 texts article" style from @Chase.

I think both of them work but it depends... It depends on the girl, me, the way I had my interaction with the girl in-person (mainly).. When I meet a girl, it's very low energy and most of my game is through eye-contact and kino, if possible. I intensify eye-contact during high states. For ex: I intensify my eye-contact when asking for phone number and give her a choice to say no. I'd say "I'd like to meet you again for a coffee. What do you think?" (Deep eye-contact). I'm ok if she says no which saves me from chasing her

Basically, I've already made her committed to the date. So, if I go with minimum texting it is congruent with my interaction, appears confident.

But if I've met someone in a high-energy state, then @Skills' kind of texting may work. For ex: being playful with her and saying "come on, I'll just send you one text and you can decide" etc.. which i do sometimes. Btw, there are things that I liked from @Skills ' which suits low-energy as well, to bring her back to high energy state, over text and I've adapted that with the 14 texts strategy I follow. So, I mix them both.

When I send the proposal text, I tease or give her value before I ask her out. So, in my imagination, she'd be smiling when she reads the first line and then when she gets to the third line of date request, she'd have less chance to say no. Also, I ask "what's your schedule like?" - so I assume, it's also a kind of soft close instead of giving her specific days to choose from.

Main problem I have is, when she's not playing along! If she leaves me on read or ghosts or flakes, like in my question above. Then I'll have to be chasing, if she doesn't say anything at all. This is where I'm at a loss, to not know what to do
If I switch from low-energy to high-energy when she goes cold, it'll come across as incongruent and chasing. If I don't do that, then I'll lose her as well. But if I'm in high-energy state right from the beginning of texting, I may still lose her cos it comes across as incongruent from the interaction I had with her in-person

 

[Skills]

I did everything right (I think!) and I thought she was into me but she ended up flaking today with a shitty excuse saying "she's too tired and asking if we can postpone it to next week?". I said "that's fine, don't stress" and she sent "thank you xx" to which I didn't respond.

It's been 3 weeks since I cold-approached her and I met her once in between for an informational date and since she was traveling, I couldn't get her on a date. Today we had planned to meet but she flaked. Is it worth trying to plan another date or just forget her? If I decide to reach out, what do I text her?

post the transcript of the convo...... i guarantee you, you did not do everything right.... Women that flake for me is cause most of the time, unless the rare case is that they are not invested enough... Also that negative loop of a pattern i flake, he says is cool, i flake again= at some point which was the second you need to totally polirize.... "i like you but if you don't put effort in meeting me and i am the always trying to get to know each other to see if the vive is there, and you keep not taking the meeting serious, then i will assume that you are not that into me, and i am not one to crash on parties i am not invited to..." or some polirizing type of putting her on the spot (in the flake post i put some other samples)....

p.s. What are you talking about "high energy" texting?

Read this:

Calls & Texts - How to soft close, when to soft close and some mistakes I am seeing....

So guys, i see some of you are doing things kind of right, some of you still doing same old bad habits, the guys that are actually listening, have totally exponentially improved results or adapted to their style what i have been preaching, the stubborn ones, same crap.. Anyways guys though the...

www.skilledseducer.com

Calls & Texts - The importance of Momentum when it comes to Texting

First what is momentum: -The strength or force that something has when it is moving. : the strength or force that allows something to continue or to grow stronger or faster as time passes. : the property that a moving object has due to its mass and its motion. Before I make my point i will...

www.skilledseducer.com

Calls & Texts - The power of "k" to none compliance/no investment/no effort....

First how i discover the "k" in texting...... Guys as some of you guys have field tested and witness how the "morning" and "eyes" emoji do wonders as low investment pings which is something i learned from women......... My former onitis, who is currently the one having onitis... Works in a...

www.skilledseducer.com

Clarification on how i discover the text morning and the why it works as a ping

Ok guys so sometimes i see post on good interactions follow by no responses, or good interactions by an statement that causes radio silence from the women, or lose of momentum in a texting convo, or good interactions but for logistics not contact for days or weeks till meet.... So when i...

www.skilledseducer.com

This cover flaking (make sure you read the second entry on ijjji 100% of meeting):

How to Bait via text to get her to hint a meet

Guys you know I like to ramble, but my rambling are PRACTICAL, just stay with me, you know how I love to make shit simple… A seducer asked me to do, a how do I do my baiting (actually there was a texting guide by ijjji rip where he kind of explain my texting style really good based on a post I...

www.skilledseducer.com

Calls & Texts - How to deal with radio silence and flakiness....

Radio silence and flakiness boils down to, she is not invested enough, she lost investment, she lost interest, she is more invested in someone else.... This could even happen POST SEX..... Cause again as i explain in this other post after 1st time sex you got nothing.... Till you have fucked...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[Skills]

Thanks @Fluxcapacitor, @DoWhatWorks

I went through the link from @Skills and unconsciously I was using that style of texting in the past but it didn't work for ME. I'm getting far better results with "14 types of text article" style from @Chase.

I think both of them work but it depends... It depends on the girl, me, the way I had my interaction with the girl in-person (mainly).. When I meet a girl, it's very low energy and most of my game is through eye-contact and kino, if possible. I intensify eye-contact during high states. For ex: I intensify my eye-contact when asking for phone number and give her a choice to say no. I'd say "I'd like to meet you again for a coffee. What do you think?" (Deep eye-contact). I'm ok if she says no which saves me from chasing her

Basically, I've already made her committed to the date. So, if I go with minimum texting it is congruent with my interaction, appears confident.

But if I've met someone in a high-energy state, then @Skills' kind of texting may work. For ex: being playful with her and saying "come on, I'll just send you one text and you can decide" etc.. which i do sometimes. Btw, there are things that I liked from @Skills ' which suits low-energy as well, to bring her back to high energy state, over text and I've adapted that with the 14 texts strategy I follow. So, I mix them both.

When I send the proposal text, I tease or give her value before I ask her out. So, in my imagination, she'd be smiling when she reads the first line and then when she gets to the third line of date request, she'd have less chance to say no. Also, I ask "what's your schedule like?" - so I assume, it's also a kind of soft close instead of giving her specific days to choose from.

Main problem I have is, when she's not playing along! If she leaves me on read or ghosts or flakes, like in my question above. Then I'll have to be chasing, if she doesn't say anything at all. This is where I'm at a loss, to not know what to do
If I switch from low-energy to high-energy when she goes cold, it'll come across as incongruent and chasing. If I don't do that, then I'll lose her as well. But if I'm in high-energy state right from the beginning of texting, I may still lose her cos it comes across as incongruent from the interaction I had with her in-person

that minimal texting does not work dude... post your interactions...

 

[Calibration]

that minimal texting does not work dude... post your interactions...

I saw your posts and they're good. I don't know if my previous post sounded like to-the-point texting is the only way that works. Actually, good texting is one of the pillars of seduction and if done right, one can catapult the results to the next level..

All I'm saying is, to-the-point texting suits me for many different reasons. One being low-energy and minimum investment and to mask my bad texting... my biggest sticking point.. I've lost a lot of girls only because of bad texting.. it took me several years to find a way that works for me and I meant the article about "14 texts..." works for me. So, I had to unlearn a lot of that and just adopt this simple method (thanks to @Chase, else I'd have lost a lot more girls)

one misinterpreted line and game over.. I get addicted to teasing and reactions. Although it has helped me sometimes, It has equally backfired a lot..

In this case, after she flaked, if I now switch to banter mode, flirting and chit-chat, it'll come across as needy.. so I don't know what to do next

Here is the interaction (this was for the date but there was lot more texting for the previous informational date as well, similar to this):

https://imgur.com/a/QWmWohW

 

[Skills]

I saw your posts and they're good. I don't know if my previous post sounded like to-the-point texting is the only way that works. Actually, good texting is one of the pillars of seduction and if done right, one can catapult the results to the next level..

All I'm saying is, to-the-point texting suits me for many different reasons. One being low-energy and minimum investment and to mask my bad texting... my biggest sticking point.. I've lost a lot of girls only because of bad texting.. it took me several years to find a way that works for me and I meant the article about "14 texts..." works for me. So, I had to unlearn a lot of that and just adopt this simple method (thanks to @Chase, else I'd have lost a lot more girls)

one misinterpreted line and game over.. I get addicted to teasing and reactions. Although it has helped me sometimes, It has equally backfired a lot..

In this case, after she flaked, if I now switch to banter mode, flirting and chit-chat, it'll come across as needy.. so I don't know what to do next

Here is the interaction (this was for the date but there was lot more texting for the previous informational date as well, similar to this):

https://imgur.com/a/QWmWohW

Yeah this is similar to what happened to me when I field tested this style they would always say yes to plans and like they are down for the meeting... come time yo meeting, flake...

 

[POB]

Flake is annoying for sure but (most importantly) it's also wasting your time.
So it's imperative that you deal with it the right way.
Problem is if you go radio silence to "save frame", it becomes even worse because she'll use backwards rationalization and figure out (wrongly) that you were not that interested. If you go angry, she'll bail for good (geez, who wanna be with hot headed guy?).

The big question is:
What to do after a flake?

Using your own example:
- I can't go, sorry for cancelling last minute blablabla
- Hey, that's fine, don't stress. We can meet next week.

(This is a kinda of a puppy dog answer!!!
What you saying is that basically your time is not valuable, so she can waste it as much as she likes!)

In my experience, there are two ways to handle a flake:

Logistics oriented (not my favorite, but works)
- Hey X, too bad we can't meet. Guess I'm gonna grab a bite with my friend instead (bonus points if you insert a female name here) on Y (insert name of a cool place). They have an amazing (insert name of a great dish or drink) I'm dying to try. Oh, before I forget, next week I'm free Tuesday and Thursday evening...tell me how that sounds so we can figure it out.

(always show you have something going so she knows you are a busy guy, always set a date and time so you will reengage later only for comfort/logistics)

Cocky funny punish (def my favorite)
A better way to handle it is by "punishing" her by being cocky funny and playfully demanding something in return for her flake.
- I can't go, sorry for cancelling last minute blablabla
- Oh no, looks like someone here needs a full body massage...plus some ass-spanking in between (devil emoji).
Promise I'll lend you my whip, but only if you don't cuff me too hard in bed (fire emoji).
Just kidding, hoping you pull through well, it's probably just a short phase.
Although next time drinks are definitely on you missy!

(see what we did here? we secretly acknowledged her flake and playfully told her she needed to be punished for her annoying behavior, plus we got some comfort with the massage line...all that without sounding butthurt and teasing her to come up and chase you a bit to set a new date).

 

[Calibration]

Problem is if you go radio silence to "save frame", it becomes even worse because she'll use backwards rationalization and figure out (wrongly) that you were not that interested. If you go angry, she'll bail for good (geez, who wanna be with hot headed guy?).

Yes, it's a very difficult place to be in. I've tried different things in the past to not come across as butt-hurt or angry or needy but nothing really works.

Cocky funny punish (def my favorite)
A better way to handle it is by "punishing" her by being cocky funny and playfully demanding something in return for her flake.
- I can't go, sorry for cancelling last minute blablabla
- Oh no, looks like someone here needs a full body massage...plus some ass-spanking in between (devil emoji).
Promise I'll lend you my whip, but only if you don't cuff me too hard in bed (fire emoji).
Just kidding, hoping you pull through well, it's probably just a short phase.
Although next time drinks are definitely on you missy!

(see what we did here? we secretly acknowledged her flake and playfully told her she needed to be punished for her annoying behavior, plus we got some comfort with the massage line...all that without sounding butthurt and teasing her to come up and chase you a bit to set a new date).

For ex: this another girl postponed a date and I tried something similar with low impact cocky-funny and she ghosted me after that as you can see and never saw her again. In my experience, most girls flake cos of nervousness and being cocky makes them even more scared, specially over text since it's hard to calibrate:

https://imgur.com/a/SuKJ0qP

 

[fog]

hey shawn,

you'll be good to go ahead and reschedule with her anytime now for next week. you dont need to get into any sort of huge conversation with her as she is already invested (look at those kissy faces!). when you do text her you can semi-finalize your plans with her, then recall a previous thread and continue along that thread until a couple days before the meet, then finalize your plans. you dont have to much effort in, just send her a couple texts every few days or so. you could also just do radio silence to the meet but im personally not a fan of that, and wouldnt suggest it in your case considering getting the right response time is a sticking point of yours.

heres a rough idea of what that could look like....

02/22
SHAWN: hey, thats fine, dont stress. we can meet next week
HB: thank you *kissy face* *kissy face*
02/24
SHAWN: btw wouldnt it be great to fast forward through this moment in time to a less busy week?
HB: yea!!
SHAWN: would probably feel really good, right?
HB: yeah, it would
SHAWN: its been a pretty busy week for me too. we'll have to unwind together when we meet
HB: that sounds great
02/25
SHAWN: definitely. what's your plans for next week?
HB: hmm good question i got some free time on Wednesday or Thursday.
SHAWN: OK, I'll let you know.
HB: ok!
02/27
SHAWN: i just realized something
HB: what is it?
02/28
SHAWN: remember how you took a trip to X city?
HB: yeah
SHAWN: well i dont think you told me exactly why you decided to go there. like why go there and not to Y city?
HB: blablalbla
SHAWN: awesome, love it. you'll have to tell me more when we meet. btw i found out when i can chill
HB: tell me
SHAWN: soooo i can do wednesday
HB: wednesdays still good for me too
03/01
SHAWN: sweet, we're gonna meet outside ellice road bar, sound good?
*more logistical planning happens*

with that second set you posted.....you got ghosted and i can see why. it comes across as two coworkers making plans for a work meeting, and it was more rude than cocky when you said "btw you owe me a chocolate for postponing", so i can see why she didnt reply after that. the final nail in the coffin came when you waited 3 days to text her again after she left you on read. you never wanna wait more than 2 days to text a girl you dont already have lots of compliance with. there is a huge drop off in interest from these girls on response times that are 72+ hours.

 

[Calibration]

heres a rough idea of what that could look like....

Hey, thanks so much for the example.. really appreciate that you took time to type that... I'll send something like that.. it's been 2 days since she sent that last message. Shall I send my text today? It's Friday and am wondering if it's a good idea to text her on Friday evening?

it was more rude than cocky when you said "btw you owe me a chocolate for postponing", so i can see why she didnt reply after that.

Do you mind explaining a bit? Why do you think it sounds rude? I thought I softened it with the tongue out emoji

the final nail in the coffin came when you waited 3 days to text her after you left her on read.

I didn't leave her on read. She left me on read and didn't reply to my texts after that. Did you mean I had to say something else after she didn't reply?

 

[fog]

Hey, thanks so much for the example.. really appreciate that you took time to type that... I'll send something like that.. it's been 2 days since she sent that last message. Shall I send my text today? It's Friday and am wondering if it's a good idea to text her on Friday evening?

Yes send it today. totally forgot its friday though, maybe she's going to be relaxing this weekend and her weeks already over so you could also say, "btw wouldnt it be great to never have to drag yourself through a crazy busy week again?"

Do you mind explaining a bit? Why do you think it sounds rude? I thought I softened it with the tongue out emoji

i said rude, but you could also call it uncalibrated (even with the emoji). its the core meaning of your reply "you owe me" that is the issue. its both abrupt and outside the bounds of that polite conversation, and leans a tad inconsiderate given her reason for flaking was perfectly acceptable. you were correct in making the conversation more informal, but it just wasnt the right words to say given your relationship with her. me, personally, i would have switched over to rapport building to get rid of the polite vibe.

I didn't leave her on read. She left me on read and didn't reply to my texts after that. Did you mean I had say something else after she didn't reply?

Sorry i meant to say that the final nail in the coffin came when she left you on read and then you waited another 3 days to text her.

 

[Calibration]

i said rude, but you could also call it uncalibrated (even with the emoji). its the core meaning of your reply "you owe me" that is the issue. its both abrupt and outside the bounds of that polite conversation, and leans a tad inconsiderate given her reason for flaking was perfectly acceptable. you were correct in making the conversation more informal, but it just wasnt the right words to say given your relationship with her.

Ok, I see that you're saying and it makes sense. I tried to make it informal so that whatever I say wouldn't come across as kiss-ass or needy.

me, personally, i would have switched over to rapport building to get rid of the polite vibe.

Could you give an example?

Sorry i meant to say that the final nail in the coffin came when she left you on read and then you waited another 3 days to text her.

Ok, I didn't know about this.. Lesson learnt. As I mentioned somewhere earlier in this post thread, I'm terrible at texting. Even if a girl is super-attracted in-person, with my texting, I destroy it.

Here is another girl from last week, who I lost
I normally don't chase by double texting but this girl was a super hot Latina and my kind of girl. Met her in Starbucks and looked like she would tear my clothes off with that eye-contact game we had. I spoke to her 30 - 40 mins. Yet, I lost it when I texted... She had agreed for the drink when I spoke to her in-person...It sucks

https://imgur.com/a/rDcrI5n

And another one from last week as well and she told, ring me so that you'll see I'm not giving you a wrong number. She was so into me:

https://imgur.com/a/O4Q77jQ

I'd like to know what is that I'm doing wrong in general