What went wrong with girl

[Akpeok]

Hi,

New to the forums but wanted to get some input about a girl I struck out on.

This girl was social circle but very fringe (I’ll get to that). We met a year ago and kicked it off one night but I didn’t attempt to escalate. Her friend told my friend she liked me and wanted to go home with me but I didn’t even go for number or anything (big miss on my part).

Despite social circle, she was fringe enough that we didn’t see each other again (except for once in passing) until 4 months ago when our friends offered to set us up. We went out and kicked it off and she gave me an escalation window but once again I didn’t sleep with, just got her number and asked her out.

We set up a date a week later and she flaked an hour before. Rescheduled 2 weeks later and it wasn’t a great date, she had plans after so no chance to escalate. She dodged my next invite so I went silent for 6 weeks and reconnected with her about 2 months ago. She seemed excited and agreed to go out.

We went out about 6 weeks ago, had a super fun night, ended up having sex (finally). I tried to parlay this into another hang out, when I asked her out again she told me she’d check her schedule and get back to me. She never did. Effectively ghosted. I saw her twice since then (ran into her in public) and both times she flirted a little but at this point I’m waiting for her to make the move.

Guess I’m just looking for some input on why she ghosted me after sex/what I can do next time to not make a girl who likes me go cold on me. I know chase has ghost resurrection texts, maybe it could be worth it to send one, but it’s been 4 months since our first date and nothing has really progressed/she’s probably not worth pursing anymore considering I’ve met/slept with other girls in the meantime. Just mad about this one because I feel like I smoked a layup. Thanks

 

[Chase]

@Akpeok,

Welcome to the Boards!

First thought is, “Wow, this girl was super flakey prior to sex. Not surprising she remains super flakey post first sex.” It very much comes across like you are a random social circle guy to her who she hooked up with because it was convenient and you were available. She doesn’t seem to have had any urgency to get together with you in the first place, and none to see you for a repeat session after.

Something didn’t really click between the two of you — could be fundamentals (she thinks you’re cute but not that hot / nothing compelling to make her want to hook up again), could be attainability (she thinks you’re hot but doesn’t see any kind of future with you, even for a short-term relationship), etc.

Another thing to point out here — you mention you shagged her but nothing about how it was. Think of the first night as an audition. If the connection is good and the sex is good, you’re probably going to get a repeat. If any of it is dodgy, that’s a lot more up in the air. If the girl was flakey before, then usually things either need to be really incredible the first night, OR you need to figure out what was making her flakey and resolve it. e.g., if she was flaking because your attainability was too low, you need to resolve that in the pillow talk post-sex and make it extra clear that she can have something she wants with you and that she does indeed meet your criteria.

There’s also no mention in here of her relationship status. i.e., is she totally single? Or is she seeing some guy already… FWB, perhaps, or some other capacity — one that is mostly meeting her sexual needs and that she might be hoping evolves into something more lasting? You’re going to have a tougher time against a girl with that (and she’s going to be a lot more coy) unless you lay it down a lot better than her man and hit all the right points on attainability so she thinks she CAN have with YOU what she has been WANTING to have with HIM.

Hope this helps make sense of things!

Chase

 

[Viper]

@Akpeok,

Welcome to the Boards!

First thought is, “Wow, this girl was super flakey prior to sex. Not surprising she remains super flakey post first sex.” It very much comes across like you are a random social circle guy to her who she hooked up with because it was convenient and you were available. She doesn’t seem to have had any urgency to get together with you in the first place, and none to see you for a repeat session after.

Something didn’t really click between the two of you — could be fundamentals (she thinks you’re cute but not that hot / nothing compelling to make her want to hook up again), could be attainability (she thinks you’re hot but doesn’t see any kind of future with you, even for a short-term relationship), etc.

Another thing to point out here — you mention you shagged her but nothing about how it was. Think of the first night as an audition. If the connection is good and the sex is good, you’re probably going to get a repeat. If any of it is dodgy, that’s a lot more up in the air. If the girl was flakey before, then usually things either need to be really incredible the first night, OR you need to figure out what was making her flakey and resolve it. e.g., if she was flaking because your attainability was too low, you need to resolve that in the pillow talk post-sex and make it extra clear that she can have something she wants with you and that she does indeed meet your criteria.

There’s also no mention in here of her relationship status. i.e., is she totally single? Or is she seeing some guy already… FWB, perhaps, or some other capacity — one that is mostly meeting her sexual needs and that she might be hoping evolves into something more lasting? You’re going to have a tougher time against a girl with that (and she’s going to be a lot more coy) unless you lay it down a lot better than her man and hit all the right points on attainability so she thinks she CAN have with YOU what she has been WANTING to have with HIM.

Hope this helps make sense of things!

Chase

As always you rock,, solid advice great revelations brother,

 

[RedNeck]

Thanks for the info @Chase
Does showing emotions toward the girl make the person more attainable?

She is attracted to the guy, but she is not sure whether he will stick around or not. Now, he shows that he cares about her/ likes her. She might think, “ OMG, now I tamed the untamable player”.