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- Mar 27, 2023
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Even if you do not want to share, I think it may be valuable for you all to think as far back as you can in life to your first experiences with girls as a child and try to remember the first rejection you ever had.
I was listening to this interview with Adam Lyons. At the 30 minute mark, he tells a story of helping his 5 year old step son through his first experience of rejection. What stood out to me was that he recognized that this was the genesis of approach anxiety for the child. Luckily he was able to turn it around with preselection.
www.datingskillsreview.com
This really got some wheels turning in my head - the idea that despite all the evolutionary theory of small-tribe dangers of approaching, we are not born with strong approach anxiety. Early rejection may have played a part in bringing that circuitry to a head.
***
I have always loved girls and would try to hang with them more than guys, though it was pretty balanced overall. My first experience with a girl was trying to get her to jump off the playground equipment with me at 4 or 5 years old.
My first rejection though was at 6 years old. I would hang with a group of 3 girls making snow forts and such. My preference was the blonde, but I liked all three. My mom made friends with her mom outside the school and she would come over to the house. I remember guiding her on the computer mouse so I could touch her hand.
I told my sister that I liked this girl and got steered toward provider game. She helped me make a little ring out of beads and put it in a ring box. In the backyard one day I gave it to her and told her that I liked her. She immediately ran away to have "girl talk" with my sister by the swingset and that was the end of that.
It sounds like nothing, but this felt like a very deep rejection. I can still picture making the ring at the kitchen table, as well as where I was standing outside and her running away.
This killed my potential trajectory as a natural until I lost my virginity at 14 years old. I luckily never went back to provider game, but my potential as a natural got shot further down by getting way too into cannabis during high school and university.
Soon after, I found Girls Chase and got into a 6 month fling off my first ever cold approach with a real head turner. After that I laid four new women in a month and have been obsessed ever since. I have been slowed by health issues that are behind me now and have been back in the game for close to a year now.
So now that I am finally aiming to pivot away from online game and begin the cold approach journey by moving to a more populated area and really get some volume in, I found thinking back on this early experience way more enlightening than is probably coming through in this post.
So much confusion with girls got ingrained deep in my psyche that day. Unfortunately I did not have a PUA with me there to pull me aside and say to go hit on her friends the next day at recess.
Now I can completely minimize the rejection by realizing we were 6 years old and I don't know what I expected to happen anyways. It would be another lifetime before we hit puberty.
But now I see that I was not rejected. It was the approach. I showed incredibly strong interest before she had earned it or shown any herself. I attempted to trade something material for her affections. And I got stuck in oneitis instead of moving on to other girls.
So I hope you guys getting going at cold approach like me remember that our fear is partly learned. If you regress a bit to the experience, it may just help you minimize its importance and hekp extinguish the fear. A kid will put his hand right in the fire before realizing it can hurt, and then may never try again. But if you are a little more thoughtful in how you reach out toward the flame, you just might find it feels quite nice and keeps you warm at night.
I was listening to this interview with Adam Lyons. At the 30 minute mark, he tells a story of helping his 5 year old step son through his first experience of rejection. What stood out to me was that he recognized that this was the genesis of approach anxiety for the child. Luckily he was able to turn it around with preselection.
Ep. #78 Relationship Decisions: From Marriage, to Open Marriage, to 2 Girlfriends with Adam Lyons
AFC Adam Adam Lyons interview on Relationship Decisions: From Marriage, to Open Marriage, to 2 Girlfriends including relationship decisions, open marriage, multiple girlfriends, marriage.
This really got some wheels turning in my head - the idea that despite all the evolutionary theory of small-tribe dangers of approaching, we are not born with strong approach anxiety. Early rejection may have played a part in bringing that circuitry to a head.
***
I have always loved girls and would try to hang with them more than guys, though it was pretty balanced overall. My first experience with a girl was trying to get her to jump off the playground equipment with me at 4 or 5 years old.
My first rejection though was at 6 years old. I would hang with a group of 3 girls making snow forts and such. My preference was the blonde, but I liked all three. My mom made friends with her mom outside the school and she would come over to the house. I remember guiding her on the computer mouse so I could touch her hand.
I told my sister that I liked this girl and got steered toward provider game. She helped me make a little ring out of beads and put it in a ring box. In the backyard one day I gave it to her and told her that I liked her. She immediately ran away to have "girl talk" with my sister by the swingset and that was the end of that.
It sounds like nothing, but this felt like a very deep rejection. I can still picture making the ring at the kitchen table, as well as where I was standing outside and her running away.
This killed my potential trajectory as a natural until I lost my virginity at 14 years old. I luckily never went back to provider game, but my potential as a natural got shot further down by getting way too into cannabis during high school and university.
Soon after, I found Girls Chase and got into a 6 month fling off my first ever cold approach with a real head turner. After that I laid four new women in a month and have been obsessed ever since. I have been slowed by health issues that are behind me now and have been back in the game for close to a year now.
So now that I am finally aiming to pivot away from online game and begin the cold approach journey by moving to a more populated area and really get some volume in, I found thinking back on this early experience way more enlightening than is probably coming through in this post.
So much confusion with girls got ingrained deep in my psyche that day. Unfortunately I did not have a PUA with me there to pull me aside and say to go hit on her friends the next day at recess.
Now I can completely minimize the rejection by realizing we were 6 years old and I don't know what I expected to happen anyways. It would be another lifetime before we hit puberty.
But now I see that I was not rejected. It was the approach. I showed incredibly strong interest before she had earned it or shown any herself. I attempted to trade something material for her affections. And I got stuck in oneitis instead of moving on to other girls.
So I hope you guys getting going at cold approach like me remember that our fear is partly learned. If you regress a bit to the experience, it may just help you minimize its importance and hekp extinguish the fear. A kid will put his hand right in the fire before realizing it can hurt, and then may never try again. But if you are a little more thoughtful in how you reach out toward the flame, you just might find it feels quite nice and keeps you warm at night.
)