- Joined
- Jul 17, 2013
- Messages
- 1,525
Here's an interesting one... a subtle but significant nuance that has helped me with poise and smoothness.
Standard GirlsChase orthodoxy on a direct opener appears to lean toward something like this:
"Hey, I just saw you standing there and I felt I had to tell you..." (controlled pause) "...that you have the most stunning set of legs I've seen all day. I'm Marty."
- which is very polished and usually comes off well, given the appropriate body language, intonation and expression, and other fundamentals. And I am totally on board with Chase's reasoning for getting introductions out of the way ASAP... it avoids the appearance of approval-seeking for the compliment, by eliminating any expectation of validation; it rewards the girl for investment in the interaction; and it's just downright awkward if you haven't done it and have to come back to it later.
I'll take all that as a given. One thing I ran into early on, however, was that girls weren't absolutely clear immediately that I was introducing myself, given that my (real) name is monosyllabic and quite unusual. Also, I got girls asking me things like "Are you British?" immediately after my introduction, without introducing themselves, and I had to seize back the initiative. And reading through field reports by PrettyDecent, NarrowJ, Nova, Zphix, ZacAdam and others, I observed that quite often they reported asking "What's your name?" first, and then introducing themselves.
I have started trying this to avoid the misunderstanding that I described above. And one thing I notice, without wishing to over-analyze, is that it helps with the overall rhythm and forward pace of the interaction. It just feels more comfortable, for me and (apparently) for the girl. I put it in the same place as above, right after the opener, and follow up with an immediate introduction.
The obvious point is that it gains investment upfront. Beyond that, however, some board members may be familiar with the old book from the 1960s Games People Play by Eric Berne. The author's chief premise is the Parent-Adult-Child mental model, where healthy everyday interaction needs to be in the Adult, to avoid "playing games"... but there is one exception: intimacy. Healthy intimacy strongly involves the Child aspect of the psyche.
It may not be immediately obvious, but once you get beyond school and into the business world, if you think about it, the question "What's your name?" is almost never heard. It's usually a brisk "I'm Jake... Pleased to meet you" in keeping with the confident, assertive, no-time-wasted manner that befits the business environment. And generally speaking, the same rule is applied to social life in the adult world. "What's your name?" is reminiscent of meeting new friends at kindergarten, a sort of curious wonder.
And that's exactly why I think it works so well. The question sounds oddly out of place, but it's not immediately clear why. The girl gets the feeling straight away that this is not a "social" or "friendly" overture, but a "playful" one... and in the adult world, "play" has very clear intimate connotations. Frame-setting, if you like.
Call it over-analyzing if you will, but I'd be interested to hear your feedback.
Standard GirlsChase orthodoxy on a direct opener appears to lean toward something like this:
"Hey, I just saw you standing there and I felt I had to tell you..." (controlled pause) "...that you have the most stunning set of legs I've seen all day. I'm Marty."
- which is very polished and usually comes off well, given the appropriate body language, intonation and expression, and other fundamentals. And I am totally on board with Chase's reasoning for getting introductions out of the way ASAP... it avoids the appearance of approval-seeking for the compliment, by eliminating any expectation of validation; it rewards the girl for investment in the interaction; and it's just downright awkward if you haven't done it and have to come back to it later.
I'll take all that as a given. One thing I ran into early on, however, was that girls weren't absolutely clear immediately that I was introducing myself, given that my (real) name is monosyllabic and quite unusual. Also, I got girls asking me things like "Are you British?" immediately after my introduction, without introducing themselves, and I had to seize back the initiative. And reading through field reports by PrettyDecent, NarrowJ, Nova, Zphix, ZacAdam and others, I observed that quite often they reported asking "What's your name?" first, and then introducing themselves.
I have started trying this to avoid the misunderstanding that I described above. And one thing I notice, without wishing to over-analyze, is that it helps with the overall rhythm and forward pace of the interaction. It just feels more comfortable, for me and (apparently) for the girl. I put it in the same place as above, right after the opener, and follow up with an immediate introduction.
The obvious point is that it gains investment upfront. Beyond that, however, some board members may be familiar with the old book from the 1960s Games People Play by Eric Berne. The author's chief premise is the Parent-Adult-Child mental model, where healthy everyday interaction needs to be in the Adult, to avoid "playing games"... but there is one exception: intimacy. Healthy intimacy strongly involves the Child aspect of the psyche.
It may not be immediately obvious, but once you get beyond school and into the business world, if you think about it, the question "What's your name?" is almost never heard. It's usually a brisk "I'm Jake... Pleased to meet you" in keeping with the confident, assertive, no-time-wasted manner that befits the business environment. And generally speaking, the same rule is applied to social life in the adult world. "What's your name?" is reminiscent of meeting new friends at kindergarten, a sort of curious wonder.
And that's exactly why I think it works so well. The question sounds oddly out of place, but it's not immediately clear why. The girl gets the feeling straight away that this is not a "social" or "friendly" overture, but a "playful" one... and in the adult world, "play" has very clear intimate connotations. Frame-setting, if you like.
Call it over-analyzing if you will, but I'd be interested to hear your feedback.