What mindset should you have as you work on getting better chicks?

[Jeff]

Hey guys,

Hope you're doing well.

I'm on a break after hitting burnout at the end of last year, but I'm going back out there this weekend.

And I shall implement the advice @Chase gave me here - especially the part where he mentioned he took 9 months to work on becoming as sexy as possible.

As an intermediate (with a lay count of 35) who is struggling with quantity and especially quality, what mindsets would you guys (the pros) recommend I work with as I go out and do my thing.

I've never had a problem going out taking action - I can do it right now regardless of state.

However, every once in a while, I'd come across a girl online or offline who is beautiful, intelligent, articulate, and clearly wayyy too quick for me the moment.

As a result, I'm not too sure what I can offer her.

It's hard to fake entitlement.

As a dude with developing game, what can I offer these in-demand girls that they aren't getting from everyone else?

Any mindsets, hacks, advice that you can give me to complement my work in the field would be greatly appreciated.

@Chase @Teevster @Hector Papi Castillo

Cheers.

~Aashish

 

[ulrich]

If you’re an intermediate seducer then you can offer a girl the following:

- Higher sexiness than the average man she is going to meet
- Better understanding of her needs
- Effective relationship leadership
- Ironclad confidence
- Superior social skills

And that’s just what she gets from you game.

Besides your game, what makes you great as a man?
Are you ambitious?, intelligent?, handsome?

 

[Beck Bass]

I think you're focusing way too much on what you can offer a girl, and not the other way around.
Having a mindset like this is gonna backfire on you, because when you interact with a girl, your whole frame is gonna be "let me show her how good I am" vs "let's see if she's good enough for me" (which should and would be the frame of a valueable man).
Every guy out there is chasing those "quality" girls, so if you're doing the same, even if you have a lot of value to offer, they aren't gonna value you that much.

It's hard to fake entitlement.

Yep, this is why you need actual experience. If you need help getting to an abundance mindset, maybe lower your standards as much as you can and just get as many girls as you can. Eventually your game should be on a level you start pulling hotter girls as well and you don't get this "high quality" girl scarcity (which could still be real).

clearly wayyy too quick for me the moment.

Not sure what you mean by "quick"

 

[Chase]

@Jeff,

Personally, I would not be thinking at all about what you can offer to this girl or that girl. That's for the girl to determine, not you.

It doesn't matter how hot she is. There are some girls who are going to like what you have to offer. There are other girls who aren't.

Your objective (if upping your results WRT both quantity and quality is the mission) is to keep improving your attractive qualities and game while at the same time getting the experiences you need to firm it up in your mind that you can get these kinds of girls. As you improve your:

1. Fundamentals (attractiveness)
2. Game (flirtation/seduction ability)
3. Experience (personal history with women)

... you get more and more confidence and increasingly know what to do and how to do it to get the women you want.

If you need a goal, aim to move up the abundance scales:

• Level 1: "I can meet women any day and get phone numbers and dates"
• Level 2: "I can regularly bring new women into my life who are into me / sometimes sleep with me"
• Level 3: "I can go out and with enough approaching / properly targeted approaches reliably find a girl to pull home"
• Level 4: "I can get a new, high-caliber, girlfriend-quality girl into my life, bed, and a relationship with about 2 weeks of approaching"

Hit Level 4 and you're at absolute abundance, and really won't worry about much of anything with girls anymore.

Absolute Abundance

“Abundance Mentality” is something that’s frequently prescribed as an answer to men’s neediness issues: approach anxiety, having a “weird” or “awkward” vibe, escalation hesitation, failure to invite women home. Anything where a guy comes off as hesitant or is nervous about achieving a certain...

www.girlschase.com

It sounds like you're probably at Level 2 right now. Before you worry too much about going super high quality, I would suggest you focus on getting your game tightened down enough to hit Level 3, where you are able to go out and pull consistently when that is your aim. Once you're there, you'll have the skill set and attractive qualities to close those ultra desirable girls when you meet them, and it's a shorter jump to just finding them more, approaching them, seducing them, closing them, and keeping them.

Chase

 

[HoofHearted]

We're just gonna let that float by, eh?

35 is a lot man. Maybe you should be the one giving advice...

 

[Conquistador]

35 is a lot man.

Based on what his previous posts, I think the reason OP is asking about quality is because he appears to be an attractive, discreet f-boy in a culture where (from what I've been told) there isn't a lot of competition for casual sex, but the average male isn't necessarily needy enough to provide for a girl who isn't super attractive.
In an earlier thread, he mentioned that hot girls tend to have BFs, and not being able to hook on the street when he traveled to Lisbon.
I'd be interested to know how many of his hookups he had repeat encounters with.

The only suggestion I can think of is for OP to spend more time in places where he isn't the hottest guy on the block, and to spend more time learning to seduce girls he considers 8+.

Challenges are what makes you improve. If I took the train to Kansas, the reactions I get in Beverly Hills would probably become lays in Topeka.

 

[HoofHearted]

You can't fuck 35 of em without learning something about people

 

[Conquistador]

You can't fuck 35 of em without learning something about people

Well, the point I was trying to make is that not all lays (and sets) are created equal. They don't necessarily all give you the same amount of XP. Especially with emotional and social fundamentals.

 

[Conquistador]

Also, I have no idea, but there might be a quality ceiling you hit when going for the "sexy douchebag" (as was said in the other thread) look.

Lover value isn't the same as being an f-boy.

For instance, Hector, Teev, and every other top-tier guy on this forum (with the obvious exception of Bacchus) come across as friendly guys who don't need to prove anything to anyone.

 

[HoofHearted]

This is an interesting line of discussion.

One thing I have always found strange is how it gets compared to a videogame.

And sometimes I wonder if the reason these guys are so amicable is not because they have succeeded but because they have failed/suffered greatly.

 

[Fuck This]

your mindset is " Ok I know what I CAN get, here is what I'm looking for, and this is my standard." You are filtering women like a miner pans gold.

 

[Jeff]

If you’re an intermediate seducer then you can offer a girl the following:

- Higher sexiness than the average man she is going to meet
- Better understanding of her needs
- Effective relationship leadership
- Ironclad confidence
- Superior social skills

And that’s just what she gets from you game.

Besides your game, what makes you great as a man?
Are you ambitious?, intelligent?, hands

If you’re an intermediate seducer then you can offer a girl the following:

- Higher sexiness than the average man she is going to meet
- Better understanding of her needs
- Effective relationship leadership
- Ironclad confidence
- Superior social skills

And that’s just what she gets from you game.

Besides your game, what makes you great as a man?
Are you ambitious?, intelligent?, handsome?

All of those are a work in progress, dude. Decent at some. Shit at others haha. Sorry for the late reply.

 

[Jeff]

I think you're focusing way too much on what you can offer a girl, and not the other way around.
Having a mindset like this is gonna backfire on you, because when you interact with a girl, your whole frame is gonna be "let me show her how good I am" vs "let's see if she's good enough for me" (which should and would be the frame of a valueable man).
Every guy out there is chasing those "quality" girls, so if you're doing the same, even if you have a lot of value to offer, they aren't gonna value you that much.


Yep, this is why you need actual experience. If you need help getting to an abundance mindset, maybe lower your standards as much as you can and just get as many girls as you can. Eventually your game should be on a level you start pulling hotter girls as well and you don't get this "high quality" girl scarcity (which could still be real).


Not sure what you mean by "quick"

By quick, I mean a girl who is smarter, wittier, and has a stronger frame than mine.

 

[Jeff]

@Jeff,

Personally, I would not be thinking at all about what you can offer to this girl or that girl. That's for the girl to determine, not you.

It doesn't matter how hot she is. There are some girls who are going to like what you have to offer. There are other girls who aren't.

Your objective (if upping your results WRT both quantity and quality is the mission) is to keep improving your attractive qualities and game while at the same time getting the experiences you need to firm it up in your mind that you can get these kinds of girls. As you improve your:

1. Fundamentals (attractiveness)
2. Game (flirtation/seduction ability)
3. Experience (personal history with women)

... you get more and more confidence and increasingly know what to do and how to do it to get the women you want.

If you need a goal, aim to move up the abundance scales:

• Level 1: "I can meet women any day and get phone numbers and dates"
• Level 2: "I can regularly bring new women into my life who are into me / sometimes sleep with me"
• Level 3: "I can go out and with enough approaching / properly targeted approaches reliably find a girl to pull home"
• Level 4: "I can get a new, high-caliber, girlfriend-quality girl into my life, bed, and a relationship with about 2 weeks of approaching"

Hit Level 4 and you're at absolute abundance, and really won't worry about much of anything with girls anymore.

Absolute Abundance

“Abundance Mentality” is something that’s frequently prescribed as an answer to men’s neediness issues: approach anxiety, having a “weird” or “awkward” vibe, escalation hesitation, failure to invite women home. Anything where a guy comes off as hesitant or is nervous about achieving a certain...

www.girlschase.com

It sounds like you're probably at Level 2 right now. Before you worry too much about going super high quality, I would suggest you focus on getting your game tightened down enough to hit Level 3, where you are able to go out and pull consistently when that is your aim. Once you're there, you'll have the skill set and attractive qualities to close those ultra desirable girls when you meet them, and it's a shorter jump to just finding them more, approaching them, seducing them, closing them, and keeping them.

Chase

Been away from the forum. Just read all the answers to my question today.

But this is pure gold. I'll focus on hitting level 3 as you suggested.

Thanks a bunch, Chase!

~Aashish

 

[Jeff]

We're just gonna let that float by, eh?

35 is a lot man. Maybe you should be the one giving advice...

Hahaha. Much appreciated, brother

 

[Jeff]

Based on what his previous posts, I think the reason OP is asking about quality is because he appears to be an attractive, discreet f-boy in a culture where (from what I've been told) there isn't a lot of competition for casual sex, but the average male isn't necessarily needy enough to provide for a girl who isn't super attractive.
In an earlier thread, he mentioned that hot girls tend to have BFs, and not being able to hook on the street when he traveled to Lisbon.
I'd be interested to know how many of his hookups he had repeat encounters with.

The only suggestion I can think of is for OP to spend more time in places where he isn't the hottest guy on the block, and to spend more time learning to seduce girls he considers 8+.

Challenges are what makes you improve. If I took the train to Kansas, the reactions I get in Beverly Hills would probably become lays in Topeka.

Surveyor -

1. I think I'm decent looking. But I'm not nearly the hottest guy on the block. As mentioned in my previous post, I'm 5'9 and skinny (71kg). Need to work on my physique for sure.

2. My game itself is much better than my fundamentals. By that I mean my verbals and other parts of attraction, escalation and everything else that goes into a successful pick up. My fundamentals are lacking for sure. As per Chase's recommendation, I shall spend a few months working on my fundamentals.

3. As far as your question on repeat encounters go, I've had a fair number of them come back. However I've lost a lot of them primarily due to poor sex. I had PIED (not any more) and I'm still working on raising my testosterone levels. So, it has to do with bedroom game than anything else. Despite this, I've had a few girls come back, including one girl I saw for 6 months whom I had to break up with because it became too suffocating.

Here's what I look like for reference -

Copy of aashish-09841-2.jpg

drive.google.com

 

[mist]

Top mindset is

Fuck women

from there you are all set, but more nuance can be found in its cousin

"What does she need right now?" find a system and ask what part of the system you are anemic on or strong with in this set or in general and boom...on your way to progress

 

[Brazerprime]

I don't have any mindset.. just make sure you approach and are in a talkative mood when going up to them. Other than that a lot of it is just your look, if you approached at right angle, loud enough etc... and then she has to be receptive.

A lot of this inner game stuff is dumb imo and it's' more about just taking the right type of action when you're out and timing etc

 

[Beck Bass]

By quick, I mean a girl who is smarter, wittier, and has a stronger frame than mine.

Oh got it, like a "sharp" girl. Haven't interacted with one for quite some time, hopefully I'll find one soon (other than the frame part hehe, I hope my prevails in the end), I like interacting with smart women (and bedding them even more ofc)

However, every once in a while, I'd come across a girl online or offline who is beautiful, intelligent, articulate, and clearly wayyy too quick for me the moment.

If the girl is really top notch quality it's gonna be tough no matter what, she has endless options and high self steem, so you gotta vibe with her and also pull your A-game... It's that type of perfect storm type of thing, just do your best to sharpen your game, and when the opportunity comes, do your best, helps if you have cool hobbies and some hot female friends/other girls of her quailty in your past (so you don't feel intimidated, at most you'll feel a bit excited). Again, don't focus too hard on what you have to offer her, still make her qualify to you and hopefully you show you're cool too