What to do when women are extremely rude for no reason(NOT PICK UP QUESTION)

[abond0082]

Hello,

So there is a place next to my home that I see people going in and out from time to time and I dont know what kind of place is that, notice am a minority in the country I live in.


So there was a woman there and I just went to ask and her attitude was as such

Me: hey what kind of place is that?
She: Why you ask?
Me: just curious
She: I dont have permission to tell you(as if it is the CIA) office, it might be just a residence that is all.
Me: Are you serious/are you being truthful)
She: I wont tell you, go away from here, go go go (condescendling)
Me: you dont need to be rude/disrespectful am just asking (in my head am going bitch just because your uncle molested you doesnt mean am a stalker or a killer, am asking what kinda place is this)
She: she said something dumb and stupid she is
Me in my own mother tongue: screw you and screw the place) a part of me wanted to stay there even if she called the police


Chase Amante is very anti getting angry at women and that their rude behavior is usually defensive but also it is my right to stay in a public property and ask and no one has the right to stay or not to stay or be disrespectful for no reason.

So law wise who would the police side with if she would have decided to call them as preparing for the worse?

I am a little ashamed of myself that I got even a bit defensive but at the same I wasnt hitting on her, I wasnt asking something incredible, it is a small useless buildin, am not asking who lives there, it is either social or just a residence. And she was disrespectful, condescending and assuming the worst for no reason. So socially what is the best thing to do


Notice am angry that it got to me or that I even decided to call on her rude behavior but also you dont want someone to say leave or some bullshit like that. In fact I thought to stay just to piss her off it is public propert there is no law that tells that I have to leave? But they can call the police and it is a big fuss about something dumb and stupid

Your thoughts

 

[Regal Tiger]

Sounds like a typical Karen and you were just unlucky enough to ask her. Best thing in my experience is to just act like she's crazy as fuck. If nobody else is around then just ignore and walk away.

If other people get are around, just look at them with that look of "this bitch is off her rocker" and leave it alone. Most people will just pretend to ignore the crazies.


If she's in a group of people that is clearly with her, nothing to be done other than walk away. The group will more than likely back her up even if they're annoyed by it too.

 

[Winston]

I have this case more and more lately.
I don't know if it is the season, something in the air, my vibe or just bad luck but recently I had 4 or 5 not polite reaction when I opened the girls (and it were indirect openers, so there was plausible deniability I was not hitting on them. I think they should have reacted with the basic level of politeness, instead of showing disagreableness, since this was public space).

Before I would have just leave without saying anything, I even would have wish her a good day. But this is something that has such a very desctructive effect on my state, and I have started to call them out on their disagreableness (without getting angry). This seems better for state management and self-esteem.

 

[Will_V]

I have this case more and more lately.
I don't know if it is the season, something in the air, my vibe or just bad luck but recently I had 4 or 5 not polite reaction when I opened the girls (and it were indirect openers, so there was plausible deniability I was not hitting on them. I think they should have reacted with the basic level of politeness, instead of showing disagreableness, since this was public space).

Before I would have just leave without saying anything, I even would have wish her a good day. But this is something that has such a very desctructive effect on my state, and I have started to call them out on their disagreableness (without getting angry). This seems better for state management and self-esteem.

I agree, it's very good for internal frame to verbalize when you think when she says/does something uncalibrated. It's also a good way of leaving in her head some part of your frame, and I believe this helps to defuse potential runaway negative thoughts in her head about you.

But almost always when I get a bad reaction I have to admit that I was uncalibrated, I didn't smile, I came in with the wrong vibe, I was just 'trying to push myself' etc. If I replay it in my head I can usually say "well if I was her I'd probably have done the same!". Doesn't mean I berate myself about it but as I always say to myself 'truth first, reconciliation later', I have learned to always accept the truth before deciding how I will internalize it.

Hello,

So there is a place next to my home that I see people going in and out from time to time and I dont know what kind of place is that, notice am a minority in the country I live in.


So there was a woman there and I just went to ask and her attitude was as such

Me: hey what kind of place is that?
She: Why you ask?
Me: just curious
She: I dont have permission to tell you(as if it is the CIA) office, it might be just a residence that is all.
Me: Are you serious/are you being truthful)
She: I wont tell you, go away from here, go go go (condescendling)
Me: you dont need to be rude/disrespectful am just asking (in my head am going bitch just because your uncle molested you doesnt mean am a stalker or a killer, am asking what kinda place is this)
She: she said something dumb and stupid she is
Me in my own mother tongue: screw you and screw the place) a part of me wanted to stay there even if she called the police


Chase Amante is very anti getting angry at women and that their rude behavior is usually defensive but also it is my right to stay in a public property and ask and no one has the right to stay or not to stay or be disrespectful for no reason.

So law wise who would the police side with if she would have decided to call them as preparing for the worse?

I am a little ashamed of myself that I got even a bit defensive but at the same I wasnt hitting on her, I wasnt asking something incredible, it is a small useless buildin, am not asking who lives there, it is either social or just a residence. And she was disrespectful, condescending and assuming the worst for no reason. So socially what is the best thing to do


Notice am angry that it got to me or that I even decided to call on her rude behavior but also you dont want someone to say leave or some bullshit like that. In fact I thought to stay just to piss her off it is public propert there is no law that tells that I have to leave? But they can call the police and it is a big fuss about something dumb and stupid

Your thoughts

Personally, I always leave when it comes to women. I find unpleasant people repulsive, especially when it comes to women, so why would I want to stay? Unless it was a venue or something where I actually want to be there, in which case I will get on with enjoying myself and ignoring her.

She sounds like she's just being a bitch. That said, again I suggest reviewing the approach to understand in what way she might have gotten the wrong idea. Even when people are opportunistically hostile (rather than reacting to feeling like you are a risk) there is usually a hook on which they have placed their negative attitude, and it can be helpful to know where these hooks are and finding ways to reduce or get rid of them.

 

[Winston]

But almost always when I get a bad reaction I have to admit that I was uncalibrated, I didn't smile, I came in with the wrong vibe, I was just 'trying to push myself' etc. If I replay it in my head I can usually say "well if I was her I'd probably have done the same!". Doesn't mean I berate myself about it but as I always say to myself 'truth first, reconciliation later', I have learned to always accept the truth before deciding how I will internalize

I'll give you 2 examples from today. I just had a good interaction that I number close, which put me in state, so my subcommunications was most likely not a problem.

The 2 following examples were in a parc, a public space.

One girl was on her computer. I say "hello". She pointed me to her earphones and made a kind of grimace.
With her reaction I was worried that I might legitimately disturb her, like maybe she was on a conference call for her work. So I said "Don't worry, it was not that important" and leaved. While leaving, I look quickly at her screen and she was just doing random work and doesn't look in a call.

My wing looked at the whole thing and told me that she look angrily at me while I was leaving, during maybe 30 seconds. He was shocked by such an hostile stare.
Objectively the only thing I did was to say "hello" to her, and just excuse myself at the first sign of non openess from her. This nonetheless creates within her a kind of hatred towards me.

Then there was a girl who was reading. I say to her "Hi, I saw that you are reading a book and...".
She interrupted me saying "Yes I read a book and don't want to talk, this is for a very important test" in a rather angry way.
This time I answered "I hope your test isn't about agreableness", and leaved.

Again I was in state during this 2 opens, and my wing, which is very good, saw nothing wrong with what I did.

If there is something to learn from that, I think this is that some girls aren't always very polite. I suspect this might be due to larger societal trends (dating apps/social media, increase in daygaming practice, feminism, immigration...).

 

[abond0082]

I am actually with Chase Amante on that. I think the answer should be non verbal.

I am very sad that I even said anything to her a simple, shrug (non verbal) in I dont carr or like a "wow face" at her would be more than enough

That was so dumb of me

 

[abond0082]

Sounds like a typical Karen and you were just unlucky enough to ask her. Best thing in my experience is to just act like she's crazy as fuck. If nobody else is around then just ignore and walk away.

Agree 100% that is ideal, non verbal expression that she is crazy and get the fuk out
Words of wisdom my friend

If other people get are around, just look at them with that look of "this bitch is off her rocker" and leave it alone. Most people will just pretend to ignore the crazies.


If she's in a group of people that is clearly with her, nothing to be done other than walk away. The group will more than likely back her up even if they're annoyed by it too.

Yes that is how it should have been handled
Thanks my guy

 

[Will_V]

I'll give you 2 examples from today. I just had a good interaction that I number close, which put me in state, so my subcommunications was most likely not a problem.

The 2 following examples were in a parc, a public space.

One girl was on her computer. I say "hello". She pointed me to her earphones and made a kind of grimace.
With her reaction I was worried that I might legitimately disturb her, like maybe she was on a conference call for her work. So I said "Don't worry, it was not that important" and leaved. While leaving, I look quickly at her screen and she was just doing random work and doesn't look in a call.

My wing looked at the whole thing and told me that she look angrily at me while I was leaving, during maybe 30 seconds. He was shocked by such an hostile stare.
Objectively the only thing I did was to say "hello" to her, and just excuse myself at the first sign of non openess from her. This nonetheless creates within her a kind of hatred towards me.

Then there was a girl who was reading. I say to her "Hi, I saw that you are reading a book and...".
She interrupted me saying "Yes I read a book and don't want to talk, this is for a very important test" in a rather angry way.
This time I answered "I hope your test isn't about agreableness", and leaved.

Again I was in state during this 2 opens, and my wing, which is very good, saw nothing wrong with what I did.

If there is something to learn from that, I think this is that some girls aren't always very polite. I suspect this might be due to larger societal trends (dating apps/social media, increase in daygaming practice, feminism, immigration...).

Objectively, you are 100% correct. Some women are just plain bad people. But is it a surprise that some people are rude and disrespectful?

If it improves your frame and results to look at things a certain way, then by all means, I can only say what works for me.

Thing is, you don't know why she did what she did. Maybe she saw you patrolling around the park and smelled your general intentions before you got to present yourself. Maybe some weirdo just approached her. Maybe she was just watching some video about a girl that disappeared after going meeting some random guy, who knows?

The reality is that you don't have any control over what happened before leading up to it, whereas at the moment of interaction you have, theoretically, maximum level of control over the outcome. For me, then, the only question is whether I have done things correctly at the moment when I have been given control. I always seek to maximize that, to find ways to improve that, to take full and complete responsibility for it.

As strange and dramatic as it sounds, I view my interactions with women as if they are tigers in captivity. Even when I am offering to her and adapting my communication to her, I am the dominant one in every interaction, and no matter what happens, even if she vents her rage on me, it's still my fault, or I shouldn't have stepped in to begin with. For she is the one who is capable of being content in submission, who will be mastered by one man or another, occupying the more vulnerable position, and I am merely the fool who doesn't know how to make that happen with me.

 

[POB]

One thing you can do, if possible, is just sit close and wait for the opportunity when she is more open.

The girl with the headphones, for example, clearly didn't want to be disturbed.
My take is that people always put their phones on to isolate themselves and get away from the surrounding world.
I do that all the time, and I get super pissed if someone comes to me asking for something stupid like money or directions
(when I clearly am signing: I don't wanna talk, fuck off).

That said, Karens are everywhere these days.
Best way is to ignore...or amplify to make them look silly
(I like to scream like a mad person and then calmly go "thank you for your time" - not kidding)
Releasing that bad energy with a scream sounds crazy, but actually is backed up by science.

Me: hey what kind of place is that?
She: Why you ask?
Me: just curious
She: I dont have permission to tell you(as if it is the CIA) office, it might be just a residence that is all.
Me: Are you serious/are you being truthful)
She: I wont tell you, go away from here, go go go (condescendling)
Me: Ahhhhwowwwwwww
Me: Thank you for your time

 

[Regal Tiger]

One thing you can do, if possible, is just sit close and wait for the opportunity when she is more open.

The girl with the headphones, for example, clearly didn't want to be disturbed.
My take is that people always put their phones on to isolate themselves and get away from the surrounding world.
I do that all the time, and I get super pissed if someone comes to me asking for something stupid like money or directions
(when I clearly am signing: I don't wanna talk, fuck off).

That said, Karens are everywhere these days.
Best way is to ignore...or amplify to make them look silly
(I like to scream like a mad person and then calmly go "thank you for your time" - not kidding)
Releasing that bad energy with a scream sounds crazy, but actually is backed up by science.

Me: hey what kind of place is that?
She: Why you ask?
Me: just curious
She: I dont have permission to tell you(as if it is the CIA) office, it might be just a residence that is all.
Me: Are you serious/are you being truthful)
She: I wont tell you, go away from here, go go go (condescendling)
Me: Ahhhhwowwwwwww
Me: Thank you for your time

Omg that sounds hilarious and I wanna try it.

Also, any links behind the science of it? Sounds fascinating

 

[Winston]

The girl with the headphones, for example, clearly didn't want to be disturbed.
My take is that people always put their phones on to isolate themselves and get away from the surrounding world.
I do that all the time, and I get super pissed if someone comes to me asking for something stupid like money or directions
(when I clearly am signing: I don't wanna talk, fuck off)

I think many people put their headphones because they enjoy listening music, but wouldn't mind to talk to someone.
I have had several positive reactions from girls with headphones.
In order to stretch my confort zone, I have even tried to open a few girls who were on the phone, asking them to hang up their phone because I have something to say to her. To my surprise, one of them complied and I ended up number closing her. The 2 or 3 others declined, but politely.

Overall, I think opening girls on the phone is socially uncalibrated (but even in this case some girls could have low energy/boring 1-hour conversation with a girlfriend, and won't mind hanging up), and probability are too low. But headphones seem fair game to me, and I haven't noticed a trend hinting at the fact that headphones correlates with bad reactions.
If anything, the speed of the walk seem more useful to assess how a girl would mind to talk to someone.

Anyway, in this case I initially didn't see her headphones because they were covered by her hair.

 

[Skills]

These are some I use:

- drop the act you are not impressing anybody.
- are you pmsing and forgot your midol?
- you know who I am you are done in this town( this for clubs)

In clubs if she gets physical step on her shoes, cause you never can touch a girl.

 

[POB]

Anyway, in this case I initially didn't see her headphones because they were covered by her hair.

Ohh I see, then it was not anyone's fault.

About headphones, it depends on location also.
I live in the biggest city of South America, so if anybody has phones, most often than not they are not in the mood to talk.
If it's a college campus, maybe they are studying and don't want be disturbed
If it's near the beach, they could just be relaxing and wouldn't mind having someone to talk to... and so on

 

[POB]

Omg that sounds hilarious and I wanna try it.

Also, any links behind the science of it? Sounds fascinating

It's pretty simple actually:
https://www.popsci.com/story/science/screaming-frustration-anger-tension-feelings-calm/

It doesn't solve the main problem (lack of assertion at that moment) but it is a good way to vent frustration without going physical or offending anyones feelings. Also it does not have to be caveman like...think more in terms of shoving a thumb and being surprised by the sudden pain

 

[Steve Jabba]

notice am a minority in the country I live in.

You're a foreigner in someone else's country. People are generally getting sick of it (in my country too - UK).

 

[Steve Jabba]

I think they should have reacted with the basic level of politeness, instead of showing disagreableness, since this was public space).

Gamma tell.

There is no "should" about it. You're approaching a woman who owes you nothing. The vast majority of guys I've observed do it very poorly. It's no wonder they get bad reactions.

 

[Steve Jabba]

This seems better for state management and self-esteem.

It's not about you. It's about THEM. Think about how you can make it a more enjoyable experience FOR THE GIRL instead of managing your own state when you fuck it up.

 

[Steve Jabba]

These are some I use:

- drop the act you are not impressing anybody.
- are you pmsing and forgot your midol?
- you know who I am you are done in this town( this for clubs)

In clubs if she gets physical step on her shoes, cause you never can touch a girl.

This is horrifically bad advice. It's beyond obvious you're retaliating to her bad reaction.
Let it go. She owes you nothing.
Figure out why you're getting bad reactions and improve. A good place to start - which most of you reading this won't like, but it's good advice - is to stop aiming for girls way out of your league.
Figure out your own SMV (it's somewhat fluid depending on locale), and aim for girls that make you slightly uncomfortable. Work up to the hotter girls.
And understand some guys never get high 8s and 9s - it's simply a fact of life.

 

[Steve Jabba]

I think I'll do a video about this on my channel. I'll reference some of the posts in this thread, because I think they're indicative of a fundamental issue with attitude and perception.
Title will be "She Owes You Nothing"
So thankyou to this forum because it's excellent for teasing out common issues and problems that guys face.

 

[Skjöldr]

My take is that people always put their phones on to isolate themselves and get away from the surrounding world.

Not true. Sometimes when girls are out on a walk they would rather listen to a podcast or an audiobook than the city noise. If a girl wears headphones it doesn't matter. If she's rejects you whatever move on. If she doesn't reject you, well, aren't you glad you tried...

I have even approached girls while they were talking on the phone and have it go well. I have also had it not go well, but fuck those.