Date Plans When a woman tells you she's looking to settle down or for something srs when you first meet?

[chasemember1969]

Guys I want to know your opinion on this.

I was on a date with this girl last Thursday so not far off, and there were somethings that were kinda bugging me about her. But I will keep this general. Has anyone been on a first date with a woman and she tells you she's looking to settle down and have kids, or looking for something serious? Note that I have nothing against this, however, I do not want to be a guy she just sees a someone she should tie down (and potentially find myself in a situation where I'm the provider and she cheats on me with a lover). So is it normal she tells you this when you're still getting to know each other? Or is she trying to tie a man down like she has an agenda to fulfill?

Before I set up a date with her, she seemed pretty distant on text, and even in person I tried to have a conversation about some music she was listening to and she doesn't engage me in it. It's when I asked her what she was looking for that she started to answer she was looking for a relationship. I may be overthinking this, but have any of you guys found yourself in a similar situation to this one?

 

[RedNeck]

I’ll partially answer your question . You can point out to her that you are free spirit and not looking to anything in particular.

if she finds you a high value enough , she will stay around and try to convince you into a relationship. Then , it’s up to you . You can keep her as fuckbuddy . Of course , this depends on how good you are in bed , her attraction to you ,...etc

 

[Skills]

You probably did a typical "date", many problems with this and screening from the women point of view, which causes to delay sex.......... and to answer you, yes! this is most women, you agree! and say that you are not oppose to getting serious and having kid and all that... tell them you tell them probably make a great dad, but first you need to date and get to know each other and she should date as well... you tell her that you and her do not want to settle, that you want to see who is the right fit by getting to know each other, and that will take minimum 6 months to get to know somebody and most people just put the best face forward.... then you tell them that you need to be compatible, sexually, physically and personality wise.... then move along with the seduction and make sure she does not delay sex...

 

[chasemember1969]

You probably did a typical "date", many problems with this and screening from the women point of view, which causes to delay sex..........

If I'm gonna be honest, I don't think any typical date happened here. We were at a cafe just sitting down to talk (something she says she wanted to do). I spent no money on the date whatsoever. I repeatedly told her we could've talked in her car easily but she wanted to so it somewhere in public which I understand. Let me know if this still counts as a typical date.

and to answer you, yes! this is most women

This is most women what? Is this normal for most women doing that or are most women just trying to tie a man down?

tell them you tell them probably make a great dad, but first you need to date and get to know each other and she should date as well... you tell her that you and her do not want to settle, that you want to see who is the right fit by getting to know each other, and that will take minimum 6 months to get to know somebody and most people just put the best face forward....

This is exactly what I said. Well, not how you put it which is better, but I told her that I'm open to the possibility of a relationship, but we should get to know each other first before I decide. She didn't like that and immediately asked how old I was (I was trying to be mysterious here to make it fun she just kept pressing and pressing). I eventually told her and she had an "of course, you're a younger guy, you just want sex" look on her, like she had a bias against younger guys or something. I've dated older women around her age before but my experience with them were much better than what I dealt with her that day.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Guys I want to know your opinion on this.

I was on a date with this girl last Thursday so not far off, and there were somethings that were kinda bugging me about her. But I will keep this general. Has anyone been on a first date with a woman and she tells you she's looking to settle down and have kids, or looking for something serious? Note that I have nothing against this, however, I do not want to be a guy she just sees a someone she should tie down (and potentially find myself in a situation where I'm the provider and she cheats on me with a lover). So is it normal she tells you this when you're still getting to know each other? Or is she trying to tie a man down like she has an agenda to fulfill?

Yes, it's fairly normal. She may or may not be doing an "early frame announcement". (I think that's the technical term)
She may be trying to set the agenda and swear you off before you even start.

You're taking her WAY TOO SERIOUSLY.
What girl doesn't want to find a great guy and settle down? She's been sold that BS since she was born.
Maybe she's being serious about it, 99 times out of 100, she's not.
It's just something girls say.

Like "I usually don't do this" If she doesn't do it, why is she so good at it? *side eye*

By taking her too seriously, and projecting her future behavior - you're stifling your own self.

If I do X, she'll Do Y.
If I do A, she'll think B.

In the back of your mind, if you're only thinking about fucking her, and you don't want a relationship - you don't want to bang this chick and have her fall in love, and then have to break up with her - because she will feel bad - and that will make you feel bad.

Believe me, we all do this. We all think this. Even in my advanced age, I think this.

One of the keys to pick up, (life in general) is to MOVE PAST THAT CHATTER IN YOUR MIND.

You will be tempted to "nip it in the bud" by saying something

Shut the fuck up, let the moment pass.

Trust me. She's gonna say 100 other things where you will feel the need to say something, correct her, advise her.

You're not her father. But play the game properly, and she'll call you Daddy.

Before I set up a date with her, she seemed pretty distant on text, and even in person I tried to have a conversation about some music she was listening to and she doesn't engage me in it. It's when I asked her what she was looking for that she started to answer she was looking for a relationship. I may be overthinking this, but have any of you guys found yourself in a similar situation to this one?

You stepped in a trap of your own making. And yes I've found myself in that situation. Skilled negotiators and salesemen, never ask a question that they don't already know the answer to. Never go fishing from a place of weakness. Never make conversation to make conversation (and also if you have an agenda, don't be obvious about your agenda)

There's 2 steps to trap, and I only highlighted the obvious part.

The first step is that you're trying gauge her interest via text, and that you need her to be hyper engaged to feel confident about the situation.

You are insecure, because you're basing your feelings on her responses.

This is an experience issue. But these chicks will talk 24/7 online and then flake. They'll be super sex chat, and then be prudes in real life. She might not be chatty, because she's actually busy. She might not be good at expressing herself. 100 other reasons.

The only real feedback you can rely on is 1) her showing up, 2) repeat sex, 3) good in person behavior over the long haul.

So her text patterns, her social media posts, all that stuff - you need to put it out of your mind. All over the web, I see guys over analyzing messages and social media. It's not healthy. It's not effective. Even if you run a heavy internet game (social media/dating apps) this type of agony is counter-productive.

Now it's hard to NOT do something. So instead of NOT doing something, you need to have a mission in life greater than chicks, AND more CHICKS in the pipeline. More chicks that you're EXCITED TO TALK TO.

WIA

 

[Slick]

if she finds you a high value enough , she will stay around and try to convince you into a relationship.

this.

especially if she sees him as a provider type. Women of a certain age want to lock down the highest value guy they can so that they can show off to other women how happy they are

 

[Bismarck]

Generally speaking, as women age, the biological clock begins to bring its pressure to bear on them, ticking away at their inner hamster. The result is they'll be blunter about their relationship hustle.

18-24-year-old girls in the West, on the other hand, are not usually looking for relationships in this day and age. But yeah agree with WIA defos plate theory always applies - your anxiety/worry levels decrease the more different girls you're hitting up simultaneously for sexy time (read: working on/managing).

 

[Chase]

@chasemember1969,

Has anyone been on a first date with a woman and she tells you she's looking to settle down and have kids, or looking for something serious?

It used to throw me.

Then I had a girl who told me she was only looking for a husband and I ended up shagging her in public on our first date.

She was a fun chick though. So it was easy to get into a flirty dynamic where she kept talking about how I was a bad guy and not husband material, but we could be friends.

It's pretty much always a test. Though testing for different things.

Sometimes she just wants to see if you'll bend to her frame. Other times she wants to see if you actually respect her and take her serious or if you're just treating her like a sex blow-up doll.

If it's the former and she's smiling and flirtatious and all you can just flirt: "Oh man, you're kidding, how many husbands have you had, you don't even know my middle name yet and you want to marry me. Maybe I beat my girlfriends, you don't know. What are you talking about?"

If she's serious/awkward/quiet like your girl, it's probably more a defensive thing where she's trying to make sure she's not getting taken for a ride by an unattainable guy who doesn't respect her. She's probably been burned by some guys before. You just need to show her you're a real guy, you're cool, you're maybe not looking for marriage right away but you genuinely respect her as a person.

Like @West_Indian_Archie says, with these girls, just let the moment pass, don't engage with it, don't get turned off though, just file it away as "this girl needs more attainability." Then build attainability with her as you go to help her be less skittish around you.

Chase