When a girl makes you dead to them and leaves you can you ask them later for the real reasoning?

[jujux15]

Met this amazing girl, she had everything I wanted we dated for 6 months, half was long distance however when I went to see her recently I made some major mistakes along the way. She proceeded to dead me out heavy, it felt almost abrupt little to no sex physical intimacy decreased overall. When she finally cut me off she told me it was because I wasn’t as adventurous as her. I took that and accepted it, however reflecting on it and through conversations with others I realized it just didn’t make sense. She knew I wasn’t adventurous when we first started dating, and repeatedly told me that it wasn’t an issue she can do those things with other people. Yet now it became an issue, I have an inkling that from our last conversation it could have been my overthinking or anxiety that turned her off.

Is it worth it for me to reach out and confirm? She let me go like 2 days ago. Normally I strictly never reach out after a break up because regardless of the goal, whether that’s getting her back or moving on it’s always better to just not reach out. But the legitimate reason for why she did this is bothering me so much, if I can’t get her back so be it I don’t plan on putting effort into that, but I really want to just improve and get better as a person as a whole. So I think understanding the why would be helpful, especially my anxiety and overthinking.

 

[ulrich]

I think you already know the reason, why you want her to confirm it?

 

[jujux15]

I think you already know the reason, why you want her to confirm it?

What if there was something else I’m missing? I’m also aware that I may just miss her and want to talk to her. So I decided to give it 6 months to a year and see if I still want to reach out. But I get you and this is why I asked, I think I’m still thinking very emotionally. I also want to be sure so I don’t repeat the same mistakes with the next girl

 

[ulrich]

If you were in other state of mind, that might be a good idea.
As you are right now, she may not tell you the “real” reason why she dumped you because your obvious reaction will be to try to fix it and she doesn’t want that so you’re going to get a bullshit explanation like “we grew apart” or “it’s not you, it’s me”.

It’s a low odds scenario and you have nothing to win.
Time to let go.

 

[jujux15]

If you were in other state of mind, that might be a good idea.
As you are right now, she may not tell you the “real” reason why she dumped you because your obvious reaction will be to try to fix it and she doesn’t want that so you’re going to get a bullshit explanation like “we grew apart” or “it’s not you, it’s me”.

It’s a low odds scenario and you have nothing to win.
Time to let go.

Yes, because I think she may still try to spare my feelings or not be honest with me my plan is to wait it out and see if I still feel like I want to know, like 6 months to a year. Also because by then I think she’d be more honest/blunt. Like you said I think I know, i am sure it was the overthinking but that’s not the initial reason she gave, I only found that out via more conversation. I want to know to improve, to grow, I know it’s cliche but she was absolutely the best person I’ve ever dated. So I’m aware I probably lost her for good, and any type of message/chasing right now would at minimum sour how she views me even more in her eyes, but I do not want to lose the next high quality partner I get by not understanding and learning from this

 

[Chad Tyrone]

Met this amazing girl, she had everything I wanted we dated for 6 months, half was long distance however when I went to see her recently I made some major mistakes along the way. She proceeded to dead me out heavy, it felt almost abrupt little to no sex physical intimacy decreased overall. When she finally cut me off she told me it was because I wasn’t as adventurous as her. I took that and accepted it, however reflecting on it and through conversations with others I realized it just didn’t make sense. She knew I wasn’t adventurous when we first started dating, and repeatedly told me that it wasn’t an issue she can do those things with other people. Yet now it became an issue, I have an inkling that from our last conversation it could have been my overthinking or anxiety that turned her off.

Is it worth it for me to reach out and confirm? She let me go like 2 days ago. Normally I strictly never reach out after a break up because regardless of the goal, whether that’s getting her back or moving on it’s always better to just not reach out. But the legitimate reason for why she did this is bothering me so much, if I can’t get her back so be it I don’t plan on putting effort into that, but I really want to just improve and get better as a person as a whole. So I think understanding the why would be helpful, especially my anxiety and overthinking.

Start with this and this.

Most chicks don't know why they reject you or why they may be attracted to you to a point.I mean it all happens in their subconscious and of course she may tell you all things that make her attracted to a guy off her conscious mind but then see her with a different dude who doesn't match any of the things she told you lol.

Same with one who rejects you she really may not know what caused her lose attraction of you .I mean think about auto-rejection which is/ may be caused by low attainability .She is not gonna tell you that ur attainability was low or tell you to make yourself a challenge but don't be out of reach.

She may not even be aware of what auto-rejection is.It's her unconscious working and anything she will tell you will be vague or ambiguous.Her mind just goes "doesn't seem like a guy that I can get" just to give autorejection example.

Besides her telling you what made her reject you cements the emotion even more in her brain that you are not the kind of guy that "just gets it".
Yet again she'll pick up that you are chasing her.

I mean by you asking,she'll think that you want to make things right again.Any party that is willing to "move things forward" at the wrong time is the chasing party .

So yeah quit overthinking it and move on.

Don't ask her anything.Instead try to read and understand female psychology .Most chicks don't know anything about themselves at least on a deeper level.Get the "how things work" manual ...not vague and superficial advice from women that would vary from one of them to another.

Of what help would it be to know why you lost her by asking her.Would really be tough if you went around asking chicks why they reject guys or what makes them attracted to others.

I mean they are all humans with different needs, different mental models, different whatever.It's not a one size fits all as you may think.

Female psychology as a whole will give you a deeper understanding.Once you improve on that one you can easily understand what women want and don't want as a by-product .Gives you an overall view.

Oh yeah meet more quality women too.Stop thinking of her.

Best,
Chad Tyrone.

 

[jujux15]

Start with this and this.

Most chicks don't know why they reject you or why they may be attracted to you to a point.I mean it all happens in their subconscious and of course she may tell you all things that make her attracted to a guy off her conscious mind but then see her with a different dude who doesn't match any of the things she told you lol.

Same with one who rejects you she really may not know what caused her lose attraction of you .I mean think about auto-rejection which is/ may be caused by low attainability .She is not gonna tell you that ur attainability was low or tell you to make yourself a challenge but don't be out of reach.

She may not even be aware of what auto-rejection is.It's her unconscious working and anything she will tell you will be vague or ambiguous.Her mind just goes "doesn't seem like a guy that I can get" just to give autorejection example.

Besides her telling you what made her reject you cements the emotion even more in her brain that you are not the kind of guy that "just gets it".
Yet again she'll pick up that you are chasing her.

I mean by you asking,she'll think that you want to make things right again.Any party that is willing to "move things forward" at the wrong time is the chasing party .

So yeah quit overthinking it and move on.

Don't ask her anything.Instead try to read and understand female psychology .Most chicks don't know anything about themselves at least on a deeper level.Get the "how things work" manual ...not vague and superficial advice from women that would vary from one of them to another.

Of what help would it be to know why you lost her by asking her.Would really be tough if you went around asking chicks why they reject guys or what makes them attracted to others.

I mean they are all humans with different needs, different mental models, different whatever.It's not a one size fits all as you may think.

Female psychology as a whole will give you a deeper understanding.Once you improve on that one you can easily understand what women want and don't want as a by-product .Gives you an overall view.

Oh yeah meet more quality women too.Stop thinking of her.

Best,
Chad Tyrone.

Yeah you guys are right. She is the highest quality woman I’ve ever met but I keep reminding myself that I’ve continuously been trending up in the quality of women I meet so it’s only a matter of time. I typically catch what women are subcommunicating to me until I get too emotionally invested. I think once I opened up to her about my anxiety and insecurities it’s like I felt as though I lost the power. Couple that with other mistakes I made and I think I just blew it. I just don’t want to feel this way again you know?

All the knowledge I’ve gained and learned from being on this site goes out the window once I become really invested, my logic gets overridden. But yeah I’ll just not contact her, I know this means I’ll likely never see her again but it’s ok. Don’t worry I deleted her number, ig, pictures etc moment it ended. I just had the epiphany today that made me falter a little.